Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Insane, Insane Again

You may not know this but that is the title of a song by the J. Geils band that I love.  It’s how I feel at the moment.  It seems that things are just totally insane this week.  My computer login at school has created complete havoc.  It seems that when I try to login it everything slows down by about 10,000 degrees.  It took my computer 45 minutes to load when I logged in.  It doesn’t matter which station I’m on – it is anciently slow – worse than dial up speeds.  It took 6 minutes just to open a folder – not a file, but a folder.  So today I got nothing done at school – couldn’t access my files I needed, couldn’t get online… it was a very frustrating day.  So I stayed after school to do some work.  I was able to use a computer where I didn’t have to login and I had files I could access from an external hard drive.  I worked until about 7:30 and then headed over to Matthew’s place to get his assistance on a form I’ll be using for my students to do practice interviews.  He is going to help with that on Thursday along with the superintendent, the personnel director, the technology coordinator, and a the county librarian.  It should be a good experience for my students. 

Last night I had a band concert.  It would have been better for me had I been able to keep my embouchure stamina going but my chops gave out by the last song, which unfortunately featured the clarinets quite a bit.  Matthew came to the concert and then we went to Braum’s afterward for something to drink. 

I’ve still been fighting the cold so I took a benadryl last night, but it made me very tired this morning.  I did not want to get out of bed.  I have a whole other story to tell about trying to get Josh back to school after coming home for Thanksgiving but it will have to wait.  It is already past my bed time and I need to get more sleep tonight. 

Saturday, November 27, 2010


It has been a very fast paced several days.  Had school on Monday and Tuesday and the last day of school before the break seemed to go on forever.  Tuesday night Matthew and I went to see Harry Potter and then we picked up Josh from the airport at 11:00 p.m.  I enjoyed sleeping in on Wednesday but once I got up, I had to get packed, finish homework, go to the bank, go to the store and get home by 11:30.  Matthew arrived a little after 11:30 and we got my car loaded.  At noon, Matthew, Josh, and Josh’s girlfriend went to Olive Garden for lunch.  It is a tradition for Josh and I to go there for our birthdays so we all went together and had a nice time.  After lunch we came back to the house and then Matthew and I hit the road for a quick trip to Albuquerque.  We got to my aunt’s house around 5:30 ABQ time and had several hours to kill until my aunt got home from church.  We relaxed with some wine and watched a movie.  My aunt arrive home a little before 9:00 and we visited for a bit but then we were both really tired so we headed to bed around 10:30.  We slept in the next morning and just hung out for a few hours until it was time to head to town.  We had Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant run by one of my cousin’s and a friend of one of my other aunt’s.  We had turkey and ham and all the trimmings.  It was a nice way to spend Thanksgiving without having to do any cooking or fight the crowds.  We headed back to my aunt’s house around 3:30 and then she showed Matthew their property, the goats, and the horse that will play fetch.  Matthew and I hit the road again shortly after 5:00 to head home.  We stayed at his place that night and then headed to Sweetwater for the football game the next afternoon.  Our team made a good effort, but didn’t pull it out in the end.  We stayed the night in Sweetwater and headed home this morning.  I now have a cold and am feeling a little miserable, but really enjoyed the time I was able to spend with Matthew.  He had to head home as he is going to the Texas Tech game with a friend of his this evening.  I’m just going to stay in bed and do nothing today.  I have to take Josh to the airport very early tomorrow morning. 

One of my commenters asked whether Matthew and I have had sex.  I’m just going to say you’ll have to leave that up to your imaginations.  Either we have, and I’m not going to kiss and tell, or we haven’t and there’s nothing to tell.  I think we do have an amazing relationship regardless of whether it has delved into other areas.  I think that one test of a relationship is whether or not two people can travel together and like each other at the end.  I can say that we are doing well in that regard.  He is an amazing and thoughtful person.  I think he his a very good match for me and I think he feels the same way about me.  Our relationship needs and wants are at a very similar level.  We both have the same hopes and fears when it comes to relationships.  I think our communication with each other goes above and beyond any relationship I’ve ever been in.  Sometimes I am surprised to find myself in a relationship.  It seemed to happen almost suddenly and without effort on my part.  For the first time, I feel truly appreciated by someone for just being me and it is an amazing feeling. 

