Friday, April 08, 2005

Got a bad feeling

I haven't heard from Marty since Wednesday morning. No, it's not that long of a time period, but given that he's supposed to be flying to Austin sometime next week and I'm supposed to be driving down there to meet him, it would be nice to know what's going on.
I tried to call him several times today but he won't answer. He did, however, have time to call his mom. I think he's avoiding me. I think he thinks I've gone psycho. I haven't, I just don't like being left in the dark so to speak.
I also think he's planning to break up with me. I think he thinks I can't handle the separation and it would be easier on me. He's so very wrong, but I'm not sure I can convince him of that. It's truly not the separation that is giving me issues. It's the non-communication that is. It's the fact that when I do talk to him it's like it is an inconvenience to him. It's the fact that he doesn't seem to be as interested in me as he once was. He denies all of this saying he hasn't changed, but there's a marked difference in his demeanor. And it's probably my fault for the way I've been acting. I don't mean to get this way, but I can't help speculating and worrying and being frustrated.
I still want to see him. If he is going to do it, I hope he has to courage to do it to my face rather than taking a cowards way out on the phone or in an email. And if he doesn't plan to break up I hope that we clear some issues up before he heads to Alaska.
I just can't shake the bad feeling I have.

2 comments:

Summer said...

It's NOT your fault.

No soup for you! said...

My heart hurts for you. When he's the right man, it's not difficult. I found mine at 45. You will, too :)