Wednesday, July 28, 2004

My Numerology Report

For Name: Jennifer Ann **** (Note: For best results, use the exact spelling as first recorded at birth.) 

Your Inner or Soul's Urge: This is spiritual and emotional expression more than physical. It is your heart-felt desires, your incentive, how you look at life. Here are your areas of personal satisfaction. 

You desire harmony, love, companionship, and peace with people; and you enjoy ease and comfort. You have great inner strength. You prefer kindness and thoughtfulness to the alternatives. As a dreamer and visionary, you desire others to know the necessity of living true to ideals.      Many people call themselves your friend. You are a natural peacemaker and diplomat.      You are often studious, attract many things to yourself, accumulate much wisdom. Spiritual and psychic sensitivity are available to you simply by your recognition of them. As such, you have the capacity to develop clairvoyant or other psychic abilities.      You try to reveal the beauties you have seen and known. You enjoy study and accumulating wisdom, especially with a background of music. You are capable of remarkable inventions.      Daily meditation may enhance your already considerable spiritual and psychic sensitivity, and this can allow you to cultivate more human understanding.

Your Personality: This is physical expression more than spiritual or emotional; your outer self, the way you express when meeting others. It may or may not be the real you.

You have a magnetic personality, although sometimes appear to lack forcefulness. Your pleasing manner can influence others easily. When not interested, you can appear distant. Usually you appear generous, tolerant, idealistic, altruistic, artistic, and, at times, mystical.      You can seem to view life too seriously, especially when your emotions dwell on the negative.      Your personality is not helped by wearing black. To enhance your appearance and personality, wear colors; clothing that is comfortable but not careless.

Your Quiescent Self: Stripping away all outside influences, aspirations, ambitions, "shoulds", and "shouldn'ts" — this is you when you are alone; just you and your dreams.

You are a great humanitarian, eager to be of service for the betterment of all humanity. You support and perpetuate effective social organizations whose goals are the helping of mankind. You Love the human race. You are a great artist and your works serve to inspire others on a broad scale.      Your thoughts and pleasure are being of selfless service to humanity in conjunction with personal Love and happiness.

Your Destiny or Ultimate Goal: This is your desired lifetime accomplishment. It is a key to a useful and happy life, and to feeling fulfillment during your latter days.

Your destiny is to serve the human race. You see where the spirituality of the world can be improved and work tirelessly to bring it about.      You are intuitive, psychic, visionary, and inspired, with an innate desire for harmony and impersonal perspective; all of which allow you to serve most ably as a diplomat, reconciliator, counselor, and mediator. You enjoy exploring, inventing, writing, lecturing, and working with minute details; and you feel rewarded for your efforts whenever you receive tender acknowledgment from those who feel close to you. With your instinctive response to rhythm, you can contribute much with music.      You are refined, spiritual, inspired, and have a vibrant personality. 

Your Life's Path: Here are clues to what fate has in store for you. It indicates the type of encounters, events, and opportunities you are likely to experience along your physical life path.

For Birth Date: November 10, 19**

Your path is along the lines of expressing self-reliance, individuality, and the proper expression of will.      You may have been born into a family with domineering, interfering, or unyielding parents. Be that as it may, there probably was tension and conflict of will during your growing up years.      Your life is strewn with challenges and opportunities to express your will, your independence, and your initiative.      You are a leader, strongly individualized, and demand the right to think and act according to your own ideas and convictions. Originality, invention, will power, and courage are native to you. You have keen perception and good concentration.      Be wary of any tendency to start a project, then becoming bored with it and starting a new project before completing the first. Develop your body, mind, and spirit to the highest point of efficiency. Refuse limitations. Cooperate without losing your individuality.      You seem to complete tasks better when left alone. Promotion to positions of leadership come easier to you than to some people, especially if you make yourself invaluable wherever you find yourself. Ambition is a significant driving force.

This Year's Path: Here is what you are likely to encounter this year — your feelings, your predominant perspective, and the type of situations, circumstances, and opportunities you tend to attract during the calendar year.

