Friday, December 31, 2010

End of 2010

Overall it was a pretty good year.  School was overwhelming at times – both teaching and grad school.  I’m happy to be in a relationship again and I really like Matthew a lot.  It’s been hard not seeing him for two weeks now, but he’ll be headed back tomorrow.  No plans for tonight.  It’s not the first New Year’s eve spent alone so no big deal.  I went and had dinner with my friend Kirsten tonight.  Josh is gone to a party at his girlfriend’s house.  I have a small bottle of champagne in the fridge that I’ll open sometime tonight.  Not sure if I’ll stay up until midnight.  I can’t call Matthew since he doesn’t have cell service at his house in Indiana.  Going to do some housecleaning and laundry.  Might start another book.  My Kindle is on its way, but probably won’t get here until sometime next week.  It’s really cold here.  It is supposed to get down to 10 degrees tonight.  No precipitation though.  We had a little rain and wind last night but that’s it.  Tomorrow I have to do some work for the choir director at church.  I still have school work to do, but will have all day to work on it.  I guess I’m going to call it a night and see if I can stay awake until midnight at least.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Making progress

I didn’t go to school yesterday either, but I did work from home and got quite a bit done.  Today I did go to the school and stayed there about 4 1/2 hours.  I’ve also worked from home another 2 1/2 hours and am making progress.  There’s still a lot of little things to be done, but I’m getting much closer.  I’ve been staying up way too late and sleeping in which is a bad habit to get into – especially when I have to go back to work in just a few more days.  I just took an ambien in order to force myself to get to sleep a little earlier (and wake up earlier – hopefully).  Tomorrow I still have lots of work to do and my choir director wants me to help her with converting some computer files as well.  Heard from Matthew briefly today – with his limited cell service I should be glad to hear from him when I can I guess.  He’ll be back in two more days so that will be a relief.  I miss spending time with him. 

It took 4 days, but my Kindle is finally on its way.  I got my confirmation email that it shipped today.  I hope it will get here by this weekend so I could play with it some. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have once I get back to the grind.  At least no college classes!  But now I’m facing further yearbook deadlines and our big fundraiser this month.  If I survive this month, I think it will be smoother sailing afterward.  I’m not really worried about my Capstone experience – writing three essays in a week shouldn’t be a problem – I’m a last minute kind of person anyway.  I am going to take off three days from school in order to write.  But that isn’t until February. 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

So I lied

I didn’t get back to work on Monday as planned.  I went to the grocery store and got stuff to make dinner for Josh’s friends again, then I locked myself in my room and read, watched t.v., and surfed the web.  Yesterday I cleaned my desk and then went shopping with a friend.  I had $65 in Kohl’s gift cards to spend and I spent all of it plus another $25.  But I got three sweaters, a pair of jeans, a pair of khaki pants, and a jacket.  We then went to the mall and I bought a pair of black jeans.  After that we went to Target and I bought a pair of sweats – I don’t have any that aren’t stained or have holes in them.  We then went to Applebee’s for dinner.  I had a perfect margarita which was very yummy and a steak with shrimp for dinner.  My dinner was very good but they messed up my friend’s order.  She asked for a special salad but didn’t want the pico de gallo but when they brought it they said they couldn’t get all the pico off which is ridiculous.  She tried eating it, but couldn’t stand it with the onions in it.  She sent it back and got a plain ceasar salad with chicken.  The service was really slow as well.  So I came home and didn’t do much of anything and tried going to bed around 10 after taking one tylenol p.m.   I was still awake by 12:30 so I took another.  I didn’t get to sleep until sometime after 2:00. 

I slept in this morning and now I’m trying to get myself out the door and to the school to work.  It’s not going very well.  Matthew texted me today.  Turns out his cell phone doesn’t get service at his house in Indiana.  When he moved to Texas he switched to Sprint from Verizon and now he doesn’t get a signal so I only hear from him when he’s headed into town or something.  He did say that he missed me and that he wished he would have booked his return flight to come home a few days earlier.  He will get in late Saturday and I’ll be picking him up from the airport. 

Well, I guess I should put some clothes on and get my butt out of this bed.  I think I’ll pick up some lunch and head to the school and see if I can motivate myself to get some work done. 

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Year in Review 2010

I’m posting this a few days early, but what the heck – here’s this year’s review of 2010.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

- Went to football games to actually watch the game and not the band.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I rarely make resolutions and generally don’t keep them if I do. I did intend to lose weight last year and I did accomplish that goal losing about 20 pounds in total (on a good day). As far as resolutions for this year – my plan is to simply survive the rest of this school year and become the librarian next year. As far as I know that is the plan at this point, but definitely won’t count the chickens before they hatch!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not exactly – see #4 below.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

I had two friends this year who both had babies that they carried full term and died before they were born.

5. What countries did you visit?

No new countries but did get to go to Florida and ride a bunch of new roller coasters.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

More time to simply enjoy life, more dates with Michael, more love.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?

July 29 – First time I met Michael in person. October 28 – First official date as a couple. October 30 – Eagles concert with Michael – best date ever.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Finishing up my grad school classes with a 4.0 GPA. Meeting someone that I find to be wonderful who seems to like me as well.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not getting that damn yearbook finished.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, was sick a little off and on, but nothing major.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My new laptop with my tax refund check. New camera. Two new printers (one laser, one ink jet). I’m giddy for technology.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Josh still has a 4.0 AND he found a job this year. Michael for getting his head out of his butt and realizing it is ok to date me.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Some of my students who refuse to try and have the capability of doing better.

14. Where did most of your money go? – school books, other books, gifts – and Walmart where I buy groceries and such.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Dating again – first time in about 5 years with the exception of the bizzaro thing last year with Thomas.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2010?

To Get Me to You – by Lila McCann – makes me think of my relationship with Michael.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

happier or sadder? Much happier
thinner or fatter? Thinner – a size smaller
richer or poorer? About the same money-wize – financially stable.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Reading for pleasure, relaxing, roller coaster riding

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying, procrastinating

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Well since Christmas is already over, I guess this question is pointless. I basically did nothing this year except make dinner for Josh and his friends. Next Christmas – who knows – I hope I’ll be able to spend it with Michael.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Probably Josh or my aunt. Michael and I talk, but rarely on the phone.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Not completely, but I admit that I’m in the process of falling.

23. How many one night stands in this last year?

Thank goodness none.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

I hardly got to watch t.v. – but still like Chuck and Psych.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No – I rarely find myself in a position where I hate someone. Sure, there’s always someone that I don’t like much, but pretty much nobody completely rubbed me the wrong way this year.

26. What was the best book(s) you read?

The Book Thief and now I’m hooked on the Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. I ordered a Kindle just so I could continue reading without adding to the growing stacks in my house.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Not sure that I made a new discovery in terms of music this year – though I did realize that I do like the Eagles after getting to go to their concert – rediscovering their music so to speak might be the best discovery for this year.

28. What did you want and get?

A relationship that makes me happy with someone I really like and respect. A 4.0 in my graduate school classes.

29. What did you want and not get?

A job as a librarian.

30. What were your favorite films of this year?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1. Other than that, I didn’t really see many movies in the theater.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 41 and spent it with Michael who made me my favorite dinner of spaghetti. It was a very nice birthday, and the company was amazing.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Being able to figure out what goes on in Michael’s head.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Again – I have no fashion concept. I did try to wear more jewelry this year – so I guess that’s my addition to fashion.

34. What kept you sane?

Writing/blogging, dating, knowing that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and this is probably my last year of teaching.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Can’t think of anyone in particular. I have a little more admiration for Robert Downey Jr. – I used to not really like him at all, but I did enjoy his performance in Sherlock Holmes – so that is saying something.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The fact that the Texas legislature continues to screw up education and yet people still voted most of them back in office.

37. Who did you miss?

I’m missing Michael right now because he’s gone for Christmas break. It would have been nice to spend more time with my other family members this year like my sister, dad, and brother.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Michael by far!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Sometimes people surprise you in good ways and that you don’t necessarily have to give up looking for love for it to find you, but you have to really be open to finding it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

“There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin' on”

~Third Day

Monday, December 27, 2010


“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”
Rudyard Kipling

I’m a connoisseur of words.  I read them, collect them, write them.  They move me, devastate me, inspire me, educate me.  I can’t say I’m an avid book reader – though I do love to read and find myself absorbed in books once I get started.  Sure, I haven’t read a lot of the “classics” so to speak, but I do get caught up in another world when I take the time to read.  It’s not just books.  Though I can’t just read anything that comes my way – like a newspaper, I’ll skim and glance at it mostly – I read other things like blogs, magazines, poetry.  When I find quotations or passages that speak to me, I save them.  I write – though I wouldn’t say my blog is going to win any awards – most of the time it is quite dreary and mundane and often ends with me going to bed – but I do write beyond the scope of this blog.  I have probably four journals at home in which I’ve penned thoughts over the course of several years.  I was a writer even back in my teenage years where I’d pour my heart out onto notebook paper.  I’ve written poetry, letters that have never been mailed, thoughts and pains on scrap pieces of paper.  Sometimes just the writing is necessary to get the flood of emotions out.  It isn’t necessary for the recipient to receive the words, it’s enough to have forced them out of my thoughts into some form on paper.  Sometimes that is where the healing begins.  Beyond the printed word there are those that are spoken and even unspoken.  You know the saying “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”  What a lie!  I would much rather have the sticks and stones because words can be so much more painful.  Even the lack of words can hurt.  Silence has a power that can shatter a soul. 

