Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Last night I had another IM conversation and I posted about it in my other blog, but thought it would be interesting to share here as well.
I tend to stay on my computer throughout most evenings. Sure, sometimes I do other things like the dishes, perhaps some homework, or watching a little t.v. But I stay connected online checking email, reading other blogs, and I stay signed in to yahoo messenger. I've noticed lately that I haven't had as many random strangers trying to chat with me since I changed my profile to read 'single, not looking.' It's not that I'm not interested in a relationship, it's just I'm not trusting of meeting people online these days. I still pray that God has a plan for someone special to come into my life, and I'm trying to be patient in regard to that. Oh, yeah, I was making a point.
Tonight I had yet another random message, but did respond since he did have a profile (part of my rules for chatting). And we went through the typical cheesy conversation stuff... "where are you from?" around here "Do you have pictures?" Yes "Well, you're cute!" Thanks "What do you do for fun?" Ride rollercoasters. "Cool, anything else?" blog, watch t.v., go to church, crochet, go out to eat, movies, read, puzzles.... And for some strange reason, that ended the conversation. I'm thinking it was the statement about going to Church. Seems to scare some people off these days.
So no big deal on losing that conversation, but it makes me think about how people tend to be judgmental. I admit I've been quite guilty of that myself. I don't talk to people that are openly sexual online because I find it offensive. So I guess if my church-going is offensive, then that's o.k. But I have online friends of all sorts. I don't have friends simply because they share my beliefs. If that were the case, I'd be in short supply. But I cherish friends because of our differences and though I won't try to necessarily "win people to Christ", I will try to live by example and pray for them. Although you won't see a lot of "Churchy" stuff in this blog, it is a part of who I am right now. I'm still not going to talk to people that ask me if I want to see naked pictures of themselves, but I will try not to be judgmental about it. It is simply a choice. Not that the person who stopped the conversation was being judgmental, but since a conversation had started, it might have been polite to say that they weren't interested in pursuing further conversation. But oh well. Just my thoughts right now.
Monday, November 28, 2005
On the downside, my dogs got out today. Which isn't tragic as they were all found, except for the fact that Mollie is in heat. I really, really hope that she didn't get herself knocked up in the hopefully short time she was out. Perhaps a prayer to St. Francis of Assisi is due.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
I didn't do any school work that I had planned on during this break. Oh well. I have a general idea of the things I'll be teaching at the end of the week. The first half of this week will be listening to persuasive speeches. That should be interesting. We have a variety of topics from legalizing drugs, to same sex marriages, and smoking bans. I won't be in school on Friday or it might be a half day for me. We have a speech tournament this weekend and the next. So I'm staying busy as usual.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
My aunt is so nice. We went shopping on Friday (yes, idiots we are) and she bought me underwear (since my dog has been eating mine), a new purse, a pair of slippers and a cheese ball (don't ask). She always fills up my tank with gas and also told me that Steve (her husband) wanted to pay for Josh's piano lessons. So now we've got to find him a teacher.
I watched The Incredibles for the the first time and it was a cute movie. I saw my sister's new house. It's pretty nice, but still needs some work. She has a pool in the back yard which will be good to have in the summer. I'm amazed that my sister (the wild one) has settled down with a husband and a house. Things change I guess.
There's really not a lot more to tell about the holiday. It was nice, but like I said, it's good to be home.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
I am heading to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving today. That means I won't be around much for blogging purposes, not that I've been all that active lately. But just so you know. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Stuff yourselves and don't feel guilty.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Bottom line. Do go see the movie. You must. But if you're one of those weird people out there that hasn't read the books yet, you are really missing out. So go get the books and read them. Right now. I mean it. You think they're just kids books, but that is so not true. So what are you sitting around reading my blog for? Get to Barnes and Noble.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
I also check out a Catholic forum, Found Magazine's new daily item, and try to read Dear Abby. I also read my son's blog from time to time, but I don't let him know that I know about it... if you know what I mean.
I try to post at least every other day, but I know oftentimes it's that simple, mundane stuff. But usually that's what life is all about. So if I bore you, my apologies, but sometimes good to not have exciting things happening or profound thoughts. (Not that I have many of those.)
