Back home

Luckily today was only half a day and we were able to get out by 11:45.  I stopped and McDonald’s to pick up some lunch and was headed home by noon.  I got home shortly after 5:00 this evening.  Overall the training was ok, but I felt I could have gotten most of it online.  It was nice to be away for a while but it just means I’ll pay the price when I get back.  My to-do list has probably just doubled. 

I just made a quick dinner and now I’m watching House Hunters on t.v.  I could start on some of my to-do list things but I think I’m just going to take it easy tonight.  I did finally sleep somewhat normally last night without the ambien.  I briefly woke up at 4-something and again at 6:26 (for the second time) but overall I slept better.  I was still feeling a little tired today, but not too bad.  The drive did seem longer and I was very impatient when I got back into town and a guy didn’t go fast enough at the light and I was caught at the red and had to wait. 

I am going to take my ambien tonight so I’ll be rested for school tomorrow.  It’s not much of a post today, but there’s not much to tell.

Annabel the Student

I don’t know why it is, but I like being a college student again.  I guess I like learning in general and the whole college experience.  Though today we had some very dry and uninteresting lectures, the main professor is very entertaining as well she should be since she also teaches the storytelling class.  I picked up my official student ID card so I feel like a real college student now.  I don’t know what I’ll use it for, but it’s kind of special.  I also went to the bookstore and got a UNT sweatshirt – mostly because the room we’re in is freezing, but I also wanted to have something that affiliates me with my university.  But is was a bit odd to be on a campus full of “youngsters.”  Being a non-traditional student feels a little weird.  I couldn’t help but think, “I wonder how many of these students are going to make it all four years.”  I just think today’s students aren’t really prepared for college. 

So far I’ve found that much of the information that is being presented is pointless for those of us that have been in the program a while.  They are coving some basic information like how to access the course materials and use programs like refworks.  Many of us that are toward the end of our programs have been doing this for three years.  So while all that was going on today, I worked on my lesson plans and got them submitted.  At least that is an accomplishment. 

Tonight I traveled to Fort Worth to have dinner with my uncle Dave, his wife, and my aunt Mary.  It was nice to be able to see them and visit with them again.  Dinner was good (baked Tilapia), pasta salad, and blackberry cobbler for dessert.  I stayed until about 8:30 and then called my former mother-in-law because she had called me and left a message.  She wanted to talk about my ex-husband (her son) and see if I knew what was going on with him.  I did know – he’s “shacking up” with a woman who just had a baby – not his as he is “fixed" and there was a falling out between him and his son.  I told her that I knew the general things that were going on, but didn’t really know anything beyond that.  It seems that he has not been in contact with her or his son since July. 

I finally talked to Matthew.  Have sent some text messages with no replies, but finally got one back this evening.  Instead of replying via text, I called him and we talked for about 10 minutes. 

Now I’m in bed and hoping I can fall asleep without the ambien.  I’ve been doing a little better and have been able to get to sleep without it.  I still wake up once or twice in the middle of the night, but so far have been able to get back to sleep.  I do think it would be better, however, if I could sleep through the night. 

Tomorrow should be a 1/2 day so I should get to leave early and make it home at a decent hour. 

Quick update

Slept ok, but not great – a bit fitfully, but not the bad insomnia I’ve been having.  The bed was comfortable but just didn’t get to a really sound sleeping state.  I’m feeling tired this morning.  The classroom we are in today is really crowded – there’s about 180 of us in the class.  I think the lecture hall we are in was designed for just really thin people.  I got there relatively late – though it was really 20 minutes early – as all the outside seats were taken so I had to move into the middle.  The guy that is sitting next to me just graduated and doesn’t seem to be very “into” the class. 

I really like the professor.  I waited to take this course so that I could get this particular professor as I’ve heard good things about her and I’ve heard horrible things about the other professor that sometimes teaches this course.  The coursework doesn’t seem very difficult – just busy.  There’s four assignments due every week, but they don’t seem daunting.  One is a evaluating a reference resource for that week such as a dictionary, then an information quest, a quiz over readings, and a discussion question posting.  There’s also a research paper due mid course.  I think it is doable, but time will once again be in short supply – especially with taking another course at the same time along with teaching. 

I’m on lunch break right now.  We had an hour and a half but I didn’t want to leave campus so I walked over to subway and now I’m at the Union building so I can get an internet connection since I can’t seem to get a connection in the room.  I should have brought a book to read or something.  I finished my Mental Floss magazine and I still have about 20 minutes to kill. 

A long day

I took my ambien last night because I knew I needed a good night’s sleep and I did sleep through the night.  I still didn’t quite want to get up at 6:00 a.m. but I did after hitting the snooze button twice.  I left to head to the school at 6:45 and went to pick up donuts.  I started to go through the drive through lane and noticed two cars there and didn’t want to wait.  In my impatience I backed up and because it was dark, I didn’t see the light pole behind me and I scraped my back side panel on the cement.  So now I have a lovely set of scratches on my car. 

I got to school around 7:20 and I got ready for the meeting.  I hung up signs, set up tables with breakfast goodies, and waited for people to arrive.  I was getting worried when we didn’t have very many people by 8:30, but we had a rush of several at the end.  I think we had about 25 people show up.  My session went well, but I had to rush a little at the end as I had so much to share!  At the business meeting, one of the speech teachers told me that she thought all the sessions were great and that she got a lot out of all of the ones she attended.  The business meeting went well but did run a bit long.  I wanted to leave by 2:30 so I could get home by 3:00 and be on the road shortly after that.  I ended up going back to the school so I could put out all my sub stuff and I still didn’t have time to get my seating charts finished.  I’m going to work on them tomorrow and email them to a fellow teacher and have her put them in my folders and sub notebook. 

I was on the road to Denton shortly before 4:00 p.m. and arrived right at 9:00 p.m.  The hotel is really nice.  I got it for a steal.  I’ve been using Hotwire to reserve rooms and it’s a gamble because you never know what hotel you’re going to get until you’ve made the reservation and paid for it.  All you know is their star rating such as it being a 2 1/2 or 3 star hotel and what brands typically are used within those ratings.  I ended up paying $44 a night and the hotel seems very new.  The furnishings and decor are all modern and its very clean.  Obviously the internet connection works so I’m as happy as a clam. 

Josh had called while I was on my way here and I missed the call because my phone fell somewhere in the car that I couldn’t get to.  I called him when I got here and he didn’t answer but he called me back.  He didn’t call for any particular reason other than to see how things were going.  He is such a good son.  I’m incredibly lucky. 

Well, I think I’m going to try sleeping without ambien tonight.  I feel pretty tired after the long day followed by a long drive.  Class tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.

TGIF – sort of

For most people, the end of the week would be a relief.  For me, it just means the weekend where I’m trying to get a million things done is getting here faster.  School was fine, but I didn’t get much done today – at least it doesn’t feel like it.  I helped out with updating computers again so I lost one of my conference periods doing that.  But I’m getting really fast at it.  I was able to update 28 computers in under an hour.  Luckily the ISS teacher emailed me and said she didn’t need me to come over today.  I was able to continue getting work done.  I had to prepare for the meeting that my school is hosting tomorrow, my own session at the meeting that I’m teaching, as well as substitute plans for Monday and Tuesday while I’m gone to Denton.  Preparing lesson plans for a substitute often seems to be more trouble than it is worth to miss school. 

I still haven’t finished creating my seating charts for the sub or the “regular” lesson plans that I have to turn into my evaluator on Tuesday.  Never mind the fact that I still have to deal with last year’s yearbook and get it finished. 

