Sick - Ugh

I think Marty was kind enough to share some kind of germs with me. I didn't hear from him all day but he called me around 7:30 this evening and said that he was still in Hereford because he woke up feeling sick this morning and stayed in bed most of the day. I started feeling sick around 3 or 4 this afternoon. I wasn't sure if it was just allergies but I'm a bit miserable. I'm feeling a tad better since I took a zyrtec, but still have some sniffling, sneezing and feeling achy. I just took an aleve and hope that helps a little. I went to bed around 8:45 and didn't really sleep but just needed to lie down. I just got up a short while ago to take the aleve and thought I should post.
I went to early Mass this morning despite not sleeping very well. I fell right to sleep around 11:00 last night but was awake around 4:00 and didn't really fall back to sleep. I went to the early Mass since Josh wanted to go register for band camp at 12:30. I picked up donuts after church and then I laid back down for about an hour and a half. I got up at noon and helped Josh load the car with all his stuff. It may seem weird that he stays in the dorm when we live in the same town where the camp is, but I know from experience that being in the dorm makes camp more fun. We went up there at 12:30 and there was a lengthy line but it moved pretty quickly until we got to the line for private lessons. People couldn't make up their mind and it took forever to get up there so Josh could schedule a lesson with his teacher. From there we took his stuff to the dorm and unloaded it. It would have been nice if one of these years he could have had a room on the bottom floor. But we got his stuff up there but I realized the top sheet I had brought had a stain on it so I told him I'd bring him another one later. I then came home and heated my leftover spaghetti and meatballs for lunch and watched t.v. a bit. I then took another nap since I was still tired (and probably was getting sick but didn't really notice it). I got up and watched more t.v. and read some. I really started to feel miserable around 6:00 this evening but didn't want to take any medicine too early. I called Josh and told him to call me back when his dorm meeting was over so I could take him his sheet. Around 7:15 I decided that I couldn't cook so I picked up McDonald's. Right when I got back home Marty called so I talked to him for a bit (and figured out why I was sick... but I'm not complaining!!) I ate my dinner and then Josh called a little after 8:00. I took him the sheet and then took my zyrtec. I came back and finished watching design star and read a little until I started feeling sleepy and I guess you know the rest.
Tomorrow Josh has auditions and I hope he makes Honors band this year. He's barely missed it the last two years being 2nd and then 1st chair in the symphonic band. I hope he makes it as a senior as this could be his last band camp.
Well, I think I'm going to head back to bed and try to get over this cold or whatever it is I have.

A Great Day

I couldn't have asked for more. I know some of you are dying for details so here goes. Marty got here about 1:00. I took him to the museum since he hadn't been there since high school. We spent about an hour and a half there. We held hands and touched as we went through the exhibits. He was hungry afterwards so we went to Feldman's to eat. We were there 10 minutes before anyone came to wait on us. I have never received that kind of service there so hopefully it was a fluke. Marty had the chicken fried steak and I had an oriental salad that came with way too much dressing. From there we went to the park and walked around the pond a few times and just visited. After than I took him to my church so he could see the new building. We went in and walked around and I pointed out things to him. I told him he could go to confession if he wanted, but he declined. After that we went to Sonic to get drinks and then we talked about where we were. He said that he still had feelings for me but he didn't want to be in a long distance relationship again. I got more of the whys behind our breakup from him which I understood. I told him that things will work out the way they're supposed to happen and that I just wanted our friendship back and to communicate again. He also said that I sounded like his mother and that she thought that we should get back together. After that we came back to the house because he was tired and wanted to take a nap. Well, I can't say that he took a nap. We cuddled and kissed instead. I really missed that. I have to say it was very, very hard to not go further and Marty didn't play nice. But being the good Catholic girl that I am we didn't venture into that territory... at least not too far.
Then we went to the movies and saw Hancock. It was a good movie and we held hands throughout the movie. After that we went to Johnny Carinos and had dinner. We just got back about 30 minutes ago and he just left about 15 minutes ago. I kissed him good-bye and hugged and told him to call once in a while and when he's online to say "hi". So that's where it is. We're not back together but I'm hopefully and cautiously optimistic. I still care about him. The feelings are still there on both our parts, we just have to take it one step at a time. If it works out for us, that would be great, but if not, I can deal with that as well. I had a great day with him. I have missed the laughing and just his friendship. Certainly the holding hands and kissing is wonderful as well, but I just miss him. Today it was like we had never been apart and stepped right into where we had once been. We talked about the issues we had last time - both us getting right out of our marriages and the distance issues among other things. I told him that I don't regret the time with him, but it wasn't necessarily great timing for us - even though some great things came out of it. We talked about Church and he's not ready to really go there yet, but he is giving it thought. He knows that for me it will be a big part of me and it is something he has to accept and respect which he does. I'm in a better place now and if it's meant to be it will happen. Could I get hurt again? Sure - but I've decided sometimes it's worth the risk.

