Saturday, December 31, 2005

2005 Year in Review Meme - Again

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Attended a Catholic Mass

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Once again, I didn’t make any resolutions other than it being a better year than the one before. For the most part it was. I may not make resolutions for next year, but may have some goals.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. My friend Patrick and his wife had a baby. Although I haven't met Tiffany in person... I feel like I know her to some degree via blogging.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I can’t say we were close given the circumstances, but yes, my son’s father passed away.

5. What countries did you visit?
There’s no place like home. I hardly even made it out of state only going to New Mexico this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More faith, love, and hope. And I didn’t lack these things… just want more.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Mid-April when Marty and I broke up. September when I started RCIA.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Changing jobs and going to church.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing Marty and not knowing exactly why.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
Books. Sue Grafton, Janet Evanovich and Harry Potter.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I’m not sure how to answer this one. I guess my son for doing so well in band and making the musical while still keeping his grades up.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
Nobody really. I guess myself at times.

13. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Blest Are They. It’s one of the songs we sang in choir. It reminds me of how blest I really am.

14. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading and writing.

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worry over Marty-which most likely led to our demise. I couldn’t help it at the time. I think I’ve grown up a great deal since then, but sometimes things are just a little too late.

16. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Sort of… with my Church. I also had to fall out of love, which sucked… but I can’t say I really stopped loving you know who.

17. What was your favorite TV program?

18. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

19. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Do we really need to rehash this? I think we all know the answer to this one.

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Comfortable, school clothes.

21. What kept you sane?
Going to church and blogging.

22. Who did you miss?
Marty, duh.

23. Who was the best new person you met?
My wonderful friend and sponsor, Carol. She has been a wonderful blessing in my life. Also, would be re-meeting my friend Stephanie who I’d lost touch with for many years.

24. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2005.
There are no guarantees in love. Long distance relationships may very well be impossible.

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we’re wrong
Searchin’ our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

Friday, December 30, 2005

What Have I done?

Well it's time to look back at the past year and see where it's lead me. Here's a recap:

January: Saw Marty romantically for the last time. Began my Journaling From the Heart workshop (private handwritten journal). Made attempts to lose weight again.
February: obsessed over relationship with Marty as he left for California. Realized that things were off despite continued living in denial. Sent my first email to the Catholic Church. (though I didn't respond for a month)
March: Dealt with a lot of financial worries as child support stopped coming. More frustrations in regard to Marty. Called the Catholic Church and attended my first Mass.
April: Broke up with Marty. Well, I basically let him go. Because I had to. Played in WT's Showcase of Music. Began paperwork on my marriage annulment. Started working on job applications. Mollie (the pain in the ass dog) showed up on my doorstep.
May: Interviewed for jobs and received job offer. Continued to go to Mass. Was my one year anniversary of my blog.
June: Ebayed stuff. Played in summer band. Dated Brian. Worked speech camp.
July: Sent my first real letter to Prison Pete. Taught my last yearbook workshop. Played in director's band at band camp.
August: Started back teaching. Went to my sister's weddings. Got a loan for my big credit cards (although I've charged half one again because of my dental work and not having child support.
September: Found about Josh's dad's suicide. Took students to my first speech tournament by myself. (They won sweepstakes) Started RCIA classes.
October: Watched Josh's marching band contest. Applied for SSI benefits for Josh. Went to dentist for the first time and had wisdom teeth taken out and a root canal.
November: Mine & Josh's birthday. Sang in choir for our Church dedication. Went to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving.
December: Stayed busy with teaching, speech tournaments, RCIA, choir. Finally had SSI come through. Went to Albuquerque for Christmas.

I can't say it was an exciting year, but overall I can't complain. Sure, I wished Marty and I hadn't broken up, but I know that I can't do anything about that. I still appreciate having him in my life. I am thankful for my journey in the Catholic Church. It has been a source of strength and comfort for me. Going back to teaching wasn't an easy decision to make, but I do think it's been the right one. I'm still hopeful for love, but have given up on the internet dating stuff.
I have no regrets from this past year and am thankful for all my experiences. Especially for those with Marty and in the Church. So here's to a new year. May it be as good, if not better as 2005. *raises her glass and drinks*

Blogs of Note

I don't if it's just me and perhaps I just don't "get it", but I've checked the blogs of note recently and they don't seem that interesting. It's not that my blog read by about a dozen people daily (if I'm lucky) is all that exciting either... but then again, I'm not a blog of note. But shall we examine these blogs that have been noticed?

Who Has Time For This?A venture capitalist's observations of the consumer internet, information security, entrepreneurship, and science. Welcome to the sausage factory! I’m not sure if it’s all just above my head, but it seems to deal mostly with economics and it was boring in high school and it’s still boring now.

