Monday, November 17, 2008

A status change

I have an official boyfriend now.  O.k. I know what you're thinking... "Didn't you already have a boyfriend... I mean you flew out to Florida to see this guy..."  or something like that.  Actually our status has been "not quite dating, but interested, and let's see where it goes, but not ready to commit..." or something like that.  I've been calling him my "not quite boyfriend" ever since he left this summer.  
But we talked last night.  Not as I had intended but it was kind of an emotional situation where I couldn't find the words to explain what was going through my head.  Can you imagine that?  Me without words to say?  
There's a lot going on in Marty's head right now and for him to tell me that I could call him my boyfriend now is a huge step indeed.  The distance is still an issue, but he's going to stop using it as an excuse like he has been doing for the last four years.  There are still many other issues that we have to get through, many which frighten the hell out of me. 
I don't know if this made a difference for Marty last night but it has made a difference for me for some time.  In one of my priest's homilies he talks about love stating that it's not really a "feeling."  He says that love is ultimately a decision.  It's a choice one makes.  People get caught up in the emotions but love really comes down to just making a decision to love another and then doing what it takes to bring happiness to them.  Although there wasn't really much of a homily at yesterday's service, the deacon did make a statement that also hit home for me when he talked about love involving risk.  
I made a choice a long time ago to love Marty in spite of my best efforts to avoid it.  Although I had to put it on hold for a long time, I never really stopped loving him.  Am I taking a huge risk once again?  Absolutely.  Is he going to make the decision to love me?  I don't know, but he took a huge step last night so at least there's a chance.  Are we there yet?  No, but at least the hope is there.  And now I have a boyfriend.  

5 comments:

Andrew said...

I got so excited reading this!!!! You deserve some of the easy life. Everything is better with a man at your side. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to share this with us. I know you want to stay in Florida forever!

Leann said...

It is so good to hear you are happy. Relationships are never easy and I've also heard the phrase that love is a choice. It's a decision you make. Are you ready for it? Can you make that commitment? Those are all tough questions and ones that need to be answered. I once had a Chief Petty Officer's wife tell me that love is like a job, you have to work at it 24/7. If you slack off and take it for granted, it will die. No pressure :-)

Terri said...

love is definitely a decision, every day you have to make it. Glad you are making progress in that area! Enjoy your trip!

Carol said...

Hey, girl! Happy to find you! And I'm glad you are happy. You said some very wise things in this post!

mago said...

HA!
Girl meets boy under the silver moon ...


My best wishes!