So I stayed at school until 7:45 this evening working on all this and getting my room ready as three sessions will be held in there.  I came home and headed to Walmart to get some things realizing only when I had parked that I left my wallet at home.  So then I headed back home and started laundry, made signs for the meeting tomorrow, ate some dinner that I didn’t really want (ended up giving 1/2 to the dogs), headed back to Walmart, and now waiting for laundry to get dry so I can pack.  I just took an ambien so I have about an hour before I collapse. 

Tomorrow I have to leave 6:45, pick up donuts, set up for the meeting, do my session, go to the business meeting, and then drive to Denton.  Yes – I’m exhausted just writing all this! 

Haven’t heard from Matthew, but that means he’s probably just enjoying his time with his daughters.  He will be headed back on Sunday and I’ll be coming back late Tuesday. 

Well, I’m going to go pack what I can and then call it a night.  Will post again after I make it to Denton.

Almost the end of the week

I did sleep a little more last night.  Matthew called around 9:15 and he picked me up and we headed to Braum’s for ice cream.  We visited for about 30 minutes, then he brought me home.  We kissed good night and hugged for a bit.  He was leaving early this morning for a flight to Louisville to see his daughters.  I made my bed before he picked me up so I got in bed almost immediately.  I fell asleep within the hour but woke up a few times.  I was able to go back to sleep except at 4:00 a.m.  I don’t know what it is about that time, but it’s getting old. 

School was ok.  I just let my students finish their projects.  I’m already behind in my “planned” lessons.  But I’m glad tomorrow is Friday.  I only got a few things done today and I’ll probably be at school for a long while tomorrow.  I have to get ready for the workshop that’s going on.  I also have to get packed and ready to head to Denton. 

I brought home stuff to work on but I doubt I’ll do much of it.  I do have to choose my class assistants by tomorrow but that’s it.  I’m going to try again to sleep without the ambien tonight.  I’ll take it tomorrow since I know I’ll need a good night’s sleep. 

There’s nothing much more to report.  I texted Matthew early this morning and he sent me texts back letting me know he made it safely to his destination.  He did say last night that he was going to tell his daughters about me so I think that’s a good sign.  We’re moving slowly, but I think that’s a good thing.  I do wish we could have spent more time together this week, but perhaps next week after I get back. 

I’m going to go check out my grad school class and then call it an early night.

Need.Sleep.

Ambien is a wonderful pill.  It works every time.  Unfortunately, it is not supposed to be a crutch – it was prescribed for occasional use and my insurance plan will not cover daily use.  So last night after two days of school, I tried sleeping without it.  I was in bed by 9:00 and fell asleep around 10:30ish I think.  I was awake by 1:00.  Slept fitfully, if at all, until around 4:00 a.m.   I know I didn’t sleep between then and the time I finally gave up which was 5:40.  I took a shower, paid bills, and left around 7:00 because I had to get gas.  I made it through the school day but was feeling the exhaustion set in around 5th period.  Then I went to help in the library and I updated computers for an hour.  Then I reported to the ISS room to “help” which was really pointless as the ISS teacher was there and another regular teacher is assigned the same time that I am.  So there were three of us there for three students.  I never got a clear answer from Matthew today regarding getting together this evening so I wasn’t sure if I should stay at school and work or not.  I finally heard from him around 5:30 and his evening was full.  I texted him back that I understood but then he said that he would be coming back through town after visiting a friend in the hospital this evening and he’d like to take me out for ice cream between 8:30 and 9:00.  Though I thought of going to bed really early, it’s probably a good thing for me to stay up.  So I told him to call me when he was headed back this way.

Josh headed back to school today so I came home to an empty house.  I picked up dinner since I was so tired.  When I got home, I fed the animals, soaked the dishes, cleaned up a bit, and ate my dinner.  I also started washing all my bedding just so I wouldn’t be tempted to take a nap and in hopes that freshly laundered sheets and comforter will help me sleep tonight.  I’m determined to get a real night’s sleep without the ambien.  If I could take it every night, I would. 

School is going ok in terms of my classes – I really like my morning classes.  My English classes are ok but a bit talkative.  I’m already overwhelmed with too much to do.  There’s so much I should be doing tonight but it’s just not going to happen.  Once again, I cannot focus on school work once I get home.  And this is all before grad school.  It starts tomorrow officially.  I’m just hopeful that I am able to make it through this year without a break down.

Beer and a Magazine

There’s nothing quite like coming home and having a cold beer and finding a new issue of my favorite magazine, Mental Floss.  It was another exhausting day, but that’s still to be expected.  So far my classes seem ok.  No major problems.  They seem to like the project we’re doing right now so I can’t complain too much.  My to do list, however, just keeps growing and I find that I just don’t have time to get it all done.  I did get the prime time assignment done which is typically the bane of my existence.  It takes forever to write out, make copies, and send extra assignments to those students who cannot be with the general school population because of their behavior.  If I didn’t have these extra assignments, lesson plans, or extra duty, I’d be almost a happy teacher.  Unfortunately education seems to be less about teaching students but more about the pile of paper work and extra stuff that can be heaped upon teachers.

Today I stayed after school to go through the yearbook cameras so I could check them out to students tomorrow.  I’m trying to get going on yearbook assignments so we can meet some early deadlines this year.  If I survive until Christmas, it will truly be a miracle.  Grad school starts on Thursday.  I’m heading to Denton this weekend for classroom sessions of one of the classes.  I used Hotwire for my hotel reservation and think I got a pretty good deal.  Got a Holiday Inn Express for $44 a night.  At least I’ll be smarter, right?

I’m not certain about seeing Matthew tomorrow.  Haven’t heard from him yet, but I know he had a meeting tonight so we’ll see.  I’ll probably text him shortly.  I should be clearing memory cards for the cameras, but I think I’m just going to try to do that before school tomorrow.  I gave in last night and took the ambien because my son had friends over and they were a bit loud so I couldn’t really get to sleep.  Tonight I’m going to try going to bed without it.  I’m going to read my magazine for a bit and attempt sleep around 9:30 or 10:00.  I really hope I can sleep.  I have noticed that the better I sleep, the easier it is to get up in the mornings.  This morning I was ready to leave by 7:00 instead of 7:15 and that is really unusual for me. 

Completely exhausted

But that is typical for the first day of school.  I don’t think I’ll need the ambien tonight.  Overall it was a pretty good day.  I didn’t have any major problems with students so that’s always a good thing.  I had more than enough to keep everyone busy and didn’t get through everything which is also good.  During my second conference I reported to the librarian to see if she needed help.  I was immediately recruited to help update some laptops and I was given an administrator password which is kind of cool. 

I also ran into the superintendent today and had a brief conversation with her.  I let her know where I was in my grad school program and that I’d be graduating in May and she made a comment about that being good especially for making a smooth transition for next year which I think is a good sign.

I had an ongoing list of things to do and I only got some of them done today.  I stayed after school to work until 5:15 and decided I just needed to call it a day.  I brought papers home but I’m not sure if I’ll get to them.  But that is typical. 

I also heard from Matthew today which was a nice surprise.  I was wondering why I hadn’t heard from him, but he texted me and told me that he has been sick and just didn’t feel well this weekend.  He said he didn’t want to even be at work today.  I asked if he needed anything but he said he was going to try to get finished up at work and go home and sleep it off.  I hope he gets to feeling better soon. 

Now I’m home and I just sent Josh to Sonic to pick up dinner. I’m too tired to cook or even go pick something up. 

Day before the first day of school

And hopefully my last first day of school as a teacher.  I’m thinking about starting a countdown until the end of the year – maybe that will be the incentive to keep me going this year.  I really hope this is my last year teaching and that next year I’ll move into the librarian position. 

