Show Me the Money

My paycheck every month is $2074.09. That is exactly .33 cents less than I was making in my previous job. The difference now is that I have health and dental insurance and I am driving a little less. Where does the money go?

Bills to be paid every month include Mortgage ($663 on time and $682 late which it is now), bank payment of $325 for consolidated cards, Mervyn’s $25 (minimum), Electric about $125, Gas is around $30 now, but will steadily go up as winter nears, water $50, car insurance $107, Cable/Internet $130, Cell Phones $90, Phone $66, Gasoline should be around $150 a month, but I’ve been paying minimums around $80. I still have the other two card payments despite consolidating them as I had to use my credit card for dental work and groceries after I ran out of money and the other one I paid most of it, but not quite all of it and still owe $300. After paying all of that assuming I were caught up and not behind on any bills (Currently about a month behind on the mortgage, cable, and extra credit card), I would have around $300 left each month to cover groceries, clothing, private lessons, and any extras. Forget an oil change, hair cut, or something extra.

I can and will cut back on the regular phone and go back to basic service – saving about $20… after I pay the bill because they won’t make changes if you haven’t made a payment. Don’t tell me to cut my cable/internet as it’s really our only source of entertainment and information. I don’t have all the channels or anything… just the basic 66 and HBO.

Never mind that I need to pay $80 for a yearbook, and have had to pay quite a bit for band things (shoes, shirt, mallets, garment bag, etc.). I still would like to get Josh into counseling, but even with health insurance it will still run $40 a visit. I also want to do my part in providing for the church and diocese. Josh’s birthday is coming up soon as well.

Does it ever end? Don’t get me wrong… I’m not really trying to complain, just getting it out for the moment. I think going back to teaching will still be better in the long run. By carpooling, I am saving in gas. I can pretty much expect a raise each year and I should get a stipend for speech next year. (If not, I may have to look elsewhere) But in the moment I just don’t know what to do. I am really hoping that Josh’s social security disability will come through, but the fact that it is put off for so long means I’m falling more into debt with all the late fees and such.

My dear, sweet son asked me about if he got a job next summer that pays $70 a week, would that be enough? I told him that if made that it would be great to help pay for his own gas and car insurance for when he got a car. He then said that he wanted to help pay bills if he could. I told him that we’ll wait and see what happens, but perhaps his money will just go to help pay for some of his lunches and lessons and such, but if the social security came through we’ll be able to manage better. I don’t think he’ll get much if anything from his father’s estate. I got a letter from the attorney stating that although he has assets in an approximate amount of $166,000, he had debts totaling $392,000. Although Josh is entitled to 25% of anything, it doesn’t look good. So the idea that college might be paid for is a laughing matter.

Normally thinking about all of this would be me into a pretty good state of depression. And I admit I am worried about it, but I know that it doesn’t do me any good to dwell on it. Things will get paid when they get paid. Even if the worst happened and I fell miserably into a state of bankruptcy, I would still survive. Everything always works out in the end. I know this. I’ve experienced enough of life to know that despite wondering how I’m going to get myself out of the holes I keep finding myself in (though I admit to have been digging some myself), I will get out. I’m thinking the hole I’ve been in for a while does seem a little more shallow.

So I will continue to put my faith and worries on God’s shoulder and keep praying. It’s all I can do. I have so many blessings that in spite of my financial worries, life is still good. Now if I could just get social security to not be so dang slow and a little more helpful. I know, I know. Wishing thinking.