Friday, February 18, 2005

Nothing New

Nothing new to report. Still haven't heard from Marty. Josh stayed home sick for the second day. Visited two schools today. At the second school I got into a long conversation with the adviser about joining the Catholic Church. She said that she thought I should just jump right in a do it. I guess I'm still not ready. I'll probably wait until after Easter some time. Those that are coming into the church are usually confirmed at Easter Vigil. I'll check into the RCIA program this summer perhaps. I'm thinking it's something I'm supposed to do.
Talked to Marty's sister-in-law online last night. (His brother's wife) Told her how I was feeling about things with Marty. She said something that I didn't really care to hear, but am thinking it's true none-the-less. She said that he'd always have feelings for his ex-wife and that I should accept that. I just don't know if I can. If he's always going to have feelings for her, why did they get divorced? I know. Because she wanted it. He never really did, he just accepted it. And therein lies the problem. It's something I just don't understand and I don't know HOW to deal with it. I don't like to share. I'm selfish. Is that so wrong?
One of the songs I sent Marty on the CD was Faith Hill's "It Will Be Me". This song really seems to stick with me and seems to say everything I'm feeling. I'll share the lyrics with you.

When you start falling
Who's gonna catch ya
I'm willing to betcha
It will be me

Who's gonna love ya
Like there's no other
Search and discover
It will be me

When all the others
Have gone and hurt you
Who won't desert you
It will be me

Weighing the options
So much to think of
But when you think love
It will be me

Chorus:
You may not see it now
Love is strange that way
But someday, someway
Baby somehow

When you've been broken
And dreams don't oblige ya
Who's that beside ya
Oh, it will be me

(chorus)

Who'll be your only
True romancer
You know the answer
It will be me

What will it take to
Bring you to your senses
And finally convince you
It will be me

I want to be there for him. I want to be the one that loves him like he's never been loved before. I want to share my life with him. I want the happily ever after. I want him to depend on me and love me completely.
I guess I may be asking for too much, huh?

1 comment:

Diana said...

I have found this book to be very helpful: Enchanted Love, by Marianne Williamson.