Today I slept in as much as I could and then got up to get ready for church.  Josh and I played at the 11:15 mass and both of us had a hard time with our embouchures – it’s tough to play masses with lots of music refrains without resting.  My mouth was hurting by the halfway point.  We made it through and then came back to the house.  I thought about napping but couldn’t and then I debated about going up to the school to work.  I decided it would be better if I did so I ran to Walmart to get a few things and then headed to the school.  I worked for about 3 hours and got quite a bit done.  I’m ready for the first day at least. 

Josh called me while I was at the school and asked if we could go out to eat.  I thought was an excellent idea so we headed to our favorite restaurant in town.  I had a petite sirloin with a loaded baked potato and a salad.  We came home and I started some laundry and ironed my clothes for tomorrow.  I’m going to take my ambien around 8:30 and call it a night.  I’m thankful for the medicine because I know I wouldn’t sleep tonight otherwise. 

Not very exciting details for today.  Haven’t heard from Matthew but I know he’s got a lot going on the next few days as well.  I hope we’ll be able to get together on Wednesday this week. 

Getting Ready

I took the ambien last night but it still took a while to get to sleep for some reason.  I did sleep well though and was able to sleep in this morning.  I headed to the school around 10 and I texted Matthew that if needed a break today to give me a shout.  He texted me around 12:30 asking if I was thirsty.  I picked him up and we went to Sonic.  We had some drinks and visited for a while.  I brought him back to his place since he had to get back to work as did I.  He gave me a quick kiss before leaving and said Wednesday was the probably the next time we could get together.  I told him I’d leave my schedule open.

I stayed up at the school and worked until around 6:00.  I ordered take out on the way home and picked it up.  Now I’m watching The Sting on t.v. since I’ve never seen it and Matthew had said it was his favorite movie.  I’m going to take my ambien around 9:00.  I play at the 11:15 mass tomorrow and then I’ll be going back to the school to work.  I’m not really ready for school to start, but I don’t think I ever am.

Sleep would be nice

I think my lack of sleep last night probably had something to do with the high that I was on by the sheer fact of having a really good date – but it doesn’t explain why I was not able to sleep until after 3:30 a.m.  I thought that 11:30 might be too late to take the ambien since I usually take it around 9:00.  Big mistake.  I finally took half of a regular sleeping pill at 3:30 and reset my alarm for 7:00 but I was completely exhausted today.  But I did have a smile on my face.

Matthew texted me when he got home and told me that he had a wonderful time.  I know today was a busy day for him as most of his staff was gone so I haven’t heard from him.  I hope to hear from him tonight (if I’m awake) but will be patient if I don’t.  I know this is a busy time of year for him – we talked about that last night and I remarked on how nice it was that he took time out of his schedule for me.  He told me at dinner last night that asking me if I was free that evening was one of the best decisions he made on Wednesday. 

I accomplished very little today because I was so tired.  I had to go to a meeting this morning and then sort of “worked” in my room for a couple of hours until lunch time.  I tried drinking coke to wake up but I just felt in a daze.  I’m sympathizing with how Andrew must feel on all the meds his father would force upon him.  When it was finally time for lunch, I headed to Sonic and got a burger, tots and coke and then drove to the park, ate my lunch and just closed my eyes for a bit.  I didn’t sleep, but it was more restful than being in my room.  I got back at 12:45 and did a little work.  I offered to help some other teachers with using the online course program that the district uses but only one showed up around 2:30.  I worked with her for about an hour and then when it was 3:30, I was getting ready to go.  I probably should have stayed to do some work as I was getting a second wind, but I decided to just head home.  Now I’m in my bed thinking I can’t really stay up much longer.

Tomorrow I’ll go back to the school to get some work done and I’ll probably go up on Sunday as well.  It seems the year is just starting way too fast for me. 

Not one to kiss and tell…

oh who am I kidding?  I’m a blogger – I’m destined to tell.  I had a very lovely evening.  Matthew arrived around 6:20 and we left to go play miniature golf.  Amazingly I beat him by one point but it was a nice time where we got to visit.  We went to Outback steakhouse for dinner which was really good and we split cheesecake for dessert.  We had some good conversation and I found out that we are very similar in a lot of ways.  We’re both a little bit shy in that we tend to be analytical and reflective.  We have some similar interests – both fascinated by water and like the forensic science type shows.  When we were leaving the restaurant he put his arm around me.

After dinner we came back to my house and Josh was here with friends playing video games.  I offered Matthew a beer and we visited in the kitchen for a bit.  I showed him my Marvin shrine and then Josh’s friends left.  So we went to the living room and sat rather close.  We talked.  We eventually held hands.  Then we cuddled.  He ran his fingers through my hair.  Then I was talking about lesson plans and he said “You really hate lesson plans don’t you?”  I said, “yes, with a passion.”  And with that he kissed me.  I know it sounds strange but that’s how it happened.  I knew he wanted to, but I was being awkward and shy.  But it was quite lovely and I enjoyed it immensely.  He just left about 15 minutes ago so I’m wondering if he’ll email me when I get home.  I have a feeling he will.  I know we’ll go out again so it’s turning out rather awesome I think. 

And more surprises!

It just keeps getting better and better.  Today I find out that now I have to work the ISS (in school suspension room) one period a day.  I didn’t even find this out until it was on my schedule.  Just one more thing to add to the growing list of things that suck this year.  Oh – and I DID get the principal that I didn’t want as my evaluator.  I’m going to do my best to grin and bear it this year.  My mantra is just going to be “just get through the year.” 

I’m excited about the date tonight.  We’re going to play mini golf and then go have dinner.  He will be here in about 30 minutes.  I’m dressed and ready to go and the house is clean.  That’s the one bright spot this week of disappointments.

I’ve been concerned about my friend Andrew, but I’m happy that he’s taking steps for his own welfare.  I know he’s in a tough position but I know he has more strength in him that he probably realizes at the moment.  I pray that he draws upon it when he needs it the most. 

There’s not a lot more to report at the moment.  It’s getting to the point where I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and want to shut down.  I’m going to forge through and go into survival mode.  I did get registered for my classes – now waiting for financial aid to kick in.  I need to make my hotel reservation soon. 

Well, I’m going to go wait patiently for Matthew to arrive and just enjoy the evening.

More Surprises

I found out today that my yearbook class is during the zero hour period rather than during the regular school day.  This creates a problem in numerous ways.  First of all, my students can’t take pictures of regular classes since the only thing going on during zero hour are a few elective classes and tutorials.  Because of collaboration time on Mondays, my class will also meet only four days a week.  Next, if I assign tutorials to my speech or English students, they have only TWO days in a month that they can come to them.  Otherwise I’ll have to pawn them off on other teachers or have them come in during my yearbook class time. 

I also found out that this “schedule” was mandated by the superintendent with absolutely NO input from me.  There is no getting around it.  I just have to grin and bear it without complaint.  I have to be careful about rocking the boat this year since I want to “move up” so to speak next year. 

While I’m on my soapbox of complaints, I have to say that today’s inservice was completely pointless.  We’re going through mounds of data in “getting to know” our students, but basically we’re profiling them.  I think it is a disservice to prejudge my students based on the fact that I now know that they are labeled as “At Risk”, “Special Education”, or “Low Socioeconomic.”  I’d rather get to know my students first before I delve into the nitty gritty details.  Then I can be pleasantly surprised or gain understanding about them.  Also is the fact that we’re doing this all before school starts so with schedule changes and adjustments, my actual class rosters will fluctuate for the next two the three weeks.  I just think education is worrying about the wrong things these days. 

