O.k. I know I should just be happy that I have a pretty great life thus far. But I'm still depressed today. Marty called and said that his chief did not give him a recommendation which means he's not eligible for the position in Boise City. Marty thinks it really boils down to a personality difference between himself and the chief. He's going to talk to the commander tomorrow and see what's up, but it doesn't sound promising. The commander last week made it sound like it would be a done deal. Now it's doesn't seem that way at all.
So now the closest position available is in the middle of nowhere Michigan which would be 4 more years there. Or he could serve isolated duty in Alaska for a year and then have more options when he gets out in 2006. Either way, the choices really suck and isn't really going to be conducive to our relationship. I'm not giving up on it by any means, I just know that it's going to be very difficult if he ends up far away again.
So I'm depressed. And I should have gone to my workout class today, but I just didn't feel like it.
I'm going to try to remain a little hopeful and just leave it in God's hands. I know I may not like the outcome, but I have to keep my faith that everything happens for a reason.
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The other day I wanted to buy two lithographs. It didn't happen due to the idiot that was selling them, and I continued to whine about it to my friend. My friend said to me several times that it wasn't meant to be. Finally, I got sick of her analogy of it wasn't meant to be and I said to her, "I suppose you think that this hell I am living in IS MEANT TO BE." She got very quiet and I felt bad after saying it, but, I don't think I agree with that metaphor any longer. Think about it. All the rotten things that go on in our lives and worse things that go on in other's lives, are not meant to be. I think that God grieves right along with us when something bad happens to us, as he wants us all to be happy. And I don't think that he sits up there with his big clipboard and says "Hmmmm...Annabel is due for a good fit of depression this week. Let's see, oh, I know, I can make sure that Marty doesn't get that transfer. That'll do it! Then she'll think it's meant to be and fall into that trap of learned helplessness. That will keep her in line." Life is just life. Great things happen sometimes and then things that really suck happen. It's just the natural flow.
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