A dry spell

I don't know what to write about, but I feel I should write something. I have started a couple of blog entries but I just can't seem to finish them. I am probably disappointing my readers, but I guess they might move on to greener pastures. So I'll just tell you about my day.
It started way to early for a Saturday. Granted the last several weekends I've had early days of speech tournaments and today was going to be a blessed event of sleeping in. Well, my former boss called me a few days ago asking me if I would be willing to help him with a job this weekend. Since I am always in need of money I couldn't turn it down. Josh went and helped today as well. We stickered yearbooks for a local school that had a controversial picture in it. (Don't ask) It took a little over four hours and we were paid $100 each. I would say it was well worth it. He also took us to lunch afterwards. I didn't sleep well last night for some reason. I had a tornado dream and a fire dream that were both quite strange. The fire dream was scary and it woke me up in a bit of state of fear. So after lunch was over, I came home and took a nap for about three hours. That is why I am still up right now. I should go to bed soon since I'm singing in the choir in the morning and have to be there by 8:00. I don't even have anything to wear.
Then tonight I started watching a movie and a friend of mine called. He is a guy that I met in theatre a couple of years ago. He and his wife moved to Michigan so they could go to school and he comes back in the summers to work on the house they still have here and are trying to sell. It turns out another group of people that were involved in theatre as well moved in to a house just around the corner from me. He was over there at a party and they came over here to get me. I took them the champagne that wasn't used last time and figured at least these people might drink it. So I went over and stayed there for about an hour. I had a little bit to drink and before you ask, no I didn't get drunk. I got a little buzz and then I headed home.
They asked me if I was interested in trying out for the summer production of Shakespeare in the Park. I'm not sure about it. Part of me wants to just to be involved in something artistic again. The problem is that typically these productions are poorly run and often more of a waste than something really special. The socialization would be nice, but I'm not sure if I will still fit in there. I really feel kind of different. I don't know. I feel kind of out of place everywhere these days. Perhaps it's just who I am. I got a letter from Prison Pete the other day. He asked an interesting question. He wondered if I thought if my intelligence tends to keep people at bay. I wasn't sure. It's not like I'm a walking encyclopedia or I speak with an "air" about me. I do use proper grammar most of the time. I'm not really quite certain why I don't have a lot of friends or relationships for that matter. But I'm tired of thinking of all of that... it's the stuff I've been contemplating off and on and haven't discovered any answers.
Now I have to figure out how I'm going to get to sleep tonight.

The band banquet

Tonight I went with Josh to the band banquet. It brought back a lot of memories. Ours (back in the day) was far shorter since we did not do senior wills when I was there, but the band directors sort of willed us things. My gift was rubberbands. I know that sounds strange, but their philosophy was that I needed them sinced I bounced from one boyfriend to the next. I dated Marty at the beginning of the year and William at the end. Gee... I did a lot of bouncing. I guess that they were amazed that I even had boyfriends or something. I do remember, however, that wonderful couch on the balcony of the band hall. Marty and I had a few makeout sessions there.
Any-who - the band banquet. What I remember about it was the fact that everyone got emotional at it, but I didn't really. I felt really kind of awkward because I wasn't crying when they played the song "Friends" by Michael W. Smith. I even recall trying to cry, but I couldn't. I'm not sure why, but I think it was because the people that I was closest to in band were all going to WT. I would continue to be with them in band and I didn't see any point in getting all emotional about it. But tonight at Josh's band banquet, they showed a video and the last segment was the same song with multiple pictures of friends in the band. I didn't cry (though I almost did when they showed the marching show again and I heard Josh playing the xylophone). But I got that feeling of melancholy because I remember those wonderful moments I had with my band friends. They are such powerful memories. Some have faded, but there's an emotion that just sticks. I have to say that the experiences I have had with band in both high school and in college have been the best days of my life. How I miss it now. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a pretty good life and I am perhaps not a great success, but in good place. But now that I'm a grown-up, I really wish I could go back to those moments sometimes. I think that one reason why Marty was such an intense rush for me was because I had that emotional connection from high school and band.
I was really proud of Josh tonight. He doesn't like to draw attention to himself and tends to be modest, but what can I say... I'm a proud parent when he gets awards and stuff. Tonight he received a plaque for making all-state band. He also "lettered" in band and received the outstanding freshman award. I am so glad that he has that fire and passion for music. I think what is wrong with a lot of kids these days is that they don't have anything that they really care about. It is sad. But you should see and hear Josh when he talks about music. There's a light in his eyes and you can't help but feel excited along with him.
It was a great night and I'm glad I went to it.

