Friendship is an interesting thing. Some people can make friends easily and they always have someone to call on for whatever reason. To go shopping, to go out, or for some help or whatever. I find that I don't have much in the way of real friends and it's a bit disconcerting. I'm not sure why. I know I've written about this before, but I'm trying to make heads or tails out of it I guess.
I've figured out that there are varying levels of friendship. You can have acquaintences which are people you know, but you aren't ever really involved with them. Perhaps people you work with or maybe even people you converse with from time to time. Then there are friendly acquaintences which are close to friends but not exactly. It might be someone that you actually call on the phone every once in a while but usually not just to talk to them, but perhaps ask question or a favor or something. You might get together once in a blue moon. When you see them in the grocery store, you ask how they're doing and you always say something like "We should get together soon," but you never really do. Then there are friends. Those are people you've known for a length of time and you have more of a special feeling for. You could probably call on them for favors and you'd definitely invite them to special occasions. You make an effort to stay in contact fairly often and keep up with each other's lives for the most part. The next step above that might be a "girlfriend" to another female (not lesbian) which is someone that is a close friend. You call them about everything especially when you need to talk about the opposite sex. You get together and go out and you always help each other out when needed. I'm not sure what you'd call the equivalent for guys or what a close friend of the opposite sex would be called.
I've discovered that as I've gotten older, close friends seem to be fewer and far between. Or maybe it's just me. I know there are women out there that still have "best friends" and they do everything together. I just don't have that. I have a few friends that are kind of close that I do some things with. But we don't stay in touch weekly and one of them lives 9 hours away most of the time. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances that I know from work or church. And then there's my good blog friends. I'm sure if I lived close to any of them, they would be friends that would come over for parties and such. I am wondering if my lack of friends is something is really just me. When I was married, we had some "couple" friends that we would get together with every now and then. I'm still friends with one of those couples, but they moved to Michigan. But I've also changed quite a bit since they were last living here. I still see them when they come back to town, but it's not the same. I'm not one to go out and party and drink like I once did.
I've lost my best friend that I had in high school and throughout college. I guess we just grew apart since she stopped talking to me and every effort I made to contact her for over a year was unanswered. I finally took the hint. I've talked to her once since then, and she was friendly, but that's still the last I've heard from her. I sent her a letter shortly before I was confirmed in the Catholic Church telling her that I missed her friendship and although I wasn't sure why things had changed that I was still interested in getting together some time if she was interested. I put the ball in her court and she never responded to it. The "why" of it used to bother me, but I realized that I've done what I can to mend things and that's all I can do.
I wonder if it's me. I used to have at least one best friend throughout grade school, junior high, and high school. The friend changed from time to time, but I always had one. Now I don't really have someone like that. For a while it was my husband, then it was Marty. Although I'm still friends with both of them, it's not the same. I do have some very good friends, but I'm missing the one you call a best friend. Maybe it's just a part of adulthood. Maybe it's the fact that I've been in kind of a loner state. I don't know. Perhaps I'm just being impatient as always. Maybe my new best friend is just around the corner.
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4 comments:
I so totally understand what you mean about the friend thing. After I married, my friends drifted away, and I find that now,years later we don't have a lot in common, for many reasons. Husbands, boyfriends, kids, life style. I don't know. My husband has no friends, and is pretty much estranged from his family, so I am it for him and I feel a lot of pressure about that. I wish I understood it. I wish I had a good close friend. Good luck with the bathroom!
I actually go a step further and have friends for specific occasions and topics of conversation.
Like a friend who I want to talk to when I feel like not thinking, another two for books who have complete different tastes and so forth.
Im only 23 yet I feel the same In the last 3 years I have lost a lot of friends mostly because everyone moved away
I have this problem too...most days I'd give just about anything for a girl-friend. I haven't had a friend in a few years and it's becoming quite depressing.
(with exception of Justin, but we've established that the husbands aren't the same)
I too have this problem. We studied it in one of my socialoligy (sic) classes. Its very common. It is like a target and the older you get the smaller your circle gets. Your comfort level also gets smaller...kinda depressing...yeah...Okay there is hope! Forcing yourself out of confort zone you can actually expand your circle of friends, age can't be a limit, race shouldn't be a limit, gender, etc. Age because when your 80 and all your friends are 80, well I am getting depressing again. Needless to say there is hope. I soooo need to work on this because there are just a few older new moms in this small town. And almost none who don't think I have lost my mind. But I haven't met all of them yet, hopefully. and one more thing...women need to start being nicer to each other. Some of them get mean and gossipy. Why I am not sure, must study it some. Oh almost every woman in the class said the same things about lacking deep friendships!
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