Monday, February 28, 2011

Bad Annabel

I went to a very important speech teacher meeting after school today and had two margaritas.  And then I stayed and had dinner with another speech teacher who also arrived late.  Then it was too late to get to band rehearsal on time so I came home and changed into pajamas and decided not to go to rehearsal – though I really should have because the music is much more difficult this time. 

And so now I’m in pajamas and sporting a bit of a headache – not sure if it was the margaritas or just the stress I constantly feel these days.  I didn’t bring any work home since I figured I’d been gone all evening.  But I did get my Mental Floss magazine in today so I’ll probably go to bed early and read it. 

Tomorrow is TAKS testing which is always a joy.  Actually, I have a pretty good deal.  I only test five students with modifications which means I read the test to them.  I’ll take my Kindle to read after the test because we can’t do anything but read when the test is done. 

I’m going to clean out my closets and drawers tomorrow and donate clothes for the people that lost their homes from the fires that were in the area yesterday.  I’ve been needing to do this for a while so this gives me an incentive to get on the ball.

There’s a job in San Antonio that I want to apply for, but I don’t know that I want to move there.  But the job seems like it would be rather awesome.  I’m going to try to get my resume done and at least put it out there and see if anything happens. 

And now I’m going to get in my bed with my magazine and call it a rather early night.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Need a plus one

Today has been a melancholy day for me.  I tried to get out of the house but then found myself indecisive and once again unsure as to what to do.  I went to Taco Villa and picked up lunch and then went to a park to eat and read.  I read for about an hour and then decided to go to Best Buy to pick up some earphones.  I did that and then decided to brave the mall.  All I did was walk from one end to the other, look at washers and dryers briefly at Sears and then leave.  Then I went to Kohl’s and I tried on a few shirts and none of those really struck me.  I guess I wasn’t really in a shopping mood.  I didn’t like the traffic that I had to deal with today or the crowds.  I could have gone to the party, but I just didn’t feel like being social.  I didn’t want to be alone either.  It makes me realize that I just want to have a plus one.  One person that I can do things with.  It doesn’t have to be fancy or cost money.  I just want that kind of interaction.  I almost went to the movies by myself, but I couldn’t even talk myself into that.  So I just came home. 

As much as I like having extra money by taking in a roommate, sometimes I miss my privacy.  It’s not that she’s in my face or anything… she stays in her room most of the time, but I just miss having the house to myself.  She used to go home on weekends, but decided that she would do better studying by staying here and she trades me in housework instead of me charging her extra rent.  But there are times that I just want to be alone without dealing with someone cooking in the kitchen or doing laundry or whatever.

I’m feeling that itch of needing a change.  Problem is that I don’t know specifically what kind change.  I just need something different.  A different job, a different house, a different city, a different hairstyle, I just don’t know what it is or even how to go about it.  I’m sure the itch will go away, but right now I just feel very incomplete.  

Not sure what to do with myself

It’s Saturday and I don’t have a speech tournament to go to, essays to write, or anything else relatively pressing.  Sure, I always have school stuff to do – yearbook pages to work on, papers to grade, lessons to plan – but I figure that I can always put that stuff off like I usually do.  I do have an invitation to a party for a fellow speech teacher’s ninety year old mother’s birthday.  Still debating whether I’m going to go to that.  I got my IRS refund so I could go shopping I guess, but there’s nothing I really want to buy – well nothing that is relatively cheap. 

I asked the librarian if I could process the next set of books that will come in and she said I could.  I’m going to start really “working” in the library as much as I can.  I worked on an updated library website in iWeb and showed her how I was able to incorporate her drop down menus that she likes.  She also offered to let me edit the library catalog page and put more links and such on it. 

Last night I watched all the episodes of American Idol that I haven’t seen.  It is wonderful having a DVR.  Now I can start watching during the week when it is on. 