The Lonely Island - This is the spot for all your hot Lonely Island news. Reported by me, Chez! Got any sizzling TLI gossip or sightings? Your secret is safe with me *wink* Is it just me or does anyone else over the age of 30 “get” this site?

ScuBlog – O.k. I can see the appeal of this blog for people that have an interest in scuba diving. That doesn’t happen to involve, but the pictures are interesting.

Treo 650 Tips - A collection of Treo 650 modifications and advanced info to make your Treo 650 the best it can be
This seems like it’s just one big commercial for the Palm Treo (I had to look it up as I didn’t know what it was) Again… how is this interesting to general readers? Is it because I’m broke and can’t afford such neat toys?

Lovento - Your social nightlife- and leisure-community! I guess the website has to do with people that have a social life… but how does that apply to online? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t a social life generally mean that one should leave the house? I guess I’m in the dark ages since I don’t have a social life of any sorts. Maybe that’s the reason why this particular blog isn’t interesting to me.

My Life on a Plate - The memoirs of a galactic traveler, spinning around in the same endless circle. At least this one resembles what I would term a “real” blog. But what gets me is that it has a total of 9 blogs. The writing is good, but I’m not sure how it becomes noteworthy in such a short time.

Little John PalmOS - Little John PalmOS (or LJP in short) is a multi-system emulator for PalmOS 5.0 (or newer) devices. Another commercial for doohickeys that do not nor will never own.

Finding Lisp - Slowly but surely, the programming world is finding Lisp...
A blog by Dave Roberts (dave-at-findinglisp-dot-com)
I don’t get ANY of it. I used to think I had some basic computer understanding. I guess I am mistaken. Waaayyy too over my head here.

The Splintered Mind - Overcoming Neurological Disabilities With Lots Of Humor And Attitude O.k. this one I’ll give them. It is actually an interesting read. Not something I would necessarily bookmark, but can understand the appeal. Writer takes a humorous look at his deficiency and does a great job with it.

Under Aged RVers - A travel blog about Dan and Rachel Goddard. two 31 year old RVers. Eh, some interesting pictures and stories… but it’s not being posted any more. You have to go back and read the archives.

Casa del Ionesco – Some quirky posts, but it’s all pretty random.

HorsePigCow – Seems like a typical blog. I didn’t find anything extraordinary in the writing or the numerous pictures posted.

Xooglers - A gathering spot for ex-Googlers to reminisce and comment on the latest developments in search. Still a bunch of technical stuff that is above my head mostly. The guy writes well at least.

Lou Romano – Some kind of artsy thing with some interesting pictures by the blogger, but he’s only posted in the month of November.

Pimpwiz - is most simply a content portal; your guide to the opulent lifestyle and source for high-end pop culture. O.k. this doesn’t relate to me in any way. I don’t I will have to use the word “opulent” in my vocabulary ever.

So tell me… is it just me or does any one else find these “blogs of note” not all that noteworthy? I'm not saying my blog deserves any recognition... but I think it's better than some of these other ones. At least I'm not commercializing gadgets and I've been blogging longer than a month.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Journaling and writing

