Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Restful Day

I was able to sleep in this morning which was lovely. I was so tired that I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I woke up around 4:30 but was able to go back to sleep. I didn't get up until 8:00. I got up and paid bills online and then got ready for my meeting. Had a meeting in Canyon and then went to lunch with some fellow teachers at Feldman's. I had chicken fried chicken with mashed potatoes and corn. It was very yummy. I probably shouldn't have eaten that much but I was hungry!

I came home afterward and was still tired so I took a nap. I guess I'm still dealing with a general sickness. I turned my room into a sauna last night by running the hot water in the shower and leaving the door open and running a clothes steamer I have. Sure enough after about 30 minutes the mirror in my room was fogged up and it felt moist in there. Then I went to bed with the humidifier on. I don't know how much it helped though. I still have laryngitis, but my voice might be slightly better today. I hope that it goes away soon... it is very annoying.

Thomas is sick. I guess I was still infectious with what I had two weeks ago because he's come down with a cold or something. I didn't have a cold really - mostly tonsillitis with fever, but he doesn't have his tonsils. But he didn't seem to mind getting it.... after all, I am a good kisser!

I'm trying to work on my library stuff but the reading is going slow. Cataloging is getting more complex. Creating a MARC record isn't as simple as putting the title and author down. I'm really doing my grad school stuff because I don't want to work on other things. It's my way of procrastinating - but at least I get other things done. Sometimes I put off cleaning for a long time but then I do it when I know I should be doing something else and I don't want to do what really is most important. Like right now I should be finishing the chapter on Access Points in my cataloging text book, but I'm blogging. Sometimes you just need to take a break, you know?

Monday, September 28, 2009

No Voice

I have laryngitis and am losing my voice. I can barely speak and the more I do, the more strained my voice is. Of course I had to lecture all day today which didn't help. I'm trying to make another plan for tomorrow so I don't have to talk as much. I brought home papers to grade but I just don't feel up for it. I'm going to set up the humidifier tonight and just go to bed early.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Quick Recap

Thomas just left to head back home. Here's a quick recap of the visit. I'll write more details later.

He arrived Friday night around 6:30. We visited for a bit, had some beer and watched Monk on t.v. He was exhausted by 10 or so we called it a night.

Saturday morning I took him to Palo Duro Canyon and we did the hike to Lighthouse Rock which is about 6 miles round trip. It was very exhausting, but we got to visit a lot on the way and he seemed to enjoy it. We ate lunch in the Canyon and headed back home. We made a quick trip to Amarillo in the afternoon and then I made him supper last night. I cooked stromboli and fettucine alfredo with some salad. He really liked it. We then watched the movie "Love Actually" and he enjoyed that as well.

Sunday morning I took him to Church. He was extremely nervous about it. But he seemed to enjoy the service. He liked the reverence of it all which is what drew me to Catholicism in the first place. I tried to explain things to him as they were happening and he was able to follow along pretty well. I introduced him to my friend Carol and my friend Mary who is the choir director. He handled that pretty well. (He is very shy.) Then after mass I picked up donut stop donuts and we brought them back to the house. He just left a few minutes ago to head back to Colorado.

So the big news is that we're officially dating now. The chemistry we've had online and on the phone was even more apparent when we met. I also thought he was far more handsome in person though I was already impressed by his pictures. Is he "the one"? I have no idea, but I would like to continue to develop a relationship with him and see how it goes.

Today I have to finish a test for my cataloging class. I had intentions to get it done before Thomas arrived, but cleaning the house kept me busy. I also have some assignments to finish for another class as well as lesson plans to get done. But right now I'm going back to bed and taking a nap.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Tonight I stayed at school until 7:00. I graded papers and planned a lesson on teaching prefixes in English. I still have a long list of "to do" items and it continues to grow. I finally got a satisfactory response on the question that I got wrong on my cataloging quiz. I guess that I shouldn't have the assumption that most people know that Tucson is in Arizona. From now on I will err on the side of caution in that respect.

