Thursday, September 07, 2006

My Boring Life

Just another day. Went to work. Taught classes. Had a meeting after school. Narrowed the t-shirt choices down to three. Came home, made supper. Went to choir practice. Came home and got on computer. And that's it. My friend from Austin won't get in until after 11:00 and I'll be in bed by then. Still nothing remotely exciting in my life.

I'm really not complaining (too much). I have a pretty decent life. I'm actually pretty happy at this time in my life. I love being involved in Church. I have a good job and usually enough money. But I still feel like I am missing something. I don't know if it's a relationship. I think maybe it's just companionship or something. I have things to do; I have my son; I have my pets; but I still feel alone quite often. I feel like I'm not living up to my potential sometimes. I just feel like I'm lost and feeling my way around.

I try to pray daily and I always pray for others. Sometimes I feel selfish when I ask for my own prayers, but I do pray for either a relationship or to remove the desire for it. The thing is that we as humans crave companionship. It's in our nature. God created Eve for Adam so he wouldn't be lonely. My problem is that the lonely guys out there are still the internet freaks and weirdos. Yes, I know... "Quit looking and the right one will come along." Well, I'm not really looking. I haven't been involved in any online dating things in a long while. And I know that Prince Charming isn't just going to land on my doorstep, but I just don't know what else to do. I'm doing nothing and nothing is happening. And I know that I'm supposed to "Be Patient." I'm trying. I'm praying for it. But I'm almost 37 and I'm facing a future alone. Sure, I'll always have those acquaintances, but I need something more than that. And I know that it may not be God's will for me to be with someone. A part of me thinks, though, that I'm not meant to end up alone. So I sit here in yet another quandry that will pass for a while before it returns again.

Sorry to get so bummed out, but just had to put it out there. I may just delete this post tomorrow, but here it is for now.


Satan Himself said...

just friendly advice from Satan. Just be aware that prince charming may come along, and he may find you attractive and sexy. But before he gets 3 words out, you may pick up on his vibe that he finds you sexually attractive, and you've closed the door to him and written him off as a... weirdo.

Don't fear your sexuality. Accept the fact that men are going to be attracted to you, and yes, even prince charming may get turned on. By running away from your sexuality, you will close the door and run away from most men who are interested in you.

Remember that sexuality is a gift from God... not a curse from Satan.

Susanlee said...

hmm...weird. I agree with Satan himself. I don't mean of course that you should keep talking to a guy if all he says to you is "hey I think you'd be great in bed" or if he can't seem to get off the subject of how hot you are...(but lets face it Jen, you're a hottie) So I'd say...let them tell you that you're hot, but if they push for sex tell them that comes in a tidy little bow with a marriage license. (assuming that that's your particular package deal) If they still show interest pursue it until it turns out they're an idiot. You might at least get dinner at Bourbon Street out of it. :)

Summer said...

Trust your judgment. Just don't make them.