Coming out of the clouds

Not that I’m going to defend Matthew with this post, but I’m starting to realize some things.  I have to say that I’ve pretty much have had my head in the clouds the last few weeks and it’s probably time to get back to a little reality.  First of all – we’re not in a relationship.  There’s nothing exclusive, so in that sense he can certainly date others if that is what he is doing.  Of course it is rather crappy for him to make me think that I’d be making him dinner and then have other “commitments” come up, but nothing can be done about that.  I know he’s not trying to encourage me and probably because he knew that I was getting more interested that he was.  It’s not to say that he’s not interested.  I know he he is, but I also realize that I may not be his only interest and he still has the other issues going on. 

So it’s time for me to take a step back and get focused on other things.  It is not to say I’m no longer interested in him, because I am – I’m just more wary about it.  Today was eye opening in that respect.  He did come mow my yard as promised and he was very thorough about it.  It took him about an hour and a half.  I helped by clearing stuff so it was a productive day.  He stayed for about 30 minutes when he finished, cooling off and having some lemonade and water.  I told him that I still had food to cook for dinner and it would be nice if I could make it in the next few days.  He said that Monday or Tuesday might work.  Yes, still a wishy-washy answer, but I guess I’ll take what I can get.  I also mentioned going to the symphony this weekend and he said he was interested in going to that so I guess we’ll see.  But I’m going to try not to create any expectations in my mind like I usually do.

If the other eharmony guys had panned out, I would certainly date others – but that seems to have not gone anywhere either.  So for right now, its Matthew or nothing so I guess I’ll take what I can get and see where things may or may not go.  I just need to be ready for the fact that it certainly may not go anywhere and that’s why I need to readjust my thinking about all of this.