Choice

I taught a lesson to my Comm. App. Class about the power of choice. I’m not sure how well it went over with them because you know.. well, they’re high school students. But for myself, I’ve been giving it a lot of afterthought. But first, let’s have the lesson shall we?

Your first assignment is to write a statement that starts with “I have to __________.”

You are to fill in the blank with something you feel that you absolutely have to do. (And no cheating… something like breathing is a given.)

Next, you write this statement: “I can’t ___________________.”

Go ahead and do it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to check your answers. (But if you do feel the need to write about this in a blog, that’s cool.)

If you’re needing help, here’s examples.

“I have to work.”

“I can’t lose weight.”

Finished? Good.

Let’s talk about choice. Almost everything… and I do mean everything in our lives is a choice. Sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow, but most of the time it is true. Take your first statement and mark out the word “have” and replace it with the word “choose.”

“I choose to work.” I really don’t have to work. It is my choice to work. I do have the choice to not work. Of course, there are consequences for that choice… but it is indeed still a choice. I even have choices in the type of job I have. I really don’t have to be teacher.

Now let’s take the second statement. Mark out the word “can’t” and replace it with “don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to lose weight.” That is more true than saying I can’t. I could lose weight if I wanted to, but honestly, I don’t want to do what it takes to lose it. I could walk every night and change my eating habits. But since I choose to not do those things… it means I really don’t want to do it.

So that’s the lesson I discussed with my class. Now, hindsight is everything, and so last night I was in a reflective state and I started thinking about all my “I have to” and “I can’t” statements I’ve made.

Some simple statements: “I have to pay bills.” “I have to go to Mass every week” “I have to make dinner.” Honestly, I choose to do all those things. I don’t have to pay my bills. I could take the money and go shopping instead. Of course, then I have to face the consequences of that choice and have even more bad credit than I already do have. I could have my electricity, water, and gas shut off. But it’s my choice.

Now for some I can’ts: “I can’t get a date.” “I can’t get my graduate degree.” If I am honest about these, they are really choices as well. “I don’t want to get a date.” What getting a date might mean are things I am not willing to do. I might have to lose weight to be more attractive. I might have to go out more to places I don’t want to go. I might have to step outside of my box and be less shy. I could get my graduate degree if I made the effort to take the GRE, apply for financial aid, and cut back on all my expenses. But that means I would have to give up more of my already limited time and money and I am choosing to not do that right now.

What this boils down to is that if we don’t like they way something is in our lives, we have the choice and power to change it. If we go around making “I can’t” and “I have to” statements then we are acting like victims. We are telling the world that we have no choices… but in reality we do.

There are five things we absolutely have to do in order to live. We must eat, drink, breathe, sleep, and go to the bathroom. Everything else is a choice. We can change what we want. And if you’re saying “Well, I can’t change so-in-so because they make my life miserable… etc. You’re right. You can’t change anyone else’s behavior except your own. You can change how you react to so-in-so or whether or not you even associate with them. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

So remember that when we don’t like what is happening to us, we have the power to change things through our actions or our reactions. And we really have no excuse to complain about things… though it certainly won’t stop us. Just remember that attitude is everything. We can choose to laugh in the face of adversity or we can act like victims.

I was in a bad marriage a few years ago. I was depressed, gained weight, and felt like I had no control over my life. I had thought about divorce at times, but I thought that I’d be worse off because I would be ruined financially. So I stayed in the marriage and that was my choice. I finally got to a point where I realized I couldn’t be happy if I stayed in the marriage. But in hindsight, I realize that I finally made a choice. For a long time I stayed because of the financial stability and health insurance despite my unhappiness. Eventually those things were taken away when my husband lost his job. So I decided to make the choice to be happy by getting out of the marriage. Sure, I had to face some fears of losing my house and managing financially, but I did it anyways. It was one of the best decisions of my life. I'm not going to blame my ex for the problems in our marriage. It came down to my choice to accept things or change them and I finally took the steps to change them. And that is why we are still friends. I got to a point where I accepted my own responsibility in the failure.

So instead of telling ourselves that we have to do this or that remember that we are choosing to do this or that. We should think about why we are making that choice. Even if we don’t like it, is there a good reason for it? And instead of saying we can’t do things, we should really be saying that we don’t want to do them. The key is figuring out and owning up to the why. Eventually that may lead to acceptance and taking responsibility.

Perhaps this lesson has given you something to consider. I’ve been thinking about it a great deal. I’m going to leave you with a few inspirational quotes that I found.

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." William Jennings Bryan

"Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power." Blaine Lee

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." Robert Fritz

"Because you are in control of your life. Don't ever forget that. You are what you are because of the conscious and subconscious choices you have made." Barbara Hall

***Note: The lesson on choice came from LouAnn Johnson’s book Teaching Outside the Box.