At a loss

I hate it when I have desire to write and get stuff out and it stays stifled inside. I really don't know what to say but will try anyways.
Emotionally, I'm drained. Had a yucky night last night. Not sure where Marty and I stand. Well maybe. He did IM me this morning which really helped. I admit I overreacted at something he said. And I've been moody along with him lately. I know I've added to his stress. But I also know that he hasn't been acting like I'm everything to him lately. That's one reason why I fell for him. He made me feel important to him. Lately I feel more like an inconvenience than someone special to him. I don't mean to feel that way. Part of it is the distance, part of it is my insecurities, and part of it the fact that his attitude seems to have changed.
I have this problem. I'm never satisfied. Nothing is ever good enough for me. If someone volunteers to clean my kitchen, I can't just appreciate that they might have picked up and did the dishes, but will be concerned that they didn't wipe the counters or sweep the floor. In a relationship I guess I always want more from my partner than they are able to give. Is it that I expect too much or is it that I can't find the perfect mate?
I like to make my partner feel special. And in return, I like to feel special too. I can be somewhat of a realist knowing that not all men have the knack for doing this. But my thinking that if I AM indeed special to someone, they will make it known to me.
I learned in my last relationship that you can't change anyone. It's wrong to expect someone to change. I have to be willing to accept my partner as he is. For someone that is never satisfied, it's a tall order. But perhaps not impossible.
I love Marty for who he is. For the love he has for me. For the guy that is afraid of rollercoasters, but will ride them for me. For the man that has come to see me 4 times. For the great father that he is. For the way he holds me and tells me that he loves me. For loving me as I am.
And for that, I am thankful. And I love him for that.
And I'll do what it takes to alleviate his stress. If that means leaving him be to sort things out, I will. Though I wish I could help him. I wish I could be there for him.
I'm still at a loss. Maybe not for words, but for what I can do. I just know I'm not ready to let go. I hope he isn't either.