So why this diatribe?  I just finished reading one of the books that I got for Christmas called The Book Thief.  It was an amazing book that had me crying for the last 50 pages or so.  It just hit me as to what power words can have on me.  I cannot imagine not having the ability to read and appreciate the words of others.  Sometimes I find that others say things far better than I ever could so I borrow their words from time to time – like with the music project I did for Matthew.  In addition to the music I gave him, I made him a book that contained all the lyrics to the songs on the player, but I also put copies of Postsecret cards that had special meaning to me, quotations that I found to be inspiring, some poetry I had written, a list of reasons why I like him, and a letter than summarized why I put the book together.  But I’m wondering if the power of words moves other people as it does me?  Perhaps it only affects those that have found an appreciation in them?  Maybe my brilliant idea of a Christmas gift wasn’t so brilliant.  I think of my students who say that they hate to read and feel sorry for them, because they will miss out on so much by not experiencing the power of words.  But these same students can get caught up in the words of some rap song – so they can still hold power – it’s just in another format.  I just wonder are there people that are not affected by words at all?  Or is it a matter of finding the right words in the right combination in the right delivery before an impact is made? 

Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Quiet Christmas

Not that past Christmas’s have been relatively loud, it was just rather uneventful.  Josh and I had the Christmas eve Mass on Friday.  I sang in the choir and Josh played clarinet.  It was a nice service and the music was really good.  We came home and decided to open presents Christmas eve since Josh was going to go play at the Christmas day Mass.  I went over to my friend Kirsten’s for a bit to give her present to her.  I visited a while and then came home.  Then Josh and I opened presents.  He even filled my stocking which I think was a first in a very long time.  I got Josh some items that were on his Amazon wish list such as some orchestral scores, music books and a CD.  I also got him a Weather calendar (which is a traditional present) and as a surprise, I got him a GPS for his car.  He has gotten turned around and lost a couple of times on his way back home so I thought the GPS would be beneficial.  Josh got me books and put candy in my stocking.  Matthew and I exchanged gifts on Monday before I took him to the airport.  He got me a silver necklace with a treble clef from James Avery, two candles, and a really pretty journal.  I gave him a scarf that I crocheted, a book (The Five People You Meet in Heaven), a movie (The Sting – which is his favorite), an mp3 player (Sansa clip) that I put some music on for him, and a book I created for him.  He seemed to like it but I couldn’t really tell.  I don’t know if he’s listened to the music or not yet.  It kind of frustrates me because we’ve barely communicated since he’s been gone.  I’m trying to not let it bother me.  I know he’s spending time with family and has been busy, but I thought he’d at least call me at some point. 

Christmas day was just another day for the most part.  I slept in and then made some breakfast shortly before Josh got back from Church.  Then I did nothing for the most part.  I read some, got on the computer, napped, watched t.v., and then made supper for Josh and a couple of his friends.  I made fettucine alfredo with chicken, salad, and rolls. 

Today Josh and I played at Mass again.  I came home and napped.  And read, and web surfed, and watched t.v. … again.  I need to start getting some work done.  Tomorrow I plan to work on school stuff.  I also need to go shopping at some point.  I have some Kohl’s gift cards to spend as well.  I’ve been eating and eating as well and that will need to stop soon or I’ll gain back the weight I lost last year.  I’m still debating the Kindle purchase.  I do want an e-reader, but reading the reviews hasn’t convinced me yet. I’ll give it more thought tonight and try to make a decision soon. 

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Still Unmotivated

It’s 11:30 in the morning and I’m still in bed.  I’m awake, of course, but I have not really gotten out of bed other than to go to the bathroom, let the cat in and out, and feed the cat who thought she was going to die of starvation.  I stayed up until around 1:00 a.m. last night watching t.v. and reading.  I did go up to the school yesterday to see if I could access the yearbook files.  I could access half of them, so I started copying them over.  I thought about going back up today but it might be pointless until I can get to the first half of the files where I hope the pictures I’m needing are. 

I didn’t hear from Matthew all day yesterday, but did get a text this morning and it sounds like he was busy all day doing things for his parents like shoveling snowing, plumbing things, etc.  Perhaps HapJoy is right and he just needs his cave time.  I have read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus but it was a long time ago.  I think there’s more than the cave thing though.  He’s still waffling on the relationship itself.  I’m just not sure which way he’s going to go at this point.  But I’m just hanging in there to see what will happen.  Perhaps now instead of attracting perverts, I only attract the commitment-phobic men. 

Tonight I have our last choir rehearsal and then tomorrow is Christmas eve Mass.  I’ve still be reading a bit these days which is nice.  I read two of Lee Child’s books which feature a character named Jack Reacher.  I love series books with a continuing character so now I want to go back and read all the other books.  But then I look at my bookshelf and realize that I have way too many books.  So now I’m thinking that maybe I need a Kindle.  But then I was planning to hold out and get an iPad in the spring after my tax refund comes in.  But then I’ve been reading about eReaders and many people swear by Kindle even when they have iPads because the iPad can get really heavy compared to the Kindle and the iPad is difficult to read in bright light.  So now I’m thinking about getting the Kindle, but wondering if I need just the wireless or pay the extra $50 for the 3G capability.  I think that in most scenarios, I wouldn’t need the  3G because I would purchase books from home before going on trips or I would probably have access in hotels and such.  But then there would be that one time that I needed it and wouldn’t have it – but I don’t know.  It’s just so confusing.  But I’ve been looking at buying used copies of the books I want, and by the time I pay for shipping, it is almost as much as it would cost as an eBook and they wouldn’t take up more room.  Still not sure, but if you have a Kindle, iPad, or other eReader, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Two Days of Nothing

I have spent the last two days basically doing nothing.  I really had the intention to go up to school and work, but my motivation just isn’t there.  I have read books instead.  I found a new author that I think I like.  I need to go back to the earlier books and see how they begin.  I took Matthew to the airport on Sunday.  I’m feeling like things are a little off with him, but I’m hoping that he is just needing his vacation time and nothing more.  I can’t really explain it right now, but it’s that intuition that I have that is usually right in some way.  I figured that I wouldn’t really hear from him much, but he has texted me some.  Yesterday I braved the crowds and went to Best Buy and the mall.  It wasn’t horrible, but I didn’t stay out long.  At Penny’s I got Josh some tank shirts that he wanted and I found a new dressy dress for me to wear at the Koobraey awards at school.  Today I didn’t even get out of the house.  I wore my pajamas most of the day and then changed into sweats.  I cooked some dinner and even ruined the rice a roni.  I’m almost finished with my second book in two days.  I do need to get up to the school tomorrow, but I’m not sure how long I’ll stay.  I’m feeling a little guilty – but not so much that I’m doing anything about it.  I’m going to finish my book tonight and just see what tomorrow brings.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Christmas Break

I’m not sure that it will really be much of a break, but I am glad that I don’t have to teach classes for two weeks.  Matthew came over for lunch on Friday and then he went to do some shopping.  I finished up his gifts and got them wrapped on Saturday morning.  I cleaned house – amazingly, and went to the store to get groceries for the week.  I got stuff to make cashew chicken and then Matthew came over around 4:30 on Saturday for dinner.  Matthew, Josh, and his friend Dustin helped put the ornaments on the tree so I actually have everything decorated now.  Matthew stayed for dinner and then headed home around 7:00 since he had things to do in order to get ready to leave today.  He’ll be here in about an hour and we’ll exchange gifts and then I’m taking him to the airport.  He’s heading up to his parents’ house in Montana for a week and then he’s going to Indiana for a week so I won’t see him during Christmas break at all.  Hopefully absence does make the heart grow fonder. 

I plan to do pretty much nothing today.  I think I’ll watch some t.v. tonight, maybe start a book.  Tomorrow and a few days next week, I’ll go up to the school to do some work.  For Christmas Josh and I are staying home.  We’re going to have fettucine alfredo for Christmas dinner.  Most of my shopping is done.  I have a few more things to get, but I’ll head out one day next week and get the last few gifts I havne’t bought yet.  I did most of my shopping online already.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Still here

I was hoping that things would slow down now that grad school is done.  No such luck.  I’ve had to deal with grading millions of papers, yearbook stuff, Christmas stuff, parties, baking, and all sorts of other things.  As for good news, I made it through grad school with a 4.0.  I made A’s on both my final projects giving me a 97 ad a 98 average in my last two classes.  As for bad news, I don’t think I’m going to get either yearbook done anytime soon and I’ll be working on a lot of school stuff during the break. 