I usually turn on my Yahoo Instant Messenger, but I rarely talk on it any more it seems. Actually I've had some conversations with my ex-husband lately which has been kind of nice. I've missed his friendship. Once in a while my friend John sends me a message.. especially when he's out of town on business and has nothing else to do. Marty's sister-in-law and I chat from time to time and we've become good friends. But that's about it. I haven't even been getting all those weirdos sending me messages lately either. (Not that I complaining in the least)
So that's my web routine. Sometimes I vary it by doing some shopping, checking out ebay or just general searching for whatever I'm curious about at the time. Do you have a routine that you find yourself following?
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Tomorrow I'll be going to see Josh in the school musical. It will be really great to see him perform in another medium beside playing an instrument. I am so very proud of how talented he is. Oh! To brag a little bit, he made 7th chair in symphonic band and he's one of only two freshmen that made it.
Saturday is the dedication. Sunday is church. Josh and I also are planning to go see Harry Potter and then to dinner to celebrate our birthdays.
Luckily next week is a very short week of school... a day and a half. Because the HISD staff met the goal for the United Way, the superintendent is allowing us to only go a half day on Tuesday. Way cool.
So things are moving right along. Richard has been IM'ng me lately and it's been fun chatting with him. He said he really appreciated the nice things I said about him on here and that it made his day. I am glad.
Well, it's past my bed time and I have to trudge through another day of school tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
My ex-husband, Richard
I know I've given him a bad rep on here and have been less than kind in some of my posts about him. I don't deny that there were many issues in our marriage and he had some qualities that weren't admirable in my book, but I'm not going to dwell on such things. Because they no longer matter. Instead I will tell you some nice things about him.
He is a very talented man. He can act, write, and is a natural show-off. It was because of him I got an interest in theatre and had some great times with a tiny local theatre group. I was attracted to him in the beginning because he told me about how he had placed at state competition in duet acting. I was impressed. He has also written a screen play that I hope he is able to sell some day. On our first date he did a magic trick for me and I have since played the part as a magician's assistant. He also had a brief stint as a hypnotist and I would travel with him to shows and run his sound. I really miss those times traveling and helping him. Something that will remain special with me are all the trips we took together. Although we weren't always doing well relationship-wise, we could have a great time when we would travel. I miss having a rollercoaster buddy. I know that if I told him I needed someone to ride the rides with me, he'd be there in a heartbeat. In our short five years, we traveled to a number of places and always seemed to have a good time.
He was also a romantic. I realized probably too late just how romantic he was. He sent me flowers numerous times and as I was going through stuff when moving last year, I found the many cards he had given me. I know he loved me very much and I feel bad that I couldn't reciprocate the feeling. It's not that I didn't love him. I did very much in the beginning, but as problems grew, I fell out of love although I still cared for him. It's why I held on so long.
But we did have some very special moments that I will always cherish.
Richard is also a very smart man. I owe a lot of my computer knowledge to him. He is truly a whiz when it came to learning things on the computer.
I loved the fact that he would play scrabble with me despite receiving a constant ass-kicking. He always opened doors for me and I learned to appreciate that. He opened my mind in many ways and helped me believe in myself when I wasn't sure if I could accomplish things. He let me improve his wardrobe which desperately needed help.
We talked online last night and it was good to hear from him. I miss conversations with him. I'm glad we've been able to remain friends and have put our past behind us. I can still cherish the special memories, but I'm no longer dwelling on the negative. He was a very good friend to me when I had to deal with the break-up with Marty. It was kind of weird crying on my ex-husband's shoulder about the break up but I appreciated the fact that he took time to be there for me.
We have both moved on with our lives and there is not a desire on either part to rekindle anything, but we will always remain friends and I am glad. I wish the best for him and hope he finds happiness in all that he does.
I know I've probably talked about him enough on this blog, but grant me one more post. (or two or three) Again, I don't intend to cover anything negative, but want to share about what a great man he is and the impact he had on me.
As my regular readers know, he was my high school sweetheart that looked me up almost two years ago via classmates.com and we developed a relationship for about nine months. Marty is a very generous and kind man. He spared no expense for me when it came to coming to visit. I know he emptied his pocketbook many times just to be able to spend time with me and that meant the world to me. It was tough dealing with 1500 miles, but somehow we made it work for a while.
Marty made me feel very special. I felt great love from him and it was because of him I realized that I deserved to be loved. Being in a relationship with him helped me gain back a lot of my self-esteem.
I found Marty to be very physically attractive and there was some wonderful physical chemistry between us. Something I admittedly miss very much. And he smelled WONDERFUL. That's something I can't forget about him.. how good he smelled. Ooops... getting a little hot and bothered... pardon me.