I guess I've always had this thing about writing. At times I wish I could write more or better than I do, but ever since about the 6th grade, I have been writing to some degree. It started with my first diary. You can see it in the picture... the little brown one with the lock. I didn't write in it every day. Actually I only wrote maybe 20 entries and that was over a period of about 3-4 years. But that's when I started writing my thoughts down.In the 8th grade I started writing poetry. O.k. they were cheesy love poems about my broken hearts and such, but I enjoyed the process of putting my thoughts and feelings into verse. I started collecting my poems in a journal sometime in high school. I filled my first book with 73 poems dating from March 1984 until March 1992. I started a second book where I only had five more poems from July 1992 until January 1996. I've written others here and there, but stopped putting them in my journal.
When I was in junior high, I didn't write my thoughts in a journal, but generally used notebook paper. I started collecting my thoughts and the pictures I drew (of some boy's name) in this green notebook. (Yes, Bret... the infamous green notebook... that I still have.) It is so funny to go back and read some of my entries. How tragic my love life was, how I'd never find love and how Bret completely broke my heart. Even after high school, I still wrote when I needed to get my feelings out. Usually on paper or other notebooks, but nothing organized. Even when I worked at the walmart snack bar I found the urge to write and not having any paper, I would write really small on the backs of old cash register receipts.
In 1995 I got a new journal that I would write in from time to time. I found often, though, that I would write regularly for about a week, then several months and sometimes years would go by. In September of 2003 I bought myself another new journal in hopes that by writing I could deal with a lot the issues that were going on in my life. This was a month before Richard and I decided to divorce. I wrote several entries during that time about my thoughts on our relationship and then the concept of our divorce. Throughout 2004 and 2005 I continued to write in it, but not very often as I found myself blogging more often. I still write in it from time to time, but find that blogging is easier. At the beginning of this year, however, I got yet another journal because I wanted to practice the art of journaling and bought a book called the Journaling from the Heart workshop. I completed the first section of 25 exercises and wrote quite regularly. I stopped doing the exercises for the most part in June, but have since picked it up again. I may find some good blog material to post from those entries at some point, but much of it got quite personal and even though I put a lot of stuff out there in my blog, it's stuff I don't think I could voice to the public.
When I was dating Marty and he found out that he was going to Alaska, I got a journal that I started writing just for him. My plan was to journal my thoughts about our relationship and how I was dealing with the split and then give it to him once he finished his year. Well, I had started writing in it when everything blew up and I ended up giving it to him before he left. I guess he probably read it, but he never said anything to me about it.
So why do I write? Because I find sometimes it's easier to get the thoughts that swirl in my head to make sense when I put it on paper. Sometimes I don't want to lose the thoughts that I have or I feel that it's necessary to remember certain feelings and situations. I'm not always the best at verbalizing my thoughts, but if I can take the time to write it out, then I can hopefully get them out where they make some kind of sense. Putting things down in written form is lasting. It's something that you can go back and read and remember and perhaps even learn from. I can see how I've changed and grown by reading my previous entries. And mostly it's because it's therapeutic. It helps to just get it out there. Because once it's out, hopefully I can start to move on.
There are some fabulous writers out there whose blogs I really enjoy reading. One of them, my friend Jonathon, has commented how much he loves my writing. I guess I am my own worst critic as I tend to think my writing can be mundane and boring. But he reads faithfully every day and that makes me want to keep writing. Even when it's not something noteworthy or thought-provoking, I still want to put my life out there. I don't know what the appeal of putting myself out there for the world to read is, but I don't want to stop. And as long as someone is reading, I'll keep posting. Posted by Picasa

Year in Review Meme

Stolen from Patrick. Here's the rules for this one:
"Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005 (not including memes of course). Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your 'Year In Review'."

January “Well, 2004 is done.”

February “Well since my only two readers gave me their opinion, I'll post mine.”

March “I'm still in a slump.”

April “Yeah, so? Luckily I have the day off, mostly.”

May “O.k. I'm really getting tired of winter thrusting itself here.”

June “No, I'm not gonna blow.”

July “First thought: Speech camp is over. Yaaaahooooooo!”

August “I have to give my laptop back this afternoon, so this may be my last post for a little while.”

September “Getting into a schedule I guess.”

October “It was nice to sleep in today.”

November “That's what life is right now.”

December “I love the internet.”

What I've learned

I started this list many months ago after reading a blog that did the same thing. I never thought of it as being finished and therefore never posted it.. but ran across it recently and decided to post it.

What I’ve learned….

I’ve learned that eBay is harder than it looks.

I’ve learned that loving someone always involves a risk, but usually it’s worth it.

I’ve learned that wearing high heels not only makes you look, but feel sexier.

I’ve learned that getting married for the sake of being married is not a good idea.

I’ve learned that there are a lot of weirdoes out there on the internet and I attract them like a magnet.

I’ve learned the value and joy that comes from playing a musical instrument.

I’ve learned that while saving for a rainy day is good, life is more enjoyable if you take vacations and splurge every now and then.

I’ve learned that if you stay friends with your exes, you might not have to pay for a new water heater.

I’ve learned that too much vodka is not a good thing.

I’ve learned that it’s difficult to let go of the past, but not impossible. And forgiveness is amazing.

I’ve learned that laughter is a necessity. Being able to laugh at yourself is a good thing.

I’ve learned you can’t change anyone, nor expect them to change. You have to love them for who they are.

I’ve learned that God has a sense of humor.

I’ve learned that my instincts are right 95% of the time.

I’ve learned that it is o.k. to be wrong and to apologize when you are.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I am...

This comes from my Journaling from the Heart Writing Workshop that I attempted last year. This exercise was to complete the statement "I am.." Here was my list I wrote on Jan. 10, 2005.

I am...

a mother
a teacher
a lover
a musician
an artist
a writer
a dreamer
a procrastinator
a friend
a survivor
an enigma
a computer whiz
a follower
a shop-aholic
a truth seeker
a daydreamer
a driver

More Teacher Nightmares

Last night I had TWO teaching nightmares. I really hate those. This time instead of the class being completely out of control, I couldn't get the class to do any work. And they were all making a mess eating and drinking snacks in my room and left a huge mess when they left. I woke up after that dream and decided I needed to dream about something more pleasant. So I drift off into my own fantasy land (no, I'm not going to tell you what I thought about... but for you nosy people, it wasn't Marty) and then I end up dreaming about teaching again. This time it was a new class... meaning beginning of the semester and I was calling out names on the attendance sheet. Everyone had really weird, unpronouncable names. It took the entire class period just to call roll. So I decided it was finally time to get up and start the day. My goal is cleaning today. We'll see how that goes.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Post Christmas

