Caffeine

Giving up soft drinks for Lent has been hard. I have not had a coke since February 28. I have been drinking tea to give me that caffeine boost as needed, but I can really feel it when I don't have any. Today I only had water during lunch and by the time I got home from school today, I was exhausted. Of course Josh was STARVING and had to have food immediately. He wanted subway today and had some coupons, but I told him that I couldn't eat there today since it's a Friday. (Abstinence) So I made him some hamburger helper and than I took a nap. I got up to take him to a soccer game tonight, but I'm still tired. I went to Wendy's and got a side salad and some fries.
Yesterday Josh had a piano lesson. I think he's doing really well. After that I brought him home and then had choir rehearsal from 7-9. I still really enjoy taking part in singing some really beautiful music. I also picked up some clarinet music to play in showcase next week. I have to start practicing it. I did decide to take a personal day off on Thursday next week. Showcase is next Friday night. Josh is beside himself because he is going to miss it. He is leaving for a band trip next week.
And that's all the excitement going on here. I wish I had something interesting or profound to share, but life is pretty dull at the moment.

Just a Wednesday

I feel bad that I haven't posted since Sunday, but I'm not sure I have anything interesting to say. Monday was uneventful. It was a long day of teaching since I gave notes which makes me tired after repeating the same thing for five class periods. Tuesday I yelled at my kids for not being prepared to present their anecdotes that I assigned them last Monday and gave them two full class days to work on them. Last night was also Josh's band concert. I would have really enjoyed it had it not been for people coming in and out of the auditorium. The door makes a clicking noise when you open and close it and no less that a dozen times per piece was someone going in or out. I am appalled that these are parents of band students that should know better. And then there were parents whispering during the concert. I'm still irritated thinking about it. These are kids that have worked really hard on their music and I think that they deserve the courtesy of people being on time to their performance and if they're not, to wait until a piece has finished before barging in. Has common courtesy and manners been completely forgotten?
I finished the rosaries I made for my RCIA class and will take them tonight. That is something I've enjoyed doing. It is calming and relaxing to sit and string beads for a few hours. I now need to finish the 2nd baby blanket I am working on.
I just called the clarinet instructor at WT to check on playing in clarinet ensemble for Showcase again. I would only be able to make one rehearsal and then the practice before the show next Friday. I really do want to play in it again. I am thinking of taking a personal day next Thursday and just taking the day off. That way I could go to the ensemble rehearsal, do the Randall high school cheerleading tryouts (and make another few dollars), and then that evening will be my first confession at Church. I'm still a little nervous about it since I'm covering quite a few years. I really need to start making a list. I've been reading the Bible a lot lately. I made the decision to finally try and read the Bible all the way through. I read almost every night for about 30 minutes. I am now into Exodus and Moses just received the ten commandments. I have really enjoyed reading it. Many stories that were vaguely familiar are finally making sense. Though I admit I have had a hard time reading about Moses without picturing Charlton Heston.

Being crafty

I have actually been using my craft room. I made a curtain for my bathroom window. I am also working on curtains for my bedroom, but had to wait to get thread. At the speech tournament this weekend I was able to almost finish crocheting a baby blanket. I have another one started. (Two of the speech teachers in this area are pregnant.) Yesterday I spent time making rosaries for my RCIA class. I also went out in search of shoes to wear with my Easter dress. I haven't found anything. I have something I can wear as a backup, but I really wanted to find something new. I found a gorgeous pair at JC Penny's that would have been perfect except they were really uncomfortable.
My team did well on Friday. We have 11 students qualified to go on to Regional competition. It was a long night though. I didn't get home until about 12:15. Luckily, I did sleep in on Saturday. I didn't get out of bed until 10:00.
Today I went to Church and sang in the choir. Then I finished making some rosaries. I need to tidy up a bit and do a little laundry. At least it's not overwhelming.
Here's the 4th paper of the persoal profile project:

I have many moments in the past 36 years that I find memorable. Some are happy while others are not. One of the most vivid is the time I was hit by a car and broke my neck. I also remember giving birth to my son on my 21^st birthday. My engagement and wedding were also quite memorable. My mother’s memorial service was a difficult time but also something I will never forget. Meeting my high school boyfriend after fourteen years was also very interesting. To choose one moment to write about is a difficult task, but I will write about attending my first Catholic Mass.