Josh will be home tomorrow or Friday.  Matthew has a church Christmas party on Friday so I don’t know if we’ll plan dinner another time before he heads out for Christmas break.  I still haven’t put the tree up so I guess I will do that on Friday or Saturday.  I’m so ready for school to be out.  I just want to sleep for about a week and then maybe I’ll get up and do some productive things.

I simply need more time right now.  I left school at 4:00 because I was just tired, but then I remembered that I needed to go to the bank to put money in Josh’s account so he would have enough to get home.  After that, I got a call from some friends in Canyon that needed help with doing a mail merge so I went over to help and I got it done after about 45 minutes.  I had to export an address book file in a CSV format, import into excel, clean it up and then create the mail merge.  So by the time I got home it was really too late to nap.  I talked to Matthew briefly on the phone, tried to lay down for a bit but gave up and had some leftovers for dinner.  Now I’m talking myself into going to church for communal reconciliation. 

I guess I better get going if I am going to make it by 7:00.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

One more week

I don’t know if I’ll make it, but I have just one more week until this semester is over.  It seems to have gone by both slow and fast.  I have so much to get done it the next week, I hope I get it all accomplished.  It doesn’t help that I didn’t get anything done that I really needed to.  Sometimes you just need a day off though. 

Friday my aunt and uncle came to visit so we all went out the dinner.  Matthew joined us as did my cousin and her son and his wife.  We went to Abuelo’s for dinner which is a really good Mexican food restaurant.  On Saturday I went to the school to do some work and then I went to Matthew’s around 5:30.  We went out to dinner and then to a movie.  We saw Due Date which I thought was pretty funny.  A lot of people are comparing it to Trains, Planes, and Automobiles, but I still liked it. 

I went back to the school to work today but didn’t stay long since I didn’t have an internet connection.  I gathered up papers to grade and just brought them home.  And then I took a nap.  And then I went shopping.  Then I came home and attempted to grade papers, but then I let myself get distracted with Matthew’s Christmas present project that I’m working on.  I still have a lot to do with it this week.  But I also have a Christmas party Monday evening, a Christmas Party after school on Tuesday, possibly Church on Wednesday, then nothing in particular on Thursday, and then dinner with Matthew and Josh and decorating the tree on Friday.  Matthew leaves to fly to his parent’s house for Christmas on Sunday.  I need to get him his presents before then. 

I should have gotten papers graded, but they’ll eventually get done.  I “intend” to get to school early tomorrow.  We’ll see how that goes.  I think I’m just going to go to bed and hope for the best.  But I will leave you with a picture of Matthew and me.  I’m not sure why I’m still using a pseudonym for him, but since my blog name is a pseudonym, I guess it worksDSCF1125

Thursday, December 09, 2010


I’m finished with grad school classes!  No more homework.  I submitted my last paper this evening, then went to choir rehearsal late.  I don’t have to worry about anything grad school related until February 14 which is when my Capstone week starts.  That is when I have to write three essays in the course of 7 days.  I just got home from rehearsal, poured myself a large glass of wine and I’ll be headed to bed shortly. 

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

I hope I survive

This is the last official week of grad school for me.  I’ve been out of pocket for a while because I’ve been overwhelmed with other things and I’m still overwhelmed, but figured I needed to post a little something. 

I have one major project and a paper due this week.  One is due on Wednesday and the other on Thursday.  I have about 1/2 the project completed.  I haven’t even started the paper other than getting the research for it.  I have a million papers to grade for school and the stupid yearbook to finish.  I think if I make it through this week, I might just survive.  It is still unknown at this point. 

I’m going to try to get the project done tonight and spend all day tomorrow on the paper.  I really just need time to stand still for a while.  I felt exhausted by the end of school today and still had much to do. 

I probably won’t post for a few days until I get through all this stuff.  I’ll let you know if I make it by Friday or Saturday.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Insane, Insane Again

You may not know this but that is the title of a song by the J. Geils band that I love.  It’s how I feel at the moment.  It seems that things are just totally insane this week.  My computer login at school has created complete havoc.  It seems that when I try to login it everything slows down by about 10,000 degrees.  It took my computer 45 minutes to load when I logged in.  It doesn’t matter which station I’m on – it is anciently slow – worse than dial up speeds.  It took 6 minutes just to open a folder – not a file, but a folder.  So today I got nothing done at school – couldn’t access my files I needed, couldn’t get online… it was a very frustrating day.  So I stayed after school to do some work.  I was able to use a computer where I didn’t have to login and I had files I could access from an external hard drive.  I worked until about 7:30 and then headed over to Matthew’s place to get his assistance on a form I’ll be using for my students to do practice interviews.  He is going to help with that on Thursday along with the superintendent, the personnel director, the technology coordinator, and a the county librarian.  It should be a good experience for my students. 

Last night I had a band concert.  It would have been better for me had I been able to keep my embouchure stamina going but my chops gave out by the last song, which unfortunately featured the clarinets quite a bit.  Matthew came to the concert and then we went to Braum’s afterward for something to drink. 

I’ve still been fighting the cold so I took a benadryl last night, but it made me very tired this morning.  I did not want to get out of bed.  I have a whole other story to tell about trying to get Josh back to school after coming home for Thanksgiving but it will have to wait.  It is already past my bed time and I need to get more sleep tonight. 

Saturday, November 27, 2010


It has been a very fast paced several days.  Had school on Monday and Tuesday and the last day of school before the break seemed to go on forever.  Tuesday night Matthew and I went to see Harry Potter and then we picked up Josh from the airport at 11:00 p.m.  I enjoyed sleeping in on Wednesday but once I got up, I had to get packed, finish homework, go to the bank, go to the store and get home by 11:30.  Matthew arrived a little after 11:30 and we got my car loaded.  At noon, Matthew, Josh, and Josh’s girlfriend went to Olive Garden for lunch.  It is a tradition for Josh and I to go there for our birthdays so we all went together and had a nice time.  After lunch we came back to the house and then Matthew and I hit the road for a quick trip to Albuquerque.  We got to my aunt’s house around 5:30 ABQ time and had several hours to kill until my aunt got home from church.  We relaxed with some wine and watched a movie.  My aunt arrive home a little before 9:00 and we visited for a bit but then we were both really tired so we headed to bed around 10:30.  We slept in the next morning and just hung out for a few hours until it was time to head to town.  We had Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant run by one of my cousin’s and a friend of one of my other aunt’s.  We had turkey and ham and all the trimmings.  It was a nice way to spend Thanksgiving without having to do any cooking or fight the crowds.  We headed back to my aunt’s house around 3:30 and then she showed Matthew their property, the goats, and the horse that will play fetch.  Matthew and I hit the road again shortly after 5:00 to head home.  We stayed at his place that night and then headed to Sweetwater for the football game the next afternoon.  Our team made a good effort, but didn’t pull it out in the end.  We stayed the night in Sweetwater and headed home this morning.  I now have a cold and am feeling a little miserable, but really enjoyed the time I was able to spend with Matthew.  He had to head home as he is going to the Texas Tech game with a friend of his this evening.  I’m just going to stay in bed and do nothing today.  I have to take Josh to the airport very early tomorrow morning. 

One of my commenters asked whether Matthew and I have had sex.  I’m just going to say you’ll have to leave that up to your imaginations.  Either we have, and I’m not going to kiss and tell, or we haven’t and there’s nothing to tell.  I think we do have an amazing relationship regardless of whether it has delved into other areas.  I think that one test of a relationship is whether or not two people can travel together and like each other at the end.  I can say that we are doing well in that regard.  He is an amazing and thoughtful person.  I think he his a very good match for me and I think he feels the same way about me.  Our relationship needs and wants are at a very similar level.  We both have the same hopes and fears when it comes to relationships.  I think our communication with each other goes above and beyond any relationship I’ve ever been in.  Sometimes I am surprised to find myself in a relationship.  It seemed to happen almost suddenly and without effort on my part.  For the first time, I feel truly appreciated by someone for just being me and it is an amazing feeling. 

Monday, November 22, 2010

Ready for the break

Though it won’t really be a break.  It will be a nice break from school, but I still have much to do.  Yesterday I went to the school to get some work done.  I stayed about 3 hours before I couldn’t concentrate any more.  I came home and had dinner and lit a fire in the fireplace.  I tried getting homework done, but couldn’t really get focused.  So today I tried to get homework done at school and got started on it, but now one of the websites I have to use for it isn’t working.  Since I have band rehearsal tonight, I hope they get it fixed soon or allow us an extension since we don’t have access to it. 

School was fine – I was smart enough to realize the two days before Thanksgiving are rather pointless so I’m just having my speech students do some career quizzes and my English classes are watching a movie. 

Tonight I have band rehearsal – then perhaps finishing my homework if the website is fixed.  If not, I guess I’ll turn it in tomorrow. 

