Monday, October 12, 2009

Where Am I?

Andrew (my number one fan) asked where I am. To be honest... I have no idea. I am still totally overwhelmed with work that I don't know where to begin. I was gone to convention for three days. During the time that I was not attending meetings (and sometimes during the meetings) I updated my coachingspeech website that I hadn't updated in a year. I put in probably 15 hours of time on the site and have it mostly updated. I still haven't finished editing last year's yearbook or making the changes needed to get it submitted. I'm going to start teaching Beowulf this week but am still unprepared for it but going to get started regardless. I haven't turned in lesson plans for the last two weeks. My speech classes are trucking along simply because I already have the materials I've used the last four years. Nevermind any grand ideas of going beyond what I've always done. My house is slowly turning back into disarray. My cataloging course is going well - I made a 100 on a quiz the first time I took it recently which was a nice feeling. I seem to just "get it" when it comes to cataloging. Maybe that means I was meant to be a librarian. My other course is fine in general except that I probably turned in the worst paper I've ever done. It was certainly not up to my own standards, but I put it off until the last minute (and really didn't have time to work on it) so I threw it together tonight. I submitted it anyway and will just hope for the best. The rest of my grades in the class are good so hopefully it won't kill me too much.

I hate the fact that I don't like being a teacher this year. In the past, I've had some bad days and good days but overall, I at least didn't mind teaching for the most part. This year, I hate it. I got a horrible report on my class from hell while I was gone. I'm sick of trying to teach a subject that I despise teaching. I love the idea of English and grammar and literature - but not when it comes to teaching others about it. I'm a stickler for good grammar most of the time (don't judge my blog, however, as I don't often proof read) but that is simply for myself. I am just unhappy in my job right now and that just brings down life in general. Sure, it's nice to have a boyfriend (when he's not sick and uncommunicative) but I wish I simply had more down time. Yeah, I know I like to be lazy and sometimes I still am which means I scramble but it seems that I'm constantly having to do something. You know I felt GUILTY this weekend when I got home from convention at 8:00 p.m. on Saturday and I didn't do any school work. I did end up doing more work on the website but that's something I enjoyed doing and haven't been able to do in a long time.

I'm sorry I'm whining so much. I really hope that I'm doing the right thing by pursuing my library degree. I can't tell you how badly I want to get out of the classroom. I've decided that if I do it right, I'll be able to graduate in December of 2010. Of course, that doesn't mean I'll get a library job in the middle of the year, but at least I'll have the certification and master's degree and I can start in the 2011 school year - which at this point seems incredibly far away. But maybe there is a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, I guess that's enough for now. I'm going to bed despite the work that still awaits in my bag beside the chair. I'm just too burned out to focus at this point.

2 comments:

Andrew said...

You have a full plate, gal! I worry about you. I wish there was something I could do to help. I will tell you a funny and sad story about mom's last years teaching school before she retired. Mom always had a mental illness, but it didn't get uncontrollable just before she was to retire. She would just walk out of her classroom and go wander walking around the neighborhood around the school. She hated teaching so much. Her principal would have to ride around the neighborhood in his car to find her and bring her back. He would call my father exasperated not knowing what to do. Thankfully, dad got to be president of the school board and he managed to get mom early retirement and she got to keep all her benefits without losing them. My father may be a hard man when it concerns mom and me, but her truly does care and went through hell as president of the school board.

mago said...

I am SURE that the library thing is right.