I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking about the subtle addiction of s.e.x. Most people don't think of it as an addiction. Most people that are addicted rarely admit that they are. And most people think it's natural and because everybody does it, it's o.k. As long as safe sex is practiced and nobody gets hurt in the process, then no big deal. I have discovered, however, that relationships that are based on sex or sex is an early part of it, generally don't last. You can't build something based only on physical attraction and the emotional highs of the moment.
I had a brief conversation with a guy today that almost had me fooled for being normal. But he made it quite clear that he was interested in a sexual relationship. When I told him that I wasn't interested in that, he quickly ended the conversation by stating "Then you've had sex with the wrong men....... and looks like you will be alone for a long time......sorry to hear that." It's like he wanted me to feel bad for my choice. There was a time when people were heralded for choosing abstinence and now I'm supposed to be punished by spending the rest of my life alone.
I have been guilty of equating sex with love. I have had my share of experiences. I at one point wasn't sure I could ever give it up and it was a factor in whether or not I could become Catholic. Oh, sure, I could have joined the Church and then done as I pleased and just gone to confession. But for me that wasn't an option. I was either going to give it my all or not at all. It took a while for me to come to terms with letting go of that part of me, but I finally "got it" at one point. I won't go into an explanation about it here, but I finally realized that sex was something quite selfish. It was all about me.
If I'm going to end up alone because I won't jump into bed with a guy, then so be it. For the first time I finally respect myself. I realize that I don't have to be desired or thought of as sexy to have self-worth. I actually think I'm worth a lot more by not sleeping around. The guy I talked to said he was sorry, but it wasn't necessary. I'm not sorry for my choice. I had a conversation with my ex-husband the other day and he told me that I shouldn't immediately give up on men that are turned on by me or my pictures stating "if you dismiss all of them as perverts..... you may pass up a good decent one that just thought you were hot." I think that if that is their first thought, then it's not going to be a good match regardless. It's nice if someone thinks I'm attractive, but to go on about my physical features, asking me if I have a cam, or making a lewd comment tells me that they're not really interested in me.
And perhaps I just might end up alone. I think a lot of the good, decent men in this world are already taken. But if it's God's will for me to be in a relationship, then it will happen. Now I just have to convince my heart of that fact.
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6 comments:
Good for you for standing up for what you believe and what you know in your heart is right. You are setting a great example for your son. As he gets older and starts dating more and more he will respect women and hopefully make the same choice that this act is to be shared with someone you love and are married to for life.
I think most people nowadays are guilty of some sort of "indulgence" when it comes to sex, but I am hopeful and prayful that I can instill in my children respect for themselves (that I didn't have) to make the choice to wait.
Where are you finding these loosers? Stop going there! I keep reading about these dorks and I want to beat them in the head. I don't wanna hurt them, just knock some smarts back in to their little brains. GGGGRRRRRR! You are on the right track...at least your finding out they are dorks before you start liking them a little bit...such dorks!
I don't find these losers, they seem to find me.. I get an IM out of the blue and if they're profile seems normal to begin with, I at least say hello.... then all hell breaks loose.
Oh I don't have any intentions to start something up with somebody online... been down that road. Most conversations stem from boredom.
Don't completely give up on it...I mean, it can work out occasionally. I'm proof. :)
As much as I want to dive into these waters, I'll be brief. (Since we all know that Satan is addicted to sex, nothing I say will have any merit) I think you are still looking at sex as something bad and evil. Sex is a blessing from God. You have a sexual side of you, and you should make friends with your sexuality instead of running from it.
Men like sex because that's how they are wired. It's in the design. And it's okay for women to like sex too.
I am not looking at sex itself to be bad when it is part of a committed (preferably married) relationship. I also happen to really enjoy sex and it's not a matter of it being dirty or bad. It is a matter of it being an obession and basing a relationship off of it is wrong. It tends to do more harm than good when sex is an early part of a relationship in my book. I simply am now preferring to keep sex out of the equation in starting a new relationship. It should be based on friendship and common interests as opposed to sex.
I've heard the "it's how we're wired" phrase often enough. Not all men are wired exactly like you. Yes, I get that men are different and most men have an inkling for things sexual. But not all are like that and true gentlemen will keep that part out of the beginnings of dating an whatnot. And for the record... I'm not as sexually inhibited as you still seem to think I am. I have just a better respect of it at this point.
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