Marty was a terrific father to his precious girls. He was a very loving man and a good friend. He's the type of man that would do anything for somebody he loved. Not only did I fall in love with him, but his family as well.
I miss the many conversations we had via IM and on the phone. We always seemed to find something to talk about. He was a kid at heart and had a great attitude about most things in life. He was always fun to be around and he sacrificed a lot for me.
It is because of him (indirectly) that I took the steps in returning to God and found my home in the Catholic church. For that I am ever so grateful. He gave me so many things that I can't even describe here, but I appreciate so much having the time that I did have with him. And yes, I still miss him from time to time. I cannot deny that. But I do know how things are and I accept the fact that God had different plans for us. But I will always care for him and I pray that finds happiness and joy always. He is still my friend and I still love him as my friend.
And I'll leave this post with just those two for now. I still owe Patrick a post since he wrote a very kind one about me once. But will hold that for another time.
Monday, November 14, 2005
You are 'programming in QBASIC'. This programming
language (of which the acronym stands for
'Quick Beginners' All-purpose Symbolic
Instruction Code'), which is so primitive that
it cannot easily be used for any purpose
involving the Internet nor even sound, was
current more than a decade ago.
You are independent, in a good way. When something
which you need cannot be found, you make it
yourself. In writing and in talking with
people, you value clarity and precision; your
friends may not realize how important that is.
When necessary, you are prepared to be a
mediator in conflicts between your friends.
You are very rational, and you think of things
in terms of logic and common sense.
Unfortunately, your emotionally unstable
friends may be put off by your devotion to
logic; they may even accuse you of pedantry and
insensitivity. Your problem is that
programming in QBASIC has been obsolete for a
What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Friday, November 11, 2005
Now for the not so great news yesterday. I got a call from the social security office in Alice, TX on Wednesday. I could not return the call because they close their offices at 4:00. So I remembered to call yesterday... barely. But I was able to leave a message and the lady called me back. It turns out that they have to work the entire case on Josh's dad from the same office. That means the claim from his wife and daughters and Josh have to be done together. (It would have been nice to be told this from the beginning... oh, yeah, we're dealing with inept government people.) So, the lady tells me that because the case has to be reestablished down there, she needs the materials that the Amarillo office requested from me. Well, I did my duty and had already sent those items to the Amarillo office. She said that she had emailed the office about them and had not heard a reply from them and she couldn't proceed without the documents. And then here's the kicker! She's going to be gone for the next week and won't return until the 21st. So that means there is no way the money will be coming on the 16th like they originally told me. In fact she said it will probably be at least a month once she files everything. So there's a big lesson for me on counting the money before it's deposited. Josh's band trip is still due next week and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. My friend that I carpool with offered to loan it to me, but I felt weird about that. It's not that I wouldn't pay it back, but it's just not right for some reason. My aunt and uncle might be able to help me out or I might be able to ask my dad. Worst case I can get a cash advance on my credit card, but that will cost an arm and a leg. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! O.k. I feel better now.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Good thing #1: I got my rebates from Cingular today. It was weird though, because they sent them as four Visa gift cards. Oh well, money is money I guess.
Good thing #2: Today was the last day at school for this week... at least for me. That is why I am currently up past my bed time. I get to sleep in tomorrow!!
Good thing #3: We sold all but two of Josh's band cards. I may still have one sold if someone who said they would buy one actually does.
Good thing #4: We had a great choir rehearsal last night with two professional leaders that really helped us.
And for the birthday story:
It happened 15 years ago. It was my 21st birthday. I woke up to having mild contractions. I was nine months pregnant. The baby was due on Nov. 12, but I had a feeling he/she would make an appearance on my birthday. I called my aunt and told her that I was having contractions. I went over to her house to take a shower. (I only had a tub in my tiny house) We went to McDonald's to eat. They were running about 20 minutes apart. I was told that when they were five minutes apart I should head to the hospital. They kept getting closer so I called the father and told him. He was gracious enough to drive me to the hospital. (But I carried my own bag in... it was kind of funny because he remembered after the fact.) My aunt said she'd meet me up there later.
I checked in and they hooked me up to monitors to see if I was really ready to have a baby. My contractions were regular at 4-5 minutes apart, but I wasn't dialating. But they said I could stay. I decided to be brave and forgo the drugs for a while. After all, the contractions were getting a little uncomfortable, but not too bad. But then they gave me the pitocin.
