Friday, July 31, 2009

Still don't know

I still don't know what I'm going to do about the dating situation. I'm still talking to him. I still like him. He still likes me. We are both frustrated and feel helpless. But I game him my phone number. He texted me today. Said he's a grandpa. (His oldest son's wife had a baby.) I'm going to keep talking to him. All my friends (who are not Catholic or are not practicing Catholics) feel that I should pursue the relationship in hopes of finding happiness.

I'm being lazy today and I should really stop. I'm going to fix lunch shortly then attempt to work on websites I've neglected for about a year. I have to prepare for a workshop I'm teaching next week. I have to prepare for our trip to New York (one week from today!) I'm NOT ready for school to start. This summer has been too short. I'm trying to be ready for Josh to leave. He's been sorting, packing, and cleaning his room.

I still love my new car. The gas mileage just keeps getting better. I want to take a trip somewhere in it. (Perhaps Colorado??) I know I'm hopeless. Or maybe I'm just hopeful. Probably a very close line there.

Well, time to eat for me. I'll try to be a more active blogger again.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Catholic Hurdle

Time to start sharing again. I know it's been a while since I've written anything of substance, but now I have to get this out.

First for my fairly new readers, you should know that I converted to the Catholic faith three years ago. I became a Catholic by choice for various reasons and I do not regret being Catholic. I agree with the teachings of the Church even though I don't like one of them very much right now.

The next thing you should know is that I have not had much luck in dating for several years now. I hate to think it's because I'm Catholic, but it is true that I haven't had a date in four years. I joined eharmony three months ago. I have joined dating sites before without much luck. This time I figured I would try to be more open about my matches and consider those beyond a local radius. I still didn't have a whole lot of luck. I was matched with a guy in Seattle that was nice, but not really a fit for me. I'd get a few responses here and there and then they would just fizzle or they just weren't right for some reason or another.

So about two weeks ago, I get a match from a guy in Colorado who initiates contact with me. We go through the typical stages of eharmony, asking brief questions, sharing must haves/can't stands, then more in depth questions. From there you can make contact and we started emailing each other. Shortly thereafter we started chatting online via messenger. For about a week and half we regularly communicated chatting for several hours each evening. He really seemed to be interested but more than that, I found him intriguing. He was very smart (and could use proper grammar), had a very spiritual nature with good theological knowledge. He found me to be funny and pretty. We talked about deep subjects as well as lighter ones. We have very similar views on relationships. I found myself getting more and more interested in him and liking him very much. He did the same with me. And then during our conversation last night, I brought up the sticky subject of the fact as a Catholic I could only be married to someone that the Church sees as eligible. That means they have to have never been married, are widowed, or could have their original marriage(s) annulled. In talking with him about this, he seemed to feel that his marriage was valid in the eyes of the Church and would not be able to be annulled. Given my Catholic beliefs and acceptance of the Church's teaching on the matter that left us at an impasse. We both like each other very much but realize it would be pointless to pursue something if there's no chance of ever being able to marry. I don't know that even if I chose to pursue this relationship it would work out, but I hate the fact that I can't even give it consideration.

(Note: He is not Catholic but was married for 20+ years until his wife committed adultery and she wanted the divorce.)

So now I'm in a quandry. Do I completely abandon the potential of this relationship and stay true to my faith? (By the way, he respects and admires my dedication to it - even if he doesn't agree with it.) Or do I reconsider the faith in which I chose to participate for the chance of a relationship?

I am just at a loss. Perhaps I should have been more upfront from the get-go in terms of my ability to pursue a relationship with someone with a previous marriage. Though I did bring the topic up fairly early in our conversations, we both were already getting quite interested in each other. It is frustrating because I have had so few opportunities like this. Marty makes a good point in that I should consider whether if staying faithful to the Church is worth living/being alone because that may happen. At my age, the choices are quite limited. Most men at this age have most likely already been married. The handful that haven't been married, one has to wonder why?

I know that in general we are called to married though there are some that are called to live single lives. I just feel so strongly that I'm supposed to be in a relationship. I feel that I have so much to give another person. I feel that I am capable of great love. I feel more happy and secure when I have someone to share my life with. I've written about my frustrations before on my Catholic blog and it's mostly the same though it's been two years and nothing has changed. I'm still very single and very alone.

