Now I have some things to tell

First of all, Marty called. Well, he called my cell phone and left a message. He's back in the mainland in Albuquerque right now. He will be coming through Hereford this weekend to see his brother. I called him back after the banquet this evening. We'll probably get together briefly at some point while he's here. I do have his box of things to give back to him. And before you start letting your mind wander about my feelings and all of that, let me tell you that I'm over him. I didn't get weepy talking to him. It was all rather matter of fact. I think it was the last time I talked to him on the phone when he was still in Alaska that I finally "got it." So no worries, o.k.? I have no hopes of rekindling anything, nor do I want to. I finally realize that he was probably just a stepping stone... or perhaps a boulder that I had to climb over, but I have finally been able to move on.

Next on my agenda is my future. I guess I'm just in one of those moods or something that gets me pondering. (And I was pondering long before Marty had called so it has nothing to do with him nor does it have to do with men at all.)

I am 36 years old and I am still wondering what I want to be when I grow up. I know that sounds strange, but I am just thinking if I am where I am supposed to be. O.k. I know this doesn't make sense because a part of me knows that right at this moment I am in the job I'm supposed to be and all of that, but I wonder if teaching is what I'm really called to do. I mean, it is o.k. Some days are wonderful, some days are not so great... but that goes with the territory and with most jobs. But I have to admit, it really isn't my passion. I do have some wonderful moments in teaching and for the most part it has been enjoyable, especially when it comes to the speech team, but I just don't know if this what I'm to do in the long run. I still have those what-if thoughts about other possibilities. I looked again today at the University of North Texas site and getting my librarian certification. It really seems so impossible. It would cost almost $10,000 when all is said and done and if I ended up becoming a librarian, I would most likely be taking a pay cut when starting out. I still don't know if that would make me happier. I do love books and all the technology involved, but when I look at my librarian all I see is a constant solving of technological issues. Which isn't bad, per se, but I would rather be able to do more than just troubleshoot computer and equipment issues. But that's where the field is going, librarians are really becoming trained in computers and equipment more than in the knowledge of books.
So then I ponder perhaps just simply getting my masters in communication at the local college. But what would I do with it? I guess I could eventually teach at the college level which would probably be better than high school. But then I start wondering if the field of education really where I'm supposed to be.
I admit that I majored in education because I really couldn't figure out anything else to do. Yeah, the summer off was appealing and I was inspired by some of my former teachers, but I chose it because I realized I didn't have the head or heart for music business. The problem with college is that it is at a time when most people are too young to really know what their passion is. I'm still trying to figure mine out and I already hold a degree. Maybe one of these days before I'm 80 years old I will figure it all out.