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Status Change

Matthew and I are officially in an exclusive relationship.  We’ve decided to move beyond the “friends with potential” with him stating that we are so much more than that.  I am almost feeling like it is a too good to be true situation, but I am finally in a relationship with someone that I like very much.  He makes me feel good about myself.  He likes me for me.  He thinks I’m beautiful on the inside and out.  He doesn’t want to change me.  Last night I told him that I was glad that I didn’t give up on him.  He said that he was too and that sometimes he can just be really stupid by overanalyzing things. 

The game was great.  We won 56 to 7.  We stayed the night in Midland and headed home this morning.  I went up to the speech tournament for a bit and now I’m dressed and ready to go to dinner and the symphony. 

I’m just in a really happy place right now.  I hope I don’t jinx anything by saying that it.  Is it really o.k. to be happy in a relationship?  I hope so. 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Busy, busy, busy

Having a social life is keeping me very busy.  Monday was band rehearsal.  Last night I went to the board meeting and then made pizza at Matthew’s place for dinner.  I stayed there until 10:00.  We had a wonderful time together and keep learning more and more about each other.  We are having discussions about relationships, sex, wants, needs, fears, dreams, and the mundane stuff about our days.  I think things are going well and I fall for him more each time I see him.  We are going to the game in Midland on Friday.  We have an early out and we’ll leave a little after 1:00.  The game is at 7:30 and then we’ll stay the night in Midland or somewhere close so we don’t have to drive back so late.  Saturday night we are going to the symphony.  Sunday I will need to play catch up on everything.  Then next week we only have school for two days and then it is Thanksgiving break.  Matthew has decided to go with me to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving.  We’ll head down late Wednesday and then come back on Friday.  Saturday he will either go to the Tech game or we will go to the playoff game if our team wins this weekend. 

Today I left school a few minutes early and went to have my oil changed and tires rotated.  I then dropped some picture orders off at our photography company’s place.  I picked up Taco Villa for dinner and now I’m debating whether to grade papers or get ahead on homework.  Or maybe I’ll do something frivolous like watch t.v. 

Monday, November 15, 2010

Time Flies

…regardless of whether you’re having fun or not.  Saturday was great.  Matthew came over at 9:30ish and we headed to the game.  We took my car since it gets better mileage (51 mpg on the trip).  I picked up donuts that morning so we ate them on the way.  We had lots of conversation on the way down there.  We stopped to eat at a restaurant in Sweetwater and then headed to the game.  Our team won so that means they play again this weekend.  On the way back home, we stopped at Abuelo’s in Lubbock for dinner.  Food and conversation was good as always.  When we got back to my place, he came in for a while.  I thought he might stay the night but he decided that he needed to have his machine for his sleep apnea.  We did do some kissing before he left though – and it was immensely enjoyable as always. 

I intended to go up to the school on Sunday to work, but I decided I just needed to stay home and get other things done.  I went to church, went to the store, and worked on homework.  I got very frustrated with one of the software programs we are supposed to use for cataloging.  I didn’t get to bed until after 10:30.  I bought a new alarm clock that allows me to plug my iPhone into it, but has these lights on the side that I’m going to have to cover up because they are too bright.  I kept waking up last night because of them. 

Tonight I submitted all my homework for both classes.  It is going to be a busy week.  Tonight I had band rehearsal.  Tomorrow I’m going to the board meeting then I’m making pizza at Matthew’s place.  Wednesday I may be having dinner with my friend Pam.  Thursday is choir rehearsal.  Not sure if we’ll go to the game on Friday since it is about 4 hours away and an evening game.  We do plan to go to the symphony this weekend but that will depend on if we want to go to the game or not. 

I have no idea how or when I’m going to get the stupid yearbook done.  Oh well, I guess it will be finished when it is finished.  I’m heading to bed.  Not going to get to the school work I brought home with me. 

Friday, November 12, 2010

Date tomorrow

Instead of having Matthew over for pizza this weekend he decided he wanted to go to the playoff game which is 4 hours away.  He invited me to go with him so he’ll be picking me up at 9:30 tomorrow morning.  The game is at 3:00 so that gives us time for the drive and a long lunch.  I think it will be nice to be able to spend the entire day with him.  We are in that relationship stage where we are trying to get to know each other in more detail and a long trip should help in that endeavor. 

School was just school today.  Still unmotivated, but I think that is just something that is expected at the moment.  I left as soon as school was out.  I ordered dinner from dominos and spent time going through a bunch of pictures of myself.  I put them all in an album to show Matthew at some point. 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Is the week over yet?

Yesterday was a very lovely birthday and I appreciate my readers who left me birthday wishes yesterday.  I had a ton of birthday wishes via facebook, my students were appreciative, and it was a good day overall.  Matthew made me dinner last night (spaghetti, salad, bread, and wine) and got me a flower arrangement and a card.  After dinner we did some kissing but also had some nice conversation.  I have a better idea of where he is emotionally right now.  I think things are going well and I still need to have patience. 

Though I left his place around 9:30 and was in bed by 10:30, I felt tired and unfocused at school today.  I left immediately after school and laid down for a while before I had to get ready to go to choir.  I went to Sonic for dinner and read my Mental Floss magazine for about 30 minutes while I ate.  I went to choir tonight and now I’m home.  It is storming out and it makes me think of Andrew who would love the weather here right now.  I do wish he would start posting again soon.  His blog followers are getting antsy. 

I’m glad tomorrow is Friday.  I’ve invited Matthew over either tomorrow or Saturday for homemade pizza, but I haven’t heard from him yet.  I took an ambien a short time ago so that I will be able to get to sleep while the storm is going on.  I’m going to head to bed with my magazine and wait for it to take effect. 

Tuesday, November 09, 2010


So tomorrow is my birthday.  My aunt sent me some money and I had extra money from my roommates rent this month so I took myself out shopping tonight.  I needed a new watch and thought I might splurge for something kind of fancy, but after looking at Kohl’s and Penny’s, I couldn’t find anything I just loved.  I finally found two basically cheap watches at Target that I liked, so I bought both of them.  At Kohl’s I bought new underwear (can you ever have enough?) and at Penny’s I bought a necklace and pair of earrings.  I then picked up Taco Villa for dinner and headed home. 

Tomorrow Matthew will be making me dinner for my birthday.  I am happily surprised that he remembered.  He called me last night and invited me over.  I can’t wait to see him again. 

Today was fairly uneventful.  I’m still overwhelmed with school work, but keeping my head above water.  After I got home tonight, I finished all my homework which was a lot more than I expected because I didn’t realize that we had to cover two resources this week.  I already had an evaluation done, but I had to do a second one, two quests, one quiz, and one discussion post.  I just submitted everything and will head to bed shortly.

I called Josh today to let him know that his aunt had also sent him money (He and I have the same birthday).  I’ll call him again tomorrow to wish him a happy birthday, but it sounds like he won’t get to celebrate much as he has school and has to work. 

Last year my birthday was very lackluster (and it was my 40th).  Here’s hoping that this year will be more special because of who I will be spending it with. 

Sunday, November 07, 2010


How do you know when you’re falling for someone?  Is it when you think about him all the time and just want to be with him?  Is it when he touches you, your skin tingles with excitement?  Is it when you feel so comfortable in his arms that you never want him to let you go?  Is it when you’re almost afraid to give your heart away because you don’t want it to be broken again?  Is it when others regularly comment that you look really happy and you seem to be glowing?  Is it when you don’t care that he is imperfect and accept him for who he is?  Is it when you hear that a text message has arrived and your heart races to see if it is from him?  Is it when you lose focus because your thoughts are consumed with memories of the moments you’ve spent together? 

Then perhaps I’m falling.

And it scares me.  But not enough to hold back.  I will almost certainly continue to over-analyze everything, but I can’t help the way I’m feeling.  I just feel such an immense joy because he is in my life.  I love the way he makes me feel.  I can’t stop smiling when I think about him. 

Matthew went with me to church and then the festival afterward.  He seemed to enjoy himself and I was happy to be there with him.  One of the assistant principals came to the festival so we said hello to her before we left.  She was surprised to find out that we are dating – but seemed to think it was good. 

After the festival he came back to the house.  We kissed.  I owed him a massage so I gave him one.  We kissed some more.  We didn’t have sex and he didn’t stay the night.  The desire is there, but we’re still working on the development of the relationship.  And yes, I’m totally conflicted between what I should do, what I want to do, where this is going, if it is moving too fast, and everything else swirling in my head. 

He said that he is falling in love with me.  And now I can’t stop smiling. 

Friday, November 05, 2010


Amazingly, I was quite productive today.  I managed to get everything graded that needed to be done for the six weeks.  I even gave my students progress reports and told them that they have until Monday to turn in any missing work.  I didn’t get much yearbook work done, but have plans to go in on Sunday to work. 

I saw Matthew after school today.  I wanted to bring him some extra cake that I had left over from dinner the other night.  Met him at his place after school and then he asked me to go to the class supper with him.  So we went and had some chili (without beans, thankfully), cornbread, and cobbler.  I hadn’t planned to go to the game, so I came home and am having a nice, quiet, lazy evening.  I even turned the t.v. on and am watching an episode of Monk. 

