Monday, April 11, 2011

Our first fight

Matthew texted me back Sunday evening.  It appears I made him mad with my “snippy” text message.  He said that he’s behind at work trying to get next year’s budget done and hasn’t been sleeping well and my accusing him of lying is something he just didn’t need right now.  I responded with an apology, but told him I had more to say but I was going to my Sunday night church group meeting.  I tried calling him when I got back and he immediately asked if he could call me back later.  I said yes.  He never called back.  I texted him this morning to see if he just forgot or was still mad.  He said that he was having dinner with his superintendent and they just got to talking and he forgot.  Later today I texted him and said that while I shouldn’t have lashed out at him I did want to talk to him and give him my perspective on things.  I asked him for 30 minutes of his time.  He said he’d call after his board meeting tonight.  Don’t know if I should hold my breath on that one.

I know I should probably cut and run and I probably deserve better.  But when you go five years without so much as a date of any kind – having a lousy boyfriend sometimes seems better than the alternative.  I still like him and I like doing things with him – but I don’t like the wishy-washy stuff.  We’ll see how our conversation goes tonight – IF it happens.

I know I’m insane when it comes to relationships, but I’m probably going to commit to something insane at work next year as well.  There is an opening for a new drill team sponsor with the band.  The stipend is pretty good, but I’d be giving up Monday and Friday nights for about 4 months.  But I’d probably get band as a class period during the day which may mean not having an extra English class next year.  I haven’t decided yet – but that stipend along with the extra money I’ll get for having my master’s degree would be helpful when paying back the student loans for my useless degree. 

I have been a baking fool for the past week.  I’ve made four cakes since last Sunday.  I made Matthew’s birthday cake – the white chocolate raspberry cake last Sunday.  Then I made a cinnamon swirl cake for the math department and my 4th period class last Thursday.  Then this Sunday I made a lemon cake with a vanilla glaze for my church group meeting and I just took a confetti cake out of the oven for my 5th period class tomorrow.  My 4th & 5th periods wanted to celebrate my upcoming graduation.  Speaking of which, I made my hotel reservation and got the Holiday Inn for $62 a night through hotwire. 

I’m still getting compliments on the hair which has been nice.  The only negative comment I got was from my ex-husband who wanted a “disklike” button on my facebook page when I posted that I had cut it out.  I told him that I did it to please myself and I don’t feel the need to please others.  I should have added – especially him. 

I realized I hadn’t posted this before I left for band rehearsal.  I went to the first half of rehearsal and then left to go see Matthew.  I had a lengthy speech improvised in my head and only ended up telling him about 10% of it, but we are ok.  He greeted me with a hug which was a good sign.  He proceeded to talk about his week and his day in which I learned that he has not slept well for about a week now – and he apologized to me for that.  I had my say as to why I snapped and told him that I felt rejected and that he has been unsympathetic towards me.  He apologized.  He said he still wanted to come to my graduation next month.  I said that I wanted to.  I said I still wanted to date and he said he did too, but it would be hit or miss this next month or so because of things being so busy at work.  But we’re going to a concert at the university next Sunday and then his school’s One Act Play performance on the 21st.  So we’re ok.  Still not perfect – but not to the breaking point.  And it could be that I might just overreact every once in a while.  Not much… just a little.

1 comment:

Leann said...

I have finally realized that I deserve and am worth pursuing. I've been in too many relationships where I had to be the pursuer. No more. I believe you deserve the same. :-)