I am hoping I have a moment to slow down and take it easy for a few days now. Yeah, right. I think I've said this before. But I am at least going to try. Josh and I made a whirlwind trip to Albuquerque leaving late on Christmas eve arriving at 2:15 a.m. (Texas time). It was a very long drive and I was tired, but made it just fine. We had a nice Christmas with my aunt and uncle. They gave me a cordless drill, toaster oven and a candle warmer. Josh got a computer game he was wanting and some cool Lord of the Ring sword replicas. Santa brought him some books, a DVD and a self-cleaning electric razor. I can't believe my baby is old enough to shave. My aunt made turkey with the trimmings and they had some neighbors over to eat. I got a little buzzed on a bloody mary and a rum and coke. After dinner, I was still exhausted and took a 3 hour nap. We watched the movie Scrooged as it is a tradition.
On Monday we did a little shopping, much to the chagrin of Josh. I went to see my sister so I could take her gifts to her. She gave me a very nice Catholic family Bible. We had dinner out and then returned home. I was able to finish reading one of my books for pleasure which was nice. Oh, one of my friends gave me a Hastings gift card, so I can perhaps pick up another book to read during my break.
We left this morning around 10:30 and arrived home shortly after 3:00. I caught up on my blog reading and then took a nap. I ordered chinese take-out for dinner and now I'm just catching up on my own blogs while having a glass of wine.
So you haven't missed much in my world, but there you go. My exciting life as it is.

Friday, December 23, 2005

From 2003

Note: This is an entry from an older real journal that I wrote in January of 2003. I hadn't written in my journal for some time and had to update after being married. I am following in the footsteps of my friend Jonathon and posting things from my past just to see if anyone is interested in reading this stuff.

Well, it's been a very long time and will have a lot of catching up to do. Where to begin? I guess I'll start with getting married. I married Richard on December 19, 1998. We got married in the BIT and had the reception in the atrium of Northen Hall. Went on our honeymoon to a Sandals resort on the island of St.Lucia. Honeymoon was great! But won't get into it now.
As far as life after the honeymoon--I guess it's been less than perfect. Richard isn't the man I thought he was and I'm finding that I'm not the woman I thought I was. So many things have happened and I'd like to just place blame on Richard, but I know I can't. I'm not sure if it was something specific that happened or if things just digressed over time. I guess first I should get into the changes in me.
I quit teaching in May of 1999 and went to work for my yearbook rep. Overall this job change has been really good. It's stressful at times, but nothing as bad as teaching was.
I've gained about 40-45 pounds which really sucks and is a major part of my depression which I have finally been diagnosed with. I was reading the previous entries and noticed the whining about pushing the limits of a size 14 -- oh to be there again! Now I'm a full woman's size 18 and still gaining. I can't get it under control. I have zero willpower, no energy and no drive to do anything about it. I HATE my body.
One thing I haven't really been involved in and I miss is music. I played in the WT director's band two years ago and loved it! I really miss it. I'm going to start playing again in March with the clarinet ensemble. Maybe it will bring some happiness back in my life.
It's not that my life is so completely horrible. I have a family, nice house, pretty good income, some good friends but things still aren't right. My marriage has been on the rocks for a long time. I don't know if I should have seen it coming, but I guess I have a history of being blinded by the need to find love. When I first got to know Richard, I felt like we had a connection because it seemed like we could talk about anything -- now it seems we can't talk at all.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Shopping Daze

I don't know if it is because I'm getting old, or I'm out of shape, or that I'm recovering from the stomach flu... or maybe a bit of all three... but shopping today was completely exhausting. I should have probably held off until tomorrow and taken it easy today, but I fear tomorrow would have been far worse. I am almost finished though. I only have to buy for my aunt and uncle and my cousin. Not sure what I'm going to get them. I'll probably take the easy way out and get them gift certificates. It was complete madness today. I thought that if I went during the weekday it wouldn't be as bad. No. It was horrible. Traffic was nuts. Stores were packed. Checkout lines took forever. I did get my burrito from Taco Villa, which was quite tasty, but I couldn't finish it. I guess my stomach has really shrunk, because I can ALWAYS devour a meat burrito grande and usually a taco as well. Oh well. It's not a bad thing I guess. I would like to keep off those pounds I lost. I have no appetite for supper, but may force myself to eat a salad.
Well, I am off to choir rehearsal and then will probably be in bed shortly after I return.