For Year: 2004
This year you realize completion and/or fulfillment of some of your dreams. During the year you can let go of the old and undesirable to make way for the new and worthwhile.      Things that have been lagging behind want to be finished up this year. Some things seem to finish themselves. In general, this is not a good year to begin new projects.      Be tolerant, compassionate, and forgiving, and this can be one of the most wonderful years of your life. Keeping your mind open for broader interests and larger activities seem more natural to you this year. Make your interests more of a universal, rather than personal, nature.      Love affairs get your attention, maybe even your own.      You find yourself cultivating music, writing, and other arts, and expressing love to the many and toleration of all. The "brotherhood of man" is your keynote. Respond to the urge to do good works.

Next Year's Path:

For Year: 2005
More so than usual, you feel desire to move forward, to improve situations, to assert your individuality, and to get on with life. Reach for opportunities and they will come to you.      Life is beginning anew! Now is the time to put your best foot forward; to take up a hobby or other activity that will freshen your thinking and broaden your general activities; to look ahead.      This is an active year with many decisions to make. Your affairs are making a new start. The next nine years' experience will depend a great deal on what you do and don't do this year. It calls for strength of purpose, clear thinking, and listening to your inner voice.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

What is it about me?

Do I have "I'm a slut, please talk dirty to me" stamped on my face or something?  What is it about guys that try to chat with me and they DON'T read my profile.  Or maybe they read it and just don't get it or something.  They obviously LOOK at it because sometimes the first comment made is "nice pics".  Before I chat with anyone new, I look at his or her profile.  If it's blank, I don't respond.  I figure if you've got a blank profile, you're a.  possibly hiding something  b.  don't really want people to know about you  or c.  too damn lazy to fill it out.
My second criteria is that when I have to log in as an "adult" to look at a profile, that sends off huge amounts of red flags.  Sometimes I look anyways and usually I either get a lovely naked picture of someone or someone's body part that I didn't WANT to see or a profile that lists their hobbies as sex or many derivatives of the same subject. 
Something else that clues me in to whether I want to chat with someone is the nickname itself.  If it has "69" in it or something obviously sexual, that tells me that it's probably someone very much like my ex-husband and is obsessed with sex.   I don't even want to go there.
Yes, I have some sexy pics of myself on my profile.  That is because I like how I look in them (which is unusual for me).  But that does not indicate that I'm easy, sleazy, or want to talk dirty.  I have to wonder if they just don't "get" it or are just rude.  Probably a bit of both.  I also hate it when these guys haven't quite figured out that I am NOT going to chat with them and then they constantly buzz me.  I haven't sent any rude responses back, because then I would actually let them know I've gotten their annoying messages; but one of these days I'm going to let them have it... or not.  

Sunday, July 25, 2004

My Hand Analysis

Ok, I stole this from Patrick.  I've always had an interest in palm reading to some degree and not sure how accurate an online reading could be, but was interesting. 

Your Life Line reveals that you like to travel, but will always return home. You need a lot of space which is why you prefer spending time outdoors. You tend to have strong romantic tendencies.
Your Head Line reveals that you are over-confident and at times brash. Your independent nature often causes you to make impulsive decisions.
Your Heart Line reveals that you have a masculine nature and are easily aroused by your own desires. You are able to maintain a good balance between the physical and emotional sides that accounts for your warm and generous disposition.
Your Fate Line reveals that the early years in your life were full of hard knocks, teaching you that success comes from hard work. Due to this learning process, you will have a late start with your career and financial independance.
Your Sun Line reveals that a period of fortune begins later in your life and will continue to grow, bringing you much success.
You have a Fire hand. You are a person who is restless, outgoing, ambitious, confident and at times promiscuous. Your optimal career choices are to work as a lawyer, politician, entertainer, and an athlete in non-contact sports.

What do you think?