Kind of had another silence issue with Thomas but it was probably more my expectations than him being silent. I guess I shouldn't expect to converse with him every evening. He's still coming on Friday and I'm still looking forward to it. I hope it isn't awkward. I do feel like I know him pretty well already and that he knows me. Hopefully there won't be any bad surprises. I'm kind of worried about living up to his expectations. Of course I think I'm a great catch and right now he thinks that too... I just hope that I don't have a blind spot in that regard.

I could continue to do school work tonight, but I think I just need to draw the line at working 3 hours after school. I'm going to get some more house cleaning done. The kitchen is still clean (thankfully). I need to do some tidying up in a few rooms and then really focus on my room and bathroom.

Well, I better quit blogging and get myself to work. I'm trying to blog with a little more regularity this year - but can't make promises to keep up with it!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Three Days and counting!

Can you tell I'm excited? Thomas will be here on Friday! Not sure what time he'll get to town. It will depend on if he can get off from work a little early. Still making plans for the weekend.

I'm trying to get caught up with all my work, but it's not going very well. I finally started making a list today and it is still daunting. It is getting to the point where I feel so overwhelmed that I just want to shut down. Last night I spent four hours writing a class assignment that was just a memo. But I had to read a bunch of articles, justify everything and create a bibliography of sources used. It wasn't difficult, but time consuming. Then I realized that I was supposed to have been part of a discussion group beforehand and I hadn't been placed in a group. I emailed the professor and now I've been added to the group.

I still haven't turned in lesson plans for the year. One of these days I'll get to it, but it stays low on my list of things "to do." Tonight I have to participate in a chat for my cataloging class. We have our first exam this week. I don't think it will be difficult as long as I don't make stupid mistakes. I'm going to get it out of the way early before Thomas comes.

Things are going well with Thomas so far. Now when he's going to be out of pocket, he calls me and lets me know. It's a small thing, but it's something I appreciate. He called me at lunch time today and I'm sure we'll chat this evening while I work on class stuff.

Well, I better get busy and get some work done - though I really think it isn't fair to have to work so hard in the evenings. Does everyone bring their work home with them? I would really like to have a job that when I leave at the end of the day the work stays there and I don't have to spend additional hours preparing and working. Life is too short to not enjoy time away from the job. I guess teachers are just supposed to deal with because we get summers off... let me tell you that if I "earned" extra time for all the hours I spend beyond the classroom - I should get a year off at least!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Can't sleep

I tried to go to bed around 11 and I'm still awake. I have a tickle in my throat I can't relax my mind enough to fall asleep. I just took a benadryl in hopes that it will get rid of the throat issue (and sneezing) and knock me out shortly. Of course I'm supposed to play at Mass tomorrow. Thankfully it is the 11:15 service instead of the 8:30. Otherwise, I don't think I'd make it.

I spent much of today (but not enough) cleaning the house. The kitchen is clean and I even mopped the floor. The living room is mostly picked up. I have a few more things to tackle in there. I need to tidy up the extra bedroom and Josh's room. The next biggest chore will be cleaning my room and my bathroom. I'm trying to get most of my cleaning done this weekend in preparation for Thomas' visit next weekend. I don't want him to know the total slob I am just yet. Though I have told him that I am not a good housekeeper. He did say though, that if I cook, he'll do the dishes... now that is a winner in my book.

I only briefly talked to him this morning. He went to visit one of his sons this weekend. Tomorrow I have a bunch of things to accomplish. The cleaning might get put on hold. I have to get a bunch of papers graded, complete three weeks worth of lesson plans, complete a practice assignment for my cataloging class and take a quiz, and start a memo assignment for my other library class. I think after church I'm going to go to the library and force myself to get some work done. I am always too distracted at home. If I stay here I will probably procrastinate my homework by cleaning - which in general would be good, but I need to really focus on school stuff or I will never catch up. O.k. I know that I will never catch up regardless, but at least I might not feel as overwhelmed.