Stolen Game

Stolen from Summer who got it from someone else. Since I am not a reader of the other person's blog, I went to a random calculator to get a letter for my letter which was "K."
The task is to list 10 things with that letter that are important to you. If you want to play, comment and I'll give you a letter.

Keys - I have to have my school keys every day and I have been quite lucky this year to have not lost them yet.
Kid - My son is the light of my life and the most important person in the world to me.
Kitchen - Though it's always a mess, I need it for those times that I do cook.
Kindness - It's just nice to have every so often.
Kisses - It's been a long while, but kissing is something I indeed miss and was always important to me. And if I say so myself, I'm pretty darn good at it.
Knowledge - learning has always been important to me
Keepsakes - I'm struggling here, but I am a packrat of sorts and I like to have different kinds of memorabilia.
Knife - Well, sometimes I do have to cut things and it's important to have in that circumstance. Just so you know, I only cut things that are dead.
Ketchup - It's not all that important, but I do like it with my fries... and only my fries.
Kudos - I do thrive on postive comments from others.

Gee, K was a hard letter. Again, if you want to play along, comment and I'll provide you with a letter.

Not much to say

I don't have much to share. I get up in the mornings way too early, drive to school, teach all day, come home, figure out what to do about supper, then plan for lessons or watch t.v. and go to bed. Such is my life. I'm still just tired.

Last night a storm came through around 3 a.m. and if you remember, I have neurotic dog that freaks when there's thunder and lightning. So needless to say, I was up for a while early this morning. Luckily the storm didn't last and I probably got another hour and half of sleep before the alarm went off. I had to get to school early because I had (perhaps) students coming in to serve detentions. Out of about 20 students, three showed up. Now, don't get the wrong idea. It's not like I just write up detentions all the time. Some were from about three weeks ago that I've told them it is their last chance to serve it before it becomes an office referral. Some I've given for blatant refusal to do any work in class. If they just faked it or did a little something, I would perhaps just let it slide, but they refuse and then distract others. Other detentions were for students who misbehaved when a substitute was here. That is big no-no for me. You see, I was a substitute at one time and it was really difficult. I have no tolerance for students that act up when a sub is here. Then I gave a few detentions yesterday for students that absolutely refused to get up and speak for 30 seconds. I mean, get real. We were doing impromptu speeches. I gave them TEN minutes to think on a topic. I even let them decide their own topic rather than draw one randomly. If they didn't have a speech, I told them that they could get up and just talk for 30 seconds about ANYTHING... the weather, what they had for lunch, about their dog... and they refused. I told them it was a choice between the 30 seconds or a detention and they actually took a detention. And it's not like these kids are shy. Even the shy ones got up and made an attempt. And to top it all off, it was for bonus points to help bring up their grades (which many students need). So now, I have to write a million office referrals. One of these days I might learn my lesson. Haven't yet, but maybe soon.

I got a call from my former boss today. He has offered me a job for this weekend. He wants me to help put replacement stickers in one of his school's yearbooks. The plant made a mistake and he needs help. He will pay well so I said "sure!" Josh is also going to help and he can save that money to buy his music program that he wants.

I went to our RCIA final party/get-together this evening. We had burgers and the fixin's. It was nice to see everyone again. I really kind of miss having classes on Wednesdays. Sure, it was difficult when things got busy, but I never missed a single class until the last one. It was a nice way to keep me focused during the week. I certainly notice that I tend to get a little out of focus when I don't have class or Mass at some point.

Well, it's only 9:00 and I'm tired. Maybe I'll go to bed early tonight. Yeah, right. I don't think so either.

Something to Consider

While at the tournament this weekend, the speech coach from CHS came to me and told me that she was leaving that school and going to another. She thought that I might be interested in the position. I told her thanks for the information and I would give it some thought. At first I thought that I really couldn't give it any thought because of the commitment I made at Hereford. But I still thought about it.
Later that day she told others that I was sitting with about moving to another school and the teacher that I work with was sitting there. She told me not to get any ideas. I just played cute and said "Ideas about what?" Later she did tell me however that she would understand if I wanted to check into it. I did mention that with the gas prices the way they were and with my financial situation I wasn't sure if I could not not consider it.