Time to Catch Up

Well, I am feeling better. I went to bed around 10 last night and slept in until about 9:00. And I didn't feel sluggish getting out of bed. I am still having some abdominal issues, but am definitely functioning better. I have actually accomplished a few things so far this morning. I loaded the dishwasher and paid bills. And that is a huge feat in itself.
So on today's agenda I plan to: get started on laundry, clean house, finish Christmas shopping, go and eat a meat burrito grande from Taco Villa, go visit my friend Pam whose daughter is in the hospital again (she has cystic fibrosis, so if you are so inclined, please say a prayer for her), and then music/choir rehearsal at 7:00 tonight.
Well, I better get off this computer and get started on my day before I find it's gone again.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Still not up to Par

I forced myself to go to school today simply because I hadn't thrown up in 24 hours. I could have definitely used more time in bed. I still had a fever this morning, but I had tests to give and papers to grade. Immediately after getting home, I had to go pick up some conga drums for our church music program and then we had a rehearsal. After that Josh and I went to McDonald's to get lunch, but nothing sounded good at all. I forced myself to eat most of a McChicken sandwhich but couldn't finish it. I then took three tylenol and a well-deserved nap. Now I'm up, but still not 100%. And I have sooooo much to do. But I am hoping that if I rest tonight that maybe I'll be better tomorrow. I can dream, can't I? Oh, did I mention that I've lost 4 lbs in 2 days? Not the best way to lose it. I think I'd rather have my appetite back and not be running to the bathroom every hour.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


Now there's a word I haven't used in a while, but it is indeed appropriate as I will share with you my lovely night. I'd like to say I can't remember the last time I vomited before last night. Unfortunately I can and it involved very large quantities of alcohol and some bad decisions. But last night had nothing to do with alcohol. I think I got a bug of stomach flu. (I looked up the symptoms online... where would we be without the internet and self-diagnosis?) But I had every one of them. And how are you supposed to drink fluids to prevent dehydration when they just come back up? I threw up three times last night and when I wasn't throwing up I was sitting on the pot or trying to get warm or being too warm or tossing and turning... you get the picture, I'm sure. I was debating about whether or not I should go to school today. I thought about trying to just suck it up, but I finally rolled out of bed at 5:30 and enter information for a substitute. I was pretty certain I had made the right decision when I couldn't even manage to type up my sub instructions because I was feeling so bad. I decided to wait to call my principal and carpool buddy until 6:30. In the meantime, I took a chance on trying tylenol again. Luckily it stayed down and seemed to help greatly. I made my calls at 6:30 and then went back to bed until 10:00. And I am feeling better in general, but still moving slowly. Right now I am trying to replenish my liquids as I don't think there was a single drop left in me.
Although I have the day at home, I don't think I am going to get much accomplished. I've learned that guilt is just part of the territory. I know I shouldn't have it and I should just rest, but there's so much to do. But I think I don't have much choice. But I did blog... so that's something right?

Monday, December 19, 2005

Winter is Here

Well, yesterday I didn't get any shopping done, nor did Marty's sister come over. No, winter decided to visit... but not the pretty kind with snowflakes and such. It just kind of drizzled and froze. When I left to go to church yesterday, I realized that my windows were completely iced over. So I had to spend about 10 minutes scraping and was late to class. Actually as I attempted to turn on the street next to the church, my car started sliding, but I managed to stop before hitting anything.
Since I was home all day yesterday, do you think I accomplished anything? Well, I did a little... but not much. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I finished reading my Sue Grafton book. I did NOT grade papers. I did not do laundry. I did take a nap, however. Unfortunately because I did that, I had a hard time sleeping last night. It was one of those nights where you toss and turn and look at the clock every hour or so and not really getting any kind of sleep. I don't really remember sleeping. And to top things off, I had to get up by 5:45 because of the weather. We had to leave early because the roads were still very icy.
On the way to work today we passed two car wrecks, a car off the road, a semi-truck off the road and another one that had overturned and was completely on it's side. I drove about 35 mph. We did make it in time. Unfortunately my windshield wipers were not working very well at all. I had a small hole that I could sort of see through. So this morning during my conference I went to Auto Zone and got new blades. That was an ordeal in itself, but luckily there are nice, smart guys that work there and they took care of replacing them for me.
Now I have just finished lunch and am waiting for my next class to arrive. I need to finish grading papers, but I thought a break would be nice. I did get my 1st period classes grades finished and everyone passed except for one student. This student made a 45 on the easiest semester test in the world. It was a multiple choice test with only TWO choices. It had a small section (5) of matching and a few short answer questions. Half of the short answer questions were simple like.. what is the name of this class and what is one of my favorite past times? (Keep in mind I have rollercoaster pictures posted in my room and the class name is written on both the test and the answer sheet).
Luckily school is out at 2:00 today and tomorrow and Wednesday are shorter days.
Well, I better get started on grading more papers. I am kind of cheating in the fact that I'm not even reading their journal entries. If they wrote anything, I counted it. I'm doing the same thing on their worksheets. I also decided to drop one of their lowest daily grades as well. See... I'm not the meanest teacher in the world.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Almost the end