I’m worried about my potential evaluator next year.  Each teacher is assigned one of the assistant principals or the principal as their main evaluator.  This is the person we submit lesson plans to and if we have to be observed, they do the observation.  There is one particular assistant that is just not my favorite of the choices.  Since I haven’t had this particular one since I’ve been teaching at this school, I figure it’s my turn.  It would just be the topping on the sucky cake that is turning out for this year.  I’m praying earnestly that I don’t get that person as my evaluator.  They are very domineering and intimidating.  You can’t complain because it turns out that you just have a bad attitude and students are always right it seems. 

On the good news front, my dad is going to be ok, but he has diverticulitis which is an infection in his color.  He’s being treated with IV antibiotics and will be in the hospital for a few more days.  It was a close call though as the doctor said if he would have waited longer he could have died.  I’m glad his wife nagged him enough to go to the hospital. 

I’m still feeling in the dark in regard to Matthew.  I emailed him last night telling him that I was still interested in seeing him this week but haven’t heard back.  Given that it is already Wednesday, I don’t know if anything will happen.  It was one of those days that I could really use a drink.  So now I’m having a beer and will take it easy for a bit and call it an early night.

I took the ambien last night and slept well, but was still tired this morning.  I’ll take it again tonight, but maybe take it a little earlier.  Now I’m going to finish my beer (Ziegenbock), watch t.v., surf the web a bit and just try to let go of today.

***UPDATE***
Heard from Matthew and we have a date for tomorrow night. 

This & That

Insomnia Strikes Again

I tried going to sleep last night without the ambien and that was a huge mistake.  I tried to go to bed around 10:00.  I was still awake an hour and a half later.  I slept briefly from about 11:45 until 1:00.  Then I woke up with heartburn again.  I took an antacid pill around 1:15.  It finally subsided around 2:30.  I slept intermittently until 4:30-5:00 but it was that light kind of sleep where you think you haven’t really slept but only realize you did sleep because of the weird dreams going on.  I awoke with a start when I dreamed I had a scorpion on my hand.  Thankfully that was only a dream.  I don’t think I ever really went back to sleep after that.  Then it was thundering shortly before 6:00 a.m. so I gave up.  I got up by 6:15 and got ready for the day.  I’m hoping that my insomnia isn’t psychosomatic in the sense that I’m convincing myself mentally that I can’t sleep and therefore can’t sleep.  I don’t think it is because I’ve had sleep issues for a while now.  I just don’t want to be constantly dependent on a sleeping pill.  I guess I’ll try to get myself “used” to sleeping again for a few days with ambien and then see if I can sleep on my own without it.  I guess this every other day thing just isn’t working right now.  And no, I’ve not been drinking caffeine late and have not been taking naps during the day. I feel tired when I go to bed, but just can’t get to sleep or stay asleep.

First Staff Development Day

We started the day with a breakfast at our district administration building and then had some presentations and a video that made me cry.  I missed Matthew this morning when I went through the line, but he texted me with a “good morning” text after I had set down with some of my fellow teachers.  I texted him back and saw him come in later, but didn’t get the chance to talk to him.  We were able to get done early this morning so I ran to Walmart to get some divider tabs and then worked in my room for a while.  I went to the post office at lunch time to mail some rosaries I sold and then picked up a burger and fries at Dairy Queen.  This afternoon was staff development which wasn’t as bad as it usually is.  Instead of be lectured about policies and procedures we worked in groups on them.  I stayed after school and worked in my room more and it seems the more I work the more there is to do.

Health Checkup

I got the results of my recent health checkup and it seems I’m in good shape.  Blood work and Urinalysis are all within normal levels.  That’s a relief.  Now if I could get the sleeping under control.  I worry a little after checkups because my mom and my sister both had hysterectomies in their 30’s.  I do have fibroid tumors but so far nothing beyond that. 

My dad

I got a call from my dad today and he is in the hospital.  He’s not sure what’s going on so we don’t know if it is serious or not.  He wasn’t feeling well and was vomiting and had diarrhea.  Blood work shoes his white cell count is high so they suspect some kind of infection but aren’t sure where it is.  I am hoping it isn’t serious and they can treat whatever it is. 

House Cleaning

Amazingly I’ve been keeping the house clean.  I’ve been loading and unloading the dishwasher as necessary and picking up after myself.  Floors need to be swept and mopped again but that’s typical with ugly white tile.  It’s a nice feeling but I almost don’t know what to do with myself without a pile of laundry to do.  I’ve almost made it through all my roller coaster tycoon scenarios – which is probably good – don’t need the distraction when school starts.  But I also know that the clean house will probably not stay that way as soon as I get busy again. 

Back to Work

It was almost a relief to be back at work today.  I was getting to the point where I was getting bored at home.  I’ve discovered that Ambien is my friend.  It still takes 45 minutes to an hour to fall asleep after taking it, I feel more rested in the morning having slept through the night.  I think some of my biggest issues with being tired during the day is simply not getting good sleep at night. 

I worked in my room all day aside from visiting with other teachers here and there.  I’ve only made a dent in the work that needs to be done.  I probably should have gone up this weekend to work, but I just enjoyed my last bit of time off.  I have lots of “plans” but not sure if I’ll get it all done before school starts.  I’m sure I’ll have to spend a few evenings working as well as the weekend – that is of course unless I have a date.

Haven’t heard back from Matthew but his grandson was leaving today so hopefully I’ll hear from him soon.  I hope that we’ll be able to go out some time this week.

I got home and was pleasantly surprised that Josh had mowed the yards.  It was getting pretty bad, especially with all the rain we got the other night.  Josh also made a run to Sonic for drinks and now I have a diet cherry limeade to drink. 

Tonight I have to send out reminders regarding the upcoming speech meeting and then I’ll probably just take it easy.  I’m going to try to sleep without Ambien and see how it goes.  I was surprised that I wasn’t completely exhausted when I got home which is typical after going back to work, but of course I didn’t work that hard today.   I do feel a little tired so hopefully I’ll be able to get to sleep at a decent hour. 

I found out that I made a 98 in my grad school class this summer.  I guess I can’t complain about that.  I was concerned about the submission of a checklist that I needed to be verified in order to be able to take one of my last courses.  I checked today and it turns out that an email sent to my mentor librarian for verification had gone to her junk email box.  Hopefully it will show up as verified tomorrow so I can register for classes this weekend.  

What to do?

I’m not sure what I’m going to do today.  I went to church yesterday so I don’t have to go this morning.  I got a very good night’s sleep thanks to my new friend Ambien.  I’ve been sitting in my bed with my laptop on my lap checking blog posts and I’m always excited on Sundays because I get to read the new postsecret secrets. 

I got a communication request from eharmony but I didn’t renew my subscription so I guess I won’t answer it.  I’m already tired of internet dating sites.  Though I did meet Matthew via eharmony, I’m not one to sing its praises just yet. 

I still need to do laundry so I think I’ll start that first.  The house is still generally clean (for a week, can you believe it?)  but I need to do some tidying up. 

I’m still waiting for my final grad in my class this summer.  I should end up with an ‘A’ unless I totally blew my final draft.  My grades were 98, 99, and 97 so far.  I have to get a participation grade and one on my final draft. 

It’s the last day before I officially go back to work.  I should probably just take it easy and enjoy the day, but I think I’d just get bored.  I do need to get an email list put together to send out a reminder for the upcoming speech workshop that is being hosted at my school. 

I’ve been thinking about going up to the school to work, but not sure if I’ll make it.  Tomorrow is a full work day as well and I know there’s at least two days (or more) of things to be done, but I kind of want to just wait until I “have” to be there.  Maybe I’ll go in kind of early tomorrow.  I did buy a giant case of coke zero to put in my fridge at school.  That always gets me through the lunch time lull.  This year, I have second lunch though – that will need some adjustment. 