My throat is better, but now I’m having allergy issues.  I’m going to take a benadryl shortly and head to bed.  I’m judging at a speech tournament tomorrow, but thankfully it is local.  Matthew is coming over around 3:30 and then we’re going to church tomorrow evening and then the festival after that.  It will really be nice to go with a date this year. 

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Moving along

I did go back to work today but am dismayed by the fact that the external hard drive for the yearbook does not seem to work.  I’m stuck with the pictures that I have.  I made a decision to show a movie in my speech and English classes the rest of the week so I can work on the yearbook pages.  I’ve called the troops out so to speak and am trying to get students to come in this weekend and wrap it up. 

Matthew came over for dinner tonight.  I made San Francisco chops with pasta along with salad and stuffing.  He seemed to enjoy it.  I also made pineapple upside down cake for dessert.  We had wine with dinner and then watched one of my favorite movies, Love Actually.  He liked it a lot.  He didn’t stay long after the movie since it is still mid-week and we both have to work tomorrow.  No kissing tonight since I have a bit of tonsillitis. 

I’ve been feeling something coming on in my throat the past day or so and today I could just feel my tonsils starting to swell and I knew they were red.  I called my doctor’s office around 2:30 today to see if I could get in around 4:00.  Now I have a prescription for some antibiotics so hopefully it will go away soon. 

I should be in bed right now, and I went to bed shortly after Matthew left, but still can’t sleep.  I took some claritin to see if that will help with the allergy symptoms I’m having.  I probably needed to take benadryl, but with it being so late already, I didn’t want to feel groggy tomorrow. 

I’m going to try going back to bed and see if I can get to sleep relatively soon. 

Monday, November 01, 2010

Playing Catch Up

I just wrote probably the worst paper in the history of my grad school experience.  I hope I’m over-exaggerating, but I don’t think so.  I really shouldn’t have tried to get it written and edited in just one day.  I submitted it at 11:45 last night just because I really couldn’t take time to edit it any further.  Oh well.  It is done and I cannot do anything about it so I’ll just wait for the grade. 

I took today off from school and will be off tomorrow as well.  I simply needed a day where I didn’t have to focus on anything else but working on the yearbook.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get as much done as I planned today, but made a good dent in it.  Since I spent ALL day working on my paper and didn’t get over to the school, I had to get up early this morning to go leave my sub plans.  I left around 6:00 a.m. and got to school around 6:30.  I stayed until about 7:30 and then came back home and got back in bed for a few hours.  When I got up and started working on the yearbook, I realized that the pictures that I “thought” had been transferred to my other drive were not there.  I was still able to get a lot other things done, but it also meant that I needed to make yet another trip back to get the other hard drive where all the files were.  I figured that since I had to head back that I would see if Matthew wanted to have a quick dinner together.  He did so I picked up some Subway sandwiches and we ate them at his apartment.  We visited for another 30 minutes or so before I had to head back for band rehearsal.

We had our first rehearsal for the season tonight.  It was good, but I was the only 3rd clarinet.  We’re playing one of my favorite pieces, so that is always good.  I had intentions of getting some more work done tonight, but probably going to bed shortly as I feel like I may be getting sick.  Have that scratchy feeling in my throat right now. 

Tomorrow I need to get up early and get a lot more work done.  I also need to do grad school homework, clean the house, and go to the store since Matthew is coming over for dinner on Wednesday.  Saturday is the Fallback festival and we’ll be going to that as well. 

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Best Date Ever

It’s been a very busy few days, but I’ll try to catch you up on things.  Of course, I’m supposed to be working on my research paper that is due tomorrow that I haven’t started writing, but what’s a little more procrastination?  I do have the research done and I’ve read through much of it – just need to start writing soon. 

So on Thursday, Matthew and I made plans to attend the football game together.  He met me at my house and I took him to dinner at a local restaurant.  He told me that he had asked the superintendent if it would be a problem for us to date.  She replied that it wasn’t a problem, but he had to be nice to me.  After dinner, we made a quick trip to Walmart so I could pick up some blank CDs to record music to listen to on our trip to Lubbock on Friday.  We went to the game and had a great time together.  I don’t think a lot of people noticed us as we sat more to the side.  It was a good game – really close, but our team won in the end.  We got back around 10:00 and he came in for a little while, but didn’t stay long since we both had to work tomorrow.  Turns out that he took Friday morning off.  I had insomnia issues again.

On Friday, I barely managed to get to school on time.  I had to pick up donuts for my yearbook staff as we were celebrating birthdays.  I also had to pack stuff to get ready for the concert after school.  Time seemed to go by slowly on Friday in anticipation of meeting Matthew after school.  I left school about 20 minutes early and ran to Walmart for a few things.  I met him at his apartment shortly after 4:00, changed shirts, updated make-up and jewelry and then we were on our way.  We listened to music, talked, and held hands on the way there.  We stopped at a little family restaurant in a town on the way and split a seafood dinner which was pretty good.  We got to the concert about an hour and half early which meant that we found a parking spot easily.  We had really good seats in the center back with a direct view of the stage.  We weren’t really close, but they had two video screens for close-up shots.  The concert itself was AMAZING.  I had such a good time being there.  It lasted 3 hours with a brief intermission.  We didn’t get out of the parking lot and headed back until midnight.  We got back to town at 1:45 a.m. 

******* My friend Carol should stop reading here *******

Ok, she is probably still reading, but I won’t say that I didn’t warn her.  So we get back to his apartment.  He had made the offer earlier in the week for me to stay there and he had offered to let me have his bed and he would sleep on an air mattress. 

I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t been tempted to take things further with him.  I know he has as well.  I wasn’t sure where things would go.  At one point he said that he wanted to take me to bed with him.  My thoughts were that I wanted to sleep with him, but not have sex.  Before I could get those thoughts out, he basically told me the same thing.  He said that as much as he wanted to ravish me, that in other relationships, he moved much faster and they didn’t work out.  I shared my thoughts with him as well which were similar. So it was agreed that I’d stay the night, but we would behave.  And we did.  Mostly.  Still kissed.  Still enjoyed being together.  Just maintained some sense of self-control.  For the moment. 

Ideally, If I were a perfect person with absolute self-control, I wouldn’t move so fast.  But I’m at least trying to wait until we are at a more committed point in our relationship.  Right now we are “dating.”  As to what that means exactly, I’m not sure.  We simply enjoy spending time together.  He makes me feel good.  I feel beautiful in his eyes.  I feel a sense of joy all the time.  I smile when I think of him. 

So I left this morning and got ready to go up to a local school for a speech tournament.  I visited with friends longer than I should have.  I intended to start reading through my research early this afternoon, but I didn’t get home until 3:00.  I ate some lunch and then was so tired that I napped for about an hour an a half. I’ve been reading and making notes off and on since about 5:00.  I have to get through the research and make a rough outline tonight.  I’ll type the paper tomorrow morning and then edit in the afternoon – I hope.  I also need to go up to school and leave my sub plans sometime tomorrow.  I guess I should get back to work now. 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Getting there slowly

I finished my paper with a little time to spare.  It was due by 11:55 tonight and I submitted it at 8:45.  I’m not completely happy with it, but then again, I don’t think I’ve ever been completely happy with any papers I’ve ever submitted.  I don’t think I’ll get a perfect score, but I don’t think I’ll lose a lot of points either.  It’s worth 10 points so if I get at least an 8, I’ll be happy.  The word count was supposed to be between 900 and 1100 words and mine was 1099.  Talk about cutting it close! 

Today was group picture day at school and I was thoroughly disappointed by the way things went.  I’m irritated with my principal who would not not take 10 seconds of class time to make an announcement to send students down for their pictures.  Several key students did not get in their group’s pictures because other teachers wouldn’t let them out of class.  This is despite the fact that I sent 3 emails about picture day within a week.  Oh well, it is over and I don’t have to worry about it any more. 

Last night I went to the school board meeting to take pictures of students getting awards.  Matthew and I went to dinner after the meeting.  We went to Pizza Hut and split a medium pizza.  Then we went back to his placed where we talked and of course did a bit of kissing.  He told me that the more time he spends with me that the more he likes me.  He also says he loves my smile and that I have expressive eyes.  I had been thinking about going to the football game tomorrow, but didn’t want to go if I couldn’t sit with him – thought it might be a bit awkward if he was wanting to try to remain a bit covert a little longer.  He surprised me by asking me if I wanted to go with him.  He also said that he would tell his boss (the superintendent) that we’d be going together as a date.  I’m excited to be spending so much time with him.  I just hope it is not at the expense of not getting my next paper finished!  I’m sure I’ll get it done.  I’ve printed all the research for it and will start going through it at school tomorrow.  I do need to buy a new toner cartridge soon though – the red button on the printer is blinking furiously, though it still prints the pages just fine. 