So I now have a conundrum. Pardon me why I rationalize all of this out here.

I believe firmly in commitments and because of that I feel I should stay where I am. I also have a GREAT group of kids on the speech team. I would really hate to leave them because I already have a good rapport with them. Although I have a few stinkers in some of my other classes, the kids in general are pretty good. Problem is that many of them are also tend to be a bit lower in terms of intelligence and general thinking skills compared to other school districts I have encountered. However, I have come into a wonderful program that is already strong. In general the support for the team is pretty good though I still feel that there should be more financial support given the kind of success they have shown.

I am still disdained by several things where I am at now. I have no indication that I will be able to be in the main building next year. Because of the nature of the interp and debate classes, students must have better technology access and especially library access. I also would like to have some sense of belonging at the school which I don't feel that I have had this year because of my location. Sure, I adore my immediate neighbors where I am at, but that is just a couple of people. I don't even know the secreteries in the main office. The technology capability has been very limited. Although I did finally get six computers for my room, they were not connected to the main high school server so any work that a student did in a computer lab could not be accessed. The computers in my room only served as internet research vessels... and even at that, nothing could be printed because of the multitude of problems associated with the printer in my room.

One of the main thoughts that I must really consider is my financial situtation. We all know how outrageous the gas prices have become. I am no longer carpooling to work for various reasons that were all understandable with my partner. But now I am spending a lot more on gasoline by driving to and from work every day. Each day costs me almost $7 to drive there and back. That is about $35 a week or almost $150 a month. (This doesn't include the extra weekends I have to drive there to go to tournaments.) I hardly drive anywhere else except there and around town here. I now only go to Amarillo perhaps twice a month, if that. I might be able to find someone else to carpool with next year, but I will still have the same issues especially since I will start staying after school more to work with students. If I took the job in Canyon, I could greatly reduce that cost to about .60 a day and only fill up once or twice a month at most.
I am still struggling a great deal financially, even with Josh's SSI. After paying bills each month we have about $400 to buy groceries and another other incidentals. Nevermind all the other things like camp, band trips, prom, lessons, etc. I also have to consider the fact that I will have to find some way to procure a car for him next year and pay for insurance. My car will probably also be on it's last legs soon. I mean it is almost 7 years old and has over 230,000 miles on it. I don't know how I can manage all of that. Yes, I know he can get a job and help cover expenses and pay for his own gas, but that is only if having a job doesn't interfere with his grades.

Now about the potential of a job at the other school. There are some great things about working there. For one they have a brand new high school so I would have a great room and great technology. Each room has an LCD projector and computers of some sort. I am already familiar with several of the staff members because I have worked with them before or know them in other ways. Starting out, I would already have a better sense of belonging. I think that the kids in general are good kids.
I could probably get an interview since I know the personnel director for the district pretty well and have a good resume. I'm still not certain if I want to go through that process.
On the down side, I would pretty much have to start a program from scratch as it wasn't well developed to begin with. I also think the support in that program is not nearly as good as it is where I am. I am not certain about budget, but I know that they went to far fewer tournaments that we did this past year. Overall, I think the salary and stipend would be about the same. I think the health insurance would not be as good, however.

If I stay in Hereford, I should get a better stipend next year, but it won't be much. From what the other teacher told me, it is about $1200 a year which after taxes will probably only be about $75 more a month... if that. That helps a little with gas, but I would get about the same amount at the other school and would spend far less in gas which means I might be able to pay for the added insurance when Josh starts driving.

I also have to consider the idea of whether I want to teach at the same school that Josh attends AND be his speech coach. That is something that I'm not sure he or I could handle very well. I asked him about it and he said it would be weird, but not terrible.

So that is my quandry. I keep having thoughts of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." The problem is that I am in a good situation, but it isn't perfect. I am worried, though if I go elsewhere, despite some of it's advantages I might regret it.

So those are the thoughts swirling my head at the moment. Advice is always appreciated, though not always taken.