So what should I do today?  Things I “should” do: clean my bedroom, laundry, work on resume and applications, grade papers, work on yearbook pages.  What I probably “will” do:  read, play on the computer, go shopping.  Guess I should get this figured out and a least DO something.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


Things just seem to be going downhill these days.  In case you are not aware, education in Texas is pretty grim.  The state is planning major cuts in funding which means that most schools are also trying to figure out how to make cuts.  This means hiring freezes and potential staff reassignments.  We had a meeting with our principal yesterday and the news was “Don’t panic, be positive, but you should just be happy to have a job regardless of how we adjust your teaching schedule.”  One of the potential cuts is to not have full time librarians which means that in all possibility I may not be able to move into that position next year.  They could potentially split the job with another existing librarian or split the other elementary librarian opening and hire the other person in the district that just got her degree (despite the fact that she is currently at an elementary and doesn’t want the HS job).  Even though I’m going to put my application out other places – it is the same all over – most places are not hiring and are making the same kind of cuts. 

The assistant principal that is my evaluator and not my favorite person also struck a raw nerve with me yesterday implying that my time is not being utilized at the school.  I’ve been assigned to “work” in the library one class period a day this year, but in all honesty, the librarian has not really let me do any “work.”  She said that the librarian has said that it has been hit or miss with me helping.  During the first semester, my principal told me not to work in there while I was trying to get the yearbook finished.  Then I missed about a week during Koobraey.  Other than that, I’ve reported every day.  But she caught me just before another meeting and I didn’t get the opportunity to explain that.  And it just put me in a bad mood the rest of the day.

And then there’s Matthew.  Even though he took the job in Amarillo, he still wants to apply for what would be his dream job in Indiana that just came open.  And as far as dating goes, he still wants to see me and see where things go with hopefully less stress in his life (assuming he really does stick around).  But I got the impression that he’s still uncertain.  He told me that he felt pressured by me in the fall.  I think it was a matter of me thinking that things were more serious than he did.  So I guess in that sense I have to take a step backwards and essentially give him space.  I really doubt that things will progress because in spite of the fact that he said he did want to “date,” I feel like he still intends to keep me at arm’s length.  Then there are other personal issues he has to work through in terms of trust, commitment, and his wanderlust.  So I guess we’ll go out from time to time, but I’m not really putting stock into something more permanent.

So there’s not a lot of hope here right now.  I guess I should be thankful to have a job and someone to go out with, but I can’t stand the thought of having to teach again next year and the uncertainty of what they could do to my schedule.  I’m to the point that I would consider moving just for a better job if I could find one. 

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Rest Needed

I feel like I have yet to catch up on sleep.  I am really going to try to go to sleep early tonight.  I’ve spent the evening watching the episodes of American Idol that I missed.  I was going to do some much needed house cleaning, but it will just have to wait. 

I have a date with Matthew tomorrow night.  We are going to dinner and a theater performance.  We haven’t had a real date in a long time.  I’m still uncertain about the future, but am hoping that he will want to go forward and be open to the possibility now that he’ll be around for another year.  He’s in the process of looking at apartments in Amarillo which means he’ll be a little closer to me.  But I’m still not certain of anything.  There’s a lot that I want to talk to him about that I haven’t been able to.  So I guess we’ll just see how it goes.

There’s nothing much to report here.  I’m tired.  I still have a million things to accomplish.  I’m still second-guessing myself about my essays.  I’ll know whether I passed or failed on March 25. 

I’m trying to decide what to do with my tax return money when I get it.  I have to give $1000 to Josh, but I think I would like to buy a new couch.  But I’d also like to be able to take a vacation this summer as well.  I’ll be going to Dallas for a week for Nationals.  We have a national qualifier again this year so that will be good.  Hopefully I’ll be able to get to six flags at some point.  I need to ride some coasters. 

Well, I took 1/2 an ambien so I’m waiting for it to kick in.  I’m also watching the movie Amadeus which is on TMC right now.  If you’ve never watched it, you really should.  Very good movie.  Not completely historically accurate, but still a good movie. 

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I can breathe!

The essays are finished and turned in.  There’s absolutely nothing that I can do but sit and worry.  I still second-guess myself on everything, but what’s done is done.  Usually I just worry about making an “A” but this is pass or fail.  Graduate or not.  But now I can breathe for at least one night.  That is until I face all the stuff that has been neglected for the past week.  At least tomorrow is an inservice day at school.  No kids.  And I’m going to have lunch with Matthew. 