Although I had attended mostly Baptist churches growing up I did attend Episcopal services from time to time. So when I went to my first Catholic Mass on Palm Sunday last year, it was not completely unfamiliar. It took me several months to even call someone at the church to get information about potentially joining. Once I did call, I received an invitation from a very nice lady and decided to take the plunge. It was a little unusual because at the time, the church was holding Mass in their reception hall. They were building a new church and so it was strange to not be in what I would call a normal place of worship. It was still very interesting, however. It involved a lot of sitting and standing, but we only kneeled once giving the circumstances of not being in regular pews, but rather folding chairs.

There was a lot of familiarity because of my experience of attending Episcopalian services that are very similar. I even knew a few of the responses. I did feel a little out of place since I didn’t know a lot of the recitations like the Nicene Creed, the Gloria and such. I also knew that I could not receive communion, but I did go up and get a blessing. Although I felt a little strange throughout the service, I did enjoy it very much. Although a Catholic Mass is very different than the services I was used to, it seemed to be very reverent and much more holy.

After the service was over, I went to breakfast with the lady who had invited me and we had a long conversation about my background. It turned out that I went to school with her daughter and I didn’t even know it. Since that service I have been attending mass regularly only missing a few times when I have been out of town. The more I went, the more I understood and after about six weeks I had all of the responses down. It seems that just by attending Mass, I slowly began to change and started to understand God’s will and knew it was just right. I never had one of those “Come to Jesus” moments, but it was more a soft nudging that led me to the realization that becoming Catholic was the good and right thing for me to do. I was not certain when I attended my first Mass, but after a few months I had no doubt about it. Sometimes I am amazed at how God chooses to work in our lives. I feel that I am truly blessed.

Please explain once again

why I am awake by 6:45 a.m. and up by 7:10 a.m. on the day that I don't have to leave early and go to work? I just don't get it. Every other day is like waking the dead to get myself up and going to work. Last night I even stayed up late and didn't go to bed until after midnight. Is it just something about getting up 45 minutes earlier? Perhaps I just cannot wake up before a certain time. Maybe it's the alarm clock. Now I'm debating whether I should go back to bed and lay there like a lazy bum or do something productive. I do have some dishes that need to be done and my house could use a little more tidying.
As I was laying in bed this morning pondering whether I should get out of bed I was thinking of that phrase "If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with..." I don't know why that popped into my head, but I really think that phrase is baloney. (I would have said something else, but I am still cleaning up my language.) Why on earth do you let someone you love go? Why put them to that test? If you love someone and let them go, then they're going to eventually move on. And is there a time limit as to how long you should wait for them to come back? What if you let someone go, and then a few years later, you move on and get married and then the "supposed" love comes back? Do you then dump your current partner because the other one was meant to be? I think if you love someone, then you should hang on to them despite rough patches and through the low points. I think if you make it through, then perhaps it is meant to be. If you let go during those times, then perhaps it's not and that should be your cue to move on. If you love someone and let them go in hopes that they will come back, then you're a fool. I know sometimes things work out and people reunite with old loves and such, but I think that certainly isn't the norm and truly isn't worth the risk. O.k. that's end of my soap box this morning.

Personal profile paper 3

Thank goodness today was basically Friday for me. Tomorrow is our UIL tournament and so I got the day off to go to that. Since it is here, I don't have to drive to Hereford in the morning and then drive all the way back here. I will be able to sleep in and meet the kids there at 11:15. I am exhausted today. I had to get ready for my sub tomorrow which seems to take forever. I was also interrupted by an ARD meeting that I wasn't aware that I had. I don't have much else to share, so I will continue with my personal profile papers. Here's number 3.

My Value

I hold music to be of value because it has been my passion for many years. Music has been important to me since I began playing an instrument in 5^th grade band. Band has been a source of fun, friendships and pleasure. Although I am no longer in band, I still stay involved with music. I still play my clarinet from time to time. I have played at church in an ensemble, during the summer with the WT summer band and director’s band at band camp, and every spring with the WT clarinet ensemble at the Showcase of Music. I have also joined the choir at church despite the fact that I feel I am not very good at singing. I do it because I simply love it.

Music soothes, inspires and evokes many special memories. I tend to associate different songs with certain people that have played a part in my life. Music can be relaxing or exciting and it is something that is always different and changes depending on my mood. I have a wide variety of tastes when it comes to music. I especially enjoy listening to classical music and my favorite composers are Mozart, Tchaikovsky, Rossini and Mussorgsky. I also am a fan of 80’s pop music. My favorite singers are Olivia Newton John and Garth Brooks. Other kinds of music that I listen to are classic rock, oldies, country, and Christian. I do not care for rap or hip hop music at all.

