For Iris

She knows who she is. I read her blog faithfully until she stopped writing a few months ago. Recently she started writing again. I don’t know if she even reads my blog any more, but I hope that she does. I won’t go into details about her life, but she’s young and making a lot of mistakes… but that’s not the point. And don’t worry, Iris, I’m not judging you in the least and anyone that does, has no business to do so. We have all made mistakes in our lives. Some bigger than others, but nobody is perfect. But our mistakes are our learning experiences. If we learn from them and grow out of them, then the fact that we made the mistake isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. Albert Einstein is credited with stating “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” When we continue to make bad choices, knowing full well that they are bad choices, then nothing will change and life will ultimately get worse. There’s no getting around it.

She stated in her blog “I thought great sex meant something deeper than just great sex. I thought if I loved him, somewhere deep inside he must love me too.” Great sex is usually no more than just that – great sex… and it is so often confused with love. The emotional levels rise in the heat of the moment, especially in women. But it’s kind of like being drunk, sometimes you do or say things… and in this case, perhaps feel things that aren’t true or real. It has a lot to do with self-esteem. I am a classic example. Having someone think I’m sexy and beautiful - being able to turn someone on was a big ego boost. It was like wielding power. You feel in control, invincible and incredible. But once the moment is over and real life takes over and things aren’t as rosy as they seemed, it’s hard to swallow. So you keep doing those things that make you feel good in that moment, but it’s only a quick fix. Sex can very much be like a drug. It is addicting. It can and often destroys marriages and people’s lives. But I’m not saying it’s all bad. It can be a very beautiful thing as well. I won’t go into preaching here, but if you live life only by the pleasure principal then you will never be satisfied. Nothing will ever be enough. And the mistakes will get bigger.

You can’t let anyone else determine your self-worth or your level of happiness. You have to learn to love yourself despite your flaws and mistakes. You have to stick to your guns. You’re finally getting on the right track so don’t backslide. Loneliness will happen. Realize it’s o.k. to be alone sometimes. You can and will love again. And you deserve to be loved. You just have to be careful who you give your heart to and the reason behind it. If you don’t love yourself first, then others will always walk over you. You are not alone and you have more strength and courage than you might realize at the moment. Listen to your instincts. Listen to your heart and your mind. If they’re in conflict, try to determine why. It’s not to say that going with one over the other is a bad thing, but stop to think first.

Before you jump into another relationship with someone ask yourself these questions. "Is this person good for me?" "Am I a better person when I'm with XXX?" If either of these questions is no, move on.

I'm not an expert in relationships. I've failed numerous times and still haven't got it right, but what I do know that is that you have an inner voice that tells you when something is off. You need to listen to it - even when you don't like what it's saying.

And finally, believe in yourself. That's going to get you farther than anyone else.