Monday, April 04, 2005

More uncertainty

Had a rough day yesterday. Talked to Marty. He started acting as though he didn't want to make plans to come to Amarillo at all even though I was planning on driving down to Austin to meet him and bring him here. I know it boils down to whenever he can get his flight to Alaska, but it's very frustrating because he tells me one thing and then says, but maybe not.
I asked him that if I didn't come down to Austin, if he could leave just like that without seeing me and he said yes. He said that he's used to this after being in the military for 14 years and he just can without it bothering him. O.k. fine. I understand that, but what gets me is that he's not even thinking about me. Fine, so he can handle it. He knows that I can't. He knows that I need a good-bye. Sometimes in a relationship you've got to stop thinking about yourself and think about what your partner needs. I'm trying to do that. Sometimes I think I'm the only one trying in this relationship. He reeled me in, and now it's like he's leaving me hanging. I think Marty doesn't understand that relationships aren't easy and they take WORK. Especially long distance ones. And yet he wanted it. Now that he's got me, I wonder if he thinks "Well, that's it. I don't have to do any more." I guess I need more than he's willing/able to give. Problem is that I can't just let go. I keep fighting. I don't give up easily. It's why I stayed in my marriage for 2 years more than I should have.
It's just that I'm in love with him and I can't shake that. I love him more than I've loved any other man. But I'm to a point wondering is love simply enough?

1 comment:

Luxiva said...

Men are hunters. When men become the prey they run. Stop chasing him, girl, and maybe He'll realize that he doesn't want to run from you. I was doing a bit of surfing, saw your problem, maybe I can help out. You sound like a nice girl.