I am thrilled that my son has shared and developed his own passion for music. I hoped that he would and it was expected given his upbringing. I was pregnant with him in the fall of 1990 and marched with the WT band when I was 7 months along. When he was a baby, I used to bring him to music rehearsals because I didn’t always have a babysitter. After he started band in sixth grade, his passion for music grew. He is very much like me because he loves classical music and oldies. His favorite singer is Elvis. He is very talented instrumentally playing the clarinet and has recently begun taking piano. He writes music and has plans to be a composer. I appreciate the fact that we both have a love for music because it’s something special that we can share.

Personal Profile Paper 2

I still don't have much to report today. It was a pretty easy day as far as school goes. My students were in the computer lab all day today typing their personal profiles. I spent the day doing some reading and I finished the letter to Prison Pete. I feel bad that I haven't been very good pen pal, but hopefully he'll appreciate getting a letter. He's been transferred again so I'll have to get his new address. I'm posting the second paper of the personal profile project that my students are completing.

I do not consider myself to be very active socially. I have a few people that I consider to be good, close friends. Unfortunately some of them now live fairly far away. I have several people that are friends but really would probably be considered more acquaintances. These are people I know and talk to them when I see them, but I don’t call them up or hang out with them. For the most part, I spend my time alone or with my son as I am usually too busy for other things. I do have several friends that are “online” friends that I have never met in person, but they are still special. I also do not date socially like I once did. I am still single and perhaps prince charming will find his way to my doorstep one of these days. I have just decided to stop looking for him. Right now life is usually filled with other things and I don’t have time sit around worrying about my social life. I am happy with the way things are for me.

Intellectually I consider myself to be very bright. I am by no means a genius, but others have said I am intelligent, including my students. I know that sometimes I may talk over their heads but hopefully they will learn some new words while in my class. I don’t think it is wise to dumb down too much. In high school I usually made A’s and B’s and I graduated 16^th out of 332 students. I didn’t apply myself much in high school and most things came fairly easy for me. In college I made mostly A’s and a few B’s. I graduated with honors in college (Magna Cum Laude) with a 3.82 grade point average. My best subjects in school were band, speech, and English. I once had an I.Q. test administered and I was told it was 138. I figured that was pretty good.

Emotionally I tend to hold most things in. I can be and am very emotional at times, but I generally do not like to make a show of it. I especially do not like to watch sad movies with other people. When I finally watched The Passion of the Christ, I had to do it alone with a box of tissues. Some things that make me happy are riding rollercoasters, getting flowers, and sincere compliments. I would consider myself to be sentimental but not sappy. I tend to not show extreme emotions one way or the other and stay fairly controlled with my emotions.

Religion has become extremely important to me. For the past year, I have been attending Mass at St. Ann’s Catholic Church in Canyon and am in the process of converting to the Catholic faith. I have been in RCIA classes since September and will be confirmed at Easter Vigil on April 15, 2006. This is actually quite an extreme change for me as I had not been “religious” in any sense for almost fifteen years. I used to attend Baptist churches when I was growing up until shortly after going to college. I got to a point where I felt that too many people in the church were hypocritical and I decided that perhaps I was not cut out for calling myself a Christian. I stopped going to church regularly, though I still believed in God and prayed from time to time. Two years ago I met up with an old friend and was indirectly introduced to the Catholic faith. For a year I studied the faith on my own and then made the decision to go to my first Mass almost a year ago on Palm Sunday in 2005. It has been an incredible journey for me and I have found myself a better person for it.

Economically I am probably considered to be middle class. I have been extremely poor, but never wealthy. When I was in college and a single parent, I lived on welfare for about four years as I finished my degree. When I began teaching in 1994 I got off welfare and started earning a regular paycheck. As a teacher, I don’t make a great deal of money but it’s enough to get by and have the necessities of life. It’s not always easy because my son is a teenager and he is getting very expensive. One of these days I would like to be free of debt and am working toward that goal.

A long day

It's tough to go back to school after having a week off. Almost every day during the break I was in bed at a decent hour... maybe 11:30 at the latest. I tried going to bed by 10:00 last night and was still wide awake at 11:15. I finally took a tylenol pm, but was very tired this morning. And to top it all off we had this freshman orientation thing tonight that lasted until 8:00 p.m. so I didn't get home until 8:30.

