Friends

I find myself wanting to write but often can't think of anything to write about. In my other blog I have just the opposite problem. I have things I want to write about but seem to be stuck in getting the actual thoughts down. Tonight I decided to seek out a journaling prompt. I went to a site called journalsparks and decided to give it a whirl. I went to the Thursday spot and chose the following prompt: When was the last time you made a new friend?

I would have to say that the last "friend" I've met is my RCIA sponsor, Carol. You have to understand that people I consider friends are those I share things with. Those that are special to me. I have met many new people as I have started working at a new school and in going to church, but I consider them acquaintances. But Carol has become my friend and I am very thankful for her. I laugh at myself because I was so nervous in calling her the first time in regard to my interest in the Church. But we talked for probably an hour. She has been so wonderful to me and she is a blessing in my life.

I am also one of those people that doesn't have many friends in some respects... and I guess I just don't make them very easily or perhaps it's still my shyness. But once a person becomes my friend, they will always be my friend. Even my ex-boyfriends and my ex-husband have remained friends to me. I still consider Marty a friend although he has chosen to not have much contact with me. It hurts, but it is his choice. My door is always open for him, but it is up to him to make contact if he wants to. I have made the effort several times, but there's only so much I can do. I don't know the whys and probably never will, but that is o.k. I am friends with his sister-in-law and she thought it could be because he was hurting. I don't know. But I am still praying for him. That's all I can do. I pray for his peace and happiness. I hope he finds it.
And yes, I've mentioned him again. He was the closest thing to my best friend I've probably ever had and so how can I not mention him in a post about friends?

I don't have much in the way of friends that I hang out with around here. Many of my friends either live far away (or they're far away and simply online friends like Grumpy and Summer). My friend Pam is probably the only one here I ever really go out with. Not that she or I have time or money for such things lately.

It's funny how people come in and out of our lives. My friend Stephanie and I carpool together. We went to high school together, but weren't friends in high school. She was a year older than me. After I had Josh though, my aunt mentioned her and said that she had a daughter that was Josh's age. And we got together as single parents. We also had another friend named Jenny that had a daughter that was a year older than our kids. But we were all single and bonded for a while. Later we drifted apart as both of them went their ways and moved to other areas. Years later Stephanie's daughter came home from school in the 6th grade and told her she had a new boyfriend and his name was Josh. Josh told me about his new girlfriend. They didn't "date" very long but they remained good friends. When I took the job in Hereford they made sure Stephanie and I were brought back together as friends. Stephanie called me last night because her daughter mentioned another new friend who just so happened to be Jenny's daughter. So now we're going to get together some time with all our kids and just catch up on things.

I don't know always why we end up with certain people in our lives, but I am sure there's always a reason for it. Even those we long to have in our lives again and can't and those we perhaps have not appreciated have played a role in our development. If you haven't read the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven, you must. Sometimes it's people that may seem very insignificant at the time that have a great impact.

Having friends is important and although I don't always tell them like I should I do appreciate them. I may not ever have a plethora of friends, but those I do have are true and cherished.

Apathy

I have been guilty of this from time to time. I find now, however, as I grow more in my spiritual journey, I feel this way less and less. Even moments of apathy have never been so bad where I don't care about anything.
One of the frustrating things about teaching is dealing with student apathy. It's not just not caring about school. I can understand that. But it is those students that don't care about anything. They have no interests. They don't care about graduating. They only come to school so they don't go to jail or have to pay fines. (Our district files on them for truancy)
I cannot say I always make my class interesting to everyone. But I do try to come up with some projects that give students some freedom in choosing things that interest them. For example, the project they are now working on is writing a letter of request to any person they choose. It can be a celebrity, someone in government or anyone outside of their "box" so to speak. When I've assigned this project in the past, students have gotten autographed pictures from people like Cindy Crawford, Jim Carrey, Nicolas Cage, and other letters from George Bush Sr. and G.W. Bush (when he was governor). I think it's a fun project that teaches them how to write a proper letter.
Today they had to brainstorm five people that they would be interested in writing to and many couldn't think of a single person. Can you imagine being so self-involved that you care about nothing? That is the tough part about teaching. It's not so much discipline and the work... it's dealing with attitudes like that.
But what I learn to do is simply pick my battles. I can't make everyone do everything. I let them know what the consequences of not doing the assignments are. (Failing and having to take the class again... as it is a requirement before they graduate.) Then I just move on to those who do care. Sure it's frustrating, but soemtimes you just have to reach those you can and keep your hand extended for those that perhaps will one day learn to care.

