Sometimes I wish I was wrong

So Matthew did come clean with me.  He hates living in a small town that makes him still feel like an outsider after being here a year and a half.  He is applying for other jobs in other states.  I pose a problem for him because he doesn’t know what to do with me.  He still likes me, but doesn’t think it’s fair to me if he continues to pursue something when he could leave for another job.  Of course this is all based on the maybe that he’ll get another job.  He also said it could just be a phase, but he just doesn’t know.  So we talked a little bit about it but came to no resolution.  I asked him if he had ever listened to the music I gave him for Christmas.  He said that he hadn’t yet.  I told him that he probably should.  I don’t think it will make a difference.  I think his mind is made up, he just isn’t admitting it yet.  So I’m not counting on anything, I highly suspect we won’t last much longer because he will choose to walk away.  And it will hurt, but I will survive like I always do.  Because that is what I do.  Because I can never get it right it seems.  Relationships are always complicated I guess. 

I went to a speech tournament all day yesterday.  Rode on a bus for an hour and fifteen minutes yesterday morning with no heat.  After defrosting, I judged a few rounds and then read most of the day.  This morning I went to church and sang in the women’s ensemble.  Then I came home and napped a bit.  Then I read my book.  I went to the store to get a few things just a while ago.  Now I’ve taken half a tylenol p.m. and will head to bed soon.  Of course I didn’t get anything done as I wanted.  I’ve been in a funk and it is going to take some time to snap out of it.