Monday, November 22, 2010

Ready for the break

Though it won’t really be a break.  It will be a nice break from school, but I still have much to do.  Yesterday I went to the school to get some work done.  I stayed about 3 hours before I couldn’t concentrate any more.  I came home and had dinner and lit a fire in the fireplace.  I tried getting homework done, but couldn’t really get focused.  So today I tried to get homework done at school and got started on it, but now one of the websites I have to use for it isn’t working.  Since I have band rehearsal tonight, I hope they get it fixed soon or allow us an extension since we don’t have access to it. 

School was fine – I was smart enough to realize the two days before Thanksgiving are rather pointless so I’m just having my speech students do some career quizzes and my English classes are watching a movie. 

Tonight I have band rehearsal – then perhaps finishing my homework if the website is fixed.  If not, I guess I’ll turn it in tomorrow. 

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Status Change

Matthew and I are officially in an exclusive relationship.  We’ve decided to move beyond the “friends with potential” with him stating that we are so much more than that.  I am almost feeling like it is a too good to be true situation, but I am finally in a relationship with someone that I like very much.  He makes me feel good about myself.  He likes me for me.  He thinks I’m beautiful on the inside and out.  He doesn’t want to change me.  Last night I told him that I was glad that I didn’t give up on him.  He said that he was too and that sometimes he can just be really stupid by overanalyzing things. 

The game was great.  We won 56 to 7.  We stayed the night in Midland and headed home this morning.  I went up to the speech tournament for a bit and now I’m dressed and ready to go to dinner and the symphony. 

I’m just in a really happy place right now.  I hope I don’t jinx anything by saying that it.  Is it really o.k. to be happy in a relationship?  I hope so. 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Busy, busy, busy

Having a social life is keeping me very busy.  Monday was band rehearsal.  Last night I went to the board meeting and then made pizza at Matthew’s place for dinner.  I stayed there until 10:00.  We had a wonderful time together and keep learning more and more about each other.  We are having discussions about relationships, sex, wants, needs, fears, dreams, and the mundane stuff about our days.  I think things are going well and I fall for him more each time I see him.  We are going to the game in Midland on Friday.  We have an early out and we’ll leave a little after 1:00.  The game is at 7:30 and then we’ll stay the night in Midland or somewhere close so we don’t have to drive back so late.  Saturday night we are going to the symphony.  Sunday I will need to play catch up on everything.  Then next week we only have school for two days and then it is Thanksgiving break.  Matthew has decided to go with me to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving.  We’ll head down late Wednesday and then come back on Friday.  Saturday he will either go to the Tech game or we will go to the playoff game if our team wins this weekend. 

Today I left school a few minutes early and went to have my oil changed and tires rotated.  I then dropped some picture orders off at our photography company’s place.  I picked up Taco Villa for dinner and now I’m debating whether to grade papers or get ahead on homework.  Or maybe I’ll do something frivolous like watch t.v. 

Monday, November 15, 2010

Time Flies

…regardless of whether you’re having fun or not.  Saturday was great.  Matthew came over at 9:30ish and we headed to the game.  We took my car since it gets better mileage (51 mpg on the trip).  I picked up donuts that morning so we ate them on the way.  We had lots of conversation on the way down there.  We stopped to eat at a restaurant in Sweetwater and then headed to the game.  Our team won so that means they play again this weekend.  On the way back home, we stopped at Abuelo’s in Lubbock for dinner.  Food and conversation was good as always.  When we got back to my place, he came in for a while.  I thought he might stay the night but he decided that he needed to have his machine for his sleep apnea.  We did do some kissing before he left though – and it was immensely enjoyable as always. 

I intended to go up to the school on Sunday to work, but I decided I just needed to stay home and get other things done.  I went to church, went to the store, and worked on homework.  I got very frustrated with one of the software programs we are supposed to use for cataloging.  I didn’t get to bed until after 10:30.  I bought a new alarm clock that allows me to plug my iPhone into it, but has these lights on the side that I’m going to have to cover up because they are too bright.  I kept waking up last night because of them. 

Tonight I submitted all my homework for both classes.  It is going to be a busy week.  Tonight I had band rehearsal.  Tomorrow I’m going to the board meeting then I’m making pizza at Matthew’s place.  Wednesday I may be having dinner with my friend Pam.  Thursday is choir rehearsal.  Not sure if we’ll go to the game on Friday since it is about 4 hours away and an evening game.  We do plan to go to the symphony this weekend but that will depend on if we want to go to the game or not. 

I have no idea how or when I’m going to get the stupid yearbook done.  Oh well, I guess it will be finished when it is finished.  I’m heading to bed.  Not going to get to the school work I brought home with me. 

