Friday, February 04, 2005

Here I go "Thinking" again

Still not a good day. I've been thinking about Marty some, but trying not to as it just seems to depress me.
I'm more worried about my financial situation right now. Given the situation with Josh's dad, I really don't know if I can count on child support much longer. If I don't have child support I can still live, but just barely. I definitely can't plan on getting a new car. So if the transmission in mine goes out, I'm pretty screwed. If I can't count on child support, I'm thinking about whether I should consider a new job. I do really like my job. It offers a great deal of flexibility. It isn't too demanding. I make my own schedule. I can be creative in it and feel a great deal of appreciation from my advisers. But the pay is a lot less than I can make teaching. Is it worth more money to have more stress? If teaching wasn't so horrible, I'd consider it much more. I know things haven't gotten better as I visit schools on a daily basis. If I taught in Amarillo I could make $6000 more a year than I am now. That's about $400 more a month after taxes and I could get health insurance. Sure I'd be paying about $250 a month for insurance to cover Josh, but I'd still come out ahead especially with a lot less money spent on travel. But I would be miserable. I've thought about getting certified as a librarian by going back to school, but it just seems impossible. a. I don't have time to study to take the GRE b. Even if I did have time to study, I don't have the money for school c. Even if I did pass the GRE and could pay for school, how in the heck could I work AND go to school? d. even though I can do online courses I'm still not sure it could all happen any time in the near future.
There are no other jobs out there that I'm qualified for where I could make what I'm making now despite having a college education.
Now I'm trying to figure how I can cut expenses. What are my luxuries? Cable t.v. Cable modem. Cell phone (not really a luxury as that's how my customers contact me) And that's it. I've already stopped having fast food. I'm making menus and only buying the essentials at the grocery store. I only buy sodas if they're on sale. I'm trying to keep the thermostat down now and keep lights turned off. Water is pretty much fixed price as I typically don't go over the minimum. I'm trying to get my credit cards paid off. I can't move to any place cheaper unless I get rid of my animals and Josh. I can't cut back on my gasoline as it's part of my job to travel to schools.
I used to think getting married would solve my financial issues. It didn't. It only made them worse. Sometimes I really hate being a grown-up. Life was so good before bills.
I know I'm whining. Bear with me. I'm going to go join Summer's pity party for a while. Anyone care to join us?


Susanlee said...

Poor thing. Everyone I've talked to for days seems to be so bleh about life in general, but especially finances. It's an epidemic. Anyway, I don't really have anything helpful to say except that I don't even know you and I wish I could give you a hug. Hang in there, sometimes life can surprise you in good ways too.

Andrew said...

I hear you! I just wish there was a way you could go back to school and work. Anyways, I just wanted to stop by and post some support. Hang in there. You are not going this alone.