Visit with Marty

It went fine. I did very well and am fine emotionally. I just wanted to get that out first. I went by his brother's house in Hereford. I walked in and sat on the couch next to Norma, his sister-in-law. We chatted a little bit and then Marty decided that he wanted to come to Canyon to eat so he followed me in his new truck to the house. We picked up Josh and went to the local restaurant and had dinner. He paid for it. I offered, but he wouldn't hear of it. Then we came back to the house and he came in to visit for a little while. He stayed for about two hours. We mostly chit-chatted back and forth about mundane things. Towards the end we talked a little bit about our relationship. I told him that it took me a while to get over him, but I did. He seemed to feel bad about it and called himself a jerk. I told him that he wasn't. I said that he wasn't perfect, but nobody is and that he really is a good guy that just needs a little work. I told him to quit beating himself up. I also told him that I was sorry for the mistakes that I made in our relationship regarding my jealousy and insecurities. He again told me that it wasn't me, but I said that I know I contributed to things and that I wanted to apologize for them. I let him know how much church has helped me and that I was praying for him.
Overall it was a very good visit and I feel good about it. I admit that I felt a small flitter in my heart just before he left and he gave me a hug. Actually two hugs. I've missed his friendship and his companionship. On my way to Hereford today I prayed for a good reunion with him and asked that I came away with a sense of peace. I have. For me to say that I no longer love him would be a lie. I still have feelings, but they just feel different. It's not that I want to rekindle things; I just want him to realize what a good man he is. I love him for the person he is... flaws and all.