Going to a Party

Well, I'm going to a party tonight. At least I'm getting out of the house. I'm not sure how I feel about it though. A part of me wants to go and be social. Another part of me is worried that it will be like most parties. I'll go and talk to the few people I know and then just sit back and mostly observe. Then I will find a graceful way to exit and come home. I don't know what it is about me, but I am just not good in social situations. I always feel like a dork when I say something or I say the wrong thing because others don't get my humor. It's amazing that I am a person that is supposed to be able to teach communication skills and I am so bad at it. Oh, I know that I'm making it sound worse than it is. I fake it pretty well out there, but usually I feel like an outsider and that I don't belong. That's one reason why drinking was such a big thing at theatre parties and such. It lowered my inhibitions and I was much more social and fun. But it shouldn't take getting drunk to be that way. I guess it's just an innate quality in me and I just have to deal with it. It's not that I'm completely anti-social by choice. I do want to fit in at times, but not at the sake of being someone that just isn't me.

I called Marty to wish him a happy birthday today. I would have sent him a card if I knew his address. I am almost amazed that I did have his new cell phone number. Perhaps I should have not said anything to him at all. I'm sure he would not have noticed whether I called him or not, but it's just in me to still let him know that I care about him. I don't know why I bother sometimes, but he is still a friend.

Well, I better get ready to head out. Tomorrow will be spent cleaning the house all day. Nothing like waiting until the last minute to get things done, huh?