About Marty

Here's a very brief scoop on Marty. He was a boyfriend I had in high school that asked me homecoming the night before and then we dated for a couple of months. We briefly hooked up again (meaning we spent time making out/kissing) my freshman year in college. He then left to join the coast guard and I didn't hear from him for a long time. He called me about 8 years after that and just chatted. Then he found me again on classmates.com in 2004 when I was going through a divorce and he had just gotten divorced. Despite it being a long distance relationship, we dated again for about 9 months. I fell very much in love with him, but things just didn't work out. He didn't know what he wanted and I had some clingy/emotional issues that didn't bode well for him so we broke up in April 2005. Since then we've intermittently talked (about every few months or so) until recently. Now things are up in the air again because I still have feelings for him (guardingly cautious) and he said he had feelings for me. But I don't know where that leaves us if anywhere. If you want to read all the scoop, click on the label below "Marty" and it will take to you about 128 posts about him.
He's on his way from Hereford (believe it or not) so we'll see what happens today. No hopes or expectations. I'd just like a pleasant day.
Actually...I found the best recap if you click here.

10 Lb Mark

Well, I think I've officially lost 10 pounds. I know it's not much and it took forever to lose, but I'm happy with that amount for now. I'd like to lose more but I need more motivation. Today was an uneventful day. I did some laundry, a little cleaning, and went to the store. I also took my car to the car wash and vacuumed it out. I got a new phone and answering machine. Mine has been dying and you can't see the caller id numbers. I thought it might be the battery, but by the time I bought two new batteries, it was almost the cost of a new phone.
As far as I know, I'll see Marty tomorrow. I won't hold my breath, however. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if something came up or something happens or if he just changes his mind. There may be some feelings there, but I'm not certain that anything has really changed. Call me pessimistic, skeptical or whatever, but I think it would be foolish to make any kind of assumptions on my part. I hope that I can spend the afternoon with him and talk to him and see what's going on, but he's had several days away which means he could have shut down in that time. So who knows what will happen. I'll give you a full report afterwards - if we should actually meet.
Well, I finally got to watch a double episode of Monk that I missed last year. The new season starts this Friday.
Well, not much more to report. We'll just wait and see what happens tomorrow.

Slowing Down

I have to say that it's been nice to not be under any stress the last couple of days. I've stayed up as long as I've wanted and slept in as late as I've wanted. I'm a little bored though. Oh sure, I could be cleaning out my garage, but I think I'll start that next week while Josh is at band camp. I read a book yesterday and did some laundry. I did some dishes but haven't done much more than that cleaning-wise. I'm hopeful that I'll get some of that done today. My principal called me yesterday to confirm some things for next year. I'll be getting stipends for speech team, yearbook, UIL coordinator and Dept. Head. Woo hoo! I probably won't notice it in my paycheck, however. I'm going add Josh on to my dental insurance and that will take out a big chunk. Health insurance costs go up every year so my check could be less than I was getting last year overall despite a raise of about $2100.
I just got back from the post office mailing out the first set of reunion books. I'll have to make another trip next week for those that haven't sent their money in. I need to spend some time today working on all my websites. That could be a full time job in itself. Oh... I think I've decided to go ahead with grad school. The money is there; I've been accepted; and there's never going to be a time where things aren't busy so I might as well jump in and just make the time. I'm going to accept the subsidized loan and the grant and reject the unsubsidized loan. They're offering me more money than I need. Well, I gotta go make something for lunch so I'll catch ya'll later.

Need to make a decision

I still haven't made the decision regarding grad school next year. I still want to get my master's degree but I'm worried about having the time to do it... but at the same time, there won't be much difference in me doing it this next year versus waiting another year. I either need to bite the bullet or not. If I accept the financial aid package, I have to go forward and take at least six hours each semester. A part of me thinks that since I've already gone to the trouble to do what it takes to get accepted that I should just jump in. If I don't, I may never get around to it. However, time will be a major issue next year. I will be in charge of the speech team, the yearbook, UIL coordinator, and a department head. Thankfully I'll get several stipends to go along with those, but my time will be limited. But if I can get rid of my comm. app. classes, I may be able to manage. I just don't know yet. I'm going to make a decision by tomorrow.
Today I slept in and didn't do much. I took my cousin to Taco Villa today. It's one of her favorite places to eat and she doesn't get to go there except when she visits as she lives in San Diego. We got back and I went to pay the rest of Josh's band camp fees. Somehow I thought it was less than it actually was. I'm going to have to do some creative budget balancing the rest of the month. Thankfully Josh will pay for his own extra stuff this time... lessons and the Wonderland trip.
Tonight I'm going to sit in my chair and do some reading and just take it easy.