I guess I’m going to take a shower and get started on the day. 

Feeling Accomplished

In spite of the lack of sleep I got last night, I did get a few things done today.  I had my prescription filled and am thankful for health insurance.  I paid $55 instead of the $219 it would have cost in full.  I am going to try to not depend on it too much.  I’m going to take it for a few days to get my schedule on track.  I think once I get back to work full time, I’ll be exhausted enough to sleep. 

I also took my car to have the oil changed and tires rotated.  While waiting, I started to read a book that I’ve had for over a year but have never started.  I’ll finish it tonight.

I came home and talked to my aunt on the phone for a bit and then I headed to church so I could go to confession.  I know those of you that are not Catholic may not understand or agree with the concept of reconciliation, but it truly is a relief.  I can’t say that I particularly enjoy going because it is always difficult to voice ones sins, but it provides a great sense of forgiveness when said and done.  I’ve needed to go for a while now because I’ve missed several masses this summer, but I find it more difficult to confess to my regular priest than a stranger.  Our priest was gone this weekend so I found it was a good time to go.  There’s just something about the anonymity of it.

I stayed for the 5:00 Mass so I would have tomorrow free.  Now I’m home and fighting the urge to take my ambien early and go to bed.  I’m going to give it another hour or so and call it an early night.  I’m still tired from the lack of sleep last night.

I haven’t done laundry, but I’ll do that tomorrow.  I’m going to finish my book, maybe watch a little t.v., and then call it a night. 

My “friend” returns

Insomnia reared its ugly head last night.  I hadn’t gotten the prescription for ambien filled and I already used my two samples but I had high hopes that I would be able to sleep last night as I felt exhausted.  I wanted to go to sleep around 8:30 but forced myself to stay up until 10:00.  I did fall asleep rather quickly but woke up around 1:30 a.m. with heartburn and could not get back to sleep.  I took something for the heartburn but was still awake around 4:00 a.m.  I think I drifted off here and there after that.  Today I’m going to get the prescription filled.

I enjoyed meeting my friends yesterday for happy hour.  We met at a Mexican restaurant that has $1 margaritas.  We had dinner and two margaritas each and discussed plans for our upcoming speech meeting.  We left around 7:00 and as I came into town, I was hit by a massive rain storm.  It was almost to the point where I couldn’t see to drive and the streets were totally flooded.  I consider myself lucky that I made it to my house – especially in my very low profile car.  It continued to rain for another hour after that.

Today I’m going to drop off my prescription, then head to the Toyota place and have my oil changed and tires rotated.  Then I’m not sure what I’ll do with my afternoon.  I have some laundry to do so I guess I’ll do that.  I *could* clean the garage, but I don’t think I’m that ambitious today. 

When you least expect it

Well, I was basically going to write Matthew off thinking that he just must not be interested in me since I hadn’t heard from him.  Lo, and behold I got an email this morning that apologized for not writing sooner, but he had some major deadlines at work and his secretary’s mother had passed away so he was dealing with those issues and now his grandson is coming for a visit over the weekend.  But he did say he would still like to get together.  I emailed him back and said that I was sorry to hear about his secretary’s mother (I’ve known the secretary for a few years) and that I understood that things were going on and when he found some free time we could get together.  He emailed me back later this morning stating that sometime next week he would head this way one evening or evenings and we would do some of the fun things I had mentioned in my other email such as mini golf, bowling, movie etc.  His last line of the email also said this: “FYI, I do enjoy spending time with you....thanks.”

So maybe not all is lost on the dating front.  I guess I’ll go with the flow and just see how things happen.  I have to remember that guys don’t think like me – maybe even most people don’t think like me and I have to realize that because someone doesn’t immediately reply that they’ve lost interest. 

In other news, my second night with ambien went fine.  It still took about an hour for it to kick in, but I took it at 9 p.m. last night.  I was awake around 7:00 and forced myself out of bed at 7:20.  I was still a little groggy, but not any worse than any other “normal” drug free day.  I’m just not a morning person in general and I would rather sleep as late as possible so forcing myself to get up earlier than I want is always a struggle. 

I headed to Amarillo to have my lab work done – this time I remembered the prescription form and my insurance card.  They drew blood and I peed in a cup.  Then I came home and picked up Donuts and milk.  I can’t drink white milk unless it is in cereal, with cookies, or donuts.  Now, I’m waiting until 10:00 to take Mollie and Lucy to the vet.  That should be loads of fun and cost an arm and leg.

Other than that, I don’t have plans this afternoon.  I’m not going to go up to school to work.  I do have the evening planned to meet some of my fellow speech teachers at 4:00 and go to happy hour.  That will be a fun girls’ night. 

Aggravation

So aside from my brain dead moment earlier today, I did go up to the high school to work.  The custodian was able to find me four table to put in my room but then I got to wondering if that would be enough seating.  So I went to check with the counselor and it turns out that my English classes are 23 and 25 students respectively.  Last year, I only had 14.  Because of the awkward divider wall in the room, it isn’t possible to really add enough tables to seat everyone.  I asked the secretary if/when the wall would be taken down since a work order was submitted early this summer.  Then I visited with my principal about the issue.  He came up to see my room and he suggested adding single desks on the end of each table which would give me seating for 24.  I think he is also going to try to get the ball rolling on getting the wall taken down but I shouldn’t hold my breath. 

I got a little bit done today, but still have a ways to go in order to be ready for school to start in a little over a week.  I’m wondering what other “fun” surprises will be thrown at me before school begins. 

Tonight I made spaghetti for supper and am having key lime ice cream for dessert.  Walmart has these individual ice cream cups that are quite yummy.  I’m thinking of taking my ambien a little earlier tonight and see if I’ll be able to get up earlier tomorrow morning.  I need to head to the medical lab early so I can get back and take the animals to the vet at 10:30.  Then I’m not sure what I’ll do in the afternoon.  I think I’ll work on some speech meeting business and then get ready for my happy hour girls night out. 

My brain isn’t working

So I took the ambien last night and it worked fine – no episodes of sleep driving, eating, or sex so I guess that’s a good thing.  (That’s been one of the reported issues with the medicine.)  It took longer than I expected to fall asleep – almost an hour and I never got that drowsy feeling, but it did work and I did sleep pretty much through the night.  I did feel a bit groggy this morning as though I still hadn’t had enough sleep but I’m hoping that it will balance out.  So I got up around 9:00 and got read to head to Amarillo to have some lab work done.  About halfway there, I realized I forgot the prescription form for the lab work so I turned around and came back to get it.  I finally made it and found the right building in the jungle of medical offices but before I went in, I checked my wallet for my health insurance card.  Sure enough, it wasn’t in there.  By this time it is already 11:00 in the morning and I’d been “fasting.”  I decided I wasn’t going to make another 30 minute trip home and back just to do the tests.  I figured with my luck, they’d all be gone to lunch then and I’d still have to wait.  So I picked up some Taco Villa for lunch and came home.  I found my insurance card right where I left it near my computer last night when I was checking my prescription coverage. 

So I think I’ll head up to the school today and do some work.  I’m thinking that I may not go tomorrow since I’ll have to go early to do the labwork stuff, come up and pick up animals to go to the vet and then I’ll be meeting some friends of mine for happy hour sometime later in the day.  I’ll just try to get a lot done today and I can always go in Saturday if necessary.  Most teachers are starting inservice today but I have two comp days because of taking my grad school class this summer.  I officially start back on Monday.