Me and my big mouth

I wrote about the weather. How unseasonably warm it has been. So what do we get today? Snow! Well, it was just cold this morning and then turned to mushy, flaky stuff coming down this afternoon. So there's the first instance of opening my mouth. The second is asking if any students had decided if they wanted to try CX debate for the district tournament coming up. My co-teacher had said something about it earlier saying that if I wanted to take some kids that I could. I decided to leave it up to the students, but none had said anything about it. So I opened my mouth and mentioned it today. And now I have two CX teams to get ready for their first tournament in three weeks. Yes, that is three weeks to teach them how to debate and write a case and find evidence for and against the topic. On top of all of that, I have to get ready for the speech tournament at the end of the month AND my formal observation by my principal will be on the Wednesday before.
So if you don't see me around much or if you hear of my stint in the psych ward, you'll know why.

A Great Day!

I don't have days that I can say are just really great, but today is certainly an exception. I took kids to a speech tournament this weekend and it didn't start of great as I was judging a round of debate at the elementary school. And that in itself isn't terrible except there was no coaches lounge with goodies or a place to hang out other than the cafeteria. Then I judged a round of novice Lincoln-Douglas debate. And it was o.k. as far as a novice goes, other than the fact that they didn't incorporate any of their value and criteria into their case... but oh well. But the good news started shortly after that. As I was writing my ballot my phone rang. I was thankful that it didn't ring in the middle of the round. It was Josh. I figured he'd be calling me to let me know how he did at the area tryouts. MY SON MADE THE ALL-STATE BAND AS A FRESHMAN!!! Yeeee-haaawwww! I am so very excited about it. I couldn't believe it. I mean I knew he was talented. I've said so many times on here... but to make all-state as a freshman is quite a feat.
Shortly after that we got to go back to the high school and luckily I didn't have to judge any more. I spent the rest of the time in the tab room chatting with coaches and learning about the program I'll be using at our speech tournament. This guy that wrote it is quite a genius.
And then.... my team won the first place sweepstakes at the tournament AND they beat the other schools by almost twice as many points. It was truly a great day today.
I am quite certain that I made the right decision in choosing to teach where I am. Overall the kids there are really great and I am inheriting a really wonderful team. In case I haven't mentioned it lately... I am truly blessed.

Alone Again

Well, not so much in the respect that I'm not dating. That's just a way of life at the moment. No, I am here at home by myself tonight. Josh has gone to Lubbock for area band tryouts. I hope he does well. I admit it's probably not likely that he'll make it to state as a freshman, but I hope he does as well as he can. So I am home alone tonight. I brought some school work home, but am probably just fooling myself as to think I will actually do it. I could, perhaps, do some reading. But in all likelihood, I will plop myself down in front of the t.v. and just veg.
I may work on a post for my Catholic blog. Unlike this one, those posts take more time and thought. In here, I just pretty much type as I think.
So tonight I went to Wendy's and got a big bacon classic burger instead of trying to cook for one. And it was quite tasty. But I'm still hungry. I may have to go scrounge around my fridge soon.
I was thinking today about this alone time. It's not a problem right now. It's kind of nice to have the time to myself. But I don't know what I'm going to do when Josh goes to college. I really hope I'm married by then. I'm not sure what I'd do with myself if I were alone all.the.time. I'm sure I would manage as I always do, but my existence for pretty much most of my life has involved other people. Either my family at home, Josh, relationships etc. The only time I was ever really on my own was the brief first two years of college. It would be a kind of surreal experience. But I guess I'll jump that creek when I get to it.

Laughter, the best medicine

It's not that I've needed any medicine in regards to laughter. I haven't been down or depressed. Generally I'm too busy for such trivialities. Sure I had that brief bout of missing you-know-who, but it's passed for the time being. But I did get a shot of good humor last night. Josh, my friend Kirsten, and I went to the movies and saw The Producers. It was so.very.funny. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. If you haven't seen it, you must. I think Mel Brooks is a comical genius.
Started back to school today.. well.. with students that is. It wasn't terrible. I think I'll have some decent classes. Problem is that some classes are quite full with around 21-24 students in them. Other classes are extremely small... 9 or 10 students. Actually today there were only 5 & 8 students in those classes respectively. So if my classes stay at those numbers, when they perform speeches, some classes will take 3 days and others will take one. It's just weird.
I've got to get started on planning the speech tournament. It will be held at the end of the month, but there's so much to do. Luckily there's really great software and a website that schools use to sign up which makes the job much easier. You can check it out at www.joyoftournaments.com.
I'm sorry this post isn't very exciting, but bed calls.

Who Needs a Man Around?