A Very Lazy Day

I think I deserved it. I stayed in my pajamas all day. I got up around 7:45 as my aunt and uncle were getting ready to leave. They asked if I wanted to go to breakfast, but I was still tired and wasn't hungry. I turned on the t.v. and started watching Monk, but went back to bed at 8:30. I got up a few hours later and just sat around today. I watched t.v., read blogs, and really didn't do much at all.
I talked to Marty briefly. He's enjoying the time in Albuquerque with his family and just having some down time. He'll be coming back through on Thursday or Friday and hopefully we'll get to have dinner before he heads up to Connecticut.
I updated the website a little bit and will mail out some reunion books tomorrow. My cousin, Amanda, is here visiting. She came over tonight so that she could watch The Bachelorette. Her husband may try to find a job around here so that would be great if they moved back here.
Well, I'm going to sit here and do more of nothing.

It's Finished!

Pictured: William Asquith (my prom date), Kirsten Nelson (my best friend), Marty (My homecoming date), Me, Blaine Hufnagle, Brent Wilson, John Brewer. We were all in band together.
I had an amazing time at the reunion. I have to say it's probably one of the best times I've had. It was a huge success and I was on cloud nine most of the evening. It was a bit ironic really... Marty and another h.s. friend came over after the tour of the new high school to change for the banquet. After we were all ready to go I noted that I was going to be going to my 20 year high school reunion banquet with my homecoming date (Marty) and my prom date (William). We left around 4:45 so we could get there early to set up the computer equipment. I had a moment of panic when I couldn't find my Mac adapter. I was going to send the guys to best buy to get another one, but told them to check the other computer bag first. Thankfully it was in there. Then I couldn't figure out why the DVD wouldn't start at the beginning. I finally solved that problem. We seemed to get a late start on the banquet and the group picture took a while because nobody would listen. Then the food wasn't ready until 7:15. I went through the line first since I had to get the computer stuff ready.

We started the door prizes, elementary picture reveal and such around 8:00. I think the video was a success. The last song on it was "Friends are Friends Forever" by Michael W. Smith which seems to always make people cry... I didn't notice so much as we pushed ahead with the awards. I didn't win most eligible bachelorette, but I was an honorable mention. The dance didn't start until close to 10:00 and we originally intended to start it around 8:30. Oh well. I had a blast dancing and worked up a good sweat. Marty was supposed to be in charge of my alcohol intake, but I think he wanted me to get a little drunk. I didn't get plastered, but I did get a bit tipsy with four rum and cokes (spaced throughout several hours... but the last two were really strong).

My friend Kirsten asked if Marty and I were dating again. This is because we were being close and touchy (rubbing backs, standing close, whispering etc.). Marty said "No" but then I piped up saying that even though we weren't, he still had a crush on me. He then came back with "I can neither confirm nor deny that." His actions, however, were a bit more obvious. He didn't want to dance really, but I did get him out on the dance floor during "Shout". We stayed together pretty much all night and I'm sure there was quite a bit of whispering going on about it. The last song of the evening was a slow dance and we did dance to that. I have to say that I rather enjoyed that. Afterwards, Marty brought his truck around to the door by the banquet room and helped take all the stuff out there. We said a lot of good-byes to everyone. I got a lot of hugs and many more thank-yous from all sorts of people telling me that they appreciated all the work I did. I tried to remain humble about it and I hope I was successful. It did feel really good though. I can't tell you how exhausted I was once we finally got into his truck. He held my hand on the way back to Canyon and it wasn't that tingly, excited feeling that I would normally get, but it was a comfortable, right kind of feeling. It's like putting on that cozy pair of slippers that just makes you go ahhhhh.
We got home and took all the stuff into the house and then I went out to the truck to say good-bye as he still had to drive to Hereford to his brother's house. We hugged and he gave some kisses on my head. He then said, "You're right. I do still have feelings for you." I told him that it was o.k. and that I'm not in any rush and that if something happens, that's fine and if not, that's o.k. too. More hugs followed and a little more talk. I told him that I hadn't had a date in three years and he asked if I was waiting for some "asshole" to come around. I told him.. "could be." We had a brief kiss and then he made go in and told me to go to bed. He headed to Albuquerque today and is supposed to come back on Thursday. I may see him on Friday for lunch or dinner before he heads up to Connecticut to see his daughters.
So where is my head in all of this? I felt really, really happy after the evening and went to bed smiling. I saw my friend Carol at Church this morning and she said that I was glowing. Do I think we're going to get back together? I don't know. I have no expectations. What I would like is for us to open up some communication channels and just start talking again. I'd like to get back into the friendship we had before - unclouded by sex. I miss having him as a friend. We've stayed on friendly terms but it has always seemed to be stifled. I think we've both tip-toed around each other in fear of opening up a can of worms. I think he worries that I would get clingy and over-emotional if he showed interest. I worry that he thinks that I would be like that.
I don't know where we are headed - if anywhere. But regardless, everything will turn out like it is supposed to. He may still have feelings but he has a lot to consider because I'm not the same person that I was when we got together in 2004. I think ultimately that is a good thing, but in his eyes it may not be. And that's o.k. I am happy with who I am. Do I still have feelings for him? Certainly. There's always been something there even when I stopped being "in love" with him.
All I know is that regardless of whether I see him on Friday or not - if we start communicating again or not - if he goes back to Key West and returns to the state of only contacting me every 6 months or so - I will still be satisfied with the moment we had at the reunion. I don't know if it would be a mistake to pursue anything but I'm just going to go with what feels right and hope that after 38 years I start listening accurately to both my heart and head and make the right decisions. I think I'm at least on the right track.
Those of you that have been on the journey of Marty and me since the beginning may have some input and I welcome it all regardless of whether you're happy about the recent events or not.
Well, the sleeping pill that I took about an hour ago is finally taking its toll. I really need a good night's sleep that I haven't had in what seems like forever. Thanks for being my sounding board. I needed to get all this out in writing.