Throughout the day I had visitors come. My best friends from college were there. They even ordered pizza and had it in my room. I didn't mind so much because the labor was getting intense. I could no longer talk through contractions. My aunt, uncle, sister, cousin, dad and mom where all there at some point. My mom called me before coming up to the hospital and said "Happy Birthday! What do you want for your birthday?" After I had just dealt with a contraction I told her I wanted an epidural. (It wasn't covered under medicaid) She asked how much they were and I told her about $500. She said no. So the contractions were getting unbearable, but at least I started to dialate. Actually I went from a "3" to a "9" in a short amount of time. I finally asked for drugs and they said it was too late and that I would be ready to push soon. So when they said I was ready, that's all I did. It hurt. A lot. I vowed to remember the pain and NEVER go through it again. So I did so well with pushing that I had the baby before the doctor even arrived. He was walking down the hall when the first scream came. (From the baby, not me... I had been screaming a while.) My sister acosted him in the hall and told him "It's about time you got here!" He replied "Oh, we have baby?" Well, he came in and finished up the stuff that comes with having a baby... won't go in to details there.
And that was the day my son, Joshua was born. On my 21st birthday at 6:42 p.m. (Coincidentally, I was born at 9:42)
My sister had brought strawberry dacquiris up there for me... but I passed... kind of wanted them a few hours before, you know? So after everything I had family and friends there and a new baby. It was a bit overwhelming. Some people immediately fall in love with their children the moment they have them. I have to admit it took some time with me. There's no doubt that I loved him, but I had to grow into that deep love. And now he is the most precious thing to me and I would do anything for him. But you have to understand that I was young, unmarried, in college and on welfare. Not the best of circumstances to be having a baby and raising it. But I did. I took the responsibility on myself. And I don't regret a second of it.
When I found out I was pregnant I considered adoption for a while. But I knew I probably couldn't go through with it. Jacob wanted me to have an abortion and my aunt wanted me to think about it because having a baby would ruin my life. I have found Josh to be the greatest blessing. I never even considered abortion. Although at the time I felt that other women had the right to make that decision, I felt it was wrong for me. (Since then I have taken the stance that abortion is morally wrong altogether.)
But I eventually grew to that deep, abiding love and learned how to manage a baby, college, and work at the same time. I think during those years I might have gotten a total of about 4 hours of sleep. But I got through school after another four years and managed to graduate with honors. I don't recommend this for girls who fantasize about having babies and such. Although Josh is indeed special to me, it was a very difficult struggle. I struggled emotionally and financially. It took great strength that I wasn't sure I had at times. But by the grace of God I made it. Sometimes I questioned why He could stand by me for so long and hold my hand when I didn't give Him anything in return, but His love is simply amazing.
So that's my birthday story. On my 21st birthday I received the greatest mother's gift - my son, Josh.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Got a call from somebody from Social Security today but only got a message to call them. I'm a little worried about it. Will call them first thing tomorrow.
Got a birthday present in the mail today from my aunt. Got the new special edition DVD of Titanic. Josh is mortified because he hates that movie. Well, he doesn't have to watch it. He got the Phantom of the Opera DVD and a CD.
Have RCIA tonight which will be great because we're touring the church.
Talked to Marty for over an hour last night and really enjoyed the conversation. He still brings a smile to my face with some of the things he says. I sent him a package today with something I've been wanting to send to him for a while. It was really great talking to him.
I have to sell 10 Band Discount cards by Friday. Notice I said "I". Josh is not doing much in the way of selling.
I'll be 36 tomorrow, but for some reason I feel younger this year than I did last year. That's probably a good thing.
And that's all for the updates.
Monday, November 07, 2005
I started writing a letter to Marty last night but I haven't been able to finish it. It got way past my bedtime and I had to put it on hold and didn't have much time today. Maybe I'll get it finished while my kids are "supposedly researching" in the library. I also owe Pete a letter as he has now sent me two and I need to write him back. Why am I writing to Marty if I'm over him you ask? Well, I have something I've been wanting to send him a while and would like to get that to him and it's just a friendly letter that says some things I've needed to say to him. It's nothing bad and I'm not going to ask him any why's about our relationship. I don't need to know them. I know why he came into my life and I know why he left almost as quickly. So there, nosy people. Just kidding. I'm still quite content with the way things are and I'm not pondering all the what-if's any more and wishing things had turned out differently.
