Saturday, April 09, 2011

Something Amiss

Something is up with Matthew and he won’t tell me what it is.  So it is the waiting game once again.  This is getting old.  You’d think after all I’ve done, that he’d appreciate me, but all I’m getting is the cold shoulder.  I don’t know what it is this time.  He has the new job, the new apartment.  His pain issues are almost gone – mostly in a foot right now.  I’m guessing that there’s just something about me he doesn’t like or I still don’t “wow” him.  I guess I don’t have what it takes.  But I’m getting tired of this.  I honestly deserve to be with  someone that acts interested in me and wants to spend time with me.

So far the haircut has been a hit.  Most everyone seems to like it – except for my ex-husband, but thankfully I have no need to please him any more.  Matthew hasn’t even seen it yet and he doesn’t seem to want to.  Oh well.  Today was a mundane day.  I went to a rehearsal at 10.  I picked up Taco Villa for lunch at 12:00.  I texted Matthew and asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner tonight.  Two hours later he said he would have to pass because he was at work and was planning to go to a game at 4:30 which was a lie.  I checked the baseball schedule for the district he works at.  No game at 4:30.  It was at noon.  And even if he did go to a game at 4:30, there’s no reason why he could come to dinner at 6:30 or 7:00.  I would have understood if he just wanted/needed time alone this weekend, but I do not appreciate being lied to.  So because I was a bit mad over this, I started to clean the house.  I clean when I have company coming over, when I’m upset or mad, or when there’s a tornado warning (I know it doesn’t make sense). 

So I cleaned, watched t.v., surfed the internet, and didn’t do much of anything else.  I have to get some things at the store tomorrow since I’m taking snacks to my prayer study group tomorrow night.  I kind of wish I would have gone to Dallas this weekend in spite of the fact that Josh wasn’t free.  I have gone to theme parks by myself before.  It’s not as fun, but I would have gotten out of the house. 

I think I’m going to go read a little bit and call it a day.  I’m just tired of everything in my life going wrong at the moment. 


Jamie said...

I feel for you and can hear how fed up you are in your words. Much of the time, men are just plain jerks. I am not much of a generalizer but lately this has been much of my experience, too. Yes - you need to do something for you..something fun, exciting and maybe a bit out of character, even. I hope this day is better friend. :)

Anonymous said...

I am sorry, I have nothing to offer. Except the old "this too shall pass". Not very uplifting.
Don't allow things to pull you down - easier saied than done I know. Make plans. Develop a picture of how it should be, and from this work down, as in what is realistic, what can I do, what is no option. It can not be that an educated woman looks around and all she sees and what remains is "I'm stuck". A hair cut is always a good thing to start with. Don't focus on Matthew, focus on yerself. As I heared in the news the american economy and the public sector especially are down, but there must be a library, an archive, some kind of institution where you can work, happily work that is. It's something like a knot, you just need to find a threat to unpick.

Jennifer said...

i've been reading your blog for quite some time and i usually don't comment..but i want to tell you this: please do NOT waste any more time on matthew. it's very simple: if he wanted to be with you, he would. you're giving and all he's doing is taking, and i'm sure you don't want that kind of relationship. wishy-washy men like matthew hardly ever change. forget him. i know it's easier said than done, trust me..but you deserve better. take this as a learning experience..never settle for less!
just my two cents. ;)