I’m still having some insomnia issues with waking up around 2:30 in the morning and not being able to get back to sleep right away.  I’m not sure what is going on with that, but it’s probably stress related.  I’m off to try sleep once again.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Overwhelmed again

I have two papers to write.  I started the first one on Friday with getting research and am still not finished.  I gathered more research on Saturday, read through it on Sunday and marked information and then started writing today.  It is only two pages typed, but for some reason I keep getting mental blocks in writing.  I don’t know if it is because I have too much information and can’t focus or if it is just difficult to write.  Tomorrow I am staying at the school to take pictures at the board meeting and then Matthew and I are going to dinner afterward. 

I have to turn the first paper in by Wednesday and then get the research done on my next paper that is due on Sunday.  The problem is that I want to go to the game on Thursday and then we have the concert on Friday.  That gives me only Saturday to really get the paper written so I can edit on Sunday. 

I’m going to take two personal days on Monday and Tuesday to try to finish last year’s yearbook.  I just don’t have the time during the week to work on it.  I have the personal days so I guess I might as well use them – even though I do plan to take more in the spring for my capstone exam and when I graduate. 

I had insomnia again last night.  I fell asleep just fine but woke up around 2:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep.  I finally drifted off shortly before 5:00 a.m. but then the alarm clock went off at 6:00.  I just took a benadryl tonight because I’ve been sneezing off and on all day and figured I need it to knock me out for tonight.  Well, I’m off to bed – will work on the paper tomorrow.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Hot damn!

Texted Matthew last night after finding out that our high school football team won this week 42-0.  At one point he asked me if I wanted to go to a concert next Friday.  I told him that I would love to.  I asked which concert and he said “The Eagles.”  I was shocked!  That show has been sold out for weeks but they rescheduled due to an illness and he said that he was finally able to get tickets.  I’m very stoked about going.  I haven’t been to a concert since Garth Brooks was still on tour in the early 2000’s. 

Today I’ve been doing research for my paper that I have to write by Wednesday.  I had high hopes of finishing it this weekend, but not moving very fast.  I printed a ton of articles today and finally narrowed my topic (I think), but haven’t read the articles.  My friend Mary called me early and invited me to a costume party tonight.  After weighing the option of writing a paper or going to a party, I decided to go to the party.  It will be a test of my socialization skills which are usually not very good.  But it also sounded like fun so I decided to just go.  I’m just going to use my magic 8-ball costume since it is already made. 

Josh is home for the weekend, but it is a very quick trip.  He got in around 9:00 last night and then had friends come over.  They were up until around 4:00 a.m. I think.  He slept in and I went to donut stop this morning to get him donuts – his favorite food.  I took him to Walmart and got him some socks, underwear, and a jacket and a few snack items.  He is now out on a date with his girlfriend (who is a senior in high school) and will be going to the school musical tonight.  He has to leave really early in the morning though.  He has to get back to Nacogdoches by 3:00 tomorrow for work. 

Well, I’m going to start reading a few articles before I have to get ready for tonight. 

Friday, October 22, 2010

Busy, busy

I actually finished homework that was due on Wednesday before I left school that day.  It was nice to go home without stressing over getting stuff finished.  Yesterday I had choir rehearsal at 7:00 so I didn’t start on homework until 9:15 or so.  I got a good start but then my cat insisted that it was time to go to bed by 10:15.  Matthew and I texted a little last night.  He lost about 4 hours of work yesterday due to a 3 second power outage at his building.  Today I finished my homework that was due tonight since I had plans to go out tonight.  We had a pep rally at the end of school and I had hopes to sneak out early, but we had a dictator principal staking out the back exit door.  The librarian and I finally sat down and started working on some cataloging stuff for the first time today.  It was a nightmare week with the library database (for the entire district) crashing, being unrecoverable, and the last backup was September 2.  So I left right after school and picked up my friend Pam and we headed to this Mexican food restaurant that serves Patron margaritas for a dollar.  I ate my weight in chips, queso, salsa, and fajitas and am a bit miserable.  So much for the diet.  Now I’m home in pajamas thinking of taking it easy, but trying to talk myself into at least getting some research done for my paper I have to write this weekend.  We’ll see what wins out.  Matthew is preparing for an audit, school board meeting, and public hearing next week so probably won’t hear much from him if at all.  I do hope, however, that we can find time to go out next weekend.  Right now it is just a wait and see thing depending on how the audit goes.  So that’s my life in a nutshell…. just one thing after another all the time. 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

He called…

I was wondering if the communication level with Matthew would improve now that he seemed more open about going out.  He would still text here and there so I wasn’t sure if it was really better.  But tonight he called me.  It was nice to be able to talk to him tonight.  We visited about school things, our frustrations with work issues, and just general conversation.  We are trying to plan a date for next weekend.  This week and weekend he’ll be preparing for a major audit so it is not a good time.  I also have to get a paper written.  He did say that he would like to go with me to the Fallback festival in November which will be nice to actually go with a date.  Every year I pay $100 for a ticket for a steak dinner for two and go by myself.  So at this point I’m still cautiously optimistic. 

Other than that, nothing much to report.  I got my quest finished today.  Tomorrow I have to finish three assignments.  I have another assignment due on Friday then a paper to write this weekend.  I’m getting tired of homework.  Or have I said that already?  Josh will be home this weekend.  I may go out with some girlfriends on Friday. 

Well, I’m going to go to be with pleasant thoughts just because he called. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

Need motivation

I am really lacking motivation these days.  I put off homework that was due today until this afternoon.  I finished it without a problem, but probably should have done it early.  I went in to work at school both Saturday and Sunday and didn’t really accomplish much of what I wanted to.  I have a million things to accomplish in the next couple of weeks.  I am so ready for this semester to be over.  It’s only the second six weeks of school and I already feel burned out. 

I haven’t used my oven for many months since this incident.  I tried turning it on again a couple of months ago and it still didn’t seem to work.  Tonight I finally got my brother to come out an look at it so I turned the breaker switch back on to see if it still gave me the same beeping sound and code.  Lo, and behold, it seemed to work again.  I turned the heat on it worked, the clock is set and the timer works.  I guess I’ll see how long it lasts.  But my brother did replace the parts in the toilet in the hall bath.  Now it works much better.  The water level would always get really low and it would fill back up several times. 

Josh is coming home this weekend so that he can attend the musical.  It will be nice to see him but it will probably be very brief.  I’ll have to work on a paper this weekend and try to get it finished early. 

Well, I’m going to go to bed early and see if I can be more motivated tomorrow. 

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Maybe it’s my charm….

Ok, maybe I’m not stupid.  Maybe I’m a little bit foolish.  Whatever the case may be, Matthew and I are on again of sorts.  So I texted him today about coming to town to work on stuff and he texted me back and we continued our conversation about stuff.  I asked him if he wanted to go to lunch to talk more.  He said yes, so around 1:15 I picked him up and we went to lunch.  He told me several things that were rather enlightening.  I won’t go into details, but one thing that he did say was that I was one of very few people that he has opened as much as he has about his feelings and life and such.  We determined that we would be friends for now and just go with that.  I told him that I was content with being friends.  We stayed at lunch until almost 3:00 and then I took him back home.  I had invited him to go with me tonight to the band competition and at first he said he’d think about it and let me know.  By the time I took him home, he said that he would accept my offer.  So we agreed to meet at 6:00 at my house and ride together and that.  So we go to the band competition and run into one of the people that works in his office.  She just said hello, but I suspected that she was wondering why we were together.  We got there early and visited until the bands started performing.  Surprisingly (or maybe not) the superintendent of our schools texted him and asked him if he was on a date.  He said that she was probably there at the competition and had seen him arrive with me.  He said that his response to her would be that we were there just as friends but there was the possibility of dates in the future.  At the end of the competition, he got another text that told us that our band had gotten a first division before it was announced.  When he texted her back, he told her his response to her earlier question.  So all was good.  The bands were really good and we both seemed to enjoy the event.  So we get back to my place and earlier he had brought a bottle of wine that he wanted to share once we returned.  So we opened the wine and had a couple of glasses and talked more.  And then once again we ended up kissing.  A lot.  And he said that he thinks that he lied to his boss (the superintendent) earlier with his text message.  So now we’ve decided that we will go on real dates and just see where things go.  I think he is finally ok with the unknown and is willing to just take a chance.  So that’s where we are.  He also indicated that he really regrets not talking to me for three weeks and it was a lot of wasted time.  He just felt very confused and because he didn’t have the answers to his multitude of concerns, he basically shut down.  So I guess we are on again.  