Bet you thought you wouldn't hear from me...

At least until sometime tomorrow. The reunion is going on. I should be taking a nap right now as I only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night. No reason other than reunion stuff going through my head for several hours.
So here's a brief recap for now:
Many people have come up to me and said "thank you" for all the work I've done on the reunion. They seem to be very impressed with the website and the books. I've been very flattered by it all. And many of these are people that wouldn't have given me the time of day in high school.
Marty came in yesterday morning and picked me up and we went to the Donut Stop and got donuts. We then went to the registration table and shared the donuts and he got his shirt and stuff. We sat around there for a while visiting with people that came to register. Around 9:30 we left to go the parade waiting area. We visited with people that came to participate for an hour until it was time to do the parade. We walked the entire mile or so route throwing candy and waving and such.
Josh came and picked us up afterwards and took us back to the hotel to Marty's truck. Marty and I then headed to Amarillo to get an ink cartridge for my printer and then we ate lunch at Applebee's. (He paid)
We then went to Walmart to get a few more things and stopped by a liquor store to get some rum. Afterwards we came back here and just sat for a while in front of the t.v. and I think we both dozed with about a 20 minute cat nap. Shortly thereafter it was time to go set up for the mixer. We went there and Marty helped with the set up. A lot of people showed up and again thanked me for the all the work. We left at 9:00 and came over here to watch fireworks. A few friends from high school came over and we visited a while before the show started at 10:00.
Afterwards we visited more and I didn't go to bed until about 12:30 and I didn't fall asleep until about 3:30.
It's been interesting to have Marty here. I'd be lying if I said some feelings weren't going on. I don't think it is just on my part either. He's been a little flirtatious and touchy. Last night before he left we hugged and he gave me an awkward kiss on the forehead. I told him I had missed him and he said that he had missed me too. And then he left to go back to Hereford. We hung out together at the picnic today and will be going up to the banquet together tonight. That's all I'm going to say at this point and will update more later. How's that for a teaser?

Back again

I'm home. I'm tired, but not as much as I thought I would be. I was up at 6:40 this morning. I went to an 8:30 workshop on taking digital pictures. It was good, but a lot of it was stuff that I already knew... just a little more info and some new stuff I learned in photoshop. I then went to a session on making powerpoints interactive and then a session on free publishing and art programs. I went over to the mall to have lunch (I just had a burger and fries from Dairy Queen... lame, I know, but I had tried most of the other things already and I just wanted a burger.) Then I headed back to the hotel with about an hour and a half to spare before we were going to head to airport. Thankfully everyone else got back early and we left early. That just put us at the airport longer, but it took a while to get through the security line because EVERYONE was flying out today. I sat and worked on my video stuff for about an hour and then went to get some dinner since we wouldn't have another chance. I got home around 10:00, petted all the animals and now I'm going to bed. It will be a long, full day tomorrow. I have to go to Amarillo to pick up the books and then meet the committee to work on reunion stuff, and then I've got to clean house. I can't believe it's already here... I'm not sure that I'm really ready. I'm not thrilled with the video, but hopefully the book will make up for that. The elementary picture thing is good and I think the powerpoints will be fun.
Well, I know it's not much of a report and I'm not sure I'll have time to write much while the reunion stuff is going on, but I'll try if I can. Summer... did you read my response in the comments on the previous post?