Falling

How do you know when you’re falling for someone?  Is it when you think about him all the time and just want to be with him?  Is it when he touches you, your skin tingles with excitement?  Is it when you feel so comfortable in his arms that you never want him to let you go?  Is it when you’re almost afraid to give your heart away because you don’t want it to be broken again?  Is it when others regularly comment that you look really happy and you seem to be glowing?  Is it when you don’t care that he is imperfect and accept him for who he is?  Is it when you hear that a text message has arrived and your heart races to see if it is from him?  Is it when you lose focus because your thoughts are consumed with memories of the moments you’ve spent together? 

Then perhaps I’m falling.

And it scares me.  But not enough to hold back.  I will almost certainly continue to over-analyze everything, but I can’t help the way I’m feeling.  I just feel such an immense joy because he is in my life.  I love the way he makes me feel.  I can’t stop smiling when I think about him. 

Matthew went with me to church and then the festival afterward.  He seemed to enjoy himself and I was happy to be there with him.  One of the assistant principals came to the festival so we said hello to her before we left.  She was surprised to find out that we are dating – but seemed to think it was good. 

After the festival he came back to the house.  We kissed.  I owed him a massage so I gave him one.  We kissed some more.  We didn’t have sex and he didn’t stay the night.  The desire is there, but we’re still working on the development of the relationship.  And yes, I’m totally conflicted between what I should do, what I want to do, where this is going, if it is moving too fast, and everything else swirling in my head. 

He said that he is falling in love with me.  And now I can’t stop smiling.