I don't have anything really exciting to post today so I thought I'd start sharing my personal profile project. It's an assignment I am having my students complete and since I am asking them to share information with me, I figured I should be willing to disclose as well. (Don't worry, it's nothing that I would consider to be too personal.) I just did the same project... though mine is a bit wordy. They have to write a series of five papers about themselves. Here is the first one.

I was born on November 10, 1969 so I am currently 36 years old. I am 5’4” if I stand up straight in shoes. I have dark brown hair, hazel eyes and weigh 174 pounds on a good day. I have freckles, pale skin, and have been called “cute” on many occasions so perhaps I am starting to believe it. Most people consider me to be very smart and mostly serious, though I have been known to have fun once in a while. I was born in Perryton, Texas and grew up there until I was six years old. My family and I moved to Amarillo in 1976 and I have lived in the area (Amarillo or Canyon) since then. I currently live in Canyon and love where I am right now.

I have a wide variety of tastes about many things. I developed a passion for rollercoasters a few years ago and have ridden about 125 different coasters. My favorite coaster is Poltergeist at Fiesta Texas in San Antonio. I prefer steel over wood coasters, but for me, a ride is a ride and the faster and smoother the better. Music has played a part in my life for about 25 years and I will get into more details about that later in this paper. Though I don’t think I have any Italian blood in me, I love Italian food. Spaghetti with meat sauce is my favorite, closely followed by fettucini alfredo. I love to read, though I rarely find to do much of it these days. I enjoy mystery novels and books on Catholicism. My favorite authors are Sue Grafton and Janet Evanovich. I have two favorite books that are To Kill a Mockingbird and The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I enjoy comedy movies especially those by Mel Brooks or the Zucker brothers. Blazing Saddles and Rat Race would be my favorites in that area. I also enjoy working crossword puzzles and playing Scrabble, though I have a hard time finding someone to play the game with me. It seems that I have beaten too many people and they’re afraid of getting whipped.

I do have some things I do not like much as well. At the top of that list would have to be most vegetables. I grew up a fairly picky eater and I never learned to like my vegetables. I do like potatoes, corn and salad fixings. I hate any kind of bean. I am not a morning person and I don’t like getting up early without a good reason. I do not care for people that are dishonest and untrustworthy. A few other things that bother me are being broke, hypocrites, and scary movies.

I do not consider myself to be a very prejudiced person. I accept almost all people regardless of their race, religion, or beliefs. Even those that don’t agree with me in matters of my faith or belief system, I can still consider them to be a friend. I do find, however, that I tend to have a bias towards my faith. It is not so much that I feel that others are wrong in their beliefs, nor do I want to change anyone’s beliefs, I just have an affinity for Catholicism. My only prejudice that I feel I have would be against smokers. I do not have any kind of hatred for those that smoke, I will not, however, associate myself with them when they are smoking. I have had many friends that have smoked, but I choose not to expose myself to it when possible. The reason behind this is because my mother smoked for 42 years and passed away because of lung cancer. It was painful to watch her go through it and it is a horrible way to die.

I have a few talents that I have developed over the years. One of them is playing the clarinet. I have played it since 1981 when I was in the fifth grade. When I was in high school I usually sat in a high chair in all-region band, made it to area band several years and missed all-state by four chairs my senior year. When I was a sophomore, I made a first division and received an outstanding award at the state Solo & Ensemble contest. I started my college career majoring in music and though I switched to speech, I continued to play in band throughout college and still play from time to time. Another talent I have had is with flags. I was flag captain in both high school and college. I taught flags at band camp for many years and have worked with area school flag corps. I also consider myself talented when it comes to speaking and performing. Though I haven’t had many speaking opportunities, I did very well in my college speaking and performance classes. I have also participated in some local theatre productions and played a major role in the musical Into the Woods. A few other skills that I have honed in the past few years are writing, cooking, and my knowledge of computers especially with graphic design.

When it comes to personality, I can be very enigmatic. My moods can vary widely. On the positive side, I consider myself intelligent, witty, creative, resourceful, and easy going. I don’t let a lot of things get to me. My students concurred that I was intelligent but they also felt I was helpful, knowledgeable, and friendly. I was surprised that many of them did not think I was introverted because I usually think that I am. But just like most people, my personality shifts depending on the situation that I am in. I was also surprised that several said I was organized. I do like to be organized and I try, but I am not always successful at it. I tend to procrastinate a bit and can be a little lazy at times. My house is generally messy and I hate cleaning. I have been known to have very high expectations that can create problems for some people. I am very strong-willed and stubborn. But overall I would say that I’m generally a happy and positive person.