Down Time

I honestly don’t know what to do with myself when I have time to kill.  I had another sleepless night – mostly.  I drifted off sometime after midnight but was awake at 4:00 a.m. and still awake at 7:00.  I drifted off a bit and then was woken by text message from a friend at 8:00.  Went back to sleep briefly and was up shortly after 9:00 since I had a doctor’s appointment at 10:00.  I went in for my yearly check up and told him I was having trouble sleeping.  He gave me some samples of Ambien to try and a prescription.  Guess I’ll try it and see if it works.  I don’t want something I need all the time – I just really need to get my schedule back on track. 

I’m taking my dog Mollie to the groomers today – it will be her first visit.  Her hair doesn’t get out of control like Max’s hair, but she could use a bath and her nails trimmed.  After that I’m going to go up to the school to work.  I should be working on the yearbook, but I think I’ll get my room in order first.  Then I’ll head back in the afternoon the pick Mollie up and then Josh will be home this evening though he said he already has plans to go out. 

I need to have some blood work done as part of my check up so I’ll probably do that tomorrow.  I guess this is just all part of the gearing up for another school year. 

Addicting

When I can’t sleep or I’m bored, I go to this site called stumbleupon that randomly goes through various websites.  If you register, you can check various interests off and most sites will be related to those interests.  I thought I’d share with you some of the favorite sites I’ve found through this process.

Circle the Cat – a silly game that can be quite difficult, but kind of addicting at the same time.

Mini-Putt – an online version of miniature golf

What Happened in My Birth Year – Some interesting facts about the year you were born with a hint of sarcasm.

Grid Game – I’m not sure how this one works, but it was rather fascinating to watch.

Deep Leap – a word game

NameCheck – Will check the available of a particular user name at a variety of sites.

New York City from Above – a bunch NYC photos from above – ever since I’ve visited New York, I enjoy photos of it.

100+ Google Tricks – Some interesting things you can do with Google searching.

Oh, the places you’ll actually go – An interesting twist to Dr. Suess’ classic story.

The Book Seer – Offers advice on books to read based on the last book you read.

Journalist Express – A great site that has multiple research portals.

There’s a few others that I marked as favorites, but some were just for potential school lesson ideas.  I’ve also found a few cartoons or pictures that I’ve saved as well.

Pets are expensive

I have to admit that I’ve not been a good pet mom.  I’d take my dog Max to my dad’s vet when he’d have an ear infection, but for the most part, I haven’t kept up with my pet’s needs since getting divorced.  I’ve either been too poor to too busy to really do anything about it.  I figured today that I would at least make the effort to get their health in shape.  I found a new vet since my dad’s has retired and it has been difficult to get appointments at the clinic there.  Basically I chose the one that had the best reviews on Google.  I took my dog Max in today because he had an ear infection, but also to get him caught up on shots and get him flea, heartworm, and other miscellaneous meds.  I did like this vet because I was shown how to actually clean his ears out effectively to keep infections at bay.  Of course the visit was expensive at $290.  I’ve scheduled appointments for both my other dog (Mollie) and my cat (Lucy) on Friday so that everybody will be good to go – for at least six months.  Tomorrow, Mollie is going to the groomers for the first time to get a deluxe bath and her nails trimmed.  I’ll be spending quite a bit on the animals, but they’re worth it – even Mollie as annoying as she is.

Now I’m home and it’s raining a bit and I can hear some rumbling thunder – nothing major, just a minor storm rolling through, but I’m sure Andrew would love it.  Now I’m thinking about a nap, but am trying to fight it as I know it won’t help when I try to sleep tonight.  I’ve also made an appointment for myself tomorrow to have my yearly checkup.  Guess we all need the checkups before getting back into the swing of school. 

No plans tonight.  I’ve been working on a database for a local organization of which I’m vice-president.  I’m in charge of planning some sessions for an upcoming meeting and I’m trying to get more people to participate.  Other than that, it will be an uneventful evening.  Not sure what to do with myself with Josh still gone and a clean house.  

Awake again

Last night I was able to fall asleep shortly after I posted.  I was sneezing again this evening and took a benadryl at 8:30.  And I’m still awake.  I tried going to sleep about 30-40 minutes ago, but just can’t get my mind to shut down.  I don’t know what my problem is.  I should go ahead and talk to my doctor about it. 

I went to Amarillo and got some labels and file crates to use at school.  I had a $15 off coupon for purchases over $50 but my total came to $49.97.  So I added a candy bar to get the $15 coupon.  I then went to Applebees for dinner and had some steak fajitas.  They were decent, but not the best I’ve had.  I came home and covered my two kitchen stools with fabric, caught up on blogs, watched some House Hunters and then waited for the benadryl to kick in.  I played a game of rollercoaster tycoon and then tried to go to sleep.  I’m yawning now, but I don’t think I can fall to sleep at the moment.  So I’m up blogging instead.

I still haven’t heard from Matthew.  I haven’t even been checking my match.com stuff.  I canceled the eharmony account when my subscription was up.  I’m just tired of this whole dating process.  Sure, I’d like to date again.  I like being in a relationship and having someone to talk to, but I don’t like the multiple hoops one has to jump through to get there.  I guess I should just focus on other things.  Besides I generally only attract weirdos, perverts and dirty old men.  Sad, but true. 

Guess I’ll try some web surfing until I think I can go to sleep.  I’ve got to do something about this before school starts. 

Work attempt

I went to school today but didn’t get a whole lot done.  I mostly visited with the librarian who needs to fill out my form to be able to take one of my last classes – and one of the counselors who is frustrated with some changes they made this year.  It seems that our school district is big on making changes and other decisions and then springing them on the staff.  No input or questioning is allowed it seems.  But I guess it’s that way all over.  Like last year, I was told about two weeks before school started that I’d be teaching English.  My schedule isn’t too bad this year.  I have two speech classes, two senior English classes and yearbook.  I was able to get the counselor to move yearbook during the class day as it was originally planned to be during zero hour.  Unfortunately due to the scheduling this year, I won’t even have my yearbook editor in my class.  I guess we just have to work around it.

I did a little work in my room but was frustrated that the label maker I bought last year is not working.  I was going to bring it home to clean it and see if that fixed the issue, but I left it at school.  I’m debating whether I want to go to Amarillo to get a few things I forgot.  I don’t really have any other plans this evening so I guess I could go. 

I had some left over material from the curtains I made for the kitchen and I’m going to use it to cover the stools for the kitchen bar.  I had to get a staple gun today so I could cover them.  I think it will look nice as the other cover was a plain green with stains on it.  I wish my oven was working.  I’d like to be able to do some baking and make things I haven’t made in a while, but it hasn’t worked since that night several months ago.  I also need him to fix Josh’s toilet, cut down some tree limbs and do a few other miscellaneous deeds.  I think I’ll get him a dinner gift card for helping me out. 

I should get going if I’m going to head up to town.  I should probably have dinner out so I don’t have to cook when I get back. 

This is getting old

Not being able to sleep is getting old really fast.  I’m tired, but I can’t fall asleep.  I even took a benadryl around 10 p.m. and I’m still  up.  I’ve been sneezy since dealing with weeds yesterday and I wanted to take a benadryl earlier, but I waited until bed time since I figured it would make me sleepy as usual.  And yet I’m still awake.  I tried sleeping but my mind thinks of all the things I need to do this week.

I was very productive today.  I did a million loads of laundry.  I have so many clean clothes now that they don’t fit into my two dressers and my closet is overflowing.  I finished cleaning my bedroom which included vacuuming and cleaning the windows.  I don’t think they have been cleaned since before I moved in 5 years ago.  I scrubbed the sink in my bathroom with a pumice stick which got rid of the cruddy buildup that was getting rather disgusting.  I washed the bedding for my bed and there’s nothing like crawling under freshly laundered sheets. 