Now I’m going to try to figure out how to get to sleep tonight.  I should be exhausted, but even after a glass of wine, I don’t feel sleepy.  Now I wish I didn’t have the wine because I really want to take an ambien.  Maybe I’ll take out my Kindle that I have used for a week and do some reading.  I think I’ve earned the right.

Forging ahead

I feel like I’ve been imprisoned and the only way to escape is to finish these essays.  I have been reading, researching, and writing this entire week.  Since Wednesday, I have spent full days at the library and then continuing to write every evening either at home or the university library.  It is times like this that I really wish I liked coffee.  I have been downing a lot of cokes though.  Last night I finished the third essay though I’m still not completely happy with ANY of them.  Today I’m dealing with my citations and proofing.  That will take all day I’m sure.

Sometimes when I write, the words and creativity just flow with no problem.  I don’t know if it is because this is such a high pressure assignment – you either pass or you fail – that it is more difficult.  I just want to be finished with it and hope for the best.  I would hate to go through all this effort and then be told that I’ve failed.  Then I would only get one more chance to do it or I won’t be able to get my master’s degree.  I really want to be able to graduate in May. 

Well, back to the grind – wish me luck.  Prayers that I finish, survive (and pass) would be appreciated.  I have to admit that as a Catholic, I’ve sent up a few requests to St. Jude – the Patron Saint of desperate cases and lost causes. 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Writing is Hard

Why did I delude myself into thinking that I could write an essay a day?  I don’t know why writing these papers is so difficult.  I have an idea of what I want to say, but it is difficult to get it down in the right words.  I second guess everything.  I wonder if I’m citing too much or if I’m not citing enough.  Am I including enough original thought.  Have I really answered the question and all parts of the question?  We have been told that 1st person writing is strongly discouraged, which I understand, and yet one of the questions I chose specifically asks how “I” would deal with an issue.  I still wrote it in 3rd person and now wonder if I should have written it in first.  Two papers are essentially finished though I’m not elated about either of them.  (But that is typical – I’m never really happy with my work.)  I haven’t dealt with the works cited stuff but hope that I will find time to do a lot of editing on Sunday.  I still have another paper to write and hope that I can get it done tomorrow.  Problem is that this paper is mostly “new” information that I haven’t read yet.  I have material printed and will start reading – at least until I can’t keep my eyes open tonight. 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Capstone Hell

So I was pleased with the topic selections when I first read them and by Tuesday I had researched all of them to some degree.  Yesterday I got to the library around 10:30 and started reading and writing the first paper.  I started with what I thought would be the most difficult to write and I hope I’m right on that.  I had such a writer’s block.  I came home around 3:00 and had to lie down for a bit due to the lovely monthly cramps that plague me.  I went to the college library yesterday evening since the local library closed at 6:00 and spent a few hours there.  Then I decided I needed to find and print more sources so I came home and worked until 11:30.  I was getting tired, and still unhappy with my work but decided to go to bed.  I got up shortly after 7:00 this morning and basically started over with my paper.  I kept some of the same general ideas but focused it a little differently.  I still had a very difficult time writing though.  I worked from home until 11:30, then went to Sonic for lunch, then went to Walmart for a stapler, more paper, and new headphones from my mp3 player.  I went back to the public library and worked until 6:00.  At 4:00 I got to the first paper mostly complete except for the last section but I felt so brain dead on the topic that I decided to put it aside and start going through the research on the next paper.  I headed home to print more research that more specifically dealt with my topic and then headed back to sonic for my traditional strawberry creamslush that I drank while reading the information.  I then went back to the college library and stayed and hour and half going through all the research.  I sketched an outline and will start writing that paper tomorrow.  I really hope it goes faster than the last one.  Now I’m home and I’ve taken 1/2 an ambien and will probably fall asleep shortly.  I should probably start writing, but I’ve been going at it ALL day and I think I need to just rest the brain for a while and call it a night.  I took the ambien so that I’ll be able to actually fall asleep rather than thinking about all the stuff I need to put into the next paper. 

