Friday, February 11, 2005

Made it through the week

Well I'm glad the week is over. I started getting sick but it didn't get too bad. Felt kind of bad earlier in the week on Tuesday and Wednesday but never got the total crud. Kind of got a scratchy, weak voice right now, but I can't complain too much. I was almost hoping to be too sick to work, but no such luck. I planned to take Monday off, Valentine's day, just in case someone wanted to send me flowers or something. Though I'm not going to hold my breath. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but his track record hasn't been so good.
I sent him a package that was delivered on Wednesday. And he didn't really acknowledge it. I had to ask if he got it, if he liked what I sent. He said it was nice but he hadn't listened to the CD. I guess I understand that he's barely been home and he has to get ready to leave on Saturday, but I'm a bit put out because I spent a lot of time putting it together for him. I made him a CD of songs that had special meaning to me and were an indication of my feelings for him. I even printed out the lyrics and wrote a message on each of them. But he hasn't made the time to listen. Given that I'm already wondering where I rank in the scheme of things, I'm not hopeful about things right now. Maybe I'm fooling myself. Or maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Problem is that I just don't know.
I thought about giving him up for Lent. Don't laugh. What I mean is that I would stop calling him. I would let him call me. I would let him be in charge of the relationship. I think I'm too focused on where things are and where they're going. But I'm not sure I'm ready for that. You know me, always having to KNOW everything.
I guess I really am a drama queen.


Diana said...

Well, even if you don't totally give him up for Lent, you might try that approach for a week or so and see what happens. Move your focus a bit to your own life. I'm not saying that you won't feel totally self-conscious doing so, and aware each day that you're not calling him that... you're not calling him. I mean, for a little bit that will be the main thing in your life, that you're *not* calling him, and that might feel stupid. But it might reveal something to you, too.

Good luck, whatever you do. :)

Andrew said...

*sigh* Guys can be so clueless sometimes.