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Having fun in the Big D

I thought that perhaps coming to my work meeting would be fairly boring with nothing but meetings although the company does add “fun” stuff in the evenings.  It’s true that the meetings themselves have been mostly on the boring side and the rooms have felt like either a freezer or sauna with no happy medium.  The evening events, however, have been surprisingly entertaining.  I have to admit that a good deal of it involved alcohol (courtesy of the company). 
Thursday evening was a "team building" activity which I thought originally wouldn't be much fun.  Amazingly it was.  The dinner itself was actually pretty tasty.  The events consisted of standing in a line holding hands (think "Red Rover") and passing a hula hoop down the line and back as many times as you can in a certain amount of time.  Next was Texas Volleyball that involved a ball that was about 3 ft in diameter.   Riding tricycles followed this and I did one lap before realizing that it wasn't my thing.  (Still have a bruise on my knee)  My game came next, which was scrabble of sorts.  Had to have someone throw out tennis balls with letters on them from a big bin and then the team had to make as many words as possible.  We scored first in this event.  Finally we had to do this 4 person walking thing with 4 people standing on long boards with ropes and then walking together.  (we sucked at that and I actually fell and rolled backwards on it.. no, I wasn't hurt).  In the end our team won 2nd place and we got nifty medals.
Last night was the "Blast from the Past" dance.  I went as a punk rocker from the 80's.  I teased my hair up and put two pony tails in it and sprayed it purple and pink.  I wore a black trash bag with a black belt and torn fishnet stockings.  My makeup was black eye shadow and blush with black lipstick.  I got a lot of compliments on the outfit and surprised and probably even shocked a few people that didn't know I had that kind of character in me.  I lost count on the number of smirnoff ices I had, but I know I danced quite a bit through the music of the 80’s and had a lot of fun despite being alone.  Maybe next year I'll be able to take Marty.
Tonight's dinner is supposed to be really nice, but it’s not the formal one I thought it was going to be.  Turns out that event now occurs at the Jan. meeting for printing people.  I wasn’t sure if I had something appropriate to wear then since I did bring my formal dress.  (That fits great by the way)  I’m sure there will be some additional alcohol involved in this evening’s festivities.  I figure when it's free, you might as well have some fun with it.  I'll be heading home sometime tomorrow morning.  I’m not looking forward to the drive, but it was cheaper than flying. 

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

In Dallas

Well, I made it to Dallas without any issues which is always a good thing. Stayed at a pretty decent motel 6 last night for $30 (including taxes). Tonight is at the Wyndham Anatole. Pretty fancy digs, but they're really sticking it to me with parking fees ($12 a day) and phone calls (.55 each call). Went to two training sessions today. Learned some useful information. Then I headed to six flags. Of course I would have to go during rush hour traffic. So what would normally have been about a 30 minute drive took an hour. Rode 3 coasters. (was sad to see that shockwave was closed down) Enjoyed the rush and lines weren't too bad. Did a little shopping (of course) and came back with a few Marvin items.
Got good news today that Marty is definitely coming to Austin in August, so I'm going to head down there as well. Very, very happy about that.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

My Former Best Friend

I had a very good friend once upon a time named R.  We met in junior high in symphonic band at Valleyview.  We became best friends when we were flag co-captains in high school.  We continued our friendship as we went to college and beyond.  I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and she was matron of honor at mine.  A little over 2 years ago, she stopped talking to me.  I really don't know why.  I've racked my brain for a while contemplating what I might have done to set her off and cause her to not want to talk to me, but I honestly haven't been able to figure it out.   The only thing I could possibly think that might have played a part was my relationship with Richard.   I was quite miserable with him in the last few years and I would often call R, being my best friend and all, and basically cry on her shoulder.  I thought perhaps she got tired of it or something, but I thought that best friends should stay with you no matter what.  Despite the huge mistakes you might have made, a true friend should just be there for you and perhaps slap you in the face and tell you to wake up and smell the coffee or something.  If her reasons have nothing to do with Richard, then I'm at a loss.  It has bothered me to some degree in the past two years; but right now I have a bitterness about it and I don't want to reach out to her seeking an explanation.   When she stopped talking to me, I called for 6 months and only talked to her on one occasion during that time.  I finally took the hint.  I've had dreams about it, which have been disconcerting to some degree, but I've basically decided to write her off.  Part of me at one time thought that I'll just continue to be there for her and when and if she wants to resume a friendship with me, that will be great.  It's now been so long, I've figured that perhaps it was never a true friendship and it's not worth my time.  The "why" still eats at me from time to time, but in the end I guess it doesn't matter.  I have discovered wonderful true friends that I know will always be there through thick and thin.  I am thankful for them and I cherish them. 