I still haven’t heard from Matthew.  I guess I’m going to have to write this one off.  I just don’t get it.  I don’t know if he’s just got a lot going on, if he’s dating a bunch of other women, or if it’s me.  I used to think I was a pretty darn good catch, but perhaps I’ve been mistaken all these years.  Granted I’m not drop dead gorgeous and model thin, but I’m intelligent, kind, romantic, and relatively sane (compared to most women).  I have a good job, my own house, and a bright son.  I’m a decent conversationalist, have a witty sense of humor, and have a variety of interests.  Perhaps men really all do just think about one thing.  I don’t know.  It is frustrating, though.  C’est la vie. 

So it’s midnight and I’m still up.  I guess I’ll play some mahjongg or rollercoaster tycoon until I can’t stand it any more.  I wish I could get my body to cooperate a little more these days. 

Another Room to Go

Unless you count the garage – which I don’t at the moment.  That is another project in and of itself.  I don’t know why I can never keep the garage clean.  I clean it out and then just fill it up again.  I need to have a garage sale soon and get rid of the couch and giant t.v. that is currently taking up space right now. 

I’ve cleaned the kitchen, living room, and Josh’s bathroom.  My house is at least fit for company right now.  My bedroom and bathroom needs to cleaned, but I’m losing motivation fast.  I figure that nobody ever goes in there but me, so what’s the point?  I’m washing my bedding at least right now.  I’ll try to do a little here and there today.  It’s not horrible (well aside from the bathroom) but just a lot of little things to deal with.  Since I was gone pretty much most of June, a lot of the unpacking needs to be dealt with.  I’ve cleared out suitcases and put clothes in the laundry, but it’s the little things – papers from workshops, bathroom items, books, etc. that need to find their place. 

Yesterday I finally got a guy to come over and take care of the weeds on my curb… well, he mostly did.  He didn’t do the weeds in the street which I guess is technically the city’s problem, but they probably should have been cut down as well.  I pulled up some weeds on the driveway and swept it so at least it doesn’t look like a jungle.  I even found the weed spray yesterday so I spray everything today.  I just hate yard work.  I would much rather have a low maintenance place with little to no yard than the giant ones I have now.  I live on a corner lot so I have two front yards and my backyard is one giant hill.  I don’t know what I’ll do when Josh leaves again. 

I haven’t heard anything from Matthew since the brief email yesterday.  I don’t know if it is me, but even if guys are not very communicative, I would think that if he’s truly interested that he would find the time for an email.  I mean what could be so demanding that you can’t send an email?  This is why I originally wrote him off before.  We emailed back and forth in June and then I didn’t hear anything from him for almost a month.  I even told him in an email that I thought that he wasn’t interested.  He then told me that he was dealing with family issues with his daughters.  Maybe once again my expectations are too high.  My ex-husband always said that about me.  Perhaps it is just my impatience right now. 

I’m not sure if the fingernails will last much longer.  One of them broke today.  Even though they have been kind of nice to have, I’m not sure it is really me.  Well, I’m going to go take a shower and head to church this morning.  Maybe this afternoon I’ll have the energy to attack the bedroom and bathroom.

Saturday Plans

Last night was another relatively sleepless night.  I didn’t get to sleep until after midnight and then was awake at 5:45 a.m.  I stayed in bed and fell back asleep sometime after 8:00.  I got up around 10:00 and did the usual website checks reading blogs, email (none), and a little cleaning.  I made my grocery store list that didn’t include any food items (except coke) and headed to Walmart to get cleaning supplies.  I picked up some McDonald’s for lunch and now I’m trying to get motivated to get started. 

I did finally hear from Matthew – he emailed me later this morning saying that he was reading my paper and that I should be proud of it.  I asked him about free time and that I’d like to get together again.  He said he didn’t know that free time existed, but said if I had an idea of something that he would make the time.  So I emailed him back telling him when I was free with some suggested activities so we’ll see if anything happens.  I’m having a hard time reading him right now.  Andrew is right – relationships are very complicated – even though it’s not at that stage yet – I guess even budding interests are complicated.  Maybe I need to go back and read the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus again. 

I’m going to go get started on cleaning.  I haven’t been on this kind of kick in a long time.  Probably since before I started grad school.  I guess it’s about time. 

A Little Productive

Well, though I appreciate Mago’s advice, I didn’t have a completely lazy day.  I did get the paper done and submitted.  I watched some t.v. and played games.  But I also did some cleaning.  The kitchen is almost there but I still need to get to the floors.  I made some curtains for one of the windows which are much better than the folded paper thing that was up there before.  I still haven’t gotten to the store.  I did stay in my pajamas all day.  The only time I went out was just a few minutes ago to make a run to Sonic. 

I emailed Matthew earlier today and sent him my paper.  Still haven’t heard back from him.  I’m still wondering if something is up.  Sometimes it’s not good to have an active imagination as I do.  Oh well, perhaps I’ll hear from him this weekend.  And if not, it’s not like anything had developed, though I do like him.  I think he’s very nice and easy to talk with. 

Tomorrow I’m going to do more cleaning and get the house in good shape.  It will be nice to start the school year with a clean house.  At first I was cleaning in hopes of inviting Matthew over at some point, but now I’m doing it just to get it clean. 

I think I’ll go play some more games until I’m tired enough to sleep. 

Now what?

I just turned in my 30 page grad school project for the summer.  I’m sure I could have spent a few more hours nitpicking on it, but I decided I just needed to let it go.  Now I don’t know what I should do.  I have a myriad of things that I “could” be doing, but am thinking I might just take the day off.  I hope I get an “A” on the project.  I did well on my first drafts scoring a 98 and 99 respectively.  I’m not sure I did as well on the final draft, but I just don’t want to think about it any more.  Grades won’t be posted for 10 days so now I just have to wait. 

I do need to get to the grocery store at some point.  I’m drinking my last Coke Zero right now.  I have a list of cleaning supplies I need in order to get my house in shape.  But I’m not even dressed and I’m not sure I’m going to get dressed today.  Seems like it might be a pajama day.

Well, I’m off to do a little bit of nothing.

Another intermittent night of sleep

I took a tylenol p.m. around 9:00 in hopes that I would be asleep around 10:30 or 11:00.  I went to bed around 10.  I was still awake after 11:00 so I got on the computer and played some games.  I fell asleep sometime after midnight – I think.  I was awake at 5:45.  Fell asleep sometime after that and woke up at 9:23 a.m. and realized that I needed to be at school in 7 minutes.  Since school is 30 minutes away, I decided not to worry about it right now.  I was just going up to help with some decorating for our department and I did a lot of it on Wednesday.  I need to finish editing my paper and get it sent off today.  I may go up to the school this afternoon as I still have work to do, but I don’t know if I’ll make it.

Yesterday I got on a bit of my cleaning kick and vacuumed all the spider webs in the living, entry, and by the front door.  I cleaned the living room except for some final sweeping, mopping, and dusting.  I may do more cleaning today instead of going to the school, but I’m not sure what I’ll end up doing.  I still feel tired. 

I’ve decided to give my interest a pseudonym for now so I can write about the dating experience – or lack thereof.  So I’m going to call him Matthew.  I haven’t heard from Matthew since a text message on Wednesday.  When I texted him back, I asked how he was doing and never heard anything.  For now I’ll assume he’s just busy, but it is kind of busting my ego a bit.  I’m trying not to fall into my constant trap of making assumptions as I tend to do. And I’ll just email him today since he said he wanted to read my paper I’ve been writing and see if that gets a response.  I’m not sure how the dating “rules” work today. 

Well, I need to get moving, but I think I might give myself 30 more minutes in bed.  After all, my summer is coming to a close quickly – I should rest up before the school year starts.