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Just Call Me Stupid

I went to the game tonight and it was rather exciting.  I sat the first half on my work school’s side and then went over to the other side during half time to watch the bands.  I came back over the 3rd quarter and originally intended to leave during the 4th but the game was getting rather exciting.  Out of the blue, I texted Matthew because I figured he would be at the game though I hadn’t seen him.  He texted me back and we continued back and forth for a while.  He then asked me if I wanted to get a drink or something after the game, and foolishly, I said yes.  Don’t judge.  So the game was over (and we lost by two lousy points).  So we decided to go to the one place in town that serves alcohol.  And we had a couple of drinks and visited and that’s it.  I did mention his distance a bit but without being confrontational and he admitted that he had been that way – still no real explanation.  But at one point he was just looking at me and I said “You miss me, don’t you.”  And he said yes.  And I said, but I’m not the one that has been distant.  He said that he knows.  And that’s about it.  We mostly visited about work related stuff.  When we left, we just hugged and I told him not to be a stranger.  He told me to let him know when I got to town tomorrow.  And now he’s texting me again.  He sent me a message that said “Thank you.”  I texted him back telling him that he’s welcome – but for what?  he said “Spending time with me and being you.”  I said that he confused me greatly and perhaps I’m foolish, but is just who I am.  We went back and forth there a bit and that’s it.  I don’t know if I’m just being plain stupid or what.  Yes, I KNOW he has ignored me for weeks now.  I KNOW that he has been horrible at communicating.  I don’t know that I really even want to go anywhere with this.  I think sometimes though, when loneliness sets in, and you get the opportunity for any kind of attention – no matter how brief, you plunge in headfirst without thinking.  I don’t regret having a drink with him.  I hope perhaps we can be friends.  I promise to try to be smart and not let myself get too caught up in things.  So that’s my evening and now it is WAY past my bed time. 

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Another long day

I am feeling a little more caught up on sleep – at least not completely exhausted by the end of the day.  I got up to school a little early to get some things done, worked all day and am still behind.  I did get quite a bit of grading done though.  The librarian was gone today so I got a full hour to work on grades.  I just need to get them entered into the computer.  I think I’m just going to let all my classes work on projects tomorrow rather than give lecture as I planned. 

I came home and made a salad burrito for supper.  (Tortilla, lettuce, turkey, little bit of cheese and lite ranch dressing).  I chatted with Marty and he sent me his resume to look at.  He’s finally going to apply for a job down in Austin and wanted some help with his resume.  I then went to choir rehearsal as we are practicing for Christmas.  We are learning some new music so we needed to get started early.

Tomorrow is the football game against the school that I graduated high school from and the school that I now teach at.  I’m going to the game and will sit on the side that pays my check the first half and then go over to my alma mater so I can watch the bands perform.  Then I’ll probably head home early. 

I emailed Andrew tonight in hopes that he’ll let me know that he’s ok.  I’m guessing he’s not having a good week and needs some down time.  I just hope he is taking a break and will be back soon.  I just don’t want to speculate about it because we cannot know what is going on.  He’ll return when he feels ready. 

It’s my bed time so I’m going to head that way.  It will be another busy weekend for me. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I finally got some rest.  I went back to bed shortly after posting last night and slept until this morning.  I realize that vitamins help.  I was feeling drowsy mid-morning, but remembered I had vitamins in my car.  So I went and got one and a coke zero.  After that, I had more energy and got through the day.  I actually got all my lesson plans for my speech class for the rest of the semester done and submitted them to my evaluator.  I’m going to try to get my English lessons done and submit those next week.  That way I won’t have to worry about them every week. 

I still feel behind, but just manage as I can.  I need to work on some grading, but I think I can do some of that tomorrow.  I got all my homework done for this week and submitted it tonight.  Again, nothing to report.  Just a dull life at the moment.  I’m hoping Andrew will start posting again soon.  I’m missing his daily reports. 

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


I’m feeling physically and mentally exhausted today.  By the time school was out today, I had shut down mentally and was feeling tired.  I ran by the bank to deposit my roommate’s rent money, then went to Wendy’s to pick up dinner.  I’m back to dieting starting today so I got a grilled chicken sandwich.  I ate my dinner but still felt tired so I went to “rest” on my bed.  2 1/2 hours later I wake up after actually sleeping and dreaming.  I’m still tired, still mentally unfocused, but figured I needed to get up for an hour or two.  I just feel completely worn out and will probably go back to bed soon.  I hope tomorrow finds me with a little more pep.

Nothing to report today.  Trying to muddle through the days.  I am to that point where I am not enjoying teaching so much any more.  I don’t know if it was the inservice or working on the pointless lesson plans I’m trying to get done, but I’m reminded that there simply aren’t enough hours in the day.  To top it all off I couldn’t print today at school and found out that they STILL don’t have my yearbook drive up and running. 

Monday, October 11, 2010

Back to work

Many people had the day off today.  Students weren’t in school, but we had an inservice session.  I felt it was a bit pointless again.  It was over differentiated learning which is the same thing we’ve learned year after year – about knowing our student’s learning styles and adapting how we teach to fit their needs.  Much of what we talked about, I already do when I can. 

There’s not much more to report here.  I haven’t graded papers like I should.  I got home early today and took a nap instead.  I finished one of my quests that is due on Wednesday.  Now I just need to do an evaluation and discussion entry.  I watched Chuck tonight though I haven’t watched most of last season.  I still have all but one episode recorded on my DVR but never found the time to watch them. 

So I've pretty much wasted most of my evening but I don’t particularly care.  I’m watching The Princess Bride right now.  I guess I’ll try to catch up starting tomorrow. 

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Shopped Until I dropped

My aunt and I had a very full day.  We left around 9:15 this morning and went shopping in Albuquerque.  We started at Dillards.  I didn’t really find anything there that I was interested in, but after that we went to the new Kohl’s that opened.  My aunt gave me a coupon for 15% but if I spent more than $100, I would get an additional 20%.  I ended up getting a new winter coat that I really liked that was on sale for $79 but I also got 3 pairs of pants and 4 sweaters/tops.  I spent way too much money, but I didn’t feel very bad because I didn’t do any back to school shopping before school started AND because everything I bought was a size smaller that I’m used to wearing.  I’ve gotten back down to the weight I lost last year with the biggest loser challenge – the full 20 pounds.  We’re starting the challenge again this week so I’m hoping I’ll continue to lose some more.  I didn’t buy a single XL top.  They were all large and the pants were a size 14 rather than a 16. My aunt did have to hem two pairs of the pants though – because I’m at that annoying height where petite/short is sometimes too short and average is too long.  After Kohl’s we went to Hobby Lobby where I picked up some rosary making beads and then we met my aunt’s husband and my sister and her husband for lunch at Olive Garden.  It was wonderful as always.  After that we went to Target where I finally got another audio cord so I can play my mp3 player in my car.  My aunt filled my car with gas before we headed back and I had to put some air in my tires as the warning light had come on signaling that they were low. 

I had grand plans to get some library homework done this weekend, but it just didn’t happen.  I’ll try to leave somewhat early tomorrow and then spend some time on it tomorrow.  I printed about 150 pages of stuff I’m supposed to read for class.  I feel perpetually behind.  And I’m up way past my normal bedtime right now.  I feel rather tired and should head to bed soon.  Last night I took a benadryl and slept pretty well.  I may have to do that again. 

Friday, October 08, 2010

Made it to Albuquerque

I left school around 4:15 and headed to Albuquerque.  I arrived at my aunt’s house 4 1/2 hours later.  Have just watched some t.v., enjoyed a bloody mary and then listened to the local radio station back home to see if our team won or lost.  It was intense – we were ahead by 3 and it got down to the last 12 seconds.  The opposing team threw a pass into the end zone that was incomplete and with only a few seconds on the clock left, they got a field goal and tied the game.  The opposing team ended up winning in overtime.  Very disappointing. 

So I’m going to take a benadryl shortly and go to bed.  We’re going shopping tomorrow and going to lunch with my sister.  She called me today and said that she realized that it was next weekend that she was off.  Since I already had plans to come this weekend, we decided to meet for lunch instead. 

I realized on the way here that I forgot my cord to connect my mp3 player in my car.  I stopped at the K-Mart in Tucumcari to see if I could pick one up, they didn’t have anything and there wasn’t a Walmart.  So I just listened to the radio, but I would rather have had my own music.  I’ll pick one up before heading home on Sunday.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Today’s Pics

Eightballback eightballfront

I was a big hit as the Magic 8 Ball today.  I even had the sayings printed on cards and would randomly pull one out of a pocket I made on the back of the front side when someone would ask me a yes or no question.  I think my kids really liked the creativity of it.  They would ask me random classes during class and I’d pull up an answer. 

I’m not sure if my door placed in the decorating contest, but I thought it was rather clever.  The theme for homecoming was Disney Villains so our door was “Guess the Antagonist” since it was my English class that had to create it.  Behind each character (or protagonist) is a picture and the name of the antagonist (or opposing force). 

door2 door

The picture in the middle is the school’s mascot and the antagonist of course is the mascot of the school we are playing this weekend.  Homecoming is a big deal in this community.  The game sold out on Friday and the only tickets available are for the visitor’s side now.  I’ll be headed to Albuquerque right after school so I don’t have to worry about it. 

I have to get some laundry done tonight and pack a bag for tomorrow.  I’ll just leave from school.  I’ll be back on Sunday sometime. 

Guess I better get started on that laundry so I don’t have to be up late tonight.  I was up until 10:30 working on my costume and I was so tired that I fell right to sleep.  I was still tired this morning though and did not want to get up. 