Friday, November 12, 2010

Date tomorrow

Instead of having Matthew over for pizza this weekend he decided he wanted to go to the playoff game which is 4 hours away.  He invited me to go with him so he’ll be picking me up at 9:30 tomorrow morning.  The game is at 3:00 so that gives us time for the drive and a long lunch.  I think it will be nice to be able to spend the entire day with him.  We are in that relationship stage where we are trying to get to know each other in more detail and a long trip should help in that endeavor. 

School was just school today.  Still unmotivated, but I think that is just something that is expected at the moment.  I left as soon as school was out.  I ordered dinner from dominos and spent time going through a bunch of pictures of myself.  I put them all in an album to show Matthew at some point. 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Is the week over yet?

Yesterday was a very lovely birthday and I appreciate my readers who left me birthday wishes yesterday.  I had a ton of birthday wishes via facebook, my students were appreciative, and it was a good day overall.  Matthew made me dinner last night (spaghetti, salad, bread, and wine) and got me a flower arrangement and a card.  After dinner we did some kissing but also had some nice conversation.  I have a better idea of where he is emotionally right now.  I think things are going well and I still need to have patience. 

Though I left his place around 9:30 and was in bed by 10:30, I felt tired and unfocused at school today.  I left immediately after school and laid down for a while before I had to get ready to go to choir.  I went to Sonic for dinner and read my Mental Floss magazine for about 30 minutes while I ate.  I went to choir tonight and now I’m home.  It is storming out and it makes me think of Andrew who would love the weather here right now.  I do wish he would start posting again soon.  His blog followers are getting antsy. 

I’m glad tomorrow is Friday.  I’ve invited Matthew over either tomorrow or Saturday for homemade pizza, but I haven’t heard from him yet.  I took an ambien a short time ago so that I will be able to get to sleep while the storm is going on.  I’m going to head to bed with my magazine and wait for it to take effect. 

Tuesday, November 09, 2010


So tomorrow is my birthday.  My aunt sent me some money and I had extra money from my roommates rent this month so I took myself out shopping tonight.  I needed a new watch and thought I might splurge for something kind of fancy, but after looking at Kohl’s and Penny’s, I couldn’t find anything I just loved.  I finally found two basically cheap watches at Target that I liked, so I bought both of them.  At Kohl’s I bought new underwear (can you ever have enough?) and at Penny’s I bought a necklace and pair of earrings.  I then picked up Taco Villa for dinner and headed home. 

Tomorrow Matthew will be making me dinner for my birthday.  I am happily surprised that he remembered.  He called me last night and invited me over.  I can’t wait to see him again. 

Today was fairly uneventful.  I’m still overwhelmed with school work, but keeping my head above water.  After I got home tonight, I finished all my homework which was a lot more than I expected because I didn’t realize that we had to cover two resources this week.  I already had an evaluation done, but I had to do a second one, two quests, one quiz, and one discussion post.  I just submitted everything and will head to bed shortly.

I called Josh today to let him know that his aunt had also sent him money (He and I have the same birthday).  I’ll call him again tomorrow to wish him a happy birthday, but it sounds like he won’t get to celebrate much as he has school and has to work. 

Last year my birthday was very lackluster (and it was my 40th).  Here’s hoping that this year will be more special because of who I will be spending it with. 

Sunday, November 07, 2010


How do you know when you’re falling for someone?  Is it when you think about him all the time and just want to be with him?  Is it when he touches you, your skin tingles with excitement?  Is it when you feel so comfortable in his arms that you never want him to let you go?  Is it when you’re almost afraid to give your heart away because you don’t want it to be broken again?  Is it when others regularly comment that you look really happy and you seem to be glowing?  Is it when you don’t care that he is imperfect and accept him for who he is?  Is it when you hear that a text message has arrived and your heart races to see if it is from him?  Is it when you lose focus because your thoughts are consumed with memories of the moments you’ve spent together? 

Then perhaps I’m falling.

And it scares me.  But not enough to hold back.  I will almost certainly continue to over-analyze everything, but I can’t help the way I’m feeling.  I just feel such an immense joy because he is in my life.  I love the way he makes me feel.  I can’t stop smiling when I think about him. 

Matthew went with me to church and then the festival afterward.  He seemed to enjoy himself and I was happy to be there with him.  One of the assistant principals came to the festival so we said hello to her before we left.  She was surprised to find out that we are dating – but seemed to think it was good. 