Maybe Sleep is Overrated

I don’t know why, but I haven’t been sleeping well.  My schedule is totally off this summer and I’m not sure how I’ll get back on track.  For example, I managed to get to bed at a decent hour before the workshop I taught on Tuesday and got up at 6:00 a.m. that day.  Did the workshop all day which was exhausting, but managed to keep up for my date that night.  I left his house around 9:30 and felt tired and tried to go to bed around 10:30 but I couldn’t fall asleep.  My mind races and I can’t shut it down.  Maybe it’s the new dating thing that fills me with worry - “Does he really like me?”  “Is the chemistry there?”  “Will he email me or text me tomorrow?”  “When will we get to go out again?” “He didn’t reply to my last text – is something wrong or is he just busy?”  I really try not to be obsessive/compulsive about it, but I think to some degree we never really grow out of our teenage crush status – we just try to tone it down a bit.  Then there’s the thoughts about school coming up and how I don’t think there’s time to get everything done and my final paper that is due tomorrow, then there’s the fact that I need to find a new vet for my pets because the one I’ve been using is semi-retired and it’s tough to get an appointment.  So lately I’ve been trying to go to bed around 10:30 or 11:00 but I’m still awake at midnight and often 1:00 a.m.  I don’t sleep soundly so I toss most of the night and then if I’m lucky, I’ll sleep again from about 7:00 a.m. until 9-something if there’s nothing I have to do.  Yesterday, I had to get up early-ish after limited sleep and go up to the school to work and I was going to stay in the afternoon, but was so tired I couldn’t concentrate.  I came home and took a nap at noon.  So that throws off the possibility of getting to sleep early last night.  I guess it’s a vicious cycle. 

Today I am going to finish my paper.  I need to edit my last draft and add a final paragraph to the paper.  After that, I’m not sure what I’m going to do.  I need to start cleaning the house, but why do that when you can put it off? 

Random Thoughts

• It is difficult to take out contact lenses when you have fingernails.  I haven’t worn contacts in a while, and I also haven’t had nails of any real length since probably my wedding in 1999 or shortly thereafter when I had fake nails.  Now I’ve grown mine out and kept them a bit longer than normal for a few weeks now and I’m not sure how to handle it.
• I wonder if I should worry about my blog – if I am anonymous enough.  I do self-censor quite a bit because I know of a few people that I know in real life that read my blog and I think I don’t want to shock them too badly.  I wonder though, if I’ve ever said anything about my job or work in general that is bad enough to be of concern to any higher ups in my school district.  Lately, I’ve tried to avoid mentioning specifics of my workplace, but I know I’ve talked about it before.  Part of the appeal of blogging in the beginning was in much of the anonymity.  I think I still have that to some degree – I have very few readers, most of whom live far away.  Just something I’ve thought about after Andrew’s post. 
• Though I haven’t blogged with any regularity for a while, I still love reading other people’s blogs.  I think I wouldn’t know what to do with my day if I didn’t have regular updates from my favorite people. 
• I’m wondering if dating at the age of 40 is supposed to be different than in your 20’s.  Part of me wants to be very cautious and take things really slow (which is probably good).  Another part of me wants to just kiss already!  After so much drama in dating Marty and then not dating anyone for years and then the total flakiness of Thomas, I guess I’m just wary about it altogether.  I wonder if really it’s something about me – or if I’ve just managed to meet all the wrong people all my life.  It’s hard to just be yourself without worrying that the other person will go running when they find out one of your quirks. 
• I’m on my own for the next week again.  Josh is in Orlando at a convention-something-or-other for his fraternity.  My roommate won’t be back until the end of August, so I have the house to myself.  I’m thinking of going all out and doing a deep cleaning the weekend.  I’d like to be able to invite my “interest” over, but I really need to get rid of the cobwebs first, I think. 

A very busy day

I’m not used to going to bed early or getting up early.  I had to leave by 6:45 a.m. to drive to the school, pick up students, and drive back to Amarillo to teach the yearbook workshop today.  The workshop lasted from 9:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. and I talked most of the time so I started getting a scratchy voice by the afternoon.  I guess it’s good practice for school coming up.  I was paid well for the workshop so I have some spending money which is always nice to have. 

I got back to the school at 5:00 to drop the kids off and then I went up to my room to put some things away.  Then I had a more “real” date tonight with my current interest.  I can’t decide if I should give him a pseudonym or not.  I don’t think anyone from my school has discovered my blog – at least that I know of.  I’m really not sure who is reading my blog these days – if anyone.  I know I’ve been a bad blogger for several months.  I’m really trying to do better. 

So I got back and met the “interest” at his apartment and we played a game of Scrabble.  Yes, I won.  I don’t know if I should have played down or not, but I figure if a man can’t handle me beating him at a game, then he might not be worth dating.  He was very gracious, though he said he wanted a rematch.  We then went to dinner at a local restaurant.  We had some nice conversation, went back to his place and visited a little while longer and then called it a night around 9:00.  I gave him a hug before leaving – he still seems a bit shy, but he did say he liked my smile that I was showing that evening. 

So I think he’s got potential.  He’s very low key, but easy to talk to and have a conversation with.  He’s 12 years older than me but I don’t really mind that.  I actually prefer older men in general.  I’m sure we’ll have another date at some point and just see where it goes.  I’m not telling anyone I work with yet because if it doesn’t go anywhere, I don’t want to make a big deal about it. 

Yesterday I spent most of the day up at the school preparing for the workshop today, then I came home to do my peer review on the research project and then I played roller coaster tycoon for a while before going to bed.  I probably shouldn’t have installed it on my laptop, but I did, so I guess I just have to deal with it.  At least it is something to do.  Well, I’m heading back to the school tomorrow so I’m going to try to get some sleep tonight.  I should be totally exhausted – but still feeling a little awake. 

Night Owl

I really need to adjust my sleep schedule – if you can call it that – soon.  I’ve been going to bed around 2:30 in the morning and sleeping until around 10:30 a.m.  Next week I have to teach a yearbook workshop and have to be able to get there fairly early.  I even feel tired around 10 p.m. but if I try to go to sleep I just can’t – so I get up and play mahjongg, read facebook posts, or surf the web until I can barely keep my eyes open.  I need to go to the doctor sometime next week for my yearly checkup and I’m thinking of asking for sleeping pills.  Though I do need to get back on a regular sleep schedule, I still have trouble sleeping during the school year in general.  I don’t think the tylenol p.m. is really doing the trick. 

In other news, I have a Sunday off.  I played at the 5:00 Mass yesterday with Josh.  I think it was rather nice to have two clarinets – especially when we played in harmony.  He is back at church this morning as the choir director asked him to play again and said that he would get some money for it.  Today I need to do the peer review on the paper I received.  Once that is done, I need to edit my paper, add another paragraph or two for the final section and then get it submitted by Friday.  Then I’ll be done for the semester.  After that, I need to focus on getting last year’s yearbook done and preparing for the school year.  I still need to have a garage sale as well.  I have giant t.v. to get rid of, one or two couches, and still a bunch of other stuff.  Amazingly, it will be my 3rd or 4th garage sale in this house.  How can I have so much stuff?

I wanted to get to Albuquerque to visit my aunt at some point, but I don’t know when I’ll be able to do that. Maybe labor day weekend would work – though Josh will already be back at school.  Next weekend would have been good, but Josh will be in Orlando for a fraternity thing. 

Not sure what I’m going to do today other than edit the paper.  I do need to do some cleaning, but you know how much I love that!  Why clean if I can put it off until I can’t stand it any more?  I guess I’ll get myself moving a little bit and at least get dressed.  Then we’ll see what happens.