Well, I can see the end in sight at least. Yes, unlike other schools in the area, I still have three days of work next week. But I made through the two choir rehearsals, RCIA class, Christmas party, instrument rehearsal, and a partridge in a pear tree. So tonight I am thinking about cleaning my house, but am instead blogging, chatting online and having a rum and coke. Oh, come on... I do deserve a break today.
Tomorrow I have church and then perhaps some shopping. I really need to get my Christmas shopping done. Marty's sister-in-law is coming over tomorrow.
Speaking of Marty, I had a dream about him last night. I can't remember much in the way of specifics, but it involved a lot of holding hands and something about him driving a jeep. I do remember some feelings about being with him... like it was such a nice thing to be with him, but at the same time I was worried that it didn't really mean anything and it was just a temporary thing. I haven't dreamed about him in a long time, but I think it's because I talked to him earlier this week and have found myself in conversation with others about him. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him, but I still know how things are.
I finally got my semester test finished and am ready to give it to my students that are not exempt from it.. which is the majority of my students in my classes. I still have a million papers to grade. No exagerration. Note to self: Do not give three assignments due the week before school is out.
I still have a lot of things I want to do and need to do. I need to get my house clean... again. And get laundry done... again. I want to finish my new Sue Grafton book. I want to sit in front of the t.v. and not have anything pressing to do. I want to sleep in in the mornings and not have any place to go. Maybe soon.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Too tired

to really blog. I am seriously thinking about going to bed very soon and not doing any school work. I could barely keep my eyes open at RCIA tonight. I am going to pray that if I go ahead and go to bed, I will get up early and go to school early and finish my semester test. (perhaps it is a long shot, but there's always hope)
Will catch up on blogging later.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

There are not enough hours

in the day to get everything done that I need to do. Perhaps one of these days I should really learn the word "no". But it's not like it's anything I don't want to do... well, except grading papers... I don't really want to do that, but have to. So we had a speech tournament this weekend. Last night I stayed up at the school until 8:30 p.m. That is 13 hours at school since I arrived that morning at 7:30 p.m. And even then I didn't get everything done that I needed to do. Today I spent my entire conference and lunch grading papers and printing grade reports. And I'm still not caught up. I still have a semester test to make and a review sheet for my students. Haven't even started other than gathering my old tests to make the semester test. I didn't get home until 5:30 tonight because my ride home stayed late today. So I picked up dinner as there are no clean dishes in my house... unless you count the turkey platter and soup ladel. After eating dinner, I had a whopping 15 minutes before heading to choir rehearsal. So I caught up on reading some blogs when I should have probably graded a few papers. So sue me. Then I headed to choir rehearsal and I am really excited about it because I think I'm really improving. I can even sing harmony parts now and that is just way cool. Our practice went from 7:00 until 9:00 and then I met with the choir director afterwards to go over plans for the instrumental music. Of course I have volunteered to take care of transposing the music for various instruments and have it all ready by Saturday. But actually I have passed the buck on to Josh. He has some software that will allow him to do just that. So tonight I didn't get home until after 1o and then realized I had to have stuff to make stromboli for RCIA tomorrow and for the party I'm going to on Thursday. (Are you drooling Bret?)
So after I get home, I head out again at 10:15 and go to Walmart to get the things I need and don't return until almost 11:00. After feeding the animals and changing into my p.j.'s, I have now sat down to write of my adventures. But wait! It doesn't stop there!
Tomorrow is RCIA so I will get home hopefully by 5:00 and will make stromboli, then go to class from 6:30 until 8:00. Then perhaps I can do something school related. I am really hoping I'll get my semester test done by tomorrow afternoon if I work through my conference and lunch again. Well, anyways... on Thursday I have a speech teacher Christmas party to go to. Once again, I am taking stromboli. It's just one of those things that I know I can make well and people really enjoy it. Then on Friday, I will have most of the morning to work in my classroom as the other classes will be attending the musical. Hopefully by then I can get all my school things ready. I especially need to have stuff printed for the first of next semester since I'll be getting all new classes.
Oh the fun continues this weekend. Saturday morning is choir rehearsal from 10-12. Then we'll have an instrumental rehearsal from 2-4. Perhaps sometime in there I can go Christmas shopping or clean my house. Sunday is Church again. And then although other schools in the area will be out of school this Friday, I have to go for three days next week. We don't get out until the 21st.
So that is my life at the moment. I'm not sure how I am managing, but I am. I realize I can only do so much in a day so whatever gets done, gets done. Yes, I am quite busy, but it is good to be this way. Who has time to worry about things when there's so much going on. But I really do need a break. And soon.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Another busy weekend