Well, that's all the excitement in my life today. And I'm really thinking of going to bed soon. I should be in bed by 10:00 at least. Of course I say that now and I won't be in bed before midnight... go figure.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
After that I went to Ross for Less so I could get some sweaters. It's getting chilly here and I don't have much in the way of winter clothes. All of my clothes I had last year don't fit any more. They are way too big. (More good news.) So I tried on about 12 sweaters and bought four. You'll also be happy to note that many of them were way too big as a size XL and two of the sweaters I bought are only Larges. I also tried on a size 14 pair of pants and although they were a bit tight, I could zip and button them. I think I'm getting closer to being another size smaller.
But I wasn't completely selfish today. You know Josh and I share a birthday, so I had to get his presents today too. I got him the DVD of Star Wars III as well as The Princess Bride. He's also a fan of George Carlin, so I bought him the Napalm and Silly Putty book. I also got him some of the Bath and Body works men's shower gel. I let him have what Marty had left here because he was complaining about dry skin. He seemed to really like it. Only problem is that the smell reminds me of Marty. But he does smell good.
Since we've got things going on during our birthday this week (Choir practice on Thursday, I have a speech tournament Fri. & Sat., and Josh has a game on Fri.) we're going to hold off on going out for our birthday until the next week. I think we'll plan to go to dinner and see Harry Potter on the 18th.
For a while I was thinking that my birthdays are no longer special because very few people remember them and there's no more parties or any kind of big deal made about them. But as I spend time with Josh, I realize just how special my birthday is. After all, what better gift can a mother get than to have her child on her birthday? I am so blessed.
Friday, November 04, 2005
I know I have my regular readers like Grumpy, Summer, Pixie, Susan and Bret, but I do get a few other hits because of my Catholic blog, from Prison Pete, and my yahoo or blogger profile. I feel lately my writing hasn't been exciting simply because life is rather boring at the moment. I guess when there's no drama in my love life there just isn't a lot to write about. Still not complaining, but would like to find more interesting things to tackle. Perhaps my muse will visit again soon. For now, enjoy the list of searches that have allowed a few others to stop by for a quick visit.
Don’t get caught on security camera
celebrity yearbook george eads
story of my life
looking for dentist to yank all my teeth
getting along with your lover ones
my-waterbed sprung leak october 2005
if i haven't received my period yet but i haven't received any symptoms does it mean im pregnant?
rebound relationship blog
prayer to make lover come back
old lover stories
write a fill in birthday story
wedding ring separated
"hair cut very short"
bloody marys life story
amarillo naked girls
my lover my friend
how to get over a lover
Thursday, November 03, 2005
But it's not that I don't welcome change or like it. Change can be a very good thing. I just know that when something works, I tend to stick with it. And perhaps that's why I fought so hard in my relationships and why I always hate break ups. Sure they're painful and perhaps they are meant to be and for a good reason, but it's still a change. But I guess I should be more open than I am.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
MY NAME IS don larry 45 FROM stanton BUT CURRENTLY IN NIGERIA 4 MY UNCLE BURIAL CEREMONY, AM NEW HERE AND I AM ALSO NEW ON THIS INTERNET SEARCHING AND I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THIS?.
I CAME ACROSS YOUR PROFILE AND I BELEIVE YOU ARE A GOOD woman AND WOULD BE THE KIND OF woman I WILL LIKE TO HAVE RELATIONSHIP WITH U AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM VERY SERIOUS ABOUT WHAT I WANT AND I HOPE YOU ARE ALSO A SERIOUS ONE AND READY FOR WHAT YOU WANT. PLEASE EMAIL ME AT firstname.lastname@example.org AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME AND MY PROFILE.
Yeah, I'm going to get right on that and respond to him right away. I wonder, do these got ever get any responses? I'm sure they send out probably thousands of these emails a day. To what end? I guess there are gullible and vulnerable people out there, but I do not happen to be one of them. I think the internet is a wonderful and terrible thing. I love the information that is out there. I love that I can chat with friends, email, and blog. But getting spammed and ridiculous email messages like this is making me wonder if it's worth it.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
I don't have anything exciting to report. My love life is non-existent. Haven't heard from Marty. No other ex-boyfriends coming out of the woodwork. School is busy and now I'm going to be taking over the oral interp class after this week. Church is good. And that's all I have to say about that.