No real relationship news to report.  Matthew I have texted a bit but he’s giving me some space knowing that I’m busy working.  But I send him something when I need a break and he’s been responding so that is a good thing.  I’m just really ready for this whole process to be finished.  I hope to finish paper two tomorrow and get the material read for the final paper.  Saturday I want to get the final paper written in addition to the final segment of the first paper and then work on the formatting, source citations, and making sure that everything is in the proper format.  The writing is more daunting than I anticipated. 

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A turn for better… or worse.

I hope it is good news.  Matthew got the local job so he’s sticking around for another year.  And we’re talking again…sort of.  So we’ll see what happens.  Though I partially agree with Mago that perhaps I should have just given him the boot so to speak, but my hope was always that things will get better when the job situation is figured out.  Now that it is figured out, it will be a wait and see if things improve or not.  I told him he needed to do something nice to make up for things.  So he says he will when my project is done.  He didn’t say anything in regard to Valentine’s day yesterday though, so I’m not sure about anything at this point.  Right now I’ve got to focus on my papers and not really worry about him. 

I stayed late at school so that I could get my sub plans ready.  I left around 6:30 tonight.  I heated up some leftovers for supper, had a glass of wine, and have been doing a little more research.  I’ve printed a bunch of stuff so I’m going to start writing my first paper tomorrow.  I have the next three days off from school, but I need to make myself get focused and get the job done.  My “plan” is to sleep in a little tomorrow – as in not get up at 6:15 but maybe 8:00.  The library opens at 10:00 so I’ll head there and start the process of going through all the research I’ve collected and try to get one paper written.  My goal is to write a paper a day and then spend Saturday editing everything and then submit it all on Sunday. 

I didn’t sleep well last night.  I had the two large glasses of wine and was in bed by 10:00 but then I was awake at 2:30 and didn’t fall back asleep until sometime after 5:00 and then the alarm went off at 6:15.  I’m going to take my half of ambien that I have and head to bed shortly.  I think I’ve done enough research for now.  I’ve got stacks and stacks of papers to sort through tomorrow.  Good thing I’m a fast reader. 

Monday, February 14, 2011

Crappy Valentine’s Day

This day is so much less disappointing when you’re single.  At least there are no expectations when you’re not in a relationship.  I didn’t even get a text message from Matthew.  I sent him a card via school mail, but I don’t know if he got it today.  So I came home from school and then headed to Amarillo to pick up a toner cartridge for my printer.  I had a $10 off coupon but it still cost $60.  Then I was going to call in my dinner at Olive Garden, but they couldn’t have anything ready for another hour.  So much for that plan.  So instead I went to Walmart, got a very large bottle of wine, picked up some Taco Villa and had a quiet dinner for one – alone.  I’ve finished my first glass of wine and planning on a second shortly. 

My capstone exam opened this morning and I was pleasantly surprised that the questions were relatively straight-forward and nothing too complex.  I thought I would have a difficult time choosing three, but I had a more difficult time narrowing it down.  I will have to rethink one of my topic choices since I realize that I’ve already written an extensive paper on one of them.  I started researching one of the topics today.  I should continue that tonight, but I’m in a funk and not feeling up to it.  Of course I’m also on my second glass of wine right now.  Maybe I can write an awesome paper while a little tipsy.

I’m just ready for this day to be over.  Valentine’s day shouldn’t be a big deal, but I was hoping Matthew might throw me a bone.  So much for hope. 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Another day, another whatever

Since I went to church last night, I was able to sleep in today.  I got to school right at noon and of course none of my students showed up.  I actually got work done.  Not as much as I would have liked, but I sorted tons of pictures, created my page layouts and worked on pages.  Of course my capstone exam opens tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. so I have to put everything aside and work on the essays.  Plus I have to get ready for a sub for three days.  Though I’m dreading the essays, I’m looking forward to not going into work for three days.

So Valentine’s day is tomorrow.  Whoop-de-doo.  You’d think that it would be something one would look forward to when in a relationship.  I’m not sure what I’m in could be even called a “relationship.”  I’m sending his card to him via school mail tomorrow.  How romantic is that?  I didn’t get him a gift because I didn’t see the point.  We originally talked about going out tonight instead of dealing with crowds tomorrow.  But still haven’t heard from him and I’m keeping my silence.  If anything tomorrow, I’ll get a thank you text.  I’ll bet that is it.  I know – why do I bother even trying to maintain this relationship of sorts?  I guess because I’m chalking all this up to the unstable job situation he is in and I’m hoping that things will work out in the end.  But a part of me thinks that despite the turmoil he is in, he’s being very selfish.  I just don’t get the notion of shutting yourself away from people that care about you. 

