Coming Clean

Well it has been an interesting night and I can’t say that I’ve had any sleep as of yet – but will get to that shortly.  Matthew texted me today and I again made the offer to go to dinner and he said that it was a distinct possibility.  I texted back and told him how much I loved vague answers – figuring he would note the sarcasm.  He said that he would let me know when he finished laundry within about an hour.  An hour came and went.  Three hours later when I still hadn’t heard from him, I texted him back and said that since I hadn’t heard from him that I figured dinner was out and that if he was interested in getting together tomorrow to let me know.  Around 8:00 he texted and apologized for falling asleep.  I sensed that something was bothering him so I told him I was there if he needed to talk.  At 9:00 I went to bed but wasn’t really sleepy and around 9:30 he started texting me again.  He told me that today he had a lot on his mind and that he realized he is hesitant to share and make himself vulnerable again.  I told him that I understood that feeling well and have had that pain but that I also realized that sometimes it is worth the risk.  He said that if he didn’t think that was a possibility that he wouldn’t have texted me.  He also said that I had a big heart and intelligence.  I sent him a long reply on my thoughts of taking risks noting that I always seem to hold on to hope.  He finally seemed ready to talk so I invited him over. 

So at 10:30 he arrives and he proceeds to tell me about his frustrations.  Part of it is the fact that he doesn’t like the town he is living in because there isn’t much to do there and he tends to feel isolated.  He also has some frustrations with the job.  He was also feeling as though the distance from his daughters was an issue because he wasn’t there for them as they are going through some hard times.  I didn’t want to just bring up my host of concerns on the lack of communication.  I just listened and helped him talk through it and consider all the options he had.  We eventually talked about his concerns in regard to me.  One concern for him is working for the same district and potentially dating.  That I can certainly understand as it can be a tricky issue.  The other was his concern that though we did have a few things in common, that we had some very different interests – mine being roller coasters which he doesn’t care for and his being sports which is not my thing.  But then he said despite that, for some reason I still intrigue him and he keeps coming back.  But at least that explained his lack of communication.  He wasn’t sure how to handle it all and therefore didn’t want to encourage anything – though he would find himself texting me anyway. 

So with all of that said, we continued to talk some and then we kissed.  And kissed.  And kissed some more.  It turns out that I have great skills in that area which seemed to throw a wrench in things for him because he really likes kissing – as do I.  So we spent a few hours just making out – and that’s all – though it did get hot and heavy at times.  Gee, I sound like a teenager, don’t I?  We cuddled and talked some more about relationships noting fears and expectations.  He left around 2:30 in the morning, but seemed to be in a better mood.  It doesn’t clear everything up, but I’ve given him some things to think about.  I did ask him to let me know if at some point he decides he doesn’t want to pursue anything rather than just stop making contact and assuming that I’ll figure it out.  He said he would. 

So now that all of that is going on, I have now gotten emails from two other Eharmony guys.  I’ve been wanting to get back into the dating game for some time and it seems that when it rains, it pours.  So now I’m not sure how to handle all of this.  Matthew is still a maybe, but I’m still very interested.  But I know I shouldn’t limit myself because of that maybe.  But then again, I’m not sure how to go about getting into these new contacts.  It’s all very confusing.  And thus, I have yet to get any sleep.  So I’m hoping that by blogging and getting all of this out, I might be able to go back to bed and at least try for a few hours of sleep today.  Thankfully it’s a day off – though I do still have a lot of work to do.