Sunday, September 05, 2010

Today’s Agenda & Dating Thoughts

I’m going to try to be somewhat productive today – but won’t promise anything.  Believe it or not, the house is still relatively clean though I do have laundry to do.  I need to wash the cover for the couch as well.  I’ll go to the 11:15 Mass and then my goal is to go through the unfinished yearbook and take out unfinished pages and combine others as necessary.  Then I’ll do my readings for school and post my discussion question.  If I’m feeling really ambitious, I may try to start one of the two source evaluations that have to be finished, but we’ll see. 

I went to bed last night around 9:00 p.m. after taking half of a regular (non-ambien) sleeping pill.  It worked and I slept pretty well, though it makes me feel more “drugged” even at a half dosage.  Matthew did text me yesterday after I sent him a text asking him if he was ok.  He replied a few hours later saying that his phone had been off because he had been napping all day.  I then sent another text asking if he was feeling better and still haven’t heard back. 

I did send a message back to the eharmony guy but haven’t heard back.  I got another notification from a different guy this morning and responded to his questions.  I’m no longer receiving matches but this communication was from a guy that had started communicating with me a while back but never got through all 4 stages.  I guess I’m not going to close any potential doors while Matthew is being so wishy-washy.  I don’t know if he intends to be that way, if something is up, or if he just doesn’t “get it.”  I don’t want to draw any conclusions just yet because I do enjoy the times when we are together.  Has dating always been this frustrating?  It’s hard to remember because I haven’t really dated in so long. 

When I started this blog back in 2004, I was going through almost the same thing.  I had been seeing Patrick who is now my friend and happily married to Tiffany – he’s the one that got me started with blogging altogether.  I also had a guy in Michigan that was of interest but the distance was problematic among other things.  And then there was Marty – the boyfriend from high school that entered the picture.  My long time blog readers (of which I think there are now two – Summer & Andrew) know the complete soap opera of that story.  I chose Marty and we had a pretty good run, but in the end, though sometimes he still denies this fact, he wasn’t able to let go of his ex-wife.  We tried again after our class reunion in 2008, but once again, it just didn’t work out. 

Since then there hasn’t been much of anything except for the Thomas fiasco last year.  I don’t know if the new eharmony contacts will go anywhere, but it might be nice to have some “choices” I guess.  Though I think there is some good potential of a relationship with Matthew and that is my preference for the moment, we would have to deal with the communication issue relatively soon.  If/when I do see him again, I have a lot of things I will want to talk about for sure.  The fact that he is local and works in the district is almost a blessing and a curse. 

I guess I’ve gone on long enough about dating – it just isn’t what it used to be I guess – or maybe it has always been this way and I just don’t remember it.  Maybe I should refer to my book of poems I wrote years ago and remind myself that love simply sucks most of the time.  Ok, so it isn’t always that bad, but I’m still wary of making poor choices.  I do enjoy being in a relationship and I think I’m pretty good at it – if only someone would finally realize that!

1 comment:

Leann said...

I understand your frustration and can certainly empathize. I believe part of the difficulty at this point in our lives is we just want it to be honest. No game playing. Good luck with Matthew.