Can't Sleep

Ugh. It's 12:30 and I can't sleep. I came to bed around 11:00. Wasn't really tired. (Shouldn't have taken that nap today, but I was tired after getting up at 3 a.m.) So I read my book for a while. Then I decided I really needed to get some sleep since tomorrow's going to be a full day of work going to 3 schools, paying bills, dealing with my aunt's payee crap, etc....
But I can't fall asleep. I read recently that if you can't fall asleep after 3o minutes, you should get up and do something until you feel sleepy. So I got up and logged on to the net. Read my blogs that I usually read. Checked out my ex's pics from Sturgis. Sent him an email congratulating him on making it there at back safely this year. Now I'm typing this journal. Now what? Ok, I guess I should share my thoughts.
Am not surprised by the fact that I can't sleep. It's the first night without Marty after a week being with him. It's just not the same - though I'm far from lonely in this bed with Max, Roo, Tux & Charlie (pets, in case you're wondering). I had a great time in Austin. Though we really didn't get out much, it was just wonderful being there with Marty, his girls and his family. I've grown quite attached to all of them. From what I understand, I've made a good impression on them too, which really thrills me. I hate this long-distance thing, but at the same time I'm so in love with him that I know I just have to deal with it for a while. And yes, it could be six more years. And yes, if we can make it through this; we can make it through anything. It still doesn't help the fact that I'm here and he's in Connecticut and I can't sleep. The good news is that he's coming here in two weeks. That keeps me going without going too crazy. Work is getting full swing again and that will keep me occupied as well. I'm just so crazy about him, I can't help it. As much as I did love Richard and had a good thing with him for a while, I have to say that my relationship with Marty just feels different somehow. Like it's right. Like it's meant to be. Like I just can't help it or explain it. Like I can't get enough of him. But my logic dictates that I have to be patient. If I were on my own, I'd probably be up in Connecticut right now. But Josh is also a priority in my life and I can't just uproot him. Well, I could, but I don't want to do that to him. So I have at least five more years here until he graduates. Then it will be anything goes for another year until Marty gets out of the Coast Guard. (if he's not able to get out sooner for a variety of reasons)
Yes, I know I'm rambling, but give me a break...it's now 12:45 and I can feel sleep coming on, but still have a little more yawning to do. (Admit it... I made you yawn)
Had some tornado dreams this afternoon during my nap which was a little disconcerting given that they tend to be omnious about something disturbing in my life. Well, I figured out what I think it's dealing with and I'm too frustrated to go into details about it. To keep it brief, my aunt is causing a situation, but thankfully it will be over soon as I'm no longer her payee. (If I could do a back flip right now, I would) At least that's one less stress in my life at the moment.
Overall, life is pretty good. Paid my car off this month. Paid off my computer. A few other bills will be paid off by the end of the year. Financially doing ok right now which is good. Hopefully I'll be able to get some health insurance soon. Josh keeps asking me about when he's going to get some help with his anger management issues. I hope I can get him into some good counseling soon.
Emotionally I'm doing great. I'm very happy with Marty. I'm very much in love with him. Despite the frustration of long distance, this is truly the best relationship I've ever been in. I've even given up the majority of the resentment I've harbored towards Richard. I've wanted to blame him for a lot of my hurt in the past. Though he did contribute, I do know that I did too and it was just a matter of perhaps being mismatched. Being able to be happy after some serious depression is really quite exhilerating. I know I might not stay on this "high", but I'm pretty sure I'm not headed back into those depths.
Well, I feel the sleep hitting me a bit harder right now, so I'll try to get some shut eye.