On the other end of the spectrum, I actually gave Marty advice and I think for the first time he listened to me – or at least agreed with me.  That is a first.  He has once again gone to the rescue of his ex-wife and as is typical, he finds himself in a precarious situation where he has to deal with her, her boyfriend, and is putting his life on hold.  I told him he needed to get out of there and he is actually going to head back this week. 

Now I’m debating whether to stay up and do some work or just go to bed early and try to get to school early.  But for now, I’m having ice cream.  Guess I have a case of the doldrums.  Hope I snap out of it soon.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Weekend Work

Well, I did make it to school, but I didn’t get any work done.  Well, not the work I planned to do.  Instead I looked at all the potential job openings across the state.  I found 3 more jobs for Matthew to apply for and a handful of library jobs.  I think there are a bunch of hiring freezes going on because the state is in such bad shape in regards to money for education.  Giant cuts are coming so jobs are going to be hard to find.  I stayed four hours at school doing this.  Then I came home and quickly changed and went and played at church.  I finally got to try out the new ligature I ordered.  I think I like it.  I’ll have to do some more playing, but I think it might be an improvement to my playing. 

So I broke the imposed silence to tell Matthew to check his email.  He thanked me, but that’s it.  Tomorrow I’m going back to the school to work.  I hope I’ll get what I need done.  Tonight I’ve been chatting with Marty.  Strangely, he’s been flirting with me.  He said something about feeling bad about the way he was with me.  I asked him he had been drinking and he said he only had two drinks and wasn’t even buzzed.  Don’t worry, I’m not going down that road again.  We’re still just friends and probably always will be.  Story of my life… always just friends.  Probably how Matthew and I will end up.  I’m destined for the commitment-phobic, cave-dwelling men. 

Well, I think I’ll head to bed.  I’m tired of today as well. 

Friday, February 11, 2011


I just feel beaten today.  So now I’ve had a glass of wine and I’m on to a bloody mary.  To hell with drinking alone.  I rarely drink, but some days, you just need a drink or four.  I have a yearbook student that is trying to get out the class, but she has not finished her pages that were assigned LAST October.  I told her mother that I wouldn’t release her until her pages were completed.  Her mother has now demanded that I let her out of class so she can attend core class tutorials.  So what this does is teach students that it is ok that not finish commitments.  I just give up.  It’s not worth the fight any more. 

Matthew had an interview at another local high school today.  I got to school way early this morning and left him a card on his car to wish him luck.  This is in spite of the fact that he said that he “needed time and space to process.”  He said thank you for the card and I replied “you’re welcome.”  Other than that, I’m laying low and not communicating with him, which is hard, but yet another fight I don’t want to pursue right now.  I just don’t understand the men and their cave thing – but whatever. 

I went to the mall today to see if I could find a Valentine’s Day card that was appropriate.  I cannot tell you how difficult it was to find something that seemed to fit.  None of the lovey-dovey cards would do and what do you get when your relationship is really on the fence at the moment?  So I found something that was o.k. and I’ll send it to him via school mail on Monday.  I honestly don’t expect him to reciprocate.  Yesterday I tried to get him to have a quick dinner with me and he wanted to put me off until next week.  That’s when the whole, “I need time and space” thing came up.  Next week, however, is my Capstone exam so I will be overwhelmed with that. 

I’m going to finish my bloody mary and watch another episode of American Idol that I missed and then probably call it a night.  I just don’t care about today any more. 

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Still Cold

Despite the fact that two other big school districts were closed today, mine was open though we started at 10:00 a.m.  The roads in town were awful, but the highway was pretty clear.  When I got to school, I couldn’t park in my spot though.  There was a drift in my spot that was about 2 1/2 feet high and my car is way too low for that.  So I parked elsewhere – probably in a student’s spot, but it was pretty much a free for all since you couldn’t see spots in general.  I finally caught up on grading since I had two extra hours this morning.  I am flabbergasted by students that refuse to do their work.  They took a test today and I gave them the opportunity to make up their work they were missing and two students with an average of about a 16 each, refused to do anything. 