Well, I'm going to TRY to go back to bed. Maybe now that I've blogged my mind will feel a little less full.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Still Going...

but barely. I've been home sick for two days. On Tuesday morning I started getting a scratchy feeling in my throat. As the day progressed, I started feeling worse and I could feel my tonsils getting more sore. By the time I got home I had a fever. At 1:30 in the morning I realized that I couldn't go to school so I got on the computer to put in for a substitute, created a lesson plan for the day, and emailed to to three people at school. At 6:30 that morning I called the principal to let him know. At 9:00 I called the doctor's office and scheduled an appointment. I still had fever, still felt horrible. Thankfully it wasn't strep (or I'm sure I would have felt a lot worse) but I do have tonisillitis. I picked up a (free) prescription at the store yesterday and came home and went to bed. I hardly got out of bed at all except to make a quick dinner.
I decided last night around 7:30 that I probably shouldn't push it and should try to get another day of rest so I went ahead and made the arrangements for a sub again. I'm glad I did. Though the fever is gone, I just feel drained. Hopefully I'll be ready to go back tomorrow.
So in other news. I hate teaching. Let me rephrase that. I hate teaching English. I really don't like my class. If I could get rid of about 3 students, it wouldn't be too bad. I'm still perpetually behind and missing school for two days this week certainly isn't going to allow me to catch up. But I honestly don't care. I know it is a bad attitude to take, but I really did not WANT to teach Enlgish. I still feel overwhelmed. I have no idea what I'm doing in this class and I don't know that I'll ever get ahead. Or perhaps that is just my "calling" to always be behind. I used to have a sign in my room that said "God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. I'm so far behind that I'll never die." That is the story of my life right now.
In the dating arena, things are going well so far. Thomas will be coming to visit in just over a week. We still talk daily. I still like him a lot. I really hope that meeting will really confirm our compatibility.
Well, I think it is time to find something for lunch. Maybe that will give me a little more energy. I still feel tired and haven't really moved much from the bed all morning. Good thing have this laptop lap desk.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Better now

So, he didn't lie. I overreacted, but his reaction to my overreaction was a bad decision in being silent. He was overwhelmed and feeling smothered. I was smothering because he wasn't talking. A total catch-22. We've talked. I had lots to say about it. He apologized. I apologized. We cleared things up - set some new ground rules and are back on track. He said he was still crazy about me. Yes, he acted childishly, but to be honest, I did too.

We thought we might get to meet this weekend, but doesn't look like it will happen. We still have plans for the weekend of the 25th. And yes, he's making the trip down here. I think it's more appropriate that he makes the first trip effort. (Especially after all my efforts with Marty along with the money I spent.) I'm trying to be careful and take things slow. He'd like to move faster still but I'm still keeping things toned down to a degree. Our emotional levels have not been in sync yet, but I think they're moving closer together. I was surprised that I was more upset by the possibility of not getting a chance with him than I thought I would be.

So that is where things are at this point. Relationships are still complex and full of those moments of figuring out what sets each other off. I think we discovered that fully this past weekend.

School is still overwhelming. I am constantly behind. I have no idea how I'm supposed to teach English this year. And now I have to take a stupid journalism test to get my certification. I hope it gets better soon.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Making some progress

I've been cleaning this weekend. It's not where it needs to be yet, but I'm getting closer. Most of the laundry is done but still need to mop, and do other general cleaning.

I'm still getting nowhere with Thomas. He refuses to call me. I may have to take Abbagirl's advice and let him go. I've pretty much given him a deadline of 10:30 tonight to call me. I cannot be in a relationship with someone that refuses to communicate with me regardless of the reason.

I took my cataloging quiz today and made a perfect score on the second try. I was glad they gave us multiple chances to take it. I scored a 70 the first time.

I'm having some wine right now and thinking about making something for dinner. How's your weekend going?