Cleansing

If you have read my other blog at all, you know that I've done a lot of soul searching as I take steps in becoming Catholic. Because of some recent events, I have begun really looking into those things that I am harboring. Today I did what you might call a little house cleaning today. I got rid of some things that I have been holding on to, that are not helping me get closer to God. I also had a nice fire tonight. I had a stack of papers that would be considered "dirt" on another person and tonight I burned them along with some pictures that no longer have a place in my life. It was quite a relief to let go of all of it.

I found that it is more difficult to burn a stack of papers than it seems. I forgot about fire really needing oxygen to burn. When it didn't burn like I thought it should, I took a few papers and wadded them up putting some on top and then a few below. That seemed to do the trick to get the fire going pretty well. I then helped it along with the fireplace poker. I watched them burn until nothing but ashes were left.

Luckily I was a little smarter than my ex-husband. (I'm sorry Richard, but I have to tell the story on here.) Shortly before he and I met, he sort of did the same thing. He did it more out of anger, however. He had a girlfriend that he found out was cheating on him. He broke it off with her and then proceeded to gather a lot of the things he had bought her and decided to get rid of them. He lived out in the country at the time and had a large pit where he would throw his trash. He threw the stuff in the pit and poured gasoline or something to help it burn. He then threw a match down there. Nothing happened. He did it again. Again, nothing happened. Of course he would walk away for fear of flames coming up, but again and again, he couldn't get it to light. He finally dropped another match and watched it go down. Turns out that the pit was quite deep and the match would blow out before it hit the bottom. So he got smart. He wrapped a stack of matches together, lit them and threw them down into the pit. He briefly remembers the fireball that shot out. When he came to, he was about 20 feet away on his back. He had no eyebrows left and the top of his hair was singed. He really was quiet lucky, albeit stupid. We met shortly after that. I didn't really notice the eyebrows (I guess they had started to grow back in), but his face was still a little red I guess because he made a point to tell me that he had been involved in a fire. I figured it had something to with his job being a police officer and it was until sometime later I heard the real story. But I guess the cleansing for him seemed to help.

work, work, work...

O.k. I admit I did take a nap this afternoon. But I did tackle the extra room that has now become my craft room. I sorted things, cleaned out a dresser that is now holding my craft supplies, put things into nifty compartments, and now I'm ready to do crafts! O.k. maybe not.. I'll probably do as I did last night and play on my laptop. I didn't watch a movie or clean the room last night. But I did clean all day today. I may even post more pictures of my amazing work! I am still not caught up on laundry, but I'll get there eventually. I'm now down to things that aren't that crucial.. some extra blankets and things that I need to wash eventually.
I'm really going to have to get a life where I don't post about my house cleaning and laundry. It would be nice if I could go on a date or something. My ex-husband just complimented me on some of my new pictures that I posted on my yahoo profile. I guess that's a good thing... makes me feel good that he still finds me attractive... just wish someone locally would as well. I still think I'm a pretty good catch, I just keep getting messages from weirdos though. Last one was a truck driver in Arkansas that couldn't spell. And I'm still talking to the other guy in San Antonio. He seems nice enough and he's Catholic... but he lives 500 miles away. I still haven't talked to him on my phone, but told him he could hear my voice on my blog.
And that's all the excitement in my world. No dates. No adventures. Just cleaning, chatting, watching t.v., napping, shopping, cleaning, laundry. But at least I'm not grading papers.

Proof

Proof that my house really is clean.

My purple bathroom. I love this color. Before I cleaned, there wasn't a clean space on the counter.

Living room... I even vacuumed the floors.

Living room - This is my desk where I spend most of my evenings on the computer.

My bedroom... unfortunately the animals take over my bed most of the time. And I still love my waterbed.

Kitchen - No comments on the color of the paint... unless you like it. I happen to love the color, but it's a bit bright for some people. It's better than the dark brown that used to be in there.

I still have laundry to finish and another room to clean. I am not even going to attempt to touch Josh's room. It looks like a tornado and an earthquake hit it. I'll save that task for a time when he is gone to band camp or something. I also have not worked on the garage in a while, but it's been cold here... so maybe this summer.