I know I should be patient. God's timing isn't necessarily my timing, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't make it less frustrating. So if you have thoughts to share on this, please do, but note the following:

If you are going to lecture me and berate me please don't comment. If you have something to say, I appreciate it, but I ask that you stay respectful, even if you respectfully disagree with my choice to become and stay Catholic. So now it is open for discussion.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A few updates

Band camp is over for Josh. My aunt and uncle came to town for a few days last week so I had to deal with company along with the installation of my new heating/air - which is quite lovely I must say! It feels good to be in an air conditioned house and not running the window units. I also have a brand new sewer line which now has the laundry drain tied into it (thankfully). Before it just drained into the yard.

I love my new car. I'm averaging about 43 mpg so far. I finally filled it up for the first time (though it showed I could still go 118 miles). I spent only 18 dollars and had already gone about 400 miles.

Eharmony news: My subscription is up and I did not renew, but I have a few things to report. I met the local guy that had the job interview at my school today. My principal seemed to like him and officially offered him the job this afternoon. We've already talked about carpooling together next year. I still think he's not interested in my romantically, but it would be nice to have a new friend.

I had two other guys that I was emailing back and forth a bit but have not heard from either of them in several days. There is one more guy that lives in Colorado, however, that I've been chatting with most evenings. He seems to really like me and I am certainly interested in him. He is very smart and he thinks I'm funny. I still have concerns (as I always do) but nothing worth noting at this point. Just going to play it out and see how it goes. He lives about 5 1/2 hours away which might be doable. Better than Alaska and Florida at this point.

Then there's another guy locally that I've talked with online for five years now and he has consistently asked me out in that time. He's the one that stood me up on a date a few years back as well as another time. He has experience doing tile work however, and has offered to do the floors in my house for a really good price. I've actually now met him in person - he came over to examine the floors. I told him that I would finally let him take me to dinner some time but only after his divorce is final. I've made it clear, however, that I'm not interested in him romantically. But I guess a dinner will be o.k.

Well, I guess I should get myself busy. I've been a lazy bum for two days so far. I guess taking two days out of my summer break is acceptable. I really haven't had much of a break thus far and it is coming to a close very soon!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Can you read this?

Courtesy of Mago - here's my handwriting sample.

Headed for the poor house...

...with the way I'm spending money. I guess there's so many things I've put off buying that now that I have money I'm spending it all up! Today I went to the eye doctor for the first time in about six years (or longer - I know it's been since I was married). I got new contacts and new glasses. (Picture for your viewing pleasure - notice the new hair cut as well... courtesy of about two weeks.)

I haven't had new glasses in about six years. My vision is still the same (pitifully bad in terms of things afar) but thankfully I'm not in line for bifocals. I have amazing near-sightedness. Then I went to Home Depot and Lowes to start pricing flooring. I've got to figure out how much it will cost to put in new floors. The HVAC guys are coming tomorrow to install the new heating and air. That means if I want to paint the closet where the heating unit will go, then I have to get started on it tonight. Nevermind the fact that I still haven't done my homework for grad school. I think after blogging, I'll head to Sonic and enjoy a cream slush while I read the article that I need to critique. (I get my best work done at Sonic it seems.)

I haven't updated in regards to eharmony in a while. My subscription is up in a few days and I won't renew. I'm conversing with a few guys but nothing major going on there. They all live pretty far away (Pensacola, FL; Anchorage, AK; Corpus Christi, TX; and Burlington, CO - that's the closest at 6 hours). One guy that I was matched with locally I've been talking to via facebook. He's been looking for a teaching job in the science field and it turns out there's an opening at my school. I mentioned it to him last week so he applied and now he has an interview next week. He called to tell me about it yesterday so I talked to him on the phone for the first time. I'm guessing he's not particularly interested in me in terms of dating, but I guess we'll be friends. We might carpool next year if he gets the job.