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Unfocused again

Well, I've spent two days avoiding things that need to be done by doing other things that need to be done, but not necessarily as a priority. I'm irritated with yet another issue with the potential new man and it has yet to be resolved. I'm getting the silent treatment again, and it is frustrating. So I started cleaning last night. I've done dishes, about half the laundry, swept, and some general cleaning in different rooms. It's not finished yet, but I've made a good start.
I'm starting to read my books on cataloging but I'm easily distracted. I can't say the reading is all that stimulating right now. I have to take a quiz by tomorrow and I haven't started it yet. I also have an assignment due on Monday. And I just realized I forgot to post one of my discussions on time. That is the first time I've missed a deadline. I just posted it but hate that I'm going to lose points for being late. Ugh.
Well, I'm going to do a little more cleaning since I can't focus on the book and commit to giving myself some quiet time to read tomorrow.

Explain this...

Why do men feel it is o.k. to lie to someone in hopes of avoiding conflict?

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Getting overwhelmed again

Time to catch up a little. I thought that giving up the speech team would mean that my schedule wouldn't be as bad. Adding English to the schedule just might kill me though. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea how to teach Beowulf. Of course it would probably be better if I actually read it first. The last two weeks haven't been too bad, but I'm falling totally behind. I have four weeks to cover six weeks of materials for English which in reality should take about 12 weeks. I don't know what kind of teachers created C-Scope, but they are insane or they all have college level classes that they teach. I don't think they understand that my standard students will need much more time to complete assignments.

I finally got my textbooks ordered for my college classes. That was nightmarish. One of the books I needed seemed to be back ordered everywhere. I finally went directly to the publisher and it should be delivered tomorrow. The other came today via Amazon. I haven't really started the classes because I was waiting on the books. I'll focus more on them this weekend. I think they are going to be very daunting this semester. It's definitely getting more difficult.

I found out that my district wants me to get certified in journalism which means I have to take the state test for it. They'll reimburse me for what I spend on it. If I pass, then they'll pay for the cost to add that certification on my state record. I told our personnel director though, that I was working on my Library certification and she was very excited to hear that. I told her that I only planned to do what I'm doing for two more years. She asked if I planned to stay in the district and I said "As long as I get a library job."

Josh seems to be doing well in college. He loves his classes, but is bored in theory and piano. His dorm rooms are freezing. He's using his top sheet, a flannel throw, and comforter when he sleeps and he says it's still cold. The food, he says, is actually pretty good. He is actually "complaining" that there's too many good desserts. (He's a strange kid that doesn't want to eat too much sugar.) Today I got a text about the fact that they have chocolate donuts for breakfast that are quite good. Donuts are probably Josh's biggest weakness. He hasn't found a workstudy job yet. He's putting in applications and hopes to hear something soon. It turns out that Josh is only one of two students accepted into the composition program this year. Pretty impressive, huh?

As for the dating front, there's a few frustrations but it's still going well. I got a bit irked at him this weekend because he left town to go camping with no warning. Not that that in itself is bad, but I told him I'd be calling him when I got back from my meeting on Saturday (he called me while I was driving and I couldn't talk then) and then he was just gone. I didn't hear from him until Monday evening. I probably shouldn't have gotten worked up about it, but I did. Eventually I explained why I was upset and then moved on. We still haven't met in person and had hopes of doing so this weekend, but it won't happen. He has to work on Labor day which makes it impossible. So not it won't be until the end of September before we meet. We've still had some good conversations. I think he's already fallen for me more than I have for him, but he understands my reservations. My issue now is to see if the chemistry continues when we meet in person. It is nice, though, to talk to a guy that seems to be genuinely interested in me. That wants to know me. That wants to be with me. That thinks I'm attractive. That thinks my ex-husband was an idiot for letting me go. What more could I ask for? No, he's not perfect, but neither am I. And he accepts and wants me despite that fact. So now I'm anxious to finally be with him and am trying to muster up my patience.

Now I've got to figure out what I'm going to do in my classes tomorrow. Thankfully it's Friday with a three day weekend. Doesn't mean it will be easy. I have a lot of work lined up. Grad school classwork and lesson plans to prepare.