Saturday, October 16, 2010

Just Call Me Stupid

I went to the game tonight and it was rather exciting.  I sat the first half on my work school’s side and then went over to the other side during half time to watch the bands.  I came back over the 3rd quarter and originally intended to leave during the 4th but the game was getting rather exciting.  Out of the blue, I texted Matthew because I figured he would be at the game though I hadn’t seen him.  He texted me back and we continued back and forth for a while.  He then asked me if I wanted to get a drink or something after the game, and foolishly, I said yes.  Don’t judge.  So the game was over (and we lost by two lousy points).  So we decided to go to the one place in town that serves alcohol.  And we had a couple of drinks and visited and that’s it.  I did mention his distance a bit but without being confrontational and he admitted that he had been that way – still no real explanation.  But at one point he was just looking at me and I said “You miss me, don’t you.”  And he said yes.  And I said, but I’m not the one that has been distant.  He said that he knows.  And that’s about it.  We mostly visited about work related stuff.  When we left, we just hugged and I told him not to be a stranger.  He told me to let him know when I got to town tomorrow.  And now he’s texting me again.  He sent me a message that said “Thank you.”  I texted him back telling him that he’s welcome – but for what?  he said “Spending time with me and being you.”  I said that he confused me greatly and perhaps I’m foolish, but is just who I am.  We went back and forth there a bit and that’s it.  I don’t know if I’m just being plain stupid or what.  Yes, I KNOW he has ignored me for weeks now.  I KNOW that he has been horrible at communicating.  I don’t know that I really even want to go anywhere with this.  I think sometimes though, when loneliness sets in, and you get the opportunity for any kind of attention – no matter how brief, you plunge in headfirst without thinking.  I don’t regret having a drink with him.  I hope perhaps we can be friends.  I promise to try to be smart and not let myself get too caught up in things.  So that’s my evening and now it is WAY past my bed time. 


Patti said...

Quit beating yourself up. I don't think it's stupid. Hanging out with someone you enjoy spending time with, knowing you probably don't want to get involved because he's got issues, but still being friends - naaahhh.

You get to choose your relationships, whether friends or otherwise. You get to decide what you're willing to put up with, and what you're not. I have a few friends that I know right well I put up with some crap from them - because the friendship outweighs the crap sometimes.

I get that. I don't think it's stupid. If at some point you decide this friendship messes with your heart too much ... then you'll maybe make a different call.

My two cents. :)

Hap Joy Free said...

I agree, no name calling unless its what you would call your best friend.

Get up, dust yourself off an remember how absolutely amazing you are and God has THE one waiting for you.

Last night I got stood up for a group date. Im not making it about me, but him and am moving on to the next one...hugs!

Anonymous said...

No ... not at all, I do not call you stupid.