Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Feeling Better

Marty called me yesterday. I was shocked. Two calls in three days. We actually talked for quite a while. At least an hour. I made him a little mad because I wouldn't listen to him. I explained that simply telling me to not do something without a reason is a moot point. I'm the kind of person that if you want to tell me not to do something, you better give me good reasons for it.
I told him that if I had the money I was going to head to California during spring break to see him. He didn't want me to spend the money to see him. I told that since I don't have the money it's not something I could do, but if I did and after I paid my bills I might do it. We went round and round on this for a while. I made him very frustrated and I was frustrated too, but I think he understood that I just really needed to see him. I told him that I would wait and see which is all I can do anyways, but if I came to see him in either California or Connecticut would be dependent upon how much time he's going to have in Texas before going to Alaska. He said he understood that.
I have a feeling he's realizing now what he's gotten himself in to. I told him that I gave him fair warning explaining what I was like and that I'm a difficult person to love sometimes. He told me that he was sure he could handle it. I wonder if he still feels this way.
It's not that I like being insecure and questioning everything and tormenting him. (O.k. maybe I like tormenting a little)
I have to quit being so damn selfish. I read a blog today that really summed it all up.
Will quote from Martha Martha's blog:

Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.
~ HenriNouwen society

Ain't that the truth?

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