But it's finished. We said our good-byes. I did most of the talking (go figure). He just said that I was in a different place than he was and it wasn't fair to me. He doesn't know what he wants and he's considering staying in the Coast Guard longer than originally planned.
I will still always question whether or not it was something in me, but he assures me it wasn't. Doesn't change my questioning.
I got the typical "I didn't want to hurt you" and I know he means that, but nobody ever really intends to hurt another unless they are just a vicious person.
I gave him his journal. I hope he reads it. I hope he misses me. I hope he gets the answers he's looking for. A part of me still wishes that it was me, but I know it's not.
We'll remain friends and stay in touch. But it just won't be the same.
Maybe this will be the last day of tears and I'll move on. But the ache will linger for a while.
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I kept you in my thoughts yesterday. Especially on my ride home from work. I didn't even listen to the radio on the way home. Just listened to my thoughts about your life, mine and these men we love.
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