Well, I'm going to try to get myself a little bit focused and get some work done. I need to choose a paint color asap, but trying to make that mesh with the potential flooring that I haven't decided on is going to be tricky.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

A whirlwind trip

Josh and I left Thursday morning at 5:30 a.m. to head to the airport for his freshman orientation trip. We arrived in Houston at 10:00 a.m., got the rental car and headed to Nacogdoches. We arrived by 1:30 and registered. By the time we got into our dorms, it was time for the first session to begin. We were involved in sessions for the rest of the day until bed time. I didn't sleep very well in the dorm. The next we started again by 8:00 but I had to get up early to get Josh's stuff in the car as we would have to make a quick get-away to return to Houston. He didn't get advised until 1:00 and we needed to leave by 1:30 to make it back in plenty of time, by 2:00 to cut it close. Unfortunately everything takes longer than planned and we didn't leave until 2:30 and we had a 6:00 flight. Keep in mind that it typically takes 3 hours from Nac to Houston Hobby airport. Somehow the traffic cooperated and I drove a little fast and we made it to the airport by 5:15. We didn't check bags so we made it to the get in time. Unfortunately there was a delay because the plane that was boarding before ours was behind and our plane couldn't park at the gate until they left. We were supposed to leave by 6:00 but didn't take off until 6:30. That put us landing in Dallas at 7:30 when our connecting flight was supposed to take off. Thankfully they held the plane because there were about 40 people that needed to catch that flight. We got back by 9:00 last night I finally slept well for the first time in several days.

The orientation was o.k. but not a lot of useful information for me. Hopefully Josh got more out of it. At least he got advised and registered for his classes which was the reason for the trip.

Today I get to pick up my car! I'll try to post a picture of it. I've got to take a shower and actually start being productive.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I bought a new car!!!

I don't know if I'm crazy for doing it, but I bought a new Toyota Prius today. I don't actually have it yet. It will come in on Saturday. I didn't think I could get a deal locally, but they gave me the price I wanted to pay. I didn't want all the extras on it so the car they are sending is supposed to not have them added before they ship it out from Houston - however, if they did put the extras on, I'll get them for free as they will honor the price they gave me which was the base MSRP with destination charges. According to that is what most people are paying for hybrids right now. They were able to beat my credit union's rate so I think I got a pretty good deal on that as well. My payments are a little more than I wanted, but I didn't trade in my car. My dad is going buy it back from me so I'll just pay something else off with that money.
So here are my justifications for buying a new car at this time. 1. The air conditioning in my car went out and would cost $500+ to fix, if my brother did the work. 2. The car is 10 years old and is showing signs of wear. I think the air conditioning might just be the tip of the ice berg in terms of repairs. 3. I need a reliable car since I drive 70 miles roundtrip each day. 4. I'd get almost double the gas mileage so I'd save a lot of that money. 5. I haven't had a new, new car in 10 years. 6. I always drive my cars until they fall apart so financing a new car is not an issue for me. I will probably keep it well beyond the payoff date.

So now I'm a new car owner again - well, I will be on Saturday. Oh - and the color of the car is Barcelona Red.

Friday, July 10, 2009

It seems like forever...

since I've posted. I've been such a bad blogger lately. I'm still reading everyone's blogs, but not much posting for myself. So let me update you. The yearbook still isn't finished and I really don't care. I'm taking a break from school stuff right now. Last week I went to a yearbook workshop for three days and then the first of this week was spent in Albuquerque for school planning. Yesterday I was mostly a bum though I was finally able to deposit my check that I got from my dad for the extra house money. I called and got the total for Josh's new clarinet and had a cashier's check cut for $3009. I've booked our airfare and finally the hotel for our trip to New York. I cannot believe we're really going. Now we've got to make a final decision on the show we want to see and the things we want to do. I'm not one to just play it by ear. I'd like to have most of it planned out. We're thinking of going to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey but nothing is set in stone yet. I did get some good advice about shows so we have a list narrowed down. We're staying a little bit away from all the action. Our hotel is in the Tribeca area very close to Soho. But there's two subway stops very close to it so I think we'll be able to manage getting around from place to place. It's very exciting and it will be here before I know it!

Next week Josh and I are going to Nacogdoches for his freshman orientation. It will be a very quick trip flying down to Houston Thursday morning, then driving to Nacodgoches and staying there until Friday afternoon, driving back and flying home that evening. It will be a whirlwind trip! Soon after I'll be going to see the new Harry Potter movie.

I made a couple of calls regarding the heating and air replacement and have one estimate scheduled. It can't happen soon enough.