Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Catholic Hurdle

Time to start sharing again. I know it's been a while since I've written anything of substance, but now I have to get this out.

First for my fairly new readers, you should know that I converted to the Catholic faith three years ago. I became a Catholic by choice for various reasons and I do not regret being Catholic. I agree with the teachings of the Church even though I don't like one of them very much right now.

The next thing you should know is that I have not had much luck in dating for several years now. I hate to think it's because I'm Catholic, but it is true that I haven't had a date in four years. I joined eharmony three months ago. I have joined dating sites before without much luck. This time I figured I would try to be more open about my matches and consider those beyond a local radius. I still didn't have a whole lot of luck. I was matched with a guy in Seattle that was nice, but not really a fit for me. I'd get a few responses here and there and then they would just fizzle or they just weren't right for some reason or another.

So about two weeks ago, I get a match from a guy in Colorado who initiates contact with me. We go through the typical stages of eharmony, asking brief questions, sharing must haves/can't stands, then more in depth questions. From there you can make contact and we started emailing each other. Shortly thereafter we started chatting online via messenger. For about a week and half we regularly communicated chatting for several hours each evening. He really seemed to be interested but more than that, I found him intriguing. He was very smart (and could use proper grammar), had a very spiritual nature with good theological knowledge. He found me to be funny and pretty. We talked about deep subjects as well as lighter ones. We have very similar views on relationships. I found myself getting more and more interested in him and liking him very much. He did the same with me. And then during our conversation last night, I brought up the sticky subject of the fact as a Catholic I could only be married to someone that the Church sees as eligible. That means they have to have never been married, are widowed, or could have their original marriage(s) annulled. In talking with him about this, he seemed to feel that his marriage was valid in the eyes of the Church and would not be able to be annulled. Given my Catholic beliefs and acceptance of the Church's teaching on the matter that left us at an impasse. We both like each other very much but realize it would be pointless to pursue something if there's no chance of ever being able to marry. I don't know that even if I chose to pursue this relationship it would work out, but I hate the fact that I can't even give it consideration.

(Note: He is not Catholic but was married for 20+ years until his wife committed adultery and she wanted the divorce.)

So now I'm in a quandry. Do I completely abandon the potential of this relationship and stay true to my faith? (By the way, he respects and admires my dedication to it - even if he doesn't agree with it.) Or do I reconsider the faith in which I chose to participate for the chance of a relationship?

I am just at a loss. Perhaps I should have been more upfront from the get-go in terms of my ability to pursue a relationship with someone with a previous marriage. Though I did bring the topic up fairly early in our conversations, we both were already getting quite interested in each other. It is frustrating because I have had so few opportunities like this. Marty makes a good point in that I should consider whether if staying faithful to the Church is worth living/being alone because that may happen. At my age, the choices are quite limited. Most men at this age have most likely already been married. The handful that haven't been married, one has to wonder why?

I know that in general we are called to married though there are some that are called to live single lives. I just feel so strongly that I'm supposed to be in a relationship. I feel that I have so much to give another person. I feel that I am capable of great love. I feel more happy and secure when I have someone to share my life with. I've written about my frustrations before on my Catholic blog and it's mostly the same though it's been two years and nothing has changed. I'm still very single and very alone.

I know I should be patient. God's timing isn't necessarily my timing, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't make it less frustrating. So if you have thoughts to share on this, please do, but note the following:

If you are going to lecture me and berate me please don't comment. If you have something to say, I appreciate it, but I ask that you stay respectful, even if you respectfully disagree with my choice to become and stay Catholic. So now it is open for discussion.

1 comment:

Susanlee said...

So here's the thing, regardless of my feelings about the Catholic church, I respect your dedication to your beliefs. However, I think that based on your faith, if you feel a strong connection with this person, he's probably shown up because God wanted it that way. If his wife committed adultery, it seems like a situation in which the church would agree to an annulment, if it came to that. This makes me wrinkle my forehead.

The word verification is fanta, which makes me sing that stupid Fanta, Fanta, want a Fanta song that they always play before movie. Ptth.