Sunday, August 29, 2004

Sunday Brunch

Here's this week's Sunday Brunch. There wasn't one last week.

1. Indoor or outdoor weddings? Indoor, they're more reliable.

2. How many wedding have you been in? 4 (ring bearer in my cousin's wedding, Robin's, Kim's, and my own)

3. When you were married (or if there is a wedding in your future), what type of wedding did or would you have? Have already had the big wedding with the white dress, preacher, and friends and family. We were married in a theatre. Next wedding will be informal, probably in Vegas, with whatever friends and family that want to come.

4. Have you caught the bouquet or garter? Yes, I caught the bouquet at Robin's wedding.

5. Tell us about a funny, scary or memorable wedding moment. I can't think of any of those. Mine was memorable to me, but it's now a "been there, done that" kind of thing. I cry at ALL weddings.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Made a decision

Ok, yes, sometimes it's difficult for me to make decisions. But I did make one. I've decided to keep this blog fairly tame and write about normal every day stuff. But I've created another blog for those that are interested in reading a little more about my "bad girl" side. If you're under age, don't go there... ok? That's my warning to you. If you go there anyways... don't say I didn't warn you. If you like the image you already have of me, then just keep reading this blog.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Life is getting routine again

Maybe I like a little drama every now and then.... but maybe not too much drama. Life is getting routine again. Get up earlier than I'm still used to. (I love having summers off) Make visits. Come home. Check email. Make supper. Get on the computer.
Guess that means things are going well... but wouldn't mind a little spice every now and then. Luckily Marty is going to be here this weekend!!!!!!! And he'll be here for 11 days. That makes me very happy. The long distance thing still sucks, but so far we're making it work pretty well.
I wish I had more exciting things to write about.
I'm debating whether I should write about more risque topics in my journal. I'm not sure who all reads this, but don't want to offend anyone. Debating the "keep it clean" version and keeping my Mary Poppins status or letting a little of the bad girl in me out.
If you read this journal... let me know what you think. Do I spice things up?

Sunday, August 22, 2004

To do list

I absolutely have to accomplish at least some of these things today. At least if I put it in writing, maybe I'll remember what I need to do.

Laundry - done
Clean bedroom & bath - done
Clean office - mostly done
Dishes - were done, but made another mess
Work on schedule - in progress.. at a standstill

That should be enough for today I guess.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Prison Pete II

Ok, just to clarify a few things about Prison Pete...

1. I'm not his editor. I don't do the postings for him. I simply happened upon his blog, started reading it, found it interesting and recommeded it as a blog of note and it just took off from there.
2. If you want to contact his editor, use the email link on his blog page.
3. If you want to link to Pete's blog from your own that is fine. (his editor told me this)
4. I do not know what Pete is in prison for. He successfully evaded that question. And probably with good reason. We can assume what we want, but without his coming out we have to judge him from what we read on his postings. If you can't read the blog because you don't know what he did, then don't read. It's Pete's right to voice what he wants.
5. If you happened upon my blog because of reading Pete's, thanks for reading!!!

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Prison Pete Blog

mmmm... very interesting. In the last several days, Pete's blog has jumped from pretty much me being the only one to read it to over 3000 hits. I have to say that I had a hand in it and am amazed that it's gotten such a response. I just happened upon the blog one night when I searched for people interested in rollercoasters. It was disturbing yet interesting reading. I was surprised at how literate and educated he was for being in prison. I did ask at one time what he was in prision for and he evaded the question. I figured it was probably a good thing that I didn't know lest I be judgmental. I also struck up a friendship with Jim, his editor, that posts the blogs for him. Jim told me that the fact that I was reading the journal gave Pete some hope and himself the drive to continue to do this for him. I figured the least I could do is perhaps spread the word about it a bit. I had noticed the blogs of note on the blogger page and thought maybe they would consider his with it being as unusual as it is. So I just sent an email. That's all I did. And they agreed. So that's kind of cool. There's a link to my journal on his blog so maybe I'll get a little more traffic once in a while. Not that it matters really or that my ramblings would be interesting to anyone else... but it is pretty cool to be read. I did get a comment out of the blue today which was quite cool.
As for Prison Pete, I hope he's ready for the flurry of controversy that is sure to befall him because of his journal getting read. I know there will be a lot of people out there that are going to be ugly and judgmental and ask a lot of questions. And perhaps he'll get those that find it interesting like I do. I don't necessarily agree with him on everything he says in his journal and feel he probably deserves the punishment he's getting. But he has the right to voice his opinion and it's certainly getting voiced to a lot of people now.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Can't Sleep