Well it's already Sunday night and I haven't accomplished much this weekend. Today we had our Rite of Acceptance at the Church and that was a wonderful experience. Luckily it was at the 11:15 mass because I didn't get home until about 1:45 a.m. this morning.
I took some students to a speech tournament in Lubbock this weekend. It was an overnight trip. We had a good time and the kids did very well for so few students going. I took three down on Friday and then a parent brought three others on Saturday. I think we had a good bonding experience. I know they appreciated me coming out and talking to them at the tournament and I also took them to get food when we had a break. I was also told by another speech coach there that although the other teacher (that I am soon to be replacing) is a great lady, she tends to be a bit harsh and bitchy and that I am much more pleasant to be around. That was nice to hear... well... the fact that I'm pleasant to be around.
There was also an awkward moment where two other teachers were trying to set me up with someone. There's a guy that wrote a computer software program that basically runs a speech tournament and he goes to several tournaments to help run it. The other coaches were giving him a hard time because this other coach (who wasn't at the tournament) had a crush on him for a long time is now getting married to someone else. He never reciprocated the feelings as I guess she wasn't his type... which I can see why... not to be harsh, but they just seem to be opposites. Well... anyway, they were going on about him and how they needed to set him up with someone. I knew it was coming... all of a sudden they asked if I was married. I said. "No, I am not." And that's when they started going on about setting us up. I really didn't know how to react to that... it was kind of uncomfortable. I basically said that I've done the long distance thing before and wasn't interested in that. (The guy lives near Dallas) I didn't know what else to say. Luckily, he wasn't around when they were going on about all of this. He seems like a nice guy, but I really don't know him. And I still am not interested in the long-distance thing. Though Dallas is a much easier thing to deal with than Connecticut, it's still hard to imagine dating someone that didn't live around here. But I think despite my objection... they're going to be some busy little bees.
Today after church Josh and I went Christmas shopping. And now I'm exhausted. I want to go to bed right now and I'll probably be in bed by 9:00 tonight. I'm fairly certain that I'm not going to get any school work done and I think I'm just going to plan to stay up at school tomorrow and catch up on everything.
So that's my weekend. Have I mentioned before how ready I am for Christmas break?

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Josh's SSI came through. I think I posted in one of my blogs recently that somehow things always just seem to work out especially around Christmas time. And it's true! And it was a complete surprise... you know how things work out that way... when you're least expecting it. I went to the bank today to cash the check I had in order to give my students meal money on their trip tomorrow and when the teller handed me the slip that showed my bank balance I was shocked to see that there was an extra bit of money in there. She checked and said it was the SSI and that it had actually been deposited on Monday. I've been so busy that I haven't had the time to call about it or check my bank statements.
So I'm thinking that when I stop thinking about dating and men and love and relationships that is when prince charming will fall into my lap, right?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Too Much

to do and so little time. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now, but just doing the best I can. Didn't get anything accomplished this weekend as I had a speech tournament on Friday and Saturday. On Sunday I was so tired I couldn't go to 8:30 mass so I slept in and went to adult formation class at 10:00 and then mass at 11:15. Then after that, I had to go to the grocery store and make the turkey I bought on sale last week. I got my kitchen cleaned and the living room picked up in expectation of having guests for dinner, but nobody was available. So Josh and I had our turkey meal ourself. Now I have plenty of leftovers.
I very seriously considered playing hooky from school on Monday. I just wanted a day to get caught up on things. But I made myself go, which was probably a good thing.
Tonight I stayed after school since I didn't have my carpool buddy today and got some papers graded. I was there until 6:00. Now I've just finished supper and am wondering how I'm going to get my tree put up and lesson plans done by tomorrow and laundry that Josh just asked me to do. So why am I sitting here blogging? I guess because I'd rather be doing this than the other things. I have no other time to put my tree up other than tonight. Tomorrow is RCIA. Thursday is Josh's band concert and possibly choir practice. I'll be gone all day Friday through Saturday night late. I'm taking students to a speech tournament in Lubbock this weekend. Then Sunday is church again.
I still need to check on Josh's SSI, but I keep forgetting to take my contact information with me to school and since they close by 4:00, I can only call while I am at school.
Well, I better get off my duff and get started on all of this.

Saturday, December 03, 2005


I know that some people might say that I'm not easily impressed. To some extent that may be true, but many times it's that I keep that information to myself. But I have to brag on my speech team tonight. I am inheriting a really terrific group of kids. For those of you that aren't familar with the background, here's a quick recap.

I went back to teaching this year after working in the yearbook industry for six years. I was reluctant to consider going back, but as always, things work out the way they're supposed to and I was offered a job teaching speech and coaching the speech team. Technically I am in a transition period as I am teaming with the current coach who will resign from coaching next year (but will teach another year of just theatre and speech classes before retiring) . So we're trying to make this a smooth transition for the students.