I picked up another section of the pipe insulation and need to go up and finish putting it on the last bit of pipe in the attic.  My pipes were ok this time.  The washer even thawed out today.  But I do need to turn off the heater in the garage.  It’s going to cost me an arm and a leg for running it. 

I still have a cough or more precisely, it has come back.  It seems to be getting worse.  I will go back to the doctor tomorrow if it is as bad as it was today.  I took a robitussin gel cap, but it hasn’t completely worked.  It’s a little better, but not gone.  I think I may try the cough syrup with codeine tonight though I HATE taking cough syrup because of the taste.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Freakin’ Cold

I hate being cold.  I’ve probably mentioned that a time or twenty.  We are back to frigid temperatures here with anywhere from 1 to 6 inches of snow.  I came home from school and lit the heater in the garage and opened the attic to get some heat up there.  I wrapped the pipes with the insulation tubes I got at the hardware store, but I was about 3 feet short.  I hope that enough heat will get up there to keep it from freezing.  I’m letting the kitchen sink drip in addition to my bathroom.  The washer pipes are already frozen, but perhaps there will be enough heat in the garage (eventually) to defrost them.  The school has already made the decision to delay until 10:00 a.m. but I’m still supposed to be there by 8:00 a.m.  Unless we get a ton of snow, I guess I’ll have to go in tomorrow.  I wouldn’t mind a snow day though.  It would be nice to sleep in and take it easy for a day.  Probably wishful thinking though. 

Monday, February 07, 2011

Why bother?

Can someone explain to me why I even bother bringing home papers from school?  I know I’m never going to touch them at home and yet I keep bringing them.  What is wrong with me?  I felt a little better this morning, but I have that kind of heavy feeling in my chest again and I’m coughing a little more.  Not sure if I’m getting what I had back or if it is something else – but I’m tired of being sick.  I had a band concert tonight and it went really well – the probably was that I couldn’t hear very well which is important when playing.  The extra ligature I had worked fairly well – can’t tell if I like it yet.  I’m still waiting on the one that I ordered to arrive.  Surprisingly, Matthew did come to my concert.  I sent him a text message that maybe wasn’t as pleasant as I could have been, but I think he needed a good kick in the pants today.  He thanked me for getting him out of the house and said he had been self-wallowing.  I told him to stop.

He’s applying for the other jobs that I found online so we’ll just wait and see what happens.  I need to work on my resume and submit a local application by the end of the week.  Just not sure when I’ll find the time.  My to-do list keeps growing.  It would probably help if I got these darn papers graded!  Which means I’m going to go to bed and read my book instead.  Perhaps I’ll find some motivation one of these days.  It’s not tonight though.  

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Home and sick again

My aunt was completed surprised this morning.  We got to the church about 30 minutes before the service was over but sat in the back and she didn’t notice anything.  The congregation recessed out because they were also dedicating/blessing a new portico that had been built.  As she came down the aisle, she was looking at her music and didn’t see me.  I put my arm around her and she was completely taken off guard but was very excited to see me.  She said the day was full of surprises.  They had a nice reception and was disappointed that I wasn’t staying too long.  I left around 2:00 Texas time and got home a little after 6:00.  I was worried about the weather because it was snowing back here today.  I encountered two patches of snowy weather on the way back, but most of it was clear. 

And now I’m sick again.  I have what is probably a cold and I’m a bit miserable at the moment.  I’m sneezing and have itchy, watery eyes, and still a bit of of cough.  I just took some tylenol and a benadryl.  It means I won’t be able to keep watching the superbowl, but no big deal.  I usually don’t watch.  I’ve gotten into football a little more because of Matthew, but I could take it or leave it.  I need to work on school stuff, but just not going to happen. 

I have a concert tomorrow night.  I hope I’m better by tomorrow.  Also supposed to go to happy hour, but probably won’t make it.  I ordered a new clarinet ligature but it has been delayed due to the weather. 

