O.k. maybe not quite an epiphany, but one of those ah-ha moments. I was watching Sex and the City tonight. It was the episode where Carrie finds out that Big is marrying Natasha and at the end she has her own epiphany. They talk about how Big is just like Hubble in the movie The Way We Were. Hubble (and Big) couldn't handle the girls that are kooky, a little crazy or complex. So they settle for the simple girls. I figured that realization is probably right on. On more than one occasion have I dated guys that have bailed when things have gotten complex. I am going to make a generalization here so I hope you 2 or 3 guys that read my blog don't take offense. But guys typically are simple and shallow. I think that Jeff Foxworthy got it right when he said that what guys really are thinking is "I want a beer and I want to see something naked." I think guys like dating the complex girls for a while because they're fun, but in the long run, the decide that they can't handle them. So they settle for someone that isn't that complex. Or perhaps a few of them are able to break the girl... much like breaking a horse. So I guess my problem is that perhaps I'm just too complex for the few available men that are left. I know that I wrote about having choices in life... but now I'm getting to a point that there are so few decent choices left. I don't mean to complain, but I see and meet a lot of really great guys... that are married... happily, no less.
Overall, Marty was a really pretty decent guy. I think ultimately, though, he couldn't handle my complexity. I don't claim to be perfect (anymore), but I still think I am a pretty good catch. And the thing with Marty is that he, like many men, has absolutely no idea what he wants. And no, I'm not obsessing. I am quite over him, but I'm just analyzing the choices I've made in the past.
Why did I choose Marty? I had other guys in the picture at the time. I was dating Patrick and still had Steve from Michigan in the picture. But what was it about Marty? It really just felt right. I felt like I could be myself with him. I felt what I thought was real love from him.
My problem is that I wonder if I can really be myself should another opportunity present itself. (I am being optimistic here.) Do we pretend to be simple girls and then deal with those surprise moments of complexity when they hit and hope that the guy doesn't go running? Or are we honest about ourselves and take the risk of not even getting a second date? How much information is too much when it comes to meeting someone? Yes, I'm putting the cart before the horse at the moment but I'm just having some random thoughts at the moment.
Now my brain is tired and I have a bit more work to do before I can head to bed which will be soon. So much for my epiphany. Maybe I'll call it just another thought.
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5 comments:
Once, when some guy broke up with me, another guy that I had dated previously told me "Susan, you're just too intense, lots of guys just can't deal with that." I still have no idea what that means, but Justin agrees that I'm "intense." I'll just put that under the heading of "complex" and agree with you. The general population of men kinda stink when things become more involved than heading to a movie and eating a burger. I really feel confident that there is someone out there for you, and I'll keep a look out for him on this end for you too.
I've heard the "intense" statement, "complex" statement and "you want too much" statement.
I think it's an easy out for lazy men. I'm tired of acting like something I'm not.
I think that it boils down to the fact that all relationships take work. And yes, some guys are just lazy. I think, though, that we girls that are a bit "complex" are a lot more interesting.
Let's see... how can I put this in a polite way... you are wrong.
O.k... what am I wrong about? I had several statements in my blog. Am I wrong in general that guys would rather not handle complex girls? Am I wrong that I'm a good catch? Am I wrong in what guys really want? It's fine if you say I'm wrong, but tell me where you disagree. It's only my opinion and my perspective is probably skewed to some degree... but when I have other women confirm the same ideas, I can't be too far off the mark.
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