We had a speech tournament this weekend and the kids did very well. Of 21 students that competed in multiple events, 26 entries made it to semi-finals and fourteen made it to finals. Overall, the team took 2nd place sweepstakes and several students are now qualified for TFA state competition.

But that's not why I am impressed. Sure, I am very proud of them and think they are very talented. I am most impressed with the way they behave and their presentation at tournaments. Compared to many teams in the area, our team is quite exceptional. First, they dress extremely well. Our guys look sharp in suits and ties. The girls are professional, yet feminine in their outfits. I can't tell you how many students I've seen at tournaments that dress very poorly. And not having money is really not an excuse in my book. We have some really poor kids and they still look fantastic. Next, they know how to take care of business when it comes to tournaments. They are on time, they get to their rounds and perform when they're supposed to, they stay to watch other competitors, they look out for each other, and are simply well-mannered. They stay dressed up throughout the tournament and don't change into sloppy clothes with funky houseshoes. Sure, it may be comfortable, but the other coach put it well today stating that it tells others that they are losers. It creates an image that they don't care about the fact that they may have not made it to semis or finals and all that matters is comfort. When the awards ceremony occurs, they still look professional when receiving awards and support their teammates. At the ceremony, they don't not make a big show of being obnoxious by screaming and hollering so loud it makes others go deaf. They stand for all first place winners in addition to their own teammates when they win. I was very dissappointed tonight when other schools knew that their teammates had won first and they were screaming so much that the second place person didn't get the recognition they deserved. One guy from another school went on stage to receive his trophy with a bucket on his head. Can you imagine? I know kids want to be silly, but there is a time and place for that... which is not at a speech tournament.
After the tournament, we took the kids to eat at a restaurant and I was sitting back watching this group of 21 students and they were all sitting quietly eating. They didn't get loud. They didn't act childish and throw things, unscrew salt shakers or any of that kind of immature behavior.
As I think about this job that I took, I have to say that I am quite relieved that I made this decision. Sure, I could have probably gotten a job elsewhere, but I honestly couldn't ask for a better group of kids.
Some people might think the school I'm at isn't a great place because it is a fairly low socio-economic community that is probably 80% Hispanic. But honestly, I think that the kids are much better in this school than many others I have worked with in the past ten years. Sure, there's a few problem kids in every school and some stinkers in every class. But even the kids that have some behavior issues are not really that bad. They know when to quit. They don't make excuses, nor do they rely on their parents to "bail them out".
I made the right decision about the school. Now, teaching... and everything that comes with that is fodder for another blog, but I really can't complain too much about the students I deal with.

Friday, December 02, 2005

How the internet makes my life better

I love the internet. It's amazing how that love has grown in the 10 years I've been online. When I first got online, I used AOL when they charged an arm and a leg per minute and I had to be careful about how much time I spent online. Luckily I met Richard at that time and he showed me the light of other companies that only charged a flat fee for unlimited service. Of course that was all back in the days of dial-up and 14.4 modems. I know a handful of people that still use dial-up (non-DSL) and I have to wonder why.
I loved chat rooms once upon a time, but have since lost interest. I remember being very frustrated using IRC and having a 5 minute lag time and I didn't understand why I could see other people's messages, but nobody was responding to mine.
I still enjoy instant messaging for the most part, but it has lost it's thrill as well. Like the guy that talked to me last night that lost interest when I acted like a teacher... which I am... in telling him that he was too young for me.
But I still love blogging, although I struggle for things to write about these days. I think talking about my lousy love life has had it's day. (Though I don't promise I won't talk about it any more.) And honestly, there just isn't that much excitement going on here... so you'll have to muddle through the boring stuff. Or maybe it's all boring.. I don't know.
The internet does have some other wonderful features. For example, I don't really have to leave home any more to do anything. Today I renewed both my driver's license and vehicle registration online. No waiting in lines or taking a day off of work. It was quite grand. And let's not forget online bill payment. That has got to be one of the greatest things! I haven't mailed a bill in for about two years now. I just sit down at my computer once a month and figure out how much I'm going to pay each company and do it all online. My bank either does an electronic payment or sends a check. And it comes out of my account immediately. No waiting for checks to clear and I almost always know how much money is my bank account. No stamps. No going to the post office. It's great. We can't forget the shopping either. Last year I bought several of my large Christmas gifts online because A. It's easier B. It was a lot cheaper. C. No tax. D. It's delivered to your door. I could probably do all my shopping online, but I do need to get a little exercise here and there.
You'd think with all this advancement with the internet we'd have so much more time. Well, that might be true if I didn't read my blogs, write them, surf the web, talk to friends, and shop. Oh well. It's still a good thing even though my house still isn't clean.