It is going to be a busy week.  I have to get a yearbook deadline done, all my papers graded, and a bunch of other things done.  But I’m also really into the book I’m reading now so I want to finish it as well.  As soon as I’m done with this post, I’m going to get in bed with my Kindle and wait for the benadryl to take effect. 

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Bad News

Matthew may be leaving.  His contract is not getting renewed in the district.  Though there is another local job available that he is applying for, he’s also applying for three jobs in Indiana and another in east Texas.  While I certainly hope he gets the local job, it’s hard to truly be hopeful about it.  So our status is very tenuous.  I’m trying to be supportive, but he’s still being distant.  While I understand why he is distant – since he doesn’t know if he’ll be sticking around and therefore doesn’t know if he should pursue a relationship; for some reason, I just keep hanging on.  I can’t figure out quite why.  Though I should probably see this as a sign that perhaps we aren’t meant to be together, I don’t want to let go.  As much as I know that “if it is meant to be, it will happen,” I hate this feeling that I’m about to lose something – yet again. 

So I’m Albuquerque alone.  I asked him to go with me and even gave him a list of 10 reasons why he should go, he said he couldn’t.  That’s when I found out that his contract won’t be renewed.  I told him about the local job that was open and he is interested in it and applied for it.  I tried again to get him to go so he could just get away but he said that he just wouldn’t be good company and wanted to work on applications this weekend.  I saw him before I left today.  He was in Amarillo checking out the district that had the opening so we met there on my way out of town.  I gave him a bunch of chocolate and a card. 

I got to town around 1:15 and I went to lunch at Chili’s and visited with my sister.  Then I headed to the hotel, but the GPS took me in the wrong direction so it took me 30 minutes to get there instead of 10.  But I made it.  Hotel is relatively nice but I was dismayed by the fact that Hotwire did not give me the absolute lowest price.  Even though the base rate was “lower” than the hotel direct site, when taxes and fees were added, I paid $4 more than I would have if I booked directly. 

I went to the mall to see if I could find something for my aunt and uncle for their anniversary.  I didn’t find anything that I really liked so I just go them a card and a gift card to one of their favorite restaurants.  I brought my kindle so I’ve been reading the latest book I downloaded (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), and thinking about what I should do for supper.  I was checking food places close by and found that there’s a Five Guys Burger place which has really good burgers and even better fries.  I think I’ll head out and pick up a burger and fries and bring it back to the hotel.  Then I’m going to take a bath, read, watch t.v., call Matthew, and go to bed.  Tomorrow morning I’m going to go to church and then to the reception for my aunt and uncle.  There’s supposed to be some snow tonight that will hit the area of I-40 that I have to travel to get home tomorrow, but I’m hoping that it will be fairly cleared late afternoon when I head back. 

Well, I’m going to go get that burger before it gets too late. 

Thursday, February 03, 2011


Plumbing is fixed (though I should knock on wood perhaps) and not hold my breath too much.  The hot water pvc line in the attic was broken in several places, but my brother only had to replace about 12 feet of it.  After being able to run hot water in the sink off and on for about an hour, the cold water finally started running as well.  As long as no other pipes burst, I think I got off quite lucky.  Lots of people had frozen pipes around here and many had to call plumbers.  I only spent $52 on parts and my brother did the labor.  Turning on the heat in the garage did the trick.  By this afternoon it was stifling in the attic.  That made it more bearable to do the work and he didn’t have to deal with frozen lines.  So I’m going to take a shower tonight and hope the temperatures continue to rise the next few days. 

I finally got Josh’s 1098 form from school and was able to finish my taxes last night.  Thanks to his school stuff, my refund jumped from $1600 to $3400.  Now I’ll be able to help him pay for his school this semester.  Not sure where the rest will go to – we like to take vacations if we can, but may need to use it on flooring or perhaps a new washer and dryer. 

For the past two days at school I’ve gotten there in the morning and my heat has been off in my room.  They don’t get it going again until mid-morning which is stupid.  I’ve been having my 2nd period class meet in the library which has been a waste of time. 

