Saturday, February 05, 2011

Bad News

Matthew may be leaving.  His contract is not getting renewed in the district.  Though there is another local job available that he is applying for, he’s also applying for three jobs in Indiana and another in east Texas.  While I certainly hope he gets the local job, it’s hard to truly be hopeful about it.  So our status is very tenuous.  I’m trying to be supportive, but he’s still being distant.  While I understand why he is distant – since he doesn’t know if he’ll be sticking around and therefore doesn’t know if he should pursue a relationship; for some reason, I just keep hanging on.  I can’t figure out quite why.  Though I should probably see this as a sign that perhaps we aren’t meant to be together, I don’t want to let go.  As much as I know that “if it is meant to be, it will happen,” I hate this feeling that I’m about to lose something – yet again. 

So I’m Albuquerque alone.  I asked him to go with me and even gave him a list of 10 reasons why he should go, he said he couldn’t.  That’s when I found out that his contract won’t be renewed.  I told him about the local job that was open and he is interested in it and applied for it.  I tried again to get him to go so he could just get away but he said that he just wouldn’t be good company and wanted to work on applications this weekend.  I saw him before I left today.  He was in Amarillo checking out the district that had the opening so we met there on my way out of town.  I gave him a bunch of chocolate and a card. 

I got to town around 1:15 and I went to lunch at Chili’s and visited with my sister.  Then I headed to the hotel, but the GPS took me in the wrong direction so it took me 30 minutes to get there instead of 10.  But I made it.  Hotel is relatively nice but I was dismayed by the fact that Hotwire did not give me the absolute lowest price.  Even though the base rate was “lower” than the hotel direct site, when taxes and fees were added, I paid $4 more than I would have if I booked directly. 

I went to the mall to see if I could find something for my aunt and uncle for their anniversary.  I didn’t find anything that I really liked so I just go them a card and a gift card to one of their favorite restaurants.  I brought my kindle so I’ve been reading the latest book I downloaded (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), and thinking about what I should do for supper.  I was checking food places close by and found that there’s a Five Guys Burger place which has really good burgers and even better fries.  I think I’ll head out and pick up a burger and fries and bring it back to the hotel.  Then I’m going to take a bath, read, watch t.v., call Matthew, and go to bed.  Tomorrow morning I’m going to go to church and then to the reception for my aunt and uncle.  There’s supposed to be some snow tonight that will hit the area of I-40 that I have to travel to get home tomorrow, but I’m hoping that it will be fairly cleared late afternoon when I head back. 

Well, I’m going to go get that burger before it gets too late. 


Patti said...

:( sorry ....

Hope you enjoy your time with your family tomorrow.

Leann said...

I hope you have a wonderful time with your Aunt and Uncle.

I don't know what to say about your relationship with Matthew. Everything sounds so trivial compared to what you are going through. ((HUGS))