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

For your viewing pleasure

Here are the pics of my recent dress up days at school.  I hope I will have time to get my next project done tonight.  I have to get homework turned in which includes reading a lengthy and boring article.  I was a big hit today though many students thought I was Harry Potter and I had to correct them and let them know that I was Hermione Granger. 

crazyhair Crazy Hair Day with pinkish, out of control hair.


As a “Gansta” with my baggy pants, hoodie, rosary, earbuds.


As Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. 

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

On the go

I don’t know why it is but I always have to go above and beyond with spirit week.  Today was a hit – I was a total “gangsta” in my outfit.  Tomorrow is fictional character day and I’ll be going as Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter books.  I went to Amarillo to find a tie and tights to wear with my sweater, skirt, and robe.  I used a stick from the yard for my wand and am waiting for the brown paint I put on one side of it to dry so I can paint the other side.  Thursday is “Dress like your float day” and each grade level class has a Disney themed float.  I’m a senior sponsor this year and their float is based on “Toy Story.”  I think I’m going to go as the Magic 8 ball.  But it will be a very flat 8-Ball – just going to do a two sided sandwich board type of thing made out of posterboard.  I am, however, going to have real “predictions” with the costume.  It’s kind of difficult to explain so I’ll just have to post a picture. 

We also have a door decorating contest and I stayed after school today working on that.  Since my 4th period class (who is supposed to help with the door) is English, my door will be “Guess the Antagonist.”  I’ll have pictures of Disney characters (protagonists) and people will have to guess the name of their antagonist (villains).  The answers will be pictures placed behind the main characters.  I thought it was clever. 

I ran all over town to get costume stuff.  I went to Burlington Coat Factory, Michaels, Walmart, Hastings, and another Walmart.  I was happy to have Taco Villa for dinner though.  I got home about an hour ago and I’m still a little wired because I had caffeine with my dinner.  I hope I can get to sleep at a decent hour. 

I’ve decided to go to Albuquerque this weekend to visit my aunt.  She’s been asking me to come and thought there really isn’t a good weekend, I’m just going to bite the bullet and go.  I’ll get to see my sister so, it will be nice. 

Well, I’m going to go finish my wand and then try to get some sleep.  Another busy day tomorrow. 

Monday, October 04, 2010

One day down

I’m not sure how many more to go, they all seem to blend together these days.  I did participate in crazy hair day today. One of only about 3 or 4 teachers that did.  I sprayed it with lots of hair spray and pink coloring.  It kind of just stuck up everywhere.  I just took a shower to get rid of all the gunk – it was rather disgusting.  I had to wash it twice.  Tomorrow is Freaky Friday day where students dress like teachers and teachers dress like students.  I’ll be wearing my baggy jeans with boxers sticking out, extra large t-shirt, Nike’s, and a hooded sweatshirt.  I can’t forget the sunglasses and earbuds of course. 

I had a huge headache today that lasted from lunch time until after school.  I wasn’t sure if was the fumes from the hairspray or wearing contacts or something else, but I left shortly after school was out though I’d normally stay a while.  I came home and took two tylenol and took the contacts out.  The headache subsided within an hour or so.  I made some chicken and rice-a-roni for dinner.  I didn’t bring any work home because I knew that I wouldn’t do any of it.  I did do some grad school homework, but that’s it. 

I’m washing a few things for tomorrow, and soon as I get them in the dryer, I’m heading to bed.  It’s really early, but I just want to go to bed. 

Nothing else going on here.  Just tired and need some sleep.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Most of the time I’m amazing

Just so you know – my moments of down in my posts are only temporary.  Generally, I think I’m a good catch.  I am aware of my faults, but I also know my strengths.  I think I already am the kind of person that I’m looking for.  I’m intelligent, thoughtful, honest (but not to a fault), creative, romantic, with varied interests.  I can be a little shy, but not so much that it prevents me from making conversation or pursuing someone.  I tend to be more reflective than outgoing.  And that is the kind of person that I would like.  I don’t want someone with a very gregarious personality.  But it seems that unless I’m an athletically toned woman that loves to watch sports and go hunting, that I’m not much of a match.  At least that is the way it seems on eharmony.  I thought that their “matching system” was supposed to take personality and interests into account.  I keep getting what they call “flexible matches” because I guess I’m too damn particular wanting someone within a 120 mile radius that isn’t psycho.  I get matches far beyond my search such as Las Vegas, or they are above or below my age requirements.  (I put up to 5 years younger and 10 years older)  It seems the only relatively local matches are those with whom I would have absolutely nothing in common with.  And what is up with these 45-50 year old men that still want kids? 

Ok enough about dating rants.  I enjoyed sleeping in this morning.  I was glad that I got my midterm done.  I finished it in less that two hours and I feel pretty good about it.  There were a few questions that I wasn’t completely sure on, but made my best guess.  I just hope I maintained an “A”.  I’m going to head to church shortly and then go up to the school to work.  I really need to do some cleaning and laundry here at the house, but it may have to wait.  It’s a cool morning and it rained a little bit.  I guess fall is finally here. 

I need some ideas for crazy hair day at school tomorrow.  It’s homecoming week with dress up days and I always dress up unlike most of the teachers at the school.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Nothing like procrastination

First of all, most of you know that Andrew is now back.  I’m happy that he’s returned and that he is safe.  I don’t know if that means I’ll lose the recent visitors to my blog.  My stats rose considerably in the last few days with people looking for news on Andrew.  But I do appreciate those that stopped by and hope you’ll return every once in a while.  I know my blog isn’t very exciting most of the time, but you never know when I might get a date sometime in the next 4 or 5 years. 

So I went to bed at 9:00ish and fell asleep quickly but was wide awake around 2:00 a.m.  After that, I slept here and there until around 7:00.  I stayed in bed and continued to sleep a little until 8:00-something when I finally gave up.  I took a shower, piddled around the house and had plans to go to the library around 10, but didn’t get there until 12:30.  I stayed until 3:00 and read almost all the articles (well, some I skimmed).  Now I’m home reading a handful of articles that I didn’t get printed that are online. They are all saying the same things basically, so I’m not really reading them in depth.  I’m going to start my midterm around 5:00 or so and hope I finish within the 4 hour time slot.  I hope it doesn’t really take me that long.  It is supposed to be 31 questions that are a combination of multiple choice and some short answer.  But the questions are over the 30 articles we read as well as everything that we’ve had in our library courses until this point with the exception of cataloging (thank goodness). 

As far as the feeling of loneliness goes, it will eventually go away.  I think the problem is that for a brief moment I was able to experience what it is like to go out on a date.  To spend time with someone where you talk, share, laugh, and enjoy the company of someone else.  The excitement of holding hands, kissing, and connecting.  And then all of sudden it just disappears.  It’s like a drug where you have that momentary high and now you have to deal with the withdrawal symptoms.  I had gone four years without dating or having those moments so I just got used to it.  I was ok with being on my own.  Sure, I would have enjoyed going out, but it wasn’t a big deal.  And now I realize how much I really did miss all that and it hits close to home.  So now I second guess myself and wonder what’s wrong with me.  Is there something about me that is that repulsive?  I have always thought that I was a pretty good catch, but it just makes me wonder if I’m fooling myself.  But these thoughts will subside at some point as well.  It is just a matter of time and numbing myself again.  I’m not sure that dating is worth all of this.  Am I doomed to always attract the wrong men?  It’s either the perverts, the emotionally unstable, the commitment-phobic, or a combination of all of these.  I think it is too much to expect to find just a nice guy without a bunch of hang-ups. I’m not looking for perfection, just relatively normal would be nice. 

But I’m not going to worry myself too much over this.  I’m just having one of those low moments.  Overall life is good – just tired of the same old thing I guess.  I know I don’t have to keep myself in the house.  I’ve gone to dinner, the movies, the symphony and other places by myself before.  I just remember that it is really nice to share it with someone else and so I’m missing that. 

Tomorrow I’m going to church and then need to get some work done up at school.  Maybe I won’t feel as behind if I get some things done before Monday hits. 

Well, I better get the last of the articles read so I can start the midterm.  Wish me luck!

Friday, October 01, 2010

Nothing to report

Just another day of work.  I still feel overwhelmed most of the time, but that is just the way it is right now.  Feeling a bit on the lonely side this evening, but just dealing with that as well.  I did get my yearbook cover done and submitted.  I also printed the pages I need to read this weekend for my midterm.  It’s probably 200 pages or so.  That’s my plan for tomorrow, just read, read, and read some more.  I know I shouldn’t put things off like this, but I’ll manage as always. 

I had no intention to cook this evening.  I stayed at school until almost 6:00 so I ordered pizza for dinner.  Had a cold beer with it and it was rather delicious.  I also have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. 

I haven’t heard from Andrew and it doesn’t look like he’s been reading my blog or checking his emails.  Just keep sending good thoughts his way and I’m sure he’ll come around. 

I’m going to just call it an early night and plan to get up somewhat early, find a quiet place and start reading all the articles that I printed today.