Not me, I guess. Maybe I'm not completely helpless. I broke down today and got myself one of those One for All Remotes. You see, I have cable, a DVD player and a VCR all with their own remotes that can usually never be found. In fact I bought the remote because I have no idea where the DVD remote is. As you can probably guess, I decided not to go and do some work today. It's the last day of my vacation and I'm just going to enjoy it. So I decided to watch the special scenes on my special edition Titanic DVD that I got for my birthday. O.k. I'm a little slow on some of these things. Unfortunately because I don't have a remote, I can't go between choices on the main menu. So I go to the store and pick one up. In addition, I got a new A/V cable so I could hook up the DVD AND the cable at the same time without diminishing the picture. Aren't you amazed at how smart I am? And I did it all myself.
In addition to that, before I left for Albuquerque, I checked my oil and antifreeze on my own. I also happen to own a tire gauge. Aren't you impressed with my vast mechanical knowledge? O.k. so it's not such a big deal, but I am learning how to do what I can on my own. In fact for Christmas, I asked for and got a new cordless drill. I haven't found an occasion to use it yet, but am sure I will.

So I watched the special scenes on Titanic. And for the record, it is my favorite movie no matter what you may think with all the hype that has been associated with it. It was done very well and quite historically accurate, so there!

And when it was over, I watched the last part of the movie Love, Actually. Which is another great movie. And I had an epiphany moment or maybe it was just one of those little a-ha's. But in the movie, there's a scene where a guy that has been in love with another woman who is already married lets her finally know what she means to him. He stands outside her door hold posters and silently lets her read what he wants to say... which is basically that he'll always love her. And although he knows he can never have her, he does it just to get it out. And when it's over, he starts walking away and she runs out to give him a quick kiss and then goes back into her house to her husband. And as he's walking away he says "Enough. Enough, now." And that is my mantra in regard to you know who. Sorry, I can't mention his name. I told you that I wouldn't write about him any more. Sure, you know I'm lying, but I am making an effort here, o.k.?

And that's all I can say because the rest of my day deals with all the stuff I've been avoiding that I'm not going to write about. I really need some new material, huh? 

Sounds Good to Me

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Stop making silly resolutions. Get your resolution here

Unable to sleep

I tried to go to bed at a fairly decent hour, but haven't been able to sleep yet. (probably because of that nap I took earlier today) Oh well. I decided to get up and write. Before logging online, I wrote two pages in my private journal about Marty. I don't know why I've been thinking about him quite a bit lately. Actually I probably do know why. It's because I'm on vacation and I have too much extra time.
I won't rehash what is in my journal here. I'm sure my readers are probably sick of reading my posts about him. But my profound thought in my journal was whether or not it was Marty I missed or simply the relationship. Don't know if I'll ever know the answer to that. I probably will never get the answers to all the questions about him that circle in my head from time to time. Despite not having any answers I hope that one day I'll really be able to let go.
O.k. enough of that. The other thing I did tonight was make a post secret card. I don't know if I'll ever send it in, but it was kind of freeing just making it and printing it out. I have thoughts for other cards that I'd like to make. Perhaps I'll do what some others have done and that is make the postcards and then just burn them. Maybe I'll make one about Marty. Not that I've held anything back in regard to him. I've pretty much laid it all out here in my blog. Part of my therapy, you know?
I'm debating whether or not I want to go in and work in my room tomorrow. I certainly could use two days of work to perhaps get caught up and get ready for the new semester. I guess I'll play it by ear. I have to get some other things done though. I have to send my letter to Prison Pete. I haven't been a very good pen pal lately, but I am going to send him my blog updates. Although my house is still clean (thanks to throwing my New Year's thing), I still have quite a bit of laundry to catch up on. Imagine that. Is that all I write about? How my house is never clean, the laundry is never done and I'm always broke? Mmmm... guess I need to find new material to write about huh? Maybe I can go a month without mentioning something of the sort or comment about Marty. I know.. promises, promises.

Goals

For some reason this seems kind of fitting... my 500th blog is the first blog of 2006. I am amazed that I have written that much in the past year and a half. It's not quite a post per day, but still not bad. I talked to a guy online today that asked me if writing things down helped me deal with stuff. I explained to him that writing has always been therapeutic for me and getting it down even if only on paper helps in just getting it out there.

Some have asked why I put it all out there for the world to read. I don't know the answer to that exactly. Patrick is the one who got me started with it for the most part. I had a live journal once but didn't keep up with it much. But since starting this in May of 2004, it just kind of progressed.

Well, the title of this post is goals. Mind you it is not resolutions. If they were resolutions, I am certain I would break them. But here's a few goals I have in mind not just for 2006 but for my life.

1. Continue to grow in the Catholic faith
2. Write more
3. Read more
4. Worry less
5. Fall in love (with someone that loves me back)
6. Get healthier
7. Take vacations
8. Continue to make music a part of my life
9. Take time for myself once in a while
10. try to be a good parent

Of course this is a small list, but I think a pretty good one to focus on for the moment. I hope every had a wonderful 2005 and I wish you all blessing in 2006.