After the festival he came back to the house.  We kissed.  I owed him a massage so I gave him one.  We kissed some more.  We didn’t have sex and he didn’t stay the night.  The desire is there, but we’re still working on the development of the relationship.  And yes, I’m totally conflicted between what I should do, what I want to do, where this is going, if it is moving too fast, and everything else swirling in my head. 

He said that he is falling in love with me.  And now I can’t stop smiling. 

Friday, November 05, 2010


Amazingly, I was quite productive today.  I managed to get everything graded that needed to be done for the six weeks.  I even gave my students progress reports and told them that they have until Monday to turn in any missing work.  I didn’t get much yearbook work done, but have plans to go in on Sunday to work. 

I saw Matthew after school today.  I wanted to bring him some extra cake that I had left over from dinner the other night.  Met him at his place after school and then he asked me to go to the class supper with him.  So we went and had some chili (without beans, thankfully), cornbread, and cobbler.  I hadn’t planned to go to the game, so I came home and am having a nice, quiet, lazy evening.  I even turned the t.v. on and am watching an episode of Monk. 

My throat is better, but now I’m having allergy issues.  I’m going to take a benadryl shortly and head to bed.  I’m judging at a speech tournament tomorrow, but thankfully it is local.  Matthew is coming over around 3:30 and then we’re going to church tomorrow evening and then the festival after that.  It will really be nice to go with a date this year. 

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Moving along

I did go back to work today but am dismayed by the fact that the external hard drive for the yearbook does not seem to work.  I’m stuck with the pictures that I have.  I made a decision to show a movie in my speech and English classes the rest of the week so I can work on the yearbook pages.  I’ve called the troops out so to speak and am trying to get students to come in this weekend and wrap it up. 

Matthew came over for dinner tonight.  I made San Francisco chops with pasta along with salad and stuffing.  He seemed to enjoy it.  I also made pineapple upside down cake for dessert.  We had wine with dinner and then watched one of my favorite movies, Love Actually.  He liked it a lot.  He didn’t stay long after the movie since it is still mid-week and we both have to work tomorrow.  No kissing tonight since I have a bit of tonsillitis. 

I’ve been feeling something coming on in my throat the past day or so and today I could just feel my tonsils starting to swell and I knew they were red.  I called my doctor’s office around 2:30 today to see if I could get in around 4:00.  Now I have a prescription for some antibiotics so hopefully it will go away soon. 

I should be in bed right now, and I went to bed shortly after Matthew left, but still can’t sleep.  I took some claritin to see if that will help with the allergy symptoms I’m having.  I probably needed to take benadryl, but with it being so late already, I didn’t want to feel groggy tomorrow. 

I’m going to try going back to bed and see if I can get to sleep relatively soon. 

Monday, November 01, 2010

Playing Catch Up

I just wrote probably the worst paper in the history of my grad school experience.  I hope I’m over-exaggerating, but I don’t think so.  I really shouldn’t have tried to get it written and edited in just one day.  I submitted it at 11:45 last night just because I really couldn’t take time to edit it any further.  Oh well.  It is done and I cannot do anything about it so I’ll just wait for the grade. 

I took today off from school and will be off tomorrow as well.  I simply needed a day where I didn’t have to focus on anything else but working on the yearbook.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get as much done as I planned today, but made a good dent in it.  Since I spent ALL day working on my paper and didn’t get over to the school, I had to get up early this morning to go leave my sub plans.  I left around 6:00 a.m. and got to school around 6:30.  I stayed until about 7:30 and then came back home and got back in bed for a few hours.  When I got up and started working on the yearbook, I realized that the pictures that I “thought” had been transferred to my other drive were not there.  I was still able to get a lot other things done, but it also meant that I needed to make yet another trip back to get the other hard drive where all the files were.  I figured that since I had to head back that I would see if Matthew wanted to have a quick dinner together.  He did so I picked up some Subway sandwiches and we ate them at his apartment.  We visited for another 30 minutes or so before I had to head back for band rehearsal.

We had our first rehearsal for the season tonight.  It was good, but I was the only 3rd clarinet.  We’re playing one of my favorite pieces, so that is always good.  I had intentions of getting some more work done tonight, but probably going to bed shortly as I feel like I may be getting sick.  Have that scratchy feeling in my throat right now. 

Tomorrow I need to get up early and get a lot more work done.  I also need to do grad school homework, clean the house, and go to the store since Matthew is coming over for dinner on Wednesday.  Saturday is the Fallback festival and we’ll be going to that as well.