Monday, July 19, 2004

Leaving You

Leaving you
Was right
In leaving you
I found myself again
In loving you
I felt misery
In saying good-bye
Doors of opportunity began to open
I’ve taken back my heart
It is no longer yours to hurt
My life is now just mine
And I celebrate me
Jan. 2004 
I wrote this one after accepting the idea of divorce and moving on with my life.  This was the beginning of finding and loving myself.  I think you have to love yourself and what you have before you can or at least should fall in love.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

My new haircut.  Posted by Hello

Friday, July 16, 2004

more cellular phone woes

Aaaarrrrggghhhhhhhh!  Ok, now that I've gotten that out, I'm irked once again.  I go online to check my current calling minutes to see how I'm doing on my plan for this month.  Lo, and behold I find that I owe them $216.  Uh, I don't think so.  My plan is supposed to be $39.99 a month.  Nationwide.  Well, I think I've figured out what happened and it boils down to an inept sales person.  When I had to buy a new phone, the person somehow programmed it with someone else's phone number.  So two days later I take it in and the customer service has to reprogram it with a new card.  Ok, I figured problem solved.  But I guess the person that screwed up the phone also didn't get my plan changed correctly either. 
So, now I've called their customer service line.  After being on hold for a good 10 minutes, I briefly talk to someone who again puts me on hold and after another 5-6 minutes I'm disconnected.  So once again, I'm calling back and on hold again.
Ok, talked with the customer service person and she tried to tell me that she could change it, but it would be effective started this month.  I explained that I should not be charged roaming because I assumed that I had been on the correct plan when I made those calls.  So then she tells me I'll owe something like $71 because she took off the roaming costs.  I then explained that I had downgraded my plan to 39.99 a month.  So she finally comes back with a number that I can live with at $55.  (those damn taxes)
Geez, is it too much to ask for a little competency these days?

New Book

Happy, happy, joy, joy.  Got a new book today.  I guess I just hadn't realized that the new Sue Grafton book was due to be released this week.  For some reason I had been thinking October.  Well, got a flyer in the mail today indicating that it had been released on Tuesday.  So, I hurried my butt over to Hastings and picked it up for 40% off. 
In case you're wondering, the Sue Grafton books are an alphabet series of mystery books that I started reading a few years ago.  I'm addicted to them.  That and Janet Evanovich's number series.  If you want a very good humorous read, you must read the Janet Evanovich's books.  I guarantee they'll make you laugh out loud. 
Ok, my enter key is acting strange and it's starting to irritate me.  That, and I'm dealing with a headache at the moment.  But despite those little irritations, life is still grand and I'm still happy.  I'm not even too sore after my workout yesterday. 
Going to go have a girl's night out tonight.  That should be fun.
Well, gotta get rid of this headache somehow and it seems the 3 tylenol I took aren't quite getting it completely... though it's fading some.  Perhaps I need to splurge on some excedrin or something.

Thursday, July 15, 2004


Did you know that I am beautiful, sexy, fun, interesting, sensual and a joy to be with? For the longest time I would never have associated myself with any of these words. Call it low self-esteem, bad marriage, or cynicism but I never thought of myself as something special. I have to say that my divorce was a blessing not only in the fact that I got out of a bad relationship, but I've grown and discovered things about myself that I couldn't believe were true. My ex-husband used to call me beautiful and sexy all the time, but I found it hard to believe when he was always eyeing some other woman. When I started the dating process, I started to make myself believe that I was indeed a good catch and I had just made a bad choice. I figured if that were true, I would find someone that thought the same thing and I'd live happily ever after. It turned out that several men saw something special in me. I really enjoyed the dating process. I felt wanted, pretty, and interesting enough to keep everyone's attention. And it wasn't just Steve, Martin, and Patrick. There were several others that I never hooked up with or mostly just chatted with online. And even today though my profile has changed to "Single, Not Looking" I get guys hitting on me and telling me how good-looking I am. Part of me still finds this hard to believe. I think the most I ever thought of myself was "cute". But now I'm learning that perhaps I am beautiful. And maybe it's on both the inside and out. Maybe beauty comes from a peace within. I am now at a place where life is good. I have a great job, a great son, a good home, good health, and a wonderful boyfriend. (Wait... gotta knock on more wood) Although I hated the process of breaking things off with both Patrick and Steve, it made me realize what kind of impact I had made on them. So, yes. I am a damn good catch. Martin was the lucky one to win my heart. (Though I'm still aghast that it happened, I'm not questioning it) When all this began, I decided that I would not get involved again until my heart let me know that it was right. It has. It feels good and it feels right. I'm happy. I'm feeling true happiness perhaps for the first time. Well, at least in a long time. And it feels GREAT.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Ok, I'm bored

Here's another quiz thing stolen from Patrick.

red aura
Your aura shines Red!

