Saturday, December 18, 2004

What have I done?

This journal is because of Diana’s blog. Please do check it out as she has a lot of wonderful thoughts and ponderings just as I have had this year. She posed the following question because of John Lennon's song So This is Christmas.

What have I done this past year?

By month:

Started talking to Marty (or Martin as I used to know him) when he found me via
Found my dad an RV so he could move out of his house (so I could plan to move in)
Introduced my dad to Carol Ann when he said he was ready to start dating after my mom passed away.
Filed for divorce, finally.

Went to Michigan for a blind date of sorts. Met Steve from E-Harmony and had a nice time. Sprained my ankle on the trip.
Marty came to visit me for the first time at the end of the month. He was here for two weeks.

Performed in the Vagina Monologues.
Moved into my parents house over spring break. Painted, updated, cleaned etc. before moving in. Has been a continuous process.
Lost the other house to foreclosure (due to divorce).

Got divorced! Wooooo Hoooooo!
Changed my last name back to my maiden name and reclaimed my identity.
Met Patrick (I think) this month.

All my yearbooks delivered on time without major hassels. Finished the year.
Went to Branson for family reunion Memorial weekend.

Went to Chicago with my dad so he could show us where my parents grew up.
Met Steve at Six Flags Great Adventure. Lost my favorite pair of sunglasses.
Went on annual rollercoaster trip with Josh. (See post to get details)
Rode my 100th coaster at Cedar Point. (Top Thrill Dragster)

Marty came back beginning of this month and stayed about a week. We went to his parents for a brief visit and to Fiesta Texas. He rode the coasters with me despite his fear. I fell for him. I had to break things off with 3 other guys to be with him. I think he’s worth it.
Went to Jostens meeting in Dallas.

Went to stay with Marty while he was at his parents’ house. Got to meet his girls. Said “I love you” for the first time there.
Started work on another school year.

Marty came here for a week to go to his family reunion. I went with him. He was surprised and amazed that I did. And it wasn’t bad at all. Think I made a fairly good impression on his family.
Won a new elementary yearbook.

Went to visit Marty in Connecticut. Was surprised by several things. Gave me a bit to ponder in our relationship, but still holding on to it.
Upgraded two of my schools to all color books.

Had mine & Josh’s birthday. Uneventful for me. Took Josh and his friends to the movies. Still disconcerted by the fact that Marty didn’t send a card or flowers or anything. Hopefully have made my point about that.
Was the one year anniversary of my mother’s passing. I made a photo collage of pictures of her throughout the years and printed one for each of my siblings and dad.
Went to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving.
Won a new yearbook account.
Got almost all of my schools renewed for 2006.

Survived getting renewals, covers finshed, schools visited and general yearbook mayhem. Spent almost all of my bonus on everyone except myself for Christmas. (Though I did buy myself 3 books from Amazon)
Probably won another yearbook account, just need to figure which program to place them in.
Cleaned out my garage so I can park my car in it.

To finish out the year…
Going to pull my clarinet out and play a duet with Josh at my cousin’s Christening.
Going to Albuquerque for Christmas.
Going to wait patiently for Marty to get here on the 28th.
Going to have a New Year’s party WITH Marty here.
Will probably NOT make any resolutions since I always seem to break them.

In general:
Had sex with too many people that I shouldn’t have and regret most of it. (no, Patrick, you’re not a regret) I justified myself at the time saying I needed to sow some wild oats, but I think it was mostly to prove to myself that I was desirable, sexy, and wanted by men since my husband didn’t want me. At least perhaps that’s what it was.

Found some of my lost self-esteem. It seems to have come and gone quite a bit in the last several years. But at this point, I’ve learned to love myself, mostly. I think I’m a pretty darn good catch. And I’m sexy as heck. (Yeah, trying to clean up the language too.)

Started considering a place for God in my life again. Have been exploring the possibility of becoming Catholic. Still not there yet, but at least I’m open to possibilities for the first time in about 13 years.

Lost 25 lbs. And 2 dress sizes. Gradually got my hair cut short.

Learned that it’s o.k. to be alone. Sometimes it’s even great.

Realize that I deserve to be loved.

1 comment:

Diana said...

All in all, a pretty good year, eh?

How'd you manage that 25-pound loss?