An eventful trip

It started out easy enough. We drove halfway down on Wednesday night and finished the drive up on Thursday morning. We checked in to the hotel, then went to the check-in for the contest. After that it was close to dinner time. The hotel, amazingly enough, provided dinner as well. So we ate there to save some money so that we could eat at better places later on. The kids (my students) went and swam in the pool as the adults retired to our room. I finished my previous post about being in Austin that evening, took a shower and was in bed by 10:00. Unfortunately that was when the storms started coming through Austin. Luckily there were no tornadoes but there were straight line winds that gusted up to 92 mph. The power at our hotel went out around 10:30 p.m. That didn't bother me so much since I was already in bed. But it didn't come on in the morning either. I slept fitfully worrying about whether or not I was going to be able to wake up in time. We had to leave by 7:15 for the tournament. We asked for a 6:15 wake-up call, but we had no phones working either. I didn't set the clock since we did the wake-up call. I guess the clocks had a battery in them since it still worked, but it was too dark for me to set it. A 5:45 I finally remembered that my cell phone had an alarm so I found it and set it, but it was pointless. My student knocked on the door at 6:00 a.m. asking how she was going to iron her suit without any electricity. (We told her to do it the night before.) She took a very cold shower that morning. We got dressed in the dark. We left to go to the tournament early so we could finish getting ready there. We put on make-up in the car and my student had to find a place to dry her hair.
The tournament itself was fine. I had to judge a round of persuasive speaking. My student didn't break to finals in prose, but she did break in persuasive. After that, we took the kids shopping at a vintage store and then tried calling the hotel to find out if they had power. We couldn't get through. We also discovered that our cell phones weren't working well either. Turns out a cingular tower was damaged or something. So we decided to head to the hotel. We drove up there around 6:30 and discovered that the power was still out. We asked if they had any indication of when it might be restored and they had been told "within 24 hours." They said that we could stay there free and we were like "Yeah, right." They couldn't even help us get rooms at another hotel since they didn't have any phone service. It was amazing because the hotel next door, the convenience store in front, and the hotel across the street all had power. We tried calling other hotels using our cell phones but couldn't get through. So we decided to drive and go to the closest hotel to see if they had rooms. We went to the La Quinta across the street and fortunately, they had rooms... smoking of course, but we decided to take them because we didn't want to spend all evening driving around. They put an ozone machine in our rooms while we went out to dinner to help get rid of the smell. We left and went to a deli called Katz that had pretty decent food and incredible cheesecake for dessert. We didn't get in until about 10:30 that night and I was completely exhausted and couldn't write the post.
The next day we headed back to the tournament for the persuasive finals round. It finished around 12:30m and then we headed for lunch. We went to the awards ceremony at 3:00. The bad thing about going to ceremonies with other speech educators is the fact that they are very long-winded. It was 3:45 by the time they started announcing the winners in each category. Our student placed 6th which she expected and we left immediately afterwards. It was my turn to drive and we headed home. We made it to Shallowater and checked into a hotel. We went to Scholtzkey's for a later dinner and then went to bed. I couldn't post last night either because that hotel had no internet service.
We got up early this morning and left by 7:15. I got home shortly before 11:00 and I was able to make it to Mass at 11:15. After church we had a dinner for all the new people in the parish. I was able to meet a few new people and had a great meal of brisket and all the fixin's. So now I'm home. I'm exhausted and am seriously thinking about a nap very soon. I have another interesting post to work on and will hopefully post it later tonight or sometime tomorrow. I am thankful that I have the day off. I need the time to recuperate.

Preview of things to come

I had a full day yesterday and got back so late that I didn't have time to blog. Now I don't have much time this morning as we're heading out again soon. But I will say that it was quite an interesting night/day yesterday. The weather in Austin has been interesting to say the least. Although I thought we might be heading back today, my student made it to finals in persuasive speaking. We'll head back halfway this evening and then the other half tomorrow. At this point, I'm getting tired of hotels. It would be different if I were actually on vacation and able to really enjoy my time here, but it mostly feels like work. I am really glad that I have Monday off. I will work on a post about my interesting evening when I have time.