Well, I think I need to check the line in the attic and make sure it is ok and then I’m going to take a shower, read, and call it a night.  Tomorrow will be a long day since I have to go the speech tournament tournament tomorrow.  But at least I’m off Saturday.  I’m still going to Albuquerque – just don’t know if it will be alone.  I want Matthew to go, but I have a feeling he’s going to come up with an excuse.  I understand that he hasn’t had a lot of time at home lately, but it would be nice to spend some time together.  I did see him this morning – I took a shower at his apartment and felt clean for the first time in days.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011


I have really had enough of this cold weather.  If I wanted weather like this, I would move to Alaska or the U.P. in Michigan.  Still no hot water.  My brother came today and said it would be pointless to try to fix anything while everything is still frozen.  He did light the gas heater that is in my garage so we’re heating things up to see if we can get the frozen pipes to defrost.  He’ll come back Saturday to fix the busted pipe – assuming it is just the one.  This morning the cold water in the kitchen didn’t work, so now that pipe is frozen.  The only water in the house now is the cold in the bathroom sinks.  Thankfully Matthew is letting me come over in the morning to shower at his place.  Saturday I’ll be heading to Albuquerque – not sure if Matthew will join me, but won’t hold my breath.  But at least I’ll have a hotel and will take a LONG hot bath – maybe I’ll even get some bubbles or bath salts or something girly like that. 

School was ok.  We’ve been starting late for the past two days which really means the kids don’t have to come to zero hour or tutorials.  It has been nice to have the extra time in the morning.  We are starting late again tomorrow – not sure why exactly, but I’m going to slowly try to get caught up.  I have to get the first deadline of this year’s yearbook done in a week and a half.  No pressure.  I still have a million papers to grade.  I was smart enough to leave them at school this time.  (No, Leann, I didn’t use them for the fire!)  Tonight I went to the laundromat instead.  I haven’t been there in years, but I really needed to do laundry and since mine has yet to defrost, I did five loads tonight.  I picked up a burger and tots from Sonic and ate while everything washed.  Then I read my Kindle book while everything dried.  Now I’ve packed a bag to take to Matthew’s in the morning for my shower and have my clothes ready to go so that I just have to tumble out of bed and head out.  I took an ambien to guarantee a good sleep. 

Now I’m going to go read a while – the book is getting more interesting – it has just taken a while to get there. 

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

The joys of home ownership

While I feel rather accomplished in owning my own house, I have to say that it is not much fun when things break down.  My dad in his infinite wisdom once upon a time (since he owned the house before me) decided to move the water heater from the closet in the kitchen area to the garage.  Not so much a big deal EXCEPT that the pipes leading to the house from the garage through the attack were not protected.  As you probably are aware, it is BITTERLY cold outside.  So I get home today and discover no hot water.  After trying all the faucets in the house I figure it must be from the source and check the hot water heater.  Can’t really determine anything from that.  So I call my dad.  He says it is probably frozen in the attic and I need to put a portable heater up there for a while.  Ok.  So I go up to the attack where I discover that indeed the pipe is frozen to the extent that it is now split in two pieces.  So of course I call my brother.  He can fix it but not until tomorrow.  And I didn’t take a shower this morning (don’t judge) – I just put my hair in a ponytail and dressed as warm as I could.  But I cannot go more than two days without washing my hair because it just gets yucky.  I refuse to take a cold shower, but I braved washing my hair in the sink with cold water.  It was miserable, but at least my hair is clean.  I’ll sponge bath myself in the morning and hopefully by tomorrow evening I’ll have the water fixed.  Luckily I still have my brother than can take care of things like this or I would be out tons of money for a plumber.  We’ll get the lines fixed and then get them insulated better. 

So other than that exciting news, there’s not much to tell.  We did have school today but it started an hour late.  It was nice to have the extra time this morning.  I’m slowly playing catch up and getting some things done.  The yearbooks seem to be a pretty big hit, everyone likes the covers.  As much as I should grade papers tonight, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to.  I don’t know why I bother bringing them home.  I just started a fire in the fireplace and I’ll probably read on my Kindle for a while.  I also need to defrost the pipes to the washer so I can wash clothes.  In my next house, I will have a laundry room INSIDE the house rather than the garage and everything will be properly insulated.