What Color Is Your Aura?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fairly true, though I'm not sure about the strong energy part. And I do know how to relax.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Jumping In

I’m jumping in with both feet
I’m giving you my heart
It is yours
Please be gentle with it
It’s been broken a few times before
I see something in you
That I can’t quite put my finger on
But I like the feeling
Despite the hurdles we may have to jump
I’m willing to take a chance with you
And a chance with us

July 2004

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Going with my heart

Well, after all the contemplations I've decided to go with my heart and see where it leads me. I've never been really afraid to go with my heart, but generally my head leads or at least gets in the way sometimes. But this one really hit me out of the blue and despite my best logic the feelings aren't going away.
Marty is a guy I met in high school. He asked me to go to homecoming the night before at 9 p.m. my senior year. He was the first guy to ever actually call me up and ask me out. We dated for about a month and a half after that and I remember that I broke up with him, but I can't really remember why. I think it had something to do with perhaps a crush on someone else or just the fact that we really didn't know each other or something. We met up again later after graduation when he had his own apartment and had some fun, but nothing serious once again. I have since found out that I was his first true love which really quite surprised me. Since that time I had only seen him on one other occasion which was about 13 years ago when Josh was a baby. He called me once around 1998 when he was married and I was getting married. Then out of the blue, he emailed me via classmates around October.
He came to visit in Feb/March this year. I enjoyed seeing him then and we had some fun, but I wasn't really quite as interested as he was in me at that point. I was still ready to date, sow some wild oats, and just enjoy my freedom.
Then he came to see me again this past week. I'd still been dating and getting involved to some degree, but still nothing serious on my part. I still can't quite put my finger on what happened or if it was just some kind of realization of how right things seemed. He never pushed me into feeling anything and remained patient, but all of a sudden my heart started talking again. It's truly been so long since my heart has spoken up. I can't even decipher what it's saying completely, but something is there and it's a good feeling.
Despite the big hurdles involving him being in the coast guard for the next 6 years, I have to take a chance.
I'm sorry for what this has done to Patrick. I know that he was falling pretty hard, but I just wasn't there with him. And he knew that. I had to be honest about it all. It wouldn't be fair to him or me and I couldn't pretend to have feelings and be romantic. It would be playing games and I'm not into that. (At least not any more) He seems to have taken the news well and I hope that we can remain friends. Now I just have to deal with Steve.
That's my update for now.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

A kink in things

I'm sitting here at 6:15 in the morning unable to sleep. Got back from San Antonio around midnight, attempted to go to sleep around 1:30 and have yet to drift off for more than about an hour.
Though I'm not quite ready to post the details of what's going on in my head at the moment, I need to state that there's been a wrench thrown into my status of dating and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I need to take some time to sort things out in my head and when and if I figure it all out I will update.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Made a change

Well, I did something rather drastic. I got my hair cut. I've had my hair cut in varying lengths over the many years since being concerned about my looks. (Since about the age of 13) I would liked to have tried something really short, but I don't think my face, which still roundish, could handle it. I did go a great deal shorter, though, than it has been in the last few years. I'm not sure if I really like it or not. I think maybe I don't like the way it was styled and it didn't exactly mimic the picture I took with me. The good thing about it being shorter is that it's easier to deal with (it doesn't get in the way and blow in my face) and I actually have a kind of "style" now rather than the wash and go or pin up look I've been doing lately.
I'm not sure how well the look is going to go over with the members of the opposite sex. I've found that the majority of them like it long and think it's sexy that way. But they don't have to deal with the hassle of it. And honestly I didn't get it cut to please anyone but myself. It needed to be cut regardless, whether it was just a trim and some layers or the shorter look I ended up going for. I'll try to get some pics posted so that everyone can see the new "do". The nice thing about my hair is that it does grow fast so if I want to go long again, it doesn't take much to get it there.