Dismayed

Things just seem to be going downhill these days.  In case you are not aware, education in Texas is pretty grim.  The state is planning major cuts in funding which means that most schools are also trying to figure out how to make cuts.  This means hiring freezes and potential staff reassignments.  We had a meeting with our principal yesterday and the news was “Don’t panic, be positive, but you should just be happy to have a job regardless of how we adjust your teaching schedule.”  One of the potential cuts is to not have full time librarians which means that in all possibility I may not be able to move into that position next year.  They could potentially split the job with another existing librarian or split the other elementary librarian opening and hire the other person in the district that just got her degree (despite the fact that she is currently at an elementary and doesn’t want the HS job).  Even though I’m going to put my application out other places – it is the same all over – most places are not hiring and are making the same kind of cuts. 

The assistant principal that is my evaluator and not my favorite person also struck a raw nerve with me yesterday implying that my time is not being utilized at the school.  I’ve been assigned to “work” in the library one class period a day this year, but in all honesty, the librarian has not really let me do any “work.”  She said that the librarian has said that it has been hit or miss with me helping.  During the first semester, my principal told me not to work in there while I was trying to get the yearbook finished.  Then I missed about a week during Koobraey.  Other than that, I’ve reported every day.  But she caught me just before another meeting and I didn’t get the opportunity to explain that.  And it just put me in a bad mood the rest of the day.

And then there’s Matthew.  Even though he took the job in Amarillo, he still wants to apply for what would be his dream job in Indiana that just came open.  And as far as dating goes, he still wants to see me and see where things go with hopefully less stress in his life (assuming he really does stick around).  But I got the impression that he’s still uncertain.  He told me that he felt pressured by me in the fall.  I think it was a matter of me thinking that things were more serious than he did.  So I guess in that sense I have to take a step backwards and essentially give him space.  I really doubt that things will progress because in spite of the fact that he said he did want to “date,” I feel like he still intends to keep me at arm’s length.  Then there are other personal issues he has to work through in terms of trust, commitment, and his wanderlust.  So I guess we’ll go out from time to time, but I’m not really putting stock into something more permanent.

So there’s not a lot of hope here right now.  I guess I should be thankful to have a job and someone to go out with, but I can’t stand the thought of having to teach again next year and the uncertainty of what they could do to my schedule.  I’m to the point that I would consider moving just for a better job if I could find one.