Current state of dating and a little about me

Here is my current position. I’m recently divorced (about two months now) and have been separated since October. Since that time I’ve come to know what it is like to be happy and am enjoying life. I’m definitely not in a rush to find my next love, but if it happens I won’t run. I am in the process of dating. That means I don’t have one particular man that is special over another. I have met and gone out with interesting people and intend to do more of that. I have yet to meet someone where I’ve said, “Wow, HE’S the ONE.” I’m taking my time this go round and perhaps I either haven’t met the right one or he hasn’t grown on me yet. I know that I may not find someone that is perfect in my eyes, but I hope that there’s at least enough qualities to keep me interested. I try to keep my mind open and not be judgmental about anyone I do go out with. I admit that in some cases I’ve raised some red flags or questioned some things about them, but still suspending full judgment until I get to know them better. I have a hard time being critical and have found that most men can’t handle it, but if something just isn’t right, I’m going to try to be open about it.
I’m leading with my head and not so much my heart this time. I hope that when the right one comes along (according to my head), that my heart will follow. I just hope the feeling will be mutual. I have had some good and not so good responses with the personals and there are several men that have indicated or taken an interest in me. As long as they’re ok with the fact that I’m not going to go “steady” with any one of them at this moment, I’m open to going out and getting to know each other.
I’m the type of person that enjoys romance and bits of intimacy (meaning I can kiss, hold hands, cuddle etc. without being committed) but it doesn’t mean that I’ve fallen in any way. It usually means that I’m comfortable with the person and am taking an interest. It may take a while for me to “fall” even with the right person. I’ve made the mistake of not knowing people well enough before getting too involved and don’t intend to do that again. But once I give my heart to someone, it is theirs to keep forever… at least I hope they do. (Unless they break it so often I have to take it back)

I have my faults just as anyone does and probably a few skeletons in my closet. (Don’t worry, I’m not wanted for murder in any state) Probably my biggest issue is jealousy. I can be a jealous person. I don’t know if it’s just selfishness on my part, but I want to feel special and be the ONLY special woman in my man’s life (other than is mother). But let me give some background on this. I was married to a man that constantly needed his ego stroked by women. He had a hero complex and enjoyed the attention he got when “rescuing” damsels in distress. This continued even after getting married with women “friends”. It seemed he had an array of ex-girlfriends that all of a sudden wanted him back or other “friends” that realized what a special man he was. He also had a wandering eye and cheated on me. So, yes, I was jealous. But let me further explain my issue on friends. I don’t have a problem with women that are true friends. I have male friends of my own that are nothing but just that. But I would expect in a relationship that all friendships with the opposite sex be open. I would hope to be introduced to any female friends of my partner. If something ever seems fishy or not right, I hope that my feelings will not be discarded, but at least listened to with an open mind. Bottom line, I don’t think I have a problem with it unless one gives me a reason to.

My ex would have said that I could be controlling. Perhaps. I’d like to give background on this too. I controlled the finances of the house. He was VERY bad with money and I had to take over to keep us afloat. When we split the bills his never got paid, so we’d get further behind with late fees etc. He complained that we never had money for this or that… but I always made sure the bills were paid on time. I hope that in my next relationship that money issues can be handled jointly as I don’t think I could surrender all control over finances. My ex said that I treated him like a child and he felt he had to ask permission to do anything. My response was that he could act like a child and wasn’t trustworthy so yes, I did that. He lied to me on numerous occasions, hid things from me, cheated on me, and hardly kept his word. So when he said he wanted to go here or do this, I would question it or at least dig for information about it and I would check on him regarding it. Trust was an issue that could never be resolved in our relationship and played a key role in our breakup. I could never trust him and finally realized that. I also realized that I couldn’t make him be responsible. I tried my damnedest to do that and finally understood that it was not my job to do that. So I wouldn’t say that I’m controlling completely by nature, but I do have a very independent streak and can keep myself guarded at times.

I’m stubborn. Sometimes I view this as not being entirely bad, but am sure it can have it’s moments of not being so good. I will apologize for something if I realize I’m wrong or it’s proven to me… but that’s the key… you’ll have to have either evidence or good solid reasoning to do so. Sometimes it has to come down to just agreeing to disagree, which is o.k. as long as it’s something that isn’t a major deal-breaker in a relationship. (Like “I don’t think getting a blow job from a prostitute is cheating…”)

I’m picky. This is something that has to be accepted about me. Regarding foods… I try to be open about some things, but it boils down to I’m a picky eater. If you want to force cooked spinach down my throat, it’s not going to happen. If you cook something special and it has ingredients that I just can’t stomach, I don’t want you to be offended by my decline to taste it. Movies/Entertainment… I try to be opened minded about seeing shows and doing stuff for fun, but if it’s got way too much action or horror, don’t expect me to go. I don’t mind if you go on your own or with some buddies. General tastes… if you want to know what I like… just ask or get my friends involved. I’m not a “diva” type, but have my tastes like anyone else does. But I always appreciate the effort.
Those are the major vices that I think most men will need to get past with me.

What am I looking for? I hope that I’ll know it when I see it, but the perfect man will have some of these qualities:
Honest, a gentleman, faithful, devoted, romantic (but not sappy), intellectual (can be in a variety of ways), sexually compatible and a good kisser, similar interests (rollercoasters, theatre, music, games, travel, etc), will not expect me to be a sports nut (and he should not be OBSESSED with it), financially wise and stable, have a good job that he loves, appreciates me for who I am and what I have to offer – vices and all, similar values and wants the same things out of life. I’m in a position where I don’t want to have to move to be with someone. I just moved and got settled into a new life and am happy where I am. I especially don’t want to uproot my son from where we are. After he goes to college, everything is negotiable. One of the most important things will be to find some that not only will have a good relationship with me (obviously), but someone that can have a good relationship with my son. He will have to be someone that Josh can respect, get along with, and will be a good role model for him. Getting along with my family is important too, but they’re easy to get along with. Most of all I want someone that is a joy to be with, makes me happy, and brings out the best in me.