Here in Austin

We made it to Austin today around 1:00. We had lunch at the Macaroni Grill and it was quite yummy. It was very filling and I could use a nap, but if I lay down, I won't get up for a while.
The hotel is nice, though the room is a little small. We are heading to the UT campus shortly to register. After that, I am not sure what our plans are. Maybe take in the sites or something.

As we were driving in today I had a brief moment of melancholy. The last time I was here was a little over a year ago. I was breaking up with Marty. We drove in on the highway where you have to exit to get to his parents house. But the memory that really pervaded my thoughts was from several months before then. September 2004. I was thinking about the night that he had told me he loved me for the first time. I remember after we left the restaurant we just drove around Austin. We weren't going any place in particular, we just drove and held hands and I remember grinning and that feeling of euphoria that swept over me. Although I do believe that I am over Marty now, I am thinking if what I really missed when I no longer had him was just that feeling. Yes, he was special and I loved him. I enjoyed his company and he was a great friend. But was it him that I missed or simply the idea of what I thought we had? Perhaps it was just simply the relationship I missed. The feelings. Holding hands. Kisses. Just having someone there to talk with and share and just be. Those are the things I would like to have again, but I know that it's not going to be with him.

We had an interesting discussion about relationships on the way down here. The other sponsor is married to a man that is pretty much quite her opposite. They don't have a great deal in common, but they have been married a long time and have had a really great relationship. She said that they have never had any kind of major fight the entire time that they were married. They do have some things in common, but for the most part, they are very different. I stated that a person needs to make sure their mate shares their morals and values. You don't necessarily have to have everything in common, but that is something that is quite important. I think that was one of the problems in my marriage. We started out with some great common interests and chemistry, but the initial passion faded and what was left just didn't work. I still think that Richard is a decent guy; he just wasn't right for me as a husband. I think the same is probably true of Marty. Though I think we were more compatible and our values and morals were more similar, he still wasn't the right match. (Yes, it's easier to say that now in hindsight)
I hope to find the right person some day... or perhaps he will find me. But for now, I am content (mostly) to wait.

It's 11:00 and I should be in bed

...but I am waiting for clothes to finish drying so I can finish packing for yet another trip. Normally I love going out of town. I love staying in hotels and eating out and seeing new sites and all that stuff. But three weekends in a row is a bit much. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't in the middle of teaching, my house being a mess, Josh's activities and all of that. But fortunately this is the last trip for at least a whole month! I've been researching hotels in Dallas for the nationals tournament. I haven't come up with anything conclusive except that it must have free breakfast and wireless internet. (Breakfast not so much for me as it is for the others I will be traveling with.) I am also still excited about getting to ride some rollercoasters. It has been way too long for that.
Well, I'm going to check my laundry and get to bed. I have to be at school early in the morning for the umpteen detentions that I've handed out and wait for students that won't show up. Then I have to write umpteen office referrals for each of those students. It's really not worth assigning the detentions when it just means more work for me and a slap on the hand for the students.

Worn out and a frustrating day

I am really exhausted. I would love to just take a nap right now, but I have to get ready to go have my picture made for the Church Directory. I love that I will be able to have a directory of everyone in our parish. It will be nice to put names and faces together. I am just wondering if I have enough makeup so that I don't look so tragic. I would liked to have had my picture made this weekend but since I will be gone and all the times on Sunday were taken, I had no choice but to sign up for today or tomorrow. So I will get myself together and fix my hair shortly.

I was so irritated with my students today. First of all, I get a terrible report about my 4th period class. It turns out that on Friday, they felt that they didn't need to come to class on time. It was raining, you see, and they decided it was more important to play in the rain. So the secretary in the office wrote up about a dozen lunch detentions. I got on to them today and handed out another six detentions. Then in 7th period today I had the student that constantly acts up and doesn't care about anything. I gave him one detention last week and finally had enough and told him that he had another one to serve. He said that he didn't care and to go ahead and give him three. I told him that I would just write up an office referral and he said he didn't care about that either. I talked to some other teachers about him after school and they told me that the next time he acted up to have them call a police office and have a ticket issued. I didn't know that was an option. It turns out that they can issue a ticket for disrupting classes and it's an $80 fine. I may just try that and see if that works. I think having to pay an $80 fine might just do the trick. I know that I couldn't afford something like that right now.

It is days like today that make me rethink this whole teaching thing.