Tuesday, November 15, 2005

For my exes (though not all live in Texas)

I don't know if this stems from forgiveness, moving on or simply the fact that I've grown up. Perhaps it's a little of all three, but I wanted to write a post about some men that were special in my life once upon a time.

My ex-husband, Richard

I know I've given him a bad rep on here and have been less than kind in some of my posts about him. I don't deny that there were many issues in our marriage and he had some qualities that weren't admirable in my book, but I'm not going to dwell on such things. Because they no longer matter. Instead I will tell you some nice things about him.
He is a very talented man. He can act, write, and is a natural show-off. It was because of him I got an interest in theatre and had some great times with a tiny local theatre group. I was attracted to him in the beginning because he told me about how he had placed at state competition in duet acting. I was impressed. He has also written a screen play that I hope he is able to sell some day. On our first date he did a magic trick for me and I have since played the part as a magician's assistant. He also had a brief stint as a hypnotist and I would travel with him to shows and run his sound. I really miss those times traveling and helping him. Something that will remain special with me are all the trips we took together. Although we weren't always doing well relationship-wise, we could have a great time when we would travel. I miss having a rollercoaster buddy. I know that if I told him I needed someone to ride the rides with me, he'd be there in a heartbeat. In our short five years, we traveled to a number of places and always seemed to have a good time.
He was also a romantic. I realized probably too late just how romantic he was. He sent me flowers numerous times and as I was going through stuff when moving last year, I found the many cards he had given me. I know he loved me very much and I feel bad that I couldn't reciprocate the feeling. It's not that I didn't love him. I did very much in the beginning, but as problems grew, I fell out of love although I still cared for him. It's why I held on so long.
But we did have some very special moments that I will always cherish.
Richard is also a very smart man. I owe a lot of my computer knowledge to him. He is truly a whiz when it came to learning things on the computer.
I loved the fact that he would play scrabble with me despite receiving a constant ass-kicking. He always opened doors for me and I learned to appreciate that. He opened my mind in many ways and helped me believe in myself when I wasn't sure if I could accomplish things. He let me improve his wardrobe which desperately needed help.
We talked online last night and it was good to hear from him. I miss conversations with him. I'm glad we've been able to remain friends and have put our past behind us. I can still cherish the special memories, but I'm no longer dwelling on the negative. He was a very good friend to me when I had to deal with the break-up with Marty. It was kind of weird crying on my ex-husband's shoulder about the break up but I appreciated the fact that he took time to be there for me.
We have both moved on with our lives and there is not a desire on either part to rekindle anything, but we will always remain friends and I am glad. I wish the best for him and hope he finds happiness in all that he does.


I know I've probably talked about him enough on this blog, but grant me one more post. (or two or three) Again, I don't intend to cover anything negative, but want to share about what a great man he is and the impact he had on me.
As my regular readers know, he was my high school sweetheart that looked me up almost two years ago via classmates.com and we developed a relationship for about nine months. Marty is a very generous and kind man. He spared no expense for me when it came to coming to visit. I know he emptied his pocketbook many times just to be able to spend time with me and that meant the world to me. It was tough dealing with 1500 miles, but somehow we made it work for a while.
Marty made me feel very special. I felt great love from him and it was because of him I realized that I deserved to be loved. Being in a relationship with him helped me gain back a lot of my self-esteem.
I found Marty to be very physically attractive and there was some wonderful physical chemistry between us. Something I admittedly miss very much. And he smelled WONDERFUL. That's something I can't forget about him.. how good he smelled. Ooops... getting a little hot and bothered... pardon me.
Marty was a terrific father to his precious girls. He was a very loving man and a good friend. He's the type of man that would do anything for somebody he loved. Not only did I fall in love with him, but his family as well.
I miss the many conversations we had via IM and on the phone. We always seemed to find something to talk about. He was a kid at heart and had a great attitude about most things in life. He was always fun to be around and he sacrificed a lot for me.
It is because of him (indirectly) that I took the steps in returning to God and found my home in the Catholic church. For that I am ever so grateful. He gave me so many things that I can't even describe here, but I appreciate so much having the time that I did have with him. And yes, I still miss him from time to time. I cannot deny that. But I do know how things are and I accept the fact that God had different plans for us. But I will always care for him and I pray that finds happiness and joy always. He is still my friend and I still love him as my friend.

And I'll leave this post with just those two for now. I still owe Patrick a post since he wrote a very kind one about me once. But will hold that for another time.

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