Ugh. It's 12:30 and I can't sleep. I came to bed around 11:00. Wasn't really tired. (Shouldn't have taken that nap today, but I was tired after getting up at 3 a.m.) So I read my book for a while. Then I decided I really needed to get some sleep since tomorrow's going to be a full day of work going to 3 schools, paying bills, dealing with my aunt's payee crap, etc....
But I can't fall asleep. I read recently that if you can't fall asleep after 3o minutes, you should get up and do something until you feel sleepy. So I got up and logged on to the net. Read my blogs that I usually read. Checked out my ex's pics from Sturgis. Sent him an email congratulating him on making it there at back safely this year. Now I'm typing this journal. Now what? Ok, I guess I should share my thoughts.
Am not surprised by the fact that I can't sleep. It's the first night without Marty after a week being with him. It's just not the same - though I'm far from lonely in this bed with Max, Roo, Tux & Charlie (pets, in case you're wondering). I had a great time in Austin. Though we really didn't get out much, it was just wonderful being there with Marty, his girls and his family. I've grown quite attached to all of them. From what I understand, I've made a good impression on them too, which really thrills me. I hate this long-distance thing, but at the same time I'm so in love with him that I know I just have to deal with it for a while. And yes, it could be six more years. And yes, if we can make it through this; we can make it through anything. It still doesn't help the fact that I'm here and he's in Connecticut and I can't sleep. The good news is that he's coming here in two weeks. That keeps me going without going too crazy. Work is getting full swing again and that will keep me occupied as well. I'm just so crazy about him, I can't help it. As much as I did love Richard and had a good thing with him for a while, I have to say that my relationship with Marty just feels different somehow. Like it's right. Like it's meant to be. Like I just can't help it or explain it. Like I can't get enough of him. But my logic dictates that I have to be patient. If I were on my own, I'd probably be up in Connecticut right now. But Josh is also a priority in my life and I can't just uproot him. Well, I could, but I don't want to do that to him. So I have at least five more years here until he graduates. Then it will be anything goes for another year until Marty gets out of the Coast Guard. (if he's not able to get out sooner for a variety of reasons)
Yes, I know I'm rambling, but give me a's now 12:45 and I can feel sleep coming on, but still have a little more yawning to do. (Admit it... I made you yawn)
Had some tornado dreams this afternoon during my nap which was a little disconcerting given that they tend to be omnious about something disturbing in my life. Well, I figured out what I think it's dealing with and I'm too frustrated to go into details about it. To keep it brief, my aunt is causing a situation, but thankfully it will be over soon as I'm no longer her payee. (If I could do a back flip right now, I would) At least that's one less stress in my life at the moment.
Overall, life is pretty good. Paid my car off this month. Paid off my computer. A few other bills will be paid off by the end of the year. Financially doing ok right now which is good. Hopefully I'll be able to get some health insurance soon. Josh keeps asking me about when he's going to get some help with his anger management issues. I hope I can get him into some good counseling soon.
Emotionally I'm doing great. I'm very happy with Marty. I'm very much in love with him. Despite the frustration of long distance, this is truly the best relationship I've ever been in. I've even given up the majority of the resentment I've harbored towards Richard. I've wanted to blame him for a lot of my hurt in the past. Though he did contribute, I do know that I did too and it was just a matter of perhaps being mismatched. Being able to be happy after some serious depression is really quite exhilerating. I know I might not stay on this "high", but I'm pretty sure I'm not headed back into those depths.
Well, I feel the sleep hitting me a bit harder right now, so I'll try to get some shut eye.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Sunday Brunch: School Days

School Days
1. Did you like or dislike high school? I liked high school (despite the tragic love life of a teenage girl)
2. Walk to school, ride the bus or catch a ride with someone? All of the above. Though when I finally got a new car (that I didn't have to put a quart of oil in every day) I learned to drive it (it was a standard) in one evening and never rode the bus to school again... though I did ride them on band trips. (those wonderful band trips... thanks Marty :)
3. What was your favorite subject? Band (duh)
4. When it came to doing homework, did you do it right away, wait 'til the last minute or just do it whenever you felt like it? Mostly waited to the last minute and still made A's for some reason. I remember meeting in the band hall before school every day and copying Brent's geometry homework.
5. Would you go to your high school reunion? Yes. I went to the 10th and will go to the 20th (in 4 years) with Marty. That will be very sweet. Wonder how many people will be shocked to see us together? I wonder how many others are with someone from high school.

Friday, August 13, 2004

The "L" word

We did it. Marty and I finally said the "L" word. It is such a great feeling to be able to tell someone you love them. It was actually kind of funny because some of the things he said when the subject was brought up was stuff in my journal in a previous post that he hadn't even read. So here's the story...
I told him that I wanted him to take me on a real date while we were here in Austin. So last night he took me to a very nice restaurant where his sister-in-law and brother works. It was an Italian restaurant that was intimate and had really good food. I ordered wine and he had a beer. Dinner was chicken alfredo for me and peppercorn steak for him. After we ate he said that there was something he had been wanting to tell me for some time now, but had been afraid to say it. I told him that he could tell me anything. He said that he had fallen for me and that he loved me. I told him that I loved him too. It was all very romantic. Then he said that he had something for me. He then gave me a beautiful pair of emerald earrings. After that whole blog on shopping, he actually took me the other day in order to throw me off since he had already bought them. It worked and I was surprised. Very pleasantly surprised. After we left and were talking in the car he said that he had wanted to tell me that he loved me for some time, but it didn't seem right to do it on the phone or on the internet. I laughed and told him that he really needed to read my journal.
So it's out in the open. I've definitely fallen pretty hard now and it's a really awesome feeling. It's making it harder though to have to deal with the distance. But I think he's worth it and I'm happier than I've ever been. Or at least in a very, very long time.

Thursday, August 12, 2004


Here's a lesson to all men out there...
If you want to get your significant other a gift, there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.
Wrong way: give her a gift certificate because you can't figure out what she wants.
Right way: take the time to learn about her and her tastes and pick something out based on that.
Wrong way: take her to the store and have her pick something out and you buy it
Right way: go shopping with her, let her show you her tastes... ASK questions as to whether she likes this or that, then LATER go shopping and choose something for her.
And if you want to surprise her, you have to learn to the fine art of getting information without being obvious. Sometimes this means planning things months in advance.
If you don't know this already, women love to talk and share, but you have ask us questions.
So, now that I've gotten that out, here's a few clues about me:
It's probably not a good idea to buy me clothes (unless it's something like a coaster or marvin t-shirt). I never buy any clothing for myself without trying it on and usually I'll try on 7 or 8 outfits for every one that I buy. That is probably the most difficult thing to buy for me. Other than that, I think I'm pretty easy.
Jewelry: I do love jewelry, though I don't always wear it. I did wear my wedding ring from the day I was engaged until the day I separated from my ex, however. I like both gold and silver and prefer petite to gaudy. I don't really have a preference for stones except that I don't really like pearls that much. Jewelry is a no-brainer and just about anything goes with it. But it's expensive and I would only expect someone that cares very deeply for me to buy it for me.
Books, movies, etc: I have an wish list that I've recently updated if you really, really need help on things I want. You'll have to search via my email address as it's not yet coming up with my new name correctly. (
There's a lot of times that I really just don't have a clue as to what I want or need. But anything that is bought with the intent to make me happy or feel special will do the trick. It can be a card, some flowers, a stuffed animal or chocolate. What is important is that it's done because you care, not to even a score. Though birthdays and Christmas are obvious, sometimes "just because" is the best occasion.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

What kind of kisser am I?

You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by

Well, Marty said that it was true and that it wasn't a bad thing... so guess it's a good thing.

Sunday Brunch

Found this via perusing other sites and thought it would be cool to fill it out on a weekly basis. Feel free to do the same. Here's the website:

Another This and That
1. How do you like your eggs?
I don't eat eggs unless they're already cooked into something else like cakes or pies or french toast. Eggs themeselves are yucky to me.
2. What do you collect?
Anyone who knows me knows the answer to this... Marvin the Martian paraphernalia
3. Do you carry a purse, backpack or briefcase on a regular basis? If yes, does it contain only the essentials or a whole lot of everything?
Sometimes I carry a purse with just the basics or more (depending on it's size). My briefcase with my computer I carry every day when I work, and it only holds the essentials.
4. When is the last time you've read a book, put together a puzzle, built something or did something crafty?
Currently reading a book (Sue Grafton's D is for Deadbeat ... rereading the series), did a puzzle sometime last year when my mom was still alive, crafty... well, I decorated the rooms in my house before I moved in in March... that should be pretty crafty. Am an expert wallpaperer.
5. What was the highlight of your weekend?
Nothing too exciting this weekend... did the shopping thing for back to school and it was a mad house. Guess the highlight would be my makeover.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Deep thoughts

Ok, maybe not deep or anything profound, but thoughts in any case. I read a blog today that gave me something to think about. I've always thought that everything happens for a reason and at the time it's supposed to for whatever purpose it might serve. In a journal I read the following:

" Aaron always told me that we come across many teachers in our lives. Some are there to teach us of the good, and some to teach us of the bad. And that every person we meet has some lesson to teach us, whether big or small; whether noticeable or not."

I have to agree with that in a lot of ways. So now I’m thinking about the teachers in my life and what they have taught me. Our parents are probably the teachers that should have taught us the most in our lifetime. But I didn’t have a close relationship with mine. Yes, I’ve learned from them, but I think I’m a bit of a complex creature because of them too. (or maybe I just like being complex)

One of the bad things I think I learned from my parents is to not open up. We were not a touchy-feely, tell each other “I love you” kind of family. But in some ways I am that kind of person, but I’m definitely not that way with my family. Sometimes I thought maybe I was a bit schizophrenic because the way I would act with my friends at school was completely different than the way I was at home. Even socially as an adult, I’m still that way. I don’t have a problem saying the “L” word to the ones I love as long as they’re not my family. It just feels too weird to say it to people you have lived with all your life and have never said that word before. But when you get to try it on with someone completely new, it seems to come naturally.
Marty and I haven’t said the “L” word to each other yet. Yes we’re kind of skirting around it because of the distance thing. And the relationship is still in it’s new stages. And saying it online or over the phone for the first time just takes away all the romance out of it.
This word shouldn’t be taken too lightly and it should truly come from the heart. I remember when I said it to my ex for the first time. He had said it before I did and I told him I wasn’t ready and he understood and said that he couldn’t help it. But I did say it a few weeks later in bed one night. And I did love him. Or at least what I thought was love at the time. Later I would come to question it and it’s still a topic that is very hard to comprehend. What is love? How do you know it’s real? Can it be defined at all?
I think it comes down to the fact that there are so many kinds of love out there and only one word that is used for all of them.

There’s the generic “like” that “love” is often substituted for. “I love this dress.” Meaning you have an intense like or fondness of it, but saying “love” makes it a bolder statement.
Then you have the caring, friendly love. The kind of love you have for a friend because you have a bond. Whether you say it to them or not, you know when it’s there. I generally take my cues from their own “love philosophy” as to whether I tell them it or not. My friend Candi and I can say “I love you” to each other with no problem. But it’s not something that Kirsten and I would do and sometimes even hugging is awkward. But I think the love is understood.
Then there’s the big capital letter “L” kind of Love. The love you feel for your child because you would do anything for them. Sometimes it’s the kind of love in your family. And it’s the kind of love you should have with your spouse or significant other. When you can’t imagine life without them in it and you’re overwhelmed by your passion for them. I think this kind of love comes in stages and deepens over time and as you go through things together.
When I had Josh, I didn’t fall in love with him right away. I was overwhelmed with the whole process of giving birth and then being a single mom. But the love grew and now I’d give my life for him. I hope that someday I find that kind of love in a partner. I hope that it’s someone I grow old with and still hold hands with despite arthritis and other ailments when we’re in our nineties.
So despite the lesson that my parents taught to hold it all in and not show emotion, I’m learning that it’s o.k. to love and even tell someone that. It’s o.k. to be vulnerable and take a chance.
I’ll continue to ponder the lessons I’ve learned from the people that have wandered in and out of my life. Hopefully for the ones that have tried to teach me some good, it’s sinking in a bit. And those that have taught the hard knocks of life, hopefully I’ve learned from that too.
And don’t get me wrong, my parents were good people and taught me some great things, but in thinking about some of the problems I’ve had relationship-wise, I’m wondering if their lesson has interfered. At least I think I’m recognizing it and hopefully can overcome it. I probably will never wear my heart on my sleeve, but perhaps I can at least open it up a little more.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Interesting Blogs

Ok, here's my plug for some blogs that I've been reading fairly regularly. Ok, I can't do any kind of html and list them nicely on the side like others do on here, but perhaps I can sweet talk someone into helping me out some time.
I was pleased to find out that there is at least another person or two out there that read my blog besides Marty and Patrick.
Written by a guy actually in prison. Although he doesn't have internet access, he sends letters via snail mail to a friend of his who posts them on a blog for him. Despite the slow method, he has a new post almost every day.
Patrick's blog which is very well written and enjoyable to read except when he's on a tangent about topics that are above my head or don't hold my interest. (sorry Patrick - I still read them though!)
Happened upon this blog and found it very well written and I could empathize with a lot of the feelings the author has regarding religion and life in general.
Happened upon this blog as well and found it very, very